Switching Gears Part 11

A huge mistake.

Hey, Kelsie says, making me jump. You kind of disappeared tonight.

I know. Im sorry. Thanks for taking me home early. I grimace. Sorry about that, too.

Shes quiet for a moment. When she speaks again, shes careful. Hesitant. Like she could shatter me into pieces with her words. You know Im here for you, right?

Tears p.r.i.c.k my eyes as I stare out into the dark. Yes.

You want to tell me whats going on?

I take a deep breath. Kelsie wont tell anyone. I trust her more than anyone in this whole world. So I tell her. Everything. Its my mom. She waits, doesnt rush me, just keeps driving. She was diagnosed with early Alzheimers six months ago. My parents just barely told me.

Her mouth drops open just enough for me to notice. Oh, honey, Im sorry.

I dont talk. I cant. Just stare out the window into the dark. The houses become blurs as my eyes well with tears and I blink really fast to make them go away. Im not going to cry again. I already made a mess of myself earlier. So much so that Cole even noticed.

Im such a baby.

Is there anything I can do?

No. I mean, Im fine. And for all I know, shes fine. Dad says shes I dont know. Shes okay. She has a few memory lapses sometimes that make things interesting. I take a slow breath. I cant I shake my head and stop talking, emotion overwhelming me. Shes okay. I have to keep telling myself that. Maybe she wont get any worse. And maybe if I dont pay too much attention, I wont notice if she does get worse. Ill remember the good times. The normal times.

The times when wed stay up all night talking about Lucas or when shed check me out of school to go get a pedicure when she knew I was feeling down. She always knew how to cheer me up. Always knew exactly what to say. I dont know if sh.e.l.l be like that in a few months or even a few weeks and I cant watch her deteriorate like that.

Well, if you need anything, let me know. She turns the corner to go to my house, then about throws me out of my seat as she flips the car around.

What are you doing? My fingers dig into the sides of my seat. I swear I can feel perfect indents of my fingers already there from all the times Kelsie has almost killed us in her car. Shes crazy. And Im pretty sure she has road rage.

I forgot. I owe you a shake and some fries. And after this conversation, Im buying you whatever else you want.

I chuckle. Right. Of course. You know the way to my heart. Thanks, Kels.

And you need to tell me what you and Hot Stuff were talking about.

Hot Stuff? Really?

She laughs. Oh, come on. You were thinking the same thing. I saw how close you two were. I even stood by the door for a sec to see if you were gonna get closer. She wiggles her eyebrows.

I bury my face in my hands as she laughs again. For the last time: I dont like Cole, I mumble. Even though the way he held my hand those few seconds kind of I dont know. Changed things a little. But Im not about to admit that. Im still in love with Lucas. I cant fall for someone else.

And what did he say? Im rude to everyone? Am I?

Did you have fun tonight? I ask her.

Yes. I did. I kicked everyones b.u.t.t.

Of course you did.

Were both quiet and, as we glance over at each other, we burst out laughing. My night feels a lot lighter than before.

I dont know where Id be without my Kelsie.

CHAPTER 12.

Morning wakes me bright and early and Im secretly happy Im the only one awake. I change into my biking clothes, throw my hair in a ponytail, and creep upstairs to make a morning green smoothie. Of course the blender decides to c.r.a.p out on me, so I make a ton of noise pushing the fruit to the bottom with a knife and shaking it around to get the blender to work. I pour out my brownish icy goodness and gulp it down.

Time to start eating healthy if I want to kick Whitneys trash.

Hey, Bug.

I jump and spill some of my drink on my jersey.

Nice.

Oh. Hi, Dad. What are you why are you up so early?

He looks at me like Im an idiot. I leave for work at 6:30 every day.

Of course he had a reason to look at me like that. Oh. Right. I set my cup in the sink and hurry and fill my CamelBak. I suck a little of the leftover water from my last ride out to start the flow and spit it in the sink before draining the rest and filling it back up with new water.

Dads hovering behind me, but I dont turn back around. What are you doing up so early this morning?

Uh just keeping busy. Doing teenager things.

Im pretty sure getting up at six in the summer isnt a normal teenager thing to do.

Yeah, probably not.

Going biking today?

Yep.

You know, youve been living on that mountain lately. Id like to see my daughter every now and then.

I turn around and smile. Youre seeing me right now. And you saw me yesterday. And the day before that.

He frowns. You know what I mean. Id like to actually spend time with you. And not just to pick up your broken-down car. His stare makes me feel guilty that Ive been avoiding everyone.

Sorry. Ive had things to do. Ill try to be around more. I know I wont.

Honey, if you need to talk about things, you know Ill listen. And Mom, too. Shes been worried about you.

Mom. My chest tightens and I tell myself to keep breathing. I told you. Ive been busy. Im training for another race and have a bunch of bikes to fix up and sell.

He walks over to where Im standing and puts a hand on my shoulder. I know youre worried about Mom. If you need to talk about it, ask questions"

Im fine. I know I say it too fast, but I dont care. I uh have to go. I step away from him. Do you think Gavin will care if I borrow his car?

I hear him let out a small sigh. He probably wouldnt even notice since h.e.l.l probably still be asleep when you get back, but your car is fixed. Ive been working on it. Its in the driveway. He points to my keys which are sitting on the table.

Oh. Thanks.

Be careful. He looks sad. And I know its my fault.

The sky is cloudy today. Perfect for a quick ride.

The air is crisp, cool even, as I pedal up the rocky terrain.

The uphill on this trail is kind of tough, Ill admit, but once I turn around at the top, going back down is my favorite part of the ride.

Sweat beads on my forehead as I switch gears again at the steepest part of the trail. My legs burn, my b.u.t.t is numb, and Im sweating from every possible place I can think of. Like a good biker should be.

It feels amazing.

Its one thing to bike for exercise and to you know, stay in shape. Its a whole other thing to bike for the thrill. The challenge. The pa.s.sion. Someday Ill get that sponsorship. Someday Ill maybe even do this for a living. I would love every second of it.

I ride for a while, enjoying the wind in my face and the adrenaline pumping. When I reach one of the hills, for some reason my bike feels heavier as I pedal my way to the top. It shouldnt feel that way since Im in the lowest gear. I frown. It can only mean one thing. Once I finish my climb, I glance down at my tires and groan.

My front tire is deflating. Fast. So much for my perfect ride today.

I get off my bike and walk it a little ways until I reach my spot. I lean it against a tree while I take a look around. I need a moment to myself and then Ill change the tube and head home. I always carry a spare tube or two.

Ill never get over how beautiful it is up here. The birds singing, the trees blowing in the breeze. So peaceful.

I climb up on the rock Kelsie and I usually share and sit, wrapping my arms around my knees and pulling them to my chest as I stare out into the valley. The sun is up now and Im glad Im wearing sungla.s.ses.

My helmet is bugging me, so I unhook it and take it off. My hair is a rats nest Im sure, but I slide it out of my elastic anyway, run my fingers through it, and shake my head. Letting it all loose feels good.

I enjoy the quiet. This is somewhere I can come to think. Where no one will bother me. I suck in a deep breath of nice clean air, smell the hint of rain. A few clouds inch their way overhead, and I kind of hope it sprinkles a little. It would cool me off at least. I frown as I hear someone coming up the trail.

So much for being alone up here.

The sound of wheels moving over rocks and dirt comes from my left. I glance over and recognize the black and red helmet at once.

Cole.

He slides his bike to a stop, looks over at me, and of course gets off his bike. Marty? What are you doing up here all alone?

I shrug. Same as you I think. He glances around before leaning his bike against a tree. Are you following me? Ive seen you every day this week so far. Thats not normal.

Ive just been lucky running into you. He smiles and, before I know it, hes climbing up on the rock next to me. This is nice. Do you mind if I sit with you for a bit?

Sure. Its not like hes giving me a choice anyway. Why are you up here today? I dont see you on this trail very often. Youre usually on the more challenging ones.

I didnt feel like going to my usual trail, but I wanted to get some practice in before Back Country. I need to be in top-notch shape to beat the other guys.

I roll my eyes. Like you need practice.

So, you admit Im awesome. He nudges my shoulder and my face heats.

After I pull myself together, I look at him. I didnt say that. I stare out into the valley again, trying to hide my smile.

You totally think it.

I dont answer.

Were quiet as we both look at the view.

Coles knee brushes mine and I glance over at him before scooting away. Not far, but enough. It doesnt stop the shiver his touch brings, though. Which is annoying. I dont like him. Ill never like him like that.

My body is kind of telling me something else, though. And the fact that I cant stop looking at him contradicts everything Im trying to tell myself. Its weird that were even sitting here together. Weird that Im actually staying where I am and not back on my bike already. Weird that its happened two days in a row. Weird that I kind of want to talk to him again.

Have you forgiven me for arguing with you last night?

I chuckle. We didnt argue that much. And Im not one to hold grudges.

He raises an eyebrow. From the way youve avoided me for the last year, I thought otherwise.

Biking grudges are different, so they dont count.

Ah. I see. Thank you for clearing that up for me.

Youre welcome. Besides. About last night I hesitate, not wanting to admit he was right. But he was. What you said was true. I dont know you very well and I havent given you a chance because of some stupid rumors. Im sorry I a.s.sumed things about you.

He shrugs. Its okay. Maybe Ill tell you a truth or two one of these days.

I smile. Maybe Ill tell you one of mine, too.

He leans back on his hands and stretches out his legs. If I could only be so lucky.

I dont miss the sarcasm in his voice, but to my surprise, I laugh. Yep.

Always so mysterious.

Right. I want to trust him. Especially since hes been so nice to me when Ive been kind of a jerk. Maybe I should stop arguing with him all the time. Its getting kind of exhausting, to be honest.

Do you sit here a lot? he asks as he unhooks his helmet. He doesnt take it off, just lets the chin strap dangle near his neck.

I nod. This is my favorite spot. I love it up here.

Me too. I come here a lot to sit. Not this exact spot, but you know what I mean. Its quiet. I like to escape the chaos of every day. Do something simple.