The Century Handbook of Writing Part 23

=Offensive Repet.i.tion=

Careless repet.i.tion attracts attention to words that do not need emphasis. It is extremely annoying to the reader.

=48a. Unless a word or phrase is repeated deliberately to gain force or clearness, its repet.i.tion is a blunder. Get rid of recurring expressions in one of three ways: (1) by subst.i.tuting equivalent expressions, (2) by using p.r.o.nouns more liberally, (3) by rearranging the sentence so as to say once what has awkwardly been said twice.= Each of these schemes is ill.u.s.trated below.

=1.= Repet.i.tion cured by the use of equivalent expressions (synonyms).

Bad: _Just_ as we were half way down the lake, _just_ off Milwaukee, we _began_ to feel a slight motion of the ship and the _wind began_ to freshen. The _wind began_ to blow more fiercely from the south and the waves _began_ to leap high. The boat _began_ to pitch and roll.

Right: _Just_ as we were half way down the lake, _opposite_ Milwaukee, we began to feel a slight motion of the ship, for the wind _had_ freshened. Before long _a gale_, _blowing_ from the south, _kicked up a heavy sea and caused_ the boat to pitch and roll. [Notice how combining the last two sentences helps to solve the problem of the last _began_, besides giving firmer texture to the construction.]

=2.= Repet.i.tion cured by the use of p.r.o.nouns. (In using this method, one should take care that the reference of the p.r.o.nouns is clear.)

Bad: The _Law Building_, the _Commerce Building_, and the _Science Building_ are close together. The _Commerce Building_ is south of the _Law Building_, and the _Science Building_ is south of the _Commerce Building_. The _Law Building_ is old and dilapidated. The _Commerce Building_ is a red brick _building_, trimmed in terra-cotta. The _Science Building_ resembles the _Commerce Building_.

Right: The Law, Commerce, and Science Buildings are close together in a row. _The first of these_ is old and dilapidated.

South of it stands the Commerce Building, _which_, because of _its_ red brick and terra-cotta tr.i.m.m.i.n.gs, somewhat resembles the Science Building.

=3.= Repet.i.tion cured by rearranging and condensing.

Bad: The _autumn_ is my favorite of all the _seasons_. While _autumn_ in the _city_ is not such a pleasant _season_ as _autumn_ in the country, yet even in the _city_ my preference will always be for the _autumn_.

Right: My favorite season is autumn. I like it best in the country, but even in the city it is the best time of the year.

=b. Avoid a monotonous repet.i.tion of sentence structure. To give variety to successive sentences: (1) vary the length, (2) vary the beginnings, (3) avoid a series of similar compound sentences, (4) interchange loose with periodic structure, (5) use rhetorical question, exclamation, direct discourse, (6) avoid an excessive use of participles or adjectives.=

=1.= Vary the length of sentences.

Bad: Walter came up the path carrying Betty in his arms. She was wet from head to toe. Damp curls clung to her pale face.

Water dripped from her clothes. One hand hung loosely over Walter's arm. The other held a live duckling. She had saved the little duck from drowning. This was Betty's first day in the country.

Right: Walter came up the path carrying Betty in his arms--little Betty who was spending her first day in the country. She was wet from head to toe; damp curls clung to her pale face, and water dripped from her clothes. In one hand she held a live duckling. Her face lighted with courage as she told how she jumped into the pond and saved the little duck from drowning.

=2.= Vary the beginnings of sentences. Do not allow too many sentences to begin with the subject, or with a time clause, or with a participle, or with _so_. When you have finished a composition, rapidly read over the opening words of each sentence, to see if there is sufficient variety.

Bad [too many sentences begin directly with the subject]: Our way is circuitous. A sharp turn brings us round a rocky point.

The road drops suddenly into a little valley. The roof of a house appears in a grove of trees below. A cottage is there and a flower garden. An old-fashioned well is near the door.

Right: Presently, on our circuitous way, we make a sharp turn round a rocky point. Before us the road drops suddenly into a little valley. In a grove of trees below appears the roof of a house, and as we draw nearer we see a cottage surrounded by flowers. Nothing could be more attractive to a weary traveler than the old-fashioned well near the door.

=3.= Avoid a series of similar compound sentences, especially those of two parts of equal length, joined by _and_ or _but_.

Bad: Ring was a sheep dog, and tended the flock with his master. One day there came a deep snow, and the flock did not return. They found the herder frozen stiff, and the dog shivering beside him.

Right: Ring was a sheep dog, and tended the flock with his master. One day there came a deep snow. When the flock failed to return, the men became uneasy, and began to search. They found the herder frozen stiff, with the dog shivering beside him.

=4.= Change occasionally from loose to periodic or balanced structure (See 43 and 45).

Monotonous: I stood at the foot of Tunbridge hill. I saw on the horizon a dense wood, which, in the evening sunlight, was veiled in purple haze [Loose]. On the left was the village, the houses appearing like specks in the distance [Loose]. Nearer on the right was the creek, winding through the willows [Loose].

The creek approached nearer until it reached the dam, over which it rushed tumultuously [Loose]. Near by was a thicket of tall trees, through which I could see the white tents of my fellow campers, and their glowing camp fires [Loose].

Right: Far south from Tunbridge hill, on the dim horizon, I saw, veiled in the evening haze, a dense wood [Periodic, long, conveying the idea of distance better than a loose sentence].

On my left stood the village, the houses like specks; on my right wound the creek, nearer and nearer through the willows [Balanced]. The creek advanced by slow sinuous turns, until, reaching the dam, it plunged over tumultuously [Loose]. Through a thicket of tall trees, near at hand, I could see the white tents of my fellow campers, and their glowing camp fires [Periodic through the middle of the sentence; then loose].

=5.= Use question, exclamation, direct quotation.

Somewhat flat: He asked me the road to Camden. I did not know.

I told him to ask Thurber, who knew the country well.

Better: He asked me the road to Camden. The road to Camden? How should I know? "Ask Thurber," I said impatiently; "he knows this country. I'm a stranger."

=6.= Avoid an excessive use of participles. Do not pile adjectives around every noun. Above all, do not form a habit of using adjectives in pairs or triplets.

Bad: Sitting by the window, I saw a sharp, dazzling flash of lightning, and heard a loud rumbling crash of heavy thunder, warning me of the coming of the storm. Darting across the gray, leaden sky, the quick, jagged lightning flashed incessantly.

The tall stately poplar trees thrashed around in the boisterous wind. Then across the window, like a great white curtain, swept the streaming, blinding rain.

Right: I sat by the window. Suddenly a sharp flash of lightning and a roll of thunder gave warning of the approach of a storm.

Soon lightning zig-zagged across the sky incessantly. The wind huddled the poplar trees. Then like a white curtain across the window streamed the rain.

Exercise:

1. The parts of the tables are not put together at the factory, but the different parts are shipped in different shipments.

2. In order to convince the reader that the present management of farms is inefficient, I shall give some examples of efficiency in the farm management on some farms with which I am acquainted.

3. When one wishes to learn how to swim one must first become accustomed to the water. The best way to become accustomed to the water is to go into it frequently. After one has become accustomed to the water he may begin to learn the strokes.

4. _The Life of Sir Walter Scott_, written by J. G. Lockhart, is an interesting biography of this great writer. It consists of a short biography by Scott himself, and also consists of a continuation of this biography by his son-in-law, J. G.

Lockhart.

5. If a piece of steel is kept hot for several seconds, it will lose some of its hardness. If kept hot longer, it will lose more of its hardness. Along with losing its hardness it will lose its brittleness. If the piece of steel is heated continually it will lose nearly all its hardness and brittleness. In other words, it will lose its "temper."

=49.= EXERCISE IN EMPHASIS

=A. Lack of Emphasis in General=

Make the following sentences emphatic.

1. The man is a thief who fails in business but continues to live in luxury.

2. The plant was withered and dry, not having been watered for over a week.

3. Much time is saved in Chicago by taking the elevated cars, if you have a great distance to travel.

4. The clock struck eleven, when he immediately seized his hat and left.