The American Credo Part 9

--137

That book-keepers are always round-shouldered.

--138

That if one touches a hop-toad, one will get warts.

--139

That a collar-b.u.t.ton that drops to the floor when one is dressing invariably rolls into an obscure and inaccessible spot and eludes the explorations of its owner.

--140

That an American amba.s.sador has the French, German, Italian, Spanish, Portuguese, Russian and j.a.panese languages at his finger tips, and is chummy with royalty.

--141

That the ready-made mail order blue serge suits for men are put together with mucilage, and turn green after they have been in the sunlight for a day or two.

--142

That if one has only three matches left, the first two will invariably go out, but that the third and last will remain lighted.

--143

That all Chinamen smoke opium.

--144

That every country girl who falls has been seduced by a man from the city.

--145

That an intelligent prize-fighter always triumphs over an ignorant prize-fighter, however superior the latter in agility and strength.

--146

That a doctor's family never gets sick.

--147

That nature designed a horse's tail primarily as a flicker-off of flies.

--148

That nicotine keeps the teeth in a sound condition.

--149

That when an Odd Fellow dies he is always given a magnificent funeral by his lodge, including a band and a parade.

--150

That the man who is elected president of the Senior Cla.s.s in a college is always the most popular man in his cla.s.s.

--151

That a minor actress in a theatrical company always considers the leading man a superb creature, and loves him at a distance.

--152

That a Southern levee is a gay place.

--153

That when a dog whines in the middle of the night, it is a sure sign that some one is going to die.

--154

That the stenographer in a business house is always coveted by her employer, who invites her to luncheon frequently, gradually worms his way into her confidence, keeps her after office hours one day, accomplishes her ruin, and then sets her up in a magnificently furnished apartment in Riverside Drive and appeases her old mother by paying the latter's expenses for a summer holiday with her daughter at the seash.o.r.e.

--155

That the extinction of the Indian has been a deplorable thing.

--156

That everybody has a stomach-ache after Thanksgiving dinner.