The Colloquies of Erasmus Part 34

_Ch._ Set the Victuals on the Table. Why do we delay to eat up this Capon? Why are we afraid to carve this c.o.c.k?

_Au._ I'll be _Hercules_, and slay this Beast. Which had you rather have, a Wing or a Leg?

_Ch._ Which you will, I don't matter which.

_Au._ In this Sort of Fowls the Wing is look'd upon the best; in other Fowls the Leg is commonly esteemed the greater dainty Bit.

_Ch._ I put you to a great Deal of Trouble. You take a great Deal of Trouble upon you, upon my Account. You help every Body else, and eat nothing yourself. I'll help you to this Wing; but upon this Condition, that you shall give me Half of it back.

_Au._ Say you so, that is serving yourself and not me; keep it for yourself. I am not so bashful as to want any Body to help me.

_Ch._ You do very well.

_Au._ Do you carve for a Wolf? Have you invited a Vulture?

_Ch._ You fast. You don't eat.

_Au._ I eat more than any Body.

_Ch._ Nay, rather, you lye more than any Body. Pray be as free as if you were at your own House.

_Au._ I take myself to be there. I do so. I am resolv'd so to do. I design to do so.

_Ch._ How does this Wine please you? Does this Wine please your Palate?

_Au._ Indeed it pleases me very well. Indeed it pleases mightily. It pleases me well enough. It pleases me very well.

_Ch._ Which had you rather have, Red or White?

_It is no Matter what Colour it is._

_Au._ Indeed I like both alike. It is no Matter what Colour 'tis, so the Taste be pleasing. I don't much mind how the Wine pleases the Eye, so it do but please the Palate. I an't much mov'd at the Sight of it, if the Taste be but grateful. It is no great Matter what Colour it is of, or what Colour it has, if it does but taste well. I don't desire to please my Eyes if I can but please my Taste. If it do but please the Palate, I don't regard the Colour, if it be well relish'd.

_Ch._ I believe so: But there are some Persons that are mighty deeply read in Table Philosophy, who deny that the Wine can be good, unless it pleases four Senses: The Eye, with its Colour; the Nose, with its Smell; the Palate, with its Taste; the Ears, by its Fame and Name.

_Au._ O ridiculous! What signifies Fame to Drink?

_Ch._ As much as many that have a good Palate mightily approve of _Lovain_ Wine, when they believe it to be _Bern_ Wine.

_Au._ It may be, they had spoiled their Palate by much Drinking.

_Ch._ No, before they had drank one Drop. But I have a Mind to hear your Opinion, who are a Man of great Skill in these Matters.

_Au._ Our Countrymen prefer White before Red, because the Red is a little more upon the Acid, and the White a smaller Wine; but that is the milder, and in my Opinion the more wholsome.

_Ch._ We have a pale red Wine, and a yellow Wine, and a purple Colour Wine. This is new Wine, this Year's Wine. This is two Years old, if any Body is for an old Wine. We have some four Years old, but it is grown flat and dead with Age. The Strength is gone with Age.

_Au._ Why, you're as rich as _Lucullus_.

_Ch._ Soho, Boy, where are you a loitering? You give us no Attendance; don't you see we have no Wine here? What if a Fire should happen now?

How should we put it out? Give every one a full Gla.s.s. _Austin_, What's the matter that you are not merry? What makes you sit so Melancholy?

What's the Matter with you, that you an't chearful? You are either troubled at something, or you're making Verses. You play the _Crysippus_ now, you want a _Melissa_ to feed you.

_Au._ What Story is this you are telling me of?

_Ch. Crysippus_ is reported to have been so intent upon his logical Subtilties, that he would have been starved at Table, unless his Maid _Melissa_ had put the Meat into his Mouth.

_Au._ He did not deserve to have his Life sav'd; but if Silence is an Offence to you, and you love a noisy Feast, you have gotten that will make one.

_Ch._ I remember I have. That's very well minded: We must drink more freely, we ought to drink more largely, more Wine and less Water.

_You have hit on the Matter._

_Au._ You have hit the Nail on the Head. You are in the Right. You have hit the Mark. For,

_Foecundi calices quem non fecere disertum?_

_Ch._ That is very learnedly spoken, _Austin_, and so indeed is all that comes from you; but since we are fallen into a Discourse concerning Wine, since we have happen'd to make mention of Wine, I have a mind to ask you, for what Reason the Ancients, who will have _Bacchus_ the Inventor of Wine, call him the G.o.d of the Poets? What has that drunken G.o.d to do with Poets, who are the Votaries of the Virgin Muses?

_Au._ By _Bacchus_, this is a Question fit to be put over a Bottle. But I see very well, what your Question drives at.

_Ch._ What, prithee?

_Au._ You very cunningly put a Question about Wine, by a _French_ Trick, which I believe you learn'd at _Paris_, that you may save your Wine by that Means. Ah, go your Way, I see you're a Sophister; you have made a good Proficiency in that School.

_Ch._ Well, I take all your Jokes; I'll return the like to you, when Opportunity shall offer. But to the Matter in Hand.

_Au._ I'll go on, but I'll drink first, for it is absurd to dispute about a tippling Question with a dry Throat. Here's to you _Christian_.

Half this Cup to you.

_Ch._ I thank you kindly. G.o.d bless it to you, much good may it do you.

_Au._ Now I'm ready, at your Service. I'll do it as well as I can after my Manner. That they have given a Boy's Face to _Bacchus_, has this Mystery in it; that Wine being drank, takes away Cares and Vexations from our Minds, and adds a Sort of a Chearfulness to them. And for this Reason, it adds a Sort of Youthfulness even to old Men, in that it makes them more chearful, and of a better Complexion. The same thing _Horace_ in many Places, and particularly testifies in these Verses:

_Ad mare c.u.m veni, generosum et lene requiro, Quod curas abigat, quod c.u.m spe divite manet.

In venas, animumque meum, quod verba ministret.

Quod me Lucanoe juvenem commendet amicae._

For that they have a.s.sign'd the Poets to this Deity, I believe by it they design'd to intimate this, that Wine both stirs up Wit and administers Eloquence; which two Things are very fit for Poets. Whence it comes to pa.s.s, that your Water Drinkers make poor Verses. For _Bacchus_ is of a fiery Const.i.tution naturally, but he is made more temperate, being united with the Nymphs. Have you been answer'd to your Satisfaction?

_Ch._ I never heard any Thing more to the Purpose from a Poet. You deserve to drink out of a Cup set with Jewels. Boy, take away this Dish, and set on another.

_Au._ You have got a very clownish Boy.

_Ch._ He is the unluckiest Knave in the World.

_Au._ Why don't you teach him better Manners?

_Ch._ He is too old to learn. It is a hard matter to mend the Manners of an old Sinner. An old Dog won't be easily brought to wear the Collar.