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"No." The vague reasons, longing to be put into words.
"It doesn't hurt. They just take off a little skin and put some on and give you pills and electronic treatments and things like that. It doesn't take more than a week."
"No." The reason.
"Don't you want to be beautiful, like other people--like me? Look at your friend Shala, she's getting her Transformation next month. And _she's_ almost pretty now."
"Mother, I don't care--"
"If it's the bones you're worried about, well, that doesn't hurt. They give you a shot and when you wake up, everything's moulded right.
Everything, to suit the personality."
"I don't care, I don't care."
"But _why_?"
"I like me the way I am." Almost--almost exactly. But not quite. Part of it, however. Part of what Daddy and Grandpa meant.
"But you're so ugly, dear! Like Dr. Hortel said. And Mr. Willmes, at the factory. He told some people he thought you were the ugliest girl he'd ever seen. Says he'll be thankful when you have your Transformation. And what if he hears of all this, what'll happen then?"
"Daddy said I was beautiful."
"Well really, dear. You _do_ have eyes."
"Daddy said that real beauty is only skin deep. He said a lot of things like that and when I read the books I felt the same way. I guess I don't want to look like everybody else, that's all." No, that's not it. Not at all it.
"That man had too much to do with you. You'll notice that he had _his_ Transformation, though!"
"But he was sorry. He told me that if he had it to do over again, he'd never do it. He said for me to be stronger than he was."
"Well, I won't have it. You're not going to get away with this, young lady. After all, I _am_ your mother."
A bulb flickered in the bathroom and Mrs. Cuberle walked uncertainly to the cabinet. She took out a little cardboard box.
"Time for lunch."
Mary nodded. That was another thing the books talked about, which the tapes did not. Lunch seemed to be something special long ago, or at least different. The books talked of strange ways of putting a load of things into the mouth and chewing these things. Enjoying them. Strange and somehow wonderful.
"And you'd better get ready for work."
"Yes, Mother."
The office was quiet and without shadows. The walls gave off a steady luminescence, distributed the light evenly upon all the desks and tables. And it was neither hot nor cold.
Mary held the ruler firmly and allowed the pen to travel down the metal edge effortlessly. The new black lines were small and accurate. She tipped her head, compared the notes beside her to the plan she was working on. She noticed the beautiful people looking at her more furtively than before, and she wondered about this as she made her lines.
A tall man rose from his desk in the rear of the office and walked down the aisle to Mary's table. He surveyed her work, allowing his eyes to travel cautiously from her face to the draft.
Mary looked around.
"Nice job," said the man.
"Thank you, Mr. Willmes."
"Dralich shouldn't have anything to complain about. That crane should hold the whole d.a.m.n city."
"It's very good alloy, sir."
"Yeah. Say, kid, you got a minute?"
"Yes sir."
"Let's go into Mullinson's office."
The big handsome man led the way into a small cubby-hole of a room. He motioned to a chair and sat on the edge of one desk.
"Kid, I never was one to beat around the bush. Somebody called in little while ago, gave me some crazy story about you not wanting the Transformation."
Mary said "Oh." Daddy had said it would have to happen, some day. This must be what he meant.
"I would've told them they were way off the beam, but I wanted to talk to you first, get it straight."
"Well, sir, it's true. I don't. I want to stay this way."
The man looked at Mary and then coughed, embarra.s.sedly.
"What the h.e.l.l--excuse me, kid, but--I don't exactly get it. You, uh, you saw the psychiatrist?"
"Yes sir. I'm not insane. Dr. Hortel can tell you."
"I didn't mean anything like that. Well--" the man laughed nervously. "I don't know what to say. You're still a cub, but you do swell work. Lot of good results, lots of comments from the stations. But, Mr. Poole won't like it."
"I know. I know what you mean, Mr. Willmes. But nothing can change my mind. I want to stay this way and that's all there is to it."
"But--you'll get old before you're half through life."
Yes, she would. Old, like the Elders, wrinkled and brittle, unable to move right. Old. "It's hard to make you understand. But I don't see why it should make any difference."
"Don't go getting me wrong, now. It's not me, but, you know, I don't own Interplan. I just work here. Mr. Poole likes things running smooth and it's my job to carry it out. And soon as everybody finds out, things wouldn't run smooth. There'll be a big stink. The dames will start asking questions and talk."
"Will you accept my resignation, then, Mr. Willmes?"
"Sure you won't change your mind?"
"No sir. I decided that a long time ago. And I'm sorry now that I told Mother or anyone else. No sir, I won't change my mind."
"Well, I'm sorry, Mary. You been doing awful swell work. Couple of years you could be centralled on one of the asteroids, the way you been working. But if you should change your mind, there'll always be a job for you here."