The American Gentleman's Guide to Politeness and Fashion Part 6

Your historical studies will have furnished you with evidence of the respect habitually rendered to superiors by those nations of antiquity most celebrated for advancement in civilization; and you will not have failed, also, to remark that nothing more surely heralded the decay of ancient empires than degeneracy in this regard.

Next to the reverence ever due to parents, may be ranked that which should be rendered to virtuous age, irrespective of station or other outward attributes. I should deem this instinctive with all right-minded young persons, did I not so often, in the street, at church, in social life, in public places generally, observe the manner in which elderly persons are, apparently, wholly overlooked.

Here, the universally-applicable _law of kindness_ claims regard. Those of the pilgrims of earth, whose feet are descending the narrowing vale that leads to the dim obscure unpenetrated by mortal eyes, are easily pained by even the semblance of indifference or neglect. They are sensitively alive to every intimation that their places in the busy arena of active life are already better filled by others; that they are rather tolerated than essential. Those who are most worthy of regard are least likely to be insensible to such influences. Remember, then, that you should never run the race of life so "fast" as to encroach upon the established claims of your predecessors in the course. Nor would the most prematurely sage young man be entirely unbenefited, it may be, by availing himself occasionally of the acc.u.mulated experience, erudition, and knowledge of the world, possessed by many a quiet "old fogy," whose una.s.suming manners, modest self-respect, and pure integrity present a just model to "Young America," albeit, perchance, too old-fashioned to be deemed worthy of attention!

While the general proposition--that manner is, to a considerable extent _character in action_, is undoubtedly correct, we occasionally see the exact converse painfully exemplified. It sometimes occurs that the most amiable persons labor through life under the disadvantage of a diffident or awkward manner, which does great injustice to their intrinsic excellences. And this is but another evidence of the necessity of the earliest attention to this subject.

Though no one should be discouraged in an endeavor to remedy the defects arising from neglect, in this respect (and, indeed, it may properly be considered as affording room for ceaseless advancement, like every other portion of the earthly education of immortal beings), few persons, perhaps, ever completely overcome the difficulties arising from inattention to this important branch of education, while youthful pliancy renders the formation of habits comparatively easy.

The early acquisition of habits of self-possession and self-control, will furnish the surest basis for the formation of correct manners. With this should be united, as far as is practicable, constant a.s.sociation with well-educated and well-bred persons, there is no friction like this to produce external polish, nor can the most elaborate rules furnish an effectual subst.i.tute for the ease that practice alone secures.

Lose no opportunity, therefore, for studiously observing the best _living models_, not for the purpose of attempting an undiscriminating imitation of even the most perfect, but, as an original and gifted artist derives advantage from studying works of genius, by the great masters of art, to avail yourself of the matured knowledge resulting from experience.

But now for an exemplary anecdote or two:--

"Colonel Lunettes, do you know some gentleman going to U---- in this train?" inquired my friend ex-Governor T----, extending his hand to me in the car-house of one of our western cities. "I wish to place a very pretty young lady under the care of some suitable person for a short time, until she joins a party of friends."

"Really, my dear sir, I regret that I have just arrived," returned I; "you tempt me to turn about and go over the ground again."

"Uncle T----, there is H---- B---- just getting out of that car," cried a young lady, approaching us, with two or three fair companions, "perhaps he is going on."

At this moment a young man, in a dress that might have been that of the roughest back-woodsman, approached the group.

He wore a very broad-brimmed, coa.r.s.e straw hat, capable of serving the double purpose of umbrella and _chapeau_, his hands were incased in strong gauntlet-gloves, and he carried a large engineer's field-book under one arm.

Removing his hat, as he somewhat hesitatingly advanced, and pa.s.sing his hand over a beard of several days' growth, glancing downward, at the same time, upon heavy-soled boots, thickly encrusted with dry mud--

"Ladies," said he, "I am too dirty to come near you; I have been surveying in the swamps in this neighborhood for several days past, camping out, and jumped upon the cars a few miles back, bound for my stationary quarters and--the _blessings of civilization_!" And, with the color deepening in his sun-burnt face, he bowed to us all, with a grace that Count d'Orsay could scarcely have exceeded.

The youth was very cordially welcomed by his friends; little Kitty, who is privileged to say anything, declared she "never saw him look so handsome;" and, I confess, that even my flinty old heart was favorably moved towards the young engineer. I admired the good taste that dictated an explanation of the soiled condition of his clothes (his thick linen shirt, however, was _clean_); not an absurd apology for not being _well-dressed_, and I liked his use of the good, significant Saxon word that most truthfully described his condition.

After an exchange of civilities, turning respectfully to the governor, he said: "Governor T----, can I be of any service? You seemed to be looking for some one."

An explanation of the circ.u.mstances resulted in the resignation of his fair charge to the temporary care of this same toil-worn, "dirty" young engineer, by my friend, who is himself one of the most fastidious and world-polished of men!

A few days after this trifling adventure, I went, by invitation, to pa.s.s a day with my friend the ex-governor, at his beautiful residence a little out of the city.

Standing near one of the drawing-room windows, just before dinner, I observed a gentleman alighting from a carriage, at the entrance of the mansion. I was struck with his elegant air, as he kissed his hand to some one who was, like myself, an observer on the occasion.

"There is H---- B----!" exclaimed the joyous voice of pretty Kitty, the niece of my host, and a little scrutiny, while he was paying his compliments to the several members of the family, enabled me to recognize in this graceful stranger the rough-looking youth I had previously seen at the depot. But what a metamorphosis! He now wore an entirely modish dinner-dress, exquisitely tasteful in all its appointments; his coat of the most faultless fit, and boots that displayed a very small and handsome foot to admirable advantage. I afterwards noticed, too, that "camping out" in the "swamps" had not, apparently, impaired the smoothness of the slender fingers and carefully-cut nails that came under my observation while listening, in the course of the evening, to the rich voice and guitar accompaniment of Mr. B----.

"Did Mr. B---- come out in a carriage?" inquired one of the ladies of the family, in a low tone, of my host, near whom I was standing, when arrangements were to be made for the return of the guests to town.

"Certainly he did," answered the governor, "Mr. B---- is too much of a sybarite to heat himself by walking out here to dinner, on such a day as this."

"And too economical, I have no doubt, judging from his good sense in other respects," I added, "to spoil a pair of costly dress boots in such service."

"Mrs. M----, one moment, if you please," said a voice behind us, and Mrs. M---- (who is the acting mistress of the mansion) took the arm politely proffered her, and stepped out upon the portico. Presently she returned--

"Uncle T----," whispered she ("excuse me, Col. Lunettes), John need not get up our carriage; Mr. B---- has been so polite as to insist upon our sending the girls home in his, saying that he really prefers to sit outside, and that the carriage in which he drove out is to be here in a few minutes."

"He happened to know that John has to be up with the lark, about another matter," remarked the host, "and"----

"How kind!" returned the lady; "but Mr. B---- does everything so agreeably that one does not know which to admire most--the charm of his _manner_, or"----

"The _good breeding_, from which it springs!" exclaimed the governor, finishing the eulogy.

Attending a lady from the dinner-table at the St. Nicholas, in New York, she begged me to wait with her for a few minutes, near the pa.s.sage conducting to the drawing-rooms, saying, playfully, that she wished to way-lay a gentleman. "I have been all the morning," she then explained, "trying to meet a Russian friend of ours, who is certainly staying here, though we cannot succeed in seeing him. My husband charged me, before we parted this morning, as he was obliged to go out of town for the day, with a message for our friend, which he said _must_ be delivered by me in person. Ah, there he is now!" and she advanced a step towards an elderly gentleman accompanying a lady.

I released her arm from mine, of course, and retired a little; the other lady also simultaneously withdrawing. I bowed respectfully to her.

"Have you ever chanced to remark this picture?" inquired the fair stranger of me, as we stood thus near each other, turning towards the painting of the patron saint of the Knickerbockers, which graced the main staircase of the hotel; "it is very appropriately selected."

Nothing could be more unmistakably refined and high-bred than the bearing of the interlocutor, while we chatted a moment or two longer.

"I beg your pardon, madam, for depriving you of your cavalier; nothing but necessity could excuse it"--began the lady, who had been talking earnestly in the meanwhile with the Russian, approaching us. She was at once relieved from making further explanation.

"Pray don't name it--and allow me to renew my slight acquaintance with you," offering her hand.

"With pleasure," returned my fair friend, instantly; but she looked a little puzzled, despite her courtesy.

"I see you do not recollect the weary traveller who was so much obliged to your politeness in the hotel in Washington, the other night. The only stranger-lady (turning to her attendant) I have met in this country, who has rendered me the slightest civility."

All this was, of course, quite unintelligible to me, but later in the evening I had the honor of being introduced to these strangers, and, incidentally, received a solution of the mystery.

While a pleasant party with which I had the good fortune to be a.s.sociated, was cozily gathered in one of the quiet little drawing-rooms of the St. Nicholas, the conversation turned upon the difference of manners in different nations. Let me premise a brief explanation, that you may the better understand what follows. The Russian gentleman, whom I had seen in the pa.s.sage, is Dr. de H----, a distinguished _savant_, travelling in the service of his imperial master, and the lady whom he was attending from dinner a Frenchwoman of high birth and breeding. My fair charge is the wife of an officer of our army, who nearly lost his life in the late Mexican war, returning home covered alike with wounds and honors, and with still I don't know how many bullets in his body, as life-long tokens of his bravery. His heroic young wife, when she learned that he had landed at New Orleans, as soon after the conclusion of peace as his condition enabled him to be conveyed to the sea-board and make the voyage, set out to join him at the South, with an infant of only a few weeks old, and herself in enfeebled health.--They had been married but a short time, when Col. V---- was ordered to the seat of war, and the lady was a belle and a beauty, of scarce nineteen--the cherished idol of wealth and affection. These persons, and one or two others were, with myself, seated, as I have said, cozily together for a little talk, after dinner.

Taking advantage of the temporary absence of Mrs. V----, the Frenchwoman, turning to Dr. de H----, said: "What a charming person! I must tell you about my first meeting with her. You know we are just returned from a little tour at the south of this country. Well, at Washington, the other evening we have arrived, my husband and I, with my little daughter, Lorrette, very tired and covered with dust, at the hotel. A friend had engaged apartments for us, two or three days before, but we were not conducted to them. They led us into a sort of corridor, where gentlemen and ladies were walking, in dinner dress, and left us to stand against the wall for some time. At last Victor told me to be patient, and he would go and see. I have thought I should fall down with fatigue and vexation, and poor little Lorrette leaned against me and was almost quite asleep. At this moment, a lady and gentleman who were sitting in a little alcove, which was in the corridor, observed us, as I saw, though I tried to turn myself from all. They came immediately to us. The gentleman brought a light chair in his hand. 'Madam,' said the gentleman, 'allow me to offer you a seat; I am surprised that Mr.

Willard has no reception room for travellers.' Before I could thank them, properly, the lady said, seeing how Lorrette had begun to cry, 'Do come and sit over there in the little recess; there is a larger chair in which the little girl can lie down until you can get your rooms. Pray come'--and all this with such a sweet manner. Seeing that the gentleman was already looking for another chair to bring to us, I went away with the lady; saying, however, that I was so sad to come with her in this dress, and to trouble her. When we were in the little alcove, almost by ourselves, she placed Lorrette on a little couch, and forced me to sit on the only good chair, saying that she preferred to stand a little, and so many other polite, kind words! Then, while the gentleman talked a little with me, she began to tell Lorrette that her papa would soon take her to a nice supper, and made her look, when she was no longer so tired, at some nice drawings of colored birds that her friend was showing her when they came to carry us to them."

You must picture to yourselves the animated gestures, the expressive tones, and the slight Gallic accent that gave double significance to this little sketch, to form a correct idea of the pleasing effect produced upon us all by the narration. Observing Mrs. V---- re-entering the room, the charming Frenchwoman only added, enthusiastically: "Really these were persons so agreeable, that I could not forget them; as I have told you to-day, Dr. de H----, it is the only stranger American lady who has ever been polite in our journey."

"Are the ladies of our country, then, so remiss in politeness?" said a young American lady present, in a deprecatory tone.

"I beg your pardon, madam," returned the foreigner, "the Americans are the most kind-hearted people in the world, but _they do not say it_! it is the--_manner_!"

"I shall really begin to think," said Mrs. V----, "that there is some other cause than my being a brunette for my being so often taken for a foreigner. I am often asked whether I am from New Orleans, or of French extraction."

"I am not surprised," exclaimed Dr. de H----, "my friend Sir C---- G----, who saw you this morning, asked me afterwards what country was you of?"

"Why, how was that?"

"He told me he had just given a servant, that stupid old man in the hall, the house-porter, I believe you call him, a card, to take to some room, when you met him, and directed him to go to the office with a message; but, observing the card in his hand, and that a gentleman stood there, you immediately told him to go first with the card and you would wait for him."