The Century Handbook of Writing Part 22

Balanced structure: This paper is in some respects good; in other respects very poor. The news articles are impressive, the editorials are feeble.

Weak and complicated: From the East a man who lives in the West can learn a great deal, and an Easterner ought to be able to understand the West.

Balanced: A Westerner can learn much from the East, and an Easterner needs to understand the West.

Weak: Both Mill and Macaulay influenced the younger writers.

Mill taught some of them to reason, but many more of them learned from Macaulay only a superficial eloquence.

Balanced: Both Mill and Macaulay influenced the younger writers. If Mill taught some of them to reason, Macaulay tempted many more of them to declaim.

Note.--Although excessive use of balance is artificial, occasional use of it is powerful. It can give to writing either dignity (as in an oration) or point (as in an epigram). Observe how many proverbs are in balanced structure. "Seeing is believing.--Nothing venture, nothing have.--For every grain of wit there is a grain of folly.--You cannot do wrong without suffering wrong.--An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth."

Note the effective use of balance in Emerson's _Essays_, particularly in _Compensation_; and in the Old Testament, particularly in _Psalms_ and _Proverbs_.

Exercise:

1. Machinery is of course labor-saving, but countless men are thrown out of work.

2. There is a difference between success in business and in acquiring culture.

3. I attend concerts for the pleasure of it, and to get an understanding of music.

4. The stag in the fable admired his horns and blamed his feet; but when the hunter came, his feet saved him, and afterward, caught in the thicket, he was destroyed by his horns.

5. We do not see the stars at evening, sometimes because there are clouds intervening, but oftener because there are glimmerings of light; thus many truths escape us from the obscurity we stand in, and many more from the state of mind which induces us to sit down satisfied with our imaginations and of our knowledge unsuspicious. [This sentence is correctly balanced, except at the end.]

=The Weak Effect of the Pa.s.sive Voice=

=46. Use the active voice unless there is a reason for doing otherwise.

The pa.s.sive voice is, as the name implies, not emphatic.=

Weak: Your gift is appreciated by me.

Better: I appreciate your gift.

Weak and vague: His step on the porch was heard.

Better: His step sounded on the porch. [Or] I heard his step on the porch.

The pa.s.sive voice is especially objectionable when by failing to indicate the agent of the verb it unnecessarily mystifies the reader.

Vague: The train was seen speeding toward us.

Better: We saw the train speeding toward us.

Exercise:

1. Their minds were changed frequently as to what profession should be taken up by them.

2. A gun should be examined and oiled well before a hunter starts.

3. Finally the serenaders were recognized.

4. In athletics a man is developed physically.

5. If a man uses slang constantly, a good impression is not made.

=Effective Repet.i.tion=

=47a. The simplest and most natural way to emphasize a word or an idea is to repeat it.= The Bible is the best standard of simplicity and dignity in our language, and the Bible uses repet.i.tion constantly. A word or idea that is repeated must, of course, be important enough to deserve emphasis.

Fairly emphatic: He works and toils and labors, but he seems never to get anywhere.

Very emphatic: Work, work, work, all he does is work, and still he seems never to get anywhere.

Fairly emphatic: How did the general meet this new menace? He withdrew before it!

Very emphatic: How did the general meet this new menace? He withdrew! He retreated! He ran away!

Homely but emphatic: "I went under," said the old salt; "bows, gunnels, and starn--all under."

Deliberately too emphatic: Everywhere we hear of efficiency--efficiency experts, efficiency bureaus, efficiency methods, in the office, in the school, in the home--until one longs to fly to some savage island beyond the reach of inhuman modern science.

=b. Not only words, but an entire grammatical structure may be repeated on a large scale for emphasis.=

Weak: We hope that this shipment will reach you in good condition, and that you will favor us with other orders in the future, which will be given prompt and courteous attention.

[This sentence is flimsy and spineless because the writer had a timid reluctance to repeat.]

Strong: We hope that this shipment will reach you in good condition. We believe that the quality of our goods will induce you to send us a second order. We a.s.sure you that such an order will receive prompt and courteous attention. [Note the emphasis derived from the resolute march of the expressions _We hope_, _We believe_, _We a.s.sure_.]

Emphatic: Through the patience, the courage, the high character of Alfred the country was saved--saved from the rapacities of fortune, saved from the malignancy of its enemies, saved from the sluggish despair of the people of England themselves.

Emphatic and natural: This corner of the garden was my first playground. Here I made my first toddling effort to walk. Here on the soft gra.s.s I learned the delight of out-of-doors. Here I became acquainted with the bull-frog, and the b.u.mble-bee, and the neighbor's dog.

Emphatic and delightful: He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul; he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Exercise:

1. He kept digging away for gold through long years.

2. Breaking against the sh.o.r.e, came innumerable waves.

3. Sand, sagebrush, shimmering flat horizon. I could not endure the barren monotony of the desert.

4. We want you to come and visit us, and bring along a good appet.i.te and your customary high spirits. Plan to stay a long time.

5. 'Twas bitter cold outside. The cat meowed until I had to let her in.