The American Gentleman's Guide to Politeness and Fashion Part 5

"Know him? certainly I do, Miss Blakeman. That's C----, Col. C----, the rich New York grocer. He is one of the city aldermen--they talk of him for the legislature--quite a character, I a.s.sure you."

"He evidently thinks so himself," rejoined one of the group; "just notice him in that polka! I heard him telling a lady, a moment ago, that he had not missed a single set, and wouldn't for anything."

"They say," pursued a lady, "that he is paying his addresses to that pretty little Miss S----, who was so much admired here, last winter; she is an orphan, I think, and quite an heiress."

A perceptible shiver ran through the clinging arm that still graced my own, and as I moved away with my sweet charge, she murmured, in the musical tongue of the Beautiful Land, as she ever calls Italy, "the gentle dove for the vulture's mate!"

Will that do for this time, boys? Or do you require that, in imitation of the little Grecian Hunch-back, a _moral_ shall be appended to each of his narratives, by your

UNCLE HAL.

P. S.--In accordance with my promise, there follow the admirable directions and remarks of the elegant and obliging friend referred to in my previous letter. He will, I trust, permit me thus to tender him, renewedly, my very grateful acknowledgment of his flattering politeness, and to express my sense of the important addition made by his kindness to my unpretending epistles.

"MY DEAR COL. LUNETTES:

"I regard myself as highly complimented that so distinguished a representative of the _ancien regime_, as yourself, one so entirely _comme il faut_, as all admit, in matters of taste, should esteem my opinion, even in regard to minor points of etiquette, as worth his attention.

"I need scarcely add, dear sir, an a.s.surance of my conviction of the honor you do me by affording me a place in your remembrance, and that I make no doubt your profound knowledge of the world, united with your unusual opportunities for extensive observation--long _un habitue de belle societe_, in various countries, as you have been--will afford a rich treat, as well as much instruction, to those who may be favored with the perusal of your proposed _Letters_. That he may have the honor to be thus fortunate, is the hope of, dear sir,

"Your very respectful "And obedient servant, "---- ----

"BELGRAVIA, _Tuesday Morn., "May 6th, '56_."

GENTLEMEN'S DRESS.--The subject now to be treated of, may be divided into several cla.s.ses:--_morning, promenade_ or _visiting_, and _evening_ or _ball_ dress; which again may be subdivided into others, such as _riding-dress_, dress suitable for _bachelors' dinner-parties_, or _opera_ (when unaccompanied by ladies). Besides these again, we have dresses suitable for _fishing_, _shooting_, and _yachting_ purposes, which, however, scarcely call for, or admit of, the display of much taste, inasmuch as the occupations for which such costumes are designed partake rather of the nature of healthy exercise than of that quiet and gentlemanly repose necessary to give full effect to the graces of the more elaborate "_toilette_." Military, Naval, and Court dresses may also be considered out of the scope of the remarks in this letter, because their being made scrupulously in accordance with rigid _Regulation Rules_, leaves no room for taste, but subst.i.tutes the _dicta_ of official routine.

To commence our exemplifications with a _Wedding-Suit_, which, from the wearer's approximate connection with the ladies deserves the "_pas_"--it may be remarked that the time of day in which the ceremony is solemnized should determine the character of the costume, that is to say, whether it should be morning or evening. In either case, however, general usage allows (not to say demands), a more marked style than is generally worn in morning or evening usual wear. Should the wedding take place in the _evening_, a very elegant costume is, a dark claret dress-coat, white ribbed-silk, or _moire antique_, waistcoat, white silk neckcloth, black trowsers, silk stockings, and shoes. The lining of the sleeves, also, of white silk, coming to the extreme edge of the cuff, imparts a singularly light and elegant appearance to the hand and glove. An equally elegant _Morning Wedding-Dress_ might consist of a rich, deep-brown frock-coat; waistcoat of black cashmere, with a small violet-colored palm-leaf figure; neck-tie of silk, combining colors of black and cherry, or brown and deep blue; trowsers of delicate drab, or stone-color; gloves primrose, or slate-colored kid.

The usual _Evening-Dress_ is so imperiously insisted on, that it might be almost cla.s.sed in the category of _uniforms_, being almost invariably composed of _black_ coat, vest, and trowsers. Two items, however, in this costume, admit of disquisition amongst "men who dress," viz., the _vest_ and the _tie_--both of which may be either white or black, without any infraction of the laws of _bienseance_. This, therefore, must be settled by the taste of the wearer, who should remember that black, having the effect of apparently diminishing a man's size, and white that of increasing it, it would, therefore, be judicious for a person of unusual size to tone down his extra bulk by favoring black in both these garments, while he who is below the average standard could, if not actually increase his height or size, at least create the impression of more generous proportions. I, however, must confess a decided partiality for a _white neck-tie_, at least; because, although subject to the disadvantage of being _de rigueur_ amongst waiters and other members of the Yellow Plush Family, it is, nevertheless, always considered unexceptionable, at any season, or hour, in any rank, profession, or capacity.

A _Morning Call_ should be made in a _frock-coat_, or at least one in which this style predominates. It must, however, be constantly borne in mind that it is quite impossible to furnish even general rules on any one of these points that shall prove immutable, since not only each successive year, but every varying season produces decided changes in the standard established by Taste and Fashion.

_Bachelors' Dinner-parties_ are pleasant, social _reunions_, at which gentlemen enjoy themselves with more _abandon_ than would, perhaps, be considered consistent with the quiet and more retired respect due to the presence of the "_beau s.e.xe_;" and, as a natural consequence, admit of a more _neglige_ style of costume. Still, however, a certain regard must be had to the requirements of good society; and as many of these parties, when they break up, adjourn to the opera, or theatre, where they are pretty sure to meet ladies of their acquaintance, a costume half-way between morning and evening is, by tacit agreement, prescribed; for instance:--a coat of some dark color (generally termed "_medley-colored_"), cut rounded over the hips; black cap; inner vest, b.u.t.toning rather high in the breast; dark-grey trowsers, and black silk neckerchief, or ribbed silk scarf.

Instead of giving sketches of particular costumes, it would, perhaps, be better and tend more to develop the importance of dress, if a few remarks were made on the general rules which should guide one in selections for his own wear.

The _four staple colors for men's wear, are black, blue, brown, and olive_. Other colors, such as drab, grey, mixed, etc., being so far as the princ.i.p.al garments go, what are termed "fancy colors," should be very cautiously used.

As was remarked above, _black has the effect of diminishing size_, but it has another more important effect, which is to test, in the severest way, the wearer's claims to a _distinguished appearance_. It is a very high compliment to any man to tell him that black becomes him, and it is probably owing to this property that black is chosen, _par excellence_, for _evening_ or _ball dress_. Men, therefore, of average or ordinary pretensions to stylish contour, should bear this in mind, and, when such color is not indispensable, should be careful how far they depend on their own intrinsic dignity.

_Blue_, of almost any shade, becomes a light complexion, besides being an admirable set-off to black velvet, which can, in almost all cases, be judiciously used in the collar, in which case, a _lighter shade of blue_ (also becoming such a complexion) can be worn without _killing_ (as it is technically termed), the darker shade of the coat--the velvet harmonizing both.

_Brown_ being what is termed a _warm_ color, is eminently adapted for fall and winter wear--_olive_ and _dark green_, for summer.

When Beau Brummel was asked what const.i.tuted a well-dressed man, he replied, "_Good linen--plenty of it, and country washing_." This, perhaps, is rather _too_ primitive. The almost equally short opinion of the French critic is decidedly more comprehensive--"_un homme bien coiffe, et bien chausse, peut se presenter partout_." Under any circ.u.mstances, however, it may be laid down as immutable, that the _extremities_ are most important parts, when considered as objects for dress, and that _a well appointed hat, faultlessly-fitting gloves, and immaculate boots_, are three essentials to a well-dressed man, without which the otherwise best const.i.tuted dress will appear unfinished.

Besides the necessity for the greatest care required in the selection of colors, with regard to their harmonizing with each other, and their general adaptation to the complexion or contour of the wearer, there is another matter of the first importance, and this is, the _cut_. Of course, everything should be sacrificed to _perfect ease_, as any garment which pinches, or incommodes the wearer, will strongly militate against the easy deportment of even the most graceful, and tend to give a contracted and constrained appearance. _Every garment, therefore, should leave the wearer perfectly free and uncontrolled in every motion_; and, having set out with this proviso, the _artiste_ may proceed to invest his work with all the minute and seemingly immaterial graces and touches, which, although scarcely to be remarked, still impart _an air_ or _character_, which is unmistakable, and is expressed in the French word _chique_.

_Wadding_, or _stuffing_, should be avoided as much as possible. A little may be judiciously used to round off the more salient points of an angular figure, but when it is used for the purpose of creating an egregiously false impression of superior form, it is simply _sn.o.bbish_.

Some one has called hypocrisy "the homage which vice pays to virtue."

_Wadding is the homage which sn.o.bbishness pays to symmetry!_

A well-dressed man will never be the first to set a new fashion; he will allow others to hazard the innovation, and decline the questionable honor of being the first to advertise a _novelty_. Two lines of Pope (I believe), admirably ill.u.s.trate the middle course:--

_"Be not the first by whom the new is tried, Nor yet the last by whom 'tis set aside."_

Besides which he will find it far easier to become a _critic_ than an _author_; and as there is sure to be a vast number of men who "greatly daring" dress, he will merely be at the trouble of discriminating which is worthy of selection or rejection; he will thus verify the old saw, that "fools make feasts and wise men eat thereof," and avoid, by means of his own knowledge of _the becoming_, the solecisms which are pretty certain to occur in a number of experiments.

TRINCULO.

LETTER III.

MANNER.

MY DEAR NEPHEWS:

In the order of sequence adopted at the commencement of our correspondence, the subject of _manner_ comes next in succession.

It was the shrewd aphorism of one of the most profound observers of human nature that "_Manner is something to all, and everything to some_."

As indicative of character, which it undoubtedly is, to a certain extent, it is well worthy the attention of all youthful aspirants to the honors of the world. And though, like every other attribute, it should bear indubitable murks of individuality, care and attention, before habit has rendered change and improvement difficult, will enable every man to acquire that propriety and polish, in this respect, the advantages of which through life can scarcely be overrated.

It has been somewhat paradoxically said, that the fashionable manner of the present day is _no manner at all_! which means simply--that the manners of the best bred people are those that are least obtruded upon the notice of others,--those most _quiet, natural, and una.s.suming_.

There is, however, a possibility of carrying this modish manner to such an extreme as to make it the very height of affectation. If Talleyrand's favorite axiom admits of some qualification, and _language_ is not _always_ used to "conceal our ideas," then should _manner_, which is the natural adjunct that lends additional expressiveness to words, be in a degree modified by circ.u.mstances--be _individualized_.

Every approach to a rude, noisy, boisterous, manner, is reprehensible, for the obvious reason that it interferes with the comfort, and, consequently, with the rights of others; but this is at a wide remove from the ultra-modishness that requires the total suppression of every manifestation of natural emotion, and apparently, aims to convert beings influenced by the motives, feelings, and principles that const.i.tute humanity, into mere moving automata!

In this, as in too many similar matters, Americans are p.r.o.ne to excess.

Because _scenes_ are considered bad _ton_, in good society abroad, and because the warm-hearted hospitality of olden time sometimes took shape a little more impressingly and noisily than kindness required, some of our fashionable imitators of European models move through the world like resuscitated ghosts, and violate every law of good feeling in an endeavor to sustain at home a character for modish _nonchalance_! Now, take it as a rule through life, my young friends, that _all servile imitation degenerates into caricature_, and let your adoption and ill.u.s.tration of every part of your system of life be modified by circ.u.mstances, and regulated by good sense and manly independence.

I need scarcely tell you that true politeness is not so much a thing of forms and ceremonies, as of right feelings and nicety of perception. The Golden Rule habitually ill.u.s.trated in word and action, would produce the most unexceptionable good breeding--politeness so cosmopolitan that it would be a pa.s.sport to "good society" everywhere.

One of the most polished and celebrated of American authors has given us as fine and laconic a definition of politeness as I remember to have met with--"Self-respect, and a delicate regard for the rights and feelings of others."

The good breeding of a true gentleman is not an appendage put off and on at the dictate of caprice, or interest, it is essentially _a part of himself_--a const.i.tuent of his being, as much as his sense of honesty or honor, and its requirements are no more forgotten or violated than those of any other essential attribute of manhood. You will all remember Sir Philip Sidney's immortal action in presenting the cup of water to the dying soldier. This was a spontaneous result of the habitual self-possession and self-restraint that form the basis of all true good breeding. It is one of the most perfect exhibitions on record of the _moral sublime_; but it was, also, only a legitimate result of the _instinctive politeness of a Christian gentleman_!

Manner, then, may be regarded as the expression of inherent qualities, and though it must, necessarily, and should properly, to some extent, at least, vary with the variations of character, it may readily be rendered a more correct and effective exponent of existing characteristics of mind and heart, by judicious and attentive training.

While true good breeding must, from its very nature be, as I have said, in all persons and under every modification of circ.u.mstance substantially the same, the proper mode of exemplifying it, must, with equal propriety, be modified by the exercise of practical good sense and discrimination. Thus, the laws of convention,--which, as I have before remarked, is but another name for the rules of politeness, established and adhered to by well-bred people, for mutual convenience--though in some respects as immutable as those of the Medes and Persians, will always be adapted, by persons of good sense, to the mutations of circ.u.mstance and the inviolable requisitions of that "higher law," whose vital principle is "_kindness kindly expressed_!" Having now established general principles, let us turn to the consideration of practical details.

There is, perhaps, no better test of good manners afforded by the intercourse of ordinary life, than that of conduct towards superiors in age or station, ("Young America" seems loth to admit that he has any superiors, but we will venture to a.s.sume these premises). The general-in-chief of the Revolutionary Army of America is well known to have always observed the most punctilious respect towards his _mother_, in his personal intercourse with her, as well as in every other relation of life. My word for it, he never spoke of her as the "old woman;" nor could one of the youthful members of his military family have alluded, in his hearing, to a parent as the "governor," or the "old governor," without exciting the disapproving surprise of Washington and his co-patriots. And yet our young republic has known no more high-bred and polished men than those of that day,--the stately and elegant Hanc.o.c.k, even when broken by time and disease, a graceful and punctilious observer of all the ceremonious courtesies of life; the courtly Carroll, whose benignant urbanity was the very impersonation of a long line of old English gentlemen; and the imposing stateliness of the commander-in-chief, ever observant of the most minute details of propriety, whether in the familiar intercourse of daily life, or while conducting the most momentous affairs of his country. But to return from this unpremeditated digression. Never let youthful levity, or the example of others, betray you into forgetfulness of the claims of your parents or elders, to a certain deference. Depend upon it, the preservation of a just self-respect demands this.