Swingin Round the Cirkle Part 13

"Onquestionably."

"Den a yaller feller ain't but a half a beast, is he?"

"My friend," sed I, "that question is--"

"Hold on," sed he; "wat I wanted to git at is dis: dere's a heap uv yaller fellers in dis section, whose fadders must hev bin white men; and, ez der mudders wuz all beastesses, I want to know whedder dar ain't no law in Kentucky agin--"

"Put him out!" "Kill the black wretch!" shouted a majority uv them who hed bin the heaviest slave owners under the good old patriarkle system, and they went for the old reprobate. At this pint, a officer uv the Freedmen's Bureau, who we hedn't observed, riz, and, bustin with laughter, remarked that his venerable friend shood have a chance to be heerd. We respeck that Burow, partikelerly ez the officers generally hev a hundred or two bayonets within reech, and, chokin our wrath, permitted ourselves to be further insulted by the cussed n.i.g.g.e.r, who, grinnin from ear to ear, riz and perceeded.

"My white friends," sed he, "dar pears to be an objection to my reference to de subjeck uv dis mixin with beasts, so I won't press de matter. But I ask yoo, did Noer hev three sons?"

"He did," sed I.

"Berry good. Wuz dey all brudders?"

"Uv course."

"Ham come from the same fadder and mudder as the odder two?"

"C-e-r-t-i-n-l-y."

"Well, den, it seems to me--not fully understandin the skripters--dat if we is beasts and beastesses, dat you is beasts and beastesses also, and dat, after all, we is brudders." And the disgustin old wretch threw his arms around my neck, and kissed me, callin me his "long lost brudder."

The officer uv the Freedmen's Bureau laft vosiferously, and so did a dozen or two soljers in the crowd likewise; and the awjence slunk out without adjournin the meetin, one uv em remarkin, audibly, that he had notised one thing, that Dimocrisy wuz extremely weak whenever it undertook to defend itself with fax or revelashun. For his part, he'd done with argyment. He wanted n.i.g.g.e.rs, because he cood wallop em, and make em do his work without payin em, wich he coodent do with white men.

I left the meetin house convinst that the South, who worked the n.i.g.g.e.rs, leavin us Northern Dimokrats to defend the system, hed the best end uv the bargain.

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, Lait Paster uv the Church uv the Noo Dispensashun.

XXIII.

The Workings of the Freedmen's Bureau.--A Report.

CONFEDRIT ROADS (wich is in the Stait uv Kentucky), May 27, 1866.

TO HIS EGGSLENCY THE DISPENSER UV POST ORIFICES, ANDROO JOHNSON, PRESIDENT UV THE UNITED STATES:

In akordance with yoor esteemed request, dated the 25th, and received this morning, I to-wunst proceeded to make doo enquiry ez to the workin uv the Freedmen's Burow, and the condishun uv the Afrikin citizens uv Amerikin descent in this vicinity. The fact that a Ablishnist still holds the Post Orifice at the Corners (wich place, by the way, I hev been solicited to accept), interfered materially with the bizines I hed in hand. I to-wunst tooted the horn, ez is the custom when we hev religious servis, and called my congregashun together. They k.u.m runnin in from the different groceries; and here another difficulty ensood. The grosery keepers wanted to know what we wuz a going to hev meetin on week days for? They wuz willin to shut up doorin meetin time on Sundays, ez they respected the church, and it give em time to sweep out the terbacker, et settery; but they'd be d----d ef they wuz a goin to hev the people pulled away from their nourishment on week days. I succeeded in pacifyin em, and went in at wunst examinin the leadin citizens. Their testimony is ez follows:--

CAPTIN SKELPER

Wuz a n.i.g.g.e.r owner afore the war, and durin the late fratrisidle struggle wuz a captan in the confedrit servis. Wuz with Ginral Forest at Fort Pillow. Hez hed much experence with n.i.g.g.e.rs. Bleeves em to be adapted to the climit uv Kentucky, and much more able to stand the hot sun than the whites. When they wuz slaves, never knowd em to refooze to work; know they alluz did work, becoz he generally stood over em with a n.i.g.g.e.r whip. Since they hev bin free, hez notist a change; not much uv a change, ontil the n.i.g.g.e.r Burow wuz establisht. Before that they'd take sich wages ez yoo chose to give em; since then the d----d heathen will stand out bout ez the white men do, and won't work at all onless yoo meet their views, wich made a heap up trouble, and materially r.e.t.a.r.ded the develment uv the country. The Burow hed corrupted the female n.i.g.g.e.rs; ez they hed all bin legally married by the Chaplins to the men they'd lived with, and wuz so sot on livin with em, that there's no yoose uv yoor tryin to get a house wench unless yoo took her husband also. His wife wuz now doin degradin work at home for want uv help.

Strongly urged the abrogashen uv the Burow, and the removal uv the Abolishun Postmaster at the Corners.

DEACON MCGRATH

Wuz eggsamined. Wuz convinst in his own mind that the Afrikin wuz now out uv his normal speer, and that the infernal Burow wuz at the bottom uv it. The n.i.g.g.e.r, afore the Burow come around, wuz docile and easly controlled. His boy Joe wuz wunst a model n.i.g.g.e.r. He'd get up every mornin at 4 A.M. (wich means in the mornin), and work every day till after dark. Ez soon ez he wuz emanc.i.p.ated, ez they called it, and the Burow come, I told him to get up, one mornin; and he told me, impudently, that he'd concluded he woodent. I undertook to chastise him with a fence stake, whereupon he sailed in, and whaled me; and the Burow, to which I applied for redress, larft in my face. He left, and is now draggin out a mizerable existence in Ohio, on the beggarly pittance uv two dollars a day, and my farm is runnin to weeds. He conclooded by givin it ez his solemn opinion that he never cood be reconciled to the Government so long ez the Burow wuz tolerated, and that Ablishnist held the Post Orifis at the Corners.

GINERAL DINGES

Considered the Burow a inkubus upon the State. It interfered between master and servant. Cood git along better ef the n.i.g.g.e.r wuz left to the nateral laws wich regulates capital and labor. Tried to keep his n.i.g.g.e.rs, and did keep em the past summer till after the crop wuz in, and then tried to settle with em for four dollars a month, with sich deductions for food, sickness, and brakin tools, et settry, ez wuz just.

Brought the n.i.g.g.e.rs, all uv em, in my debt, and generously proposed to let em work it out choppin cord wood doorin the winter. Hauled me up afore the Burow, and wuz forst to pay em each $15 per month. Consider the Burow ez all that stands in the way uv rekonstruction, though the removal uv the Ablishun Postmaster at the Corners and the appintment uv a sound constooshnel Dimekrat wood grately a.s.sist in conciliatin the Kentucky mind.

I tried to get some n.i.g.g.e.r testimony, but cood elicit nothing worth while. One n.i.g.g.e.r, who spends the heft uv his time at the Corners, wuz opposed to the Burow becoz it stopt rations on him. And Lucy, a octoroon, who formerly belonged to, and still resides with, Elder Gavitt (who is now absent ez a delegate to a Southern religious convention at Louisville), testified that the Burow "wuz no grate shakes," becoz bein ez the Elder wuz a widower, and the father uv all her children, and bein she's a free woman, she askt the agent to make the Elder marry her, and he woodn't do it. But sich evidence is irrelevant, and I didn't consider it worth while botherin yoor Eggslency with it. Both, however, strongly insisted on the removal uv the Ablishun Postmaster at the Corners.

ABSLUM PETTUS

Wuz convinst the Burow wuz agin the prosperity uv the State, and wuz underminin the moral and physikle welfare uv the n.i.g.g.e.r. It made him impudent. Hed sum uv em workin for him, and notist at noons and nites he'd find em with a spellin-book and a reader. Didn't bleeve in readin.

Coodent read hisself, but hed a cousin wunst who learned; but ez soon ez he cood read he moved off to Injeanny, quit the Democrisy, and bec.u.m a loathsum Ablishnist. Heerd he wuz killed in the war, and served him rite. Wanted to know what we wood do when the n.i.g.g.e.rs cood all read.

Sposed we'd hev to 'lect em to offis, ez the people alluz selected sich, when they cood find em. Didn't bleeve in n.i.g.g.e.r equality, and wuz in favor uv a imediate change in the post orfice at the Corners.

CAPTIN MCSLATHER thought things hed c.u.m to a sweet old pa.s.s, when a man coodn't lather a n.i.g.g.e.r without bein hauled up afore a Burow.

KURNEL PELTER thought ef yoor Eggsolency cood witness the corupshun that eggsisted in the Burow, yoo'd make short work uv it. Why, he whipped a n.i.g.g.e.r hand more than he ought, perhaps, and he died uv the injuries. It wuz a aggravatin case. The n.i.g.g.e.r wuz sa.s.sy, and it cost three hundred and sixteen dollars to pervide for his family. That infamous Burow made me pay for their rashens all winter. He asked, indignantly, ef this wuz or wuz not a free kentry into, wich such things wuz permitted. And the Ablishen Postmaster at the Corners approved the tyranikle action. He demanded his removal.

I conceive it to be onnecessary to submit further testimony. I know not what luck yoor other commissioners may hev met with in takin testimony on this subjick; but in this vicinity there can't be no doubt that there can't be that love for the Government, without wich free instooshens won't flourish to any alarmin extent, ontil this monster is squelched.

The testimony is unanimous, and them ez I hev eggsamined are representative men.

You may hev notist, also, the singler unanimity with wich they all bore testimony to the necessity uv a change in the Post Orifis at the Corners. I endorse all they say on this question, considerin that that change is ez necessary in the grate work uv pacifyin and consiliation ez is the removal of the Burow. In case a change is made, I would say, for your guidance, that I hev been warmly solicited by my friends to accept the position, and to pacify em, hev at last yielded a reluctant consent.

The fact that I never served in the Confederate army may be an objection; but, to offset that, I voted for Vallandygum twice.

Ef possible, send me a pardon at the same time yoo send me my commission ez Post Master; for, if the Post Offis don't pay, I may want to run for some other office, in wich event that doc.u.ment would be essential to my success.

With sentiments uv the most profound respek,

I am Trooly yours, PETROLEUM V. NASBY, Lait Paster uv the Church uv the Noo Dispensashun.

XXIV.

Presides at a Church Trial.

CONFEDRIT ROADS (wich is in the Stait uv Kentucky), June 9, 1866.

They hed a ruction in the church at the Corners yisterday, wich bid fair to result in a rendin uv the walls of our Zion, and the tearin down uv the temple we hev reared with so much care and hev guarded with so much solissitood. When I say "we," I mean the members thereof, ez the church wuz reorganized sence the war by returned Confedrit soljers and sich Dimokrats ez remaned at home nootrel; but inasmuch ez I am the only reglerly ordained Dimokratic paster in these parts I ginerly conduct the services, and hentz hev insensibly fell into a habit uv speekin uv the church ez "my" church, and I feel all the solissitood for its spiritooal and temporal welfare that I cood ef I wuz reglerly ordained ez its paster, wich I expect to be ef I fail in gettin that post offis at the Corners, wich is now held by a Ablishnist uv the darkest dye, wich President Johnson, with a stubbornness I can't account for, persistently refooses to remove.

The case wuz suthin like this:--

Deekin Pogram wuz charged by Elder Slather with hevin, in broad daylite, with no attempt at concealment, drunk with a n.i.g.g.e.r, and a free n.i.g.g.e.r at that, in Bascom's grocery, and to prove the charge Deekin Slather called Deekin Pennibacker.

The Deekin wuz put onto the stand, and testified ez follows:--