The Colloquies of Erasmus Part 33

_Au._ Nay, if you'd please me, let it be with _Diogenes_'s Fare.

_Ch._ You may depend upon it, I will treat you with a _Platonick_ Supper, in which you shall have a great many learned Stories, and but a little Meat, the Pleasure of which shall last till the next Day: whereas they that have been n.o.bly entertain'd, enjoy perhaps a little Pleasure that Day, but the next are troubled with the Head-ach, and Sickness at the Stomach. He that supp'd with _Plato_, had one Pleasure from the easy Preparation, and Philosopher's Stories; and another the next Day, that his Head did not ach, and that his Stomach was not sick, and so had a good Dinner of the sauce of last Night's Supper.

_Au._ I like it very well, let it be as you have said.

_Ch._ Do you see that you leave all your Cares and melancholy Airs at Home, and bring nothing hither but Jokes and Merriment; and as _Juvenal_ says,

_Protenus ante meum, quicquid dolet, exue limen.

Lay all that troubles you down before my Door, before you come into it._

_Au._ What? Would you have me bring no Learning along with me? I will bring my Muses with me, unless you think it not convenient.

_Ch._ Shut up your ill-natured Muses at Home with your Business, but bring your good-natured Muses, all your witty Jests, your By-words, your Banters, your Pleasantries, your pretty Sayings, and all your Ridiculosities along with you.

_Au._ I'll do as you bid me; put on all my best Looks. We'll be merry Fellows. We'll laugh our Bellies full. We'll make much of ourselves.

We'll feast jovially. We'll play the _Epicureans_. We'll set a good Face on't, and be boon Blades. These are fine Phrases of clownish Fellows that have a peculiar Way of speaking to themselves.

_Ch._ Where are you going so fast?

_Au._ To my Son's in Law.

_Ch._ What do you do there? Why thither? What do you with him?

_Au._ I hear there is Disturbance among them; I am going to make them Friends again, to bring them to an Agreement; to make Peace among them.

_Ch._ You do very well, though I believe they don't want you; for they will make the Matter up better among themselves.

_Au._ Perhaps there is a Cessation of Arms, and the Peace is to be concluded at Night. But have you any Thing else to say to me?

_Ch._ I will send my Boy to call you.

_Au._ When you please. I shall be at Home. Farewell.

_Ch._ I wish you well. See that you be here by five a-Clock. Soho _Peter_, call _Austin_ to Supper, who you know promised to come to Supper with me to Day.

_Pe._ Soho! Poet, G.o.d bless you, Supper has been ready this good While, and my Master stays for you at Home, you may come when you will.

_Au._ I come this Minute.

_The PROFANE FEAST._

The ARGUMENT.

_Our_ Erasmus _most elegantly proposes all the Furniture of this Feast; the Discourses and Behaviour of the Entertainer and the Guests_, &c. _Water and a Bason before Dinner. The_ Stoics, _the_ Epicureans; _the Form of the Grace at Table. It is good Wine that pleases four Senses. Why_ Bacchus _is the Poets G.o.d; why he is painted a Boy. Mutton very wholsome. That a Man does not live by Bread and Wine only. Sleep makes some Persons fat.

Venison is dear. Concerning Deers, Hares, and Geese: They of old defended the Capitol at_ Rome. _Of c.o.c.ks, Capons and Fishes. Here is discoursed of by the by, Fasting. Of the Choice of Meats. Some Persons Superst.i.tion in that Matter. The Cruelty of those Persons that require these Things of those Persons they are hurtful to; when the eating of Fish is neither necessary, nor commanded by Christ. The eating of Fish is condemned by Physicians.

The chief Luxury of old Time consisted in Fishes. We should always live a sober Life. What Number of Guests there should be at an Entertainment. The Bill of Fare of the second Course. The Magnificence of the_ French. _The ancient Law of Feasts. Either drink, or begone. A Variation of Phrases. Thanksgiving after Meat._

AUSTIN, CHRISTIAN, _a_ BOY.

_Au._ O, my _Christian_, G.o.d bless you.

_Ch._ It is very well that you are come. I am glad you're come. I congratulate myself that you are come. I believe it has not struck five yet.

_Boy._ Yes, it is a good While past five. It is not far from six. It is almost six. You'll hear it strike six presently.

_Au._ It is no great Matter whether I come before five or after five, as long as I am not come after Supper; for that is a miserable Thing, to come after a Feast is over. What's all this great Preparation for? What means all this Provision? What, do you think I'm a Wolf? Do you take me for a Wolf? Do you think I'm a Vulture?

_Ch._ Not a Vulture, nor yet do I think you a Grashopper, to live upon Dew. Here is nothing of Extravagancy, I always lov'd Neatness, and abhor Slovenliness. I am for being neither luxurious nor n.i.g.g.ardly. We had better leave than lack. If I dress'd but one Dish of Peas, and the Soot should chance to fall in the Pot and spoil it, what should we have to eat then? Nor does every Body love one Thing; therefore I love a moderate Variety.

_Au._ An't you afraid of the sumptuary Laws?

_Ch._ Nay, I most commonly offend on the contrary Side. There is no need of the _Fannian_ Law at our House. The Slenderness of my Income teaches me Frugality sufficiently.

_Au._ This is contrary to our Agreement. You promised me quite otherwise.

_Ch._ Well, Mr. Fool, you don't stand to your Agreement. For it was agreed upon that you should bring nothing but merry Tales. But let us have done with these Matters, and wash, and sit down to Supper. Soho, Boy, bring a little Water and a Bason; hang a Towel over your Shoulder, pour out some Water. What do you loiter for? Wash, _Austin_.

_Au._ Do you wash first.

_Ch._ Pray excuse me. I had rather eat my Supper with unwashen Hands this twelve Months.

_Au._ O ridiculous! 'Tis not he that is the most honourable, but he that is the dirtiest that should wash first; then do you wash as the dirtiest.

_Ch._ You are too complaisant. You are more complaisant than enough; than is fitting. But to what Purpose is all this Ceremony? Let us leave these trifling Ceremonies to Women, they are quite kick'd out of the Court already, although they came from thence at first. Wash three or four at a Time. Don't let us spend the Time in these Delays. I won't place any Body, let every one take what Place he likes best. He that loves to sit by the Fire, will sit best here. He that can't bear the Light let him take this Corner. He that loves to look about him, let him sit here. Come, here has been Delays enough. Sit down. I am at Home, I'll take my Supper standing, or walking about, which I like best. Why don't you sit down, Supper will be spoiled.

_Au._ Now let us enjoy ourselves, and eat heartily. Now let us be _Epicures_. We have nothing to do with Superciliousness. Farewell Care, let all Ill-will and Detraction be banished. Let us be merry, pleasant, and facetious.

_Ch. Austin_, pray who are those _Stoics_ and _Epicures_?

_Au._ The _Stoics_ are a certain melancholy, rigid, parcimonious Sect of Philosophers, who make the _Summum bonum_ of Mankind, to consist in a certain, I can't tell what, _honestum_. The _Epicures_ are the Reverse of these, and they make the Felicity of a Man to consist in Pleasure.

_Ch._ Pray what Sect are you of, a _Stoic_ or an _Epicure_?

_Au._ I recommend _Zeno_'s Rules; but I follow _Epicurus_'s Practice.

_Ch. Austin_, what you speak in Jest, a great many do in Earnest, and are only Philosophers by their Cloaks and Beards.

_Au._ Nay, indeed they out-live the _Asots_ in Luxury.

_Ch. Dromo_, come hither. Do your Office, say Grace.

_Boy._ "May he that feeds all Things by his Bounty, command his Blessing upon what is or shall be set upon this Table. Amen."