Sweet Contradiction Part 4

"Okay, but I think we need to talk." Jen took a breath and her mouth opened to deny it, but I cut her off to spare her from having to lie. "I'm your best friend, Jen. You can't lie to me, so ... don't." Jen's mouth snapped shut and her cheeks pinkened lightly when her eyes met mine. Here jaw clenched tightly and she nodded. "We don't have to talk about it now. But we will talk about it soon. You know I can make your life a living h.e.l.l if you don't, right?" I raised a brow in mock severity and she let out a bark of laughter. She raised both hands in the air and rolled her eyes.

"We will talk soon, then. Just not today," she rasped out. I held her gaze a moment longer before turning back to the paper.

"Looks like the local boy scouts are having a car wash and bake sale today. You should stop by while you're out and pick up some brownies," I mentioned offhandedly. Jen laughed lightly as she picked her purse and keys up off of the table.

"I might just do that," she answered. "I love you like a sister, Beth. I thank G.o.d every day for bringing you into my life." She smiled at me, her face a mix of love and sadness.

"And I love you too. I hate to think where I'd be right now if it weren't for you and your mom." I choked up slightly and had to blink rapidly to keep my tears in check. "We'll be the crazy, old ladies in town one day. Well, you'll have all the kids and grandkids and I'll be the eccentric and sinfully rich Auntie to your brood." I laughed and Jen smiled sadly at me from the doorway. I waved at her and blew a kiss. "Whatever it is, we'll talk when you're ready," I said softly. Jen nodded and blew a kiss back at me as she left the room.

"Don't forget those brownies!" I yelled to her as the front door closed.

I eyed the overflowing dirty laundry basket with disgust. I needed clean clothes, though, so they had to be done. I doubt going out with Matt that night sans panties would be a good idea. I smiled wickedly to myself before grabbing the basket with a huff and heading out to the washer. Washing laundry wasn't all that bad, but Jen's mom didn't own a dryer. She liked to hang clothes out on the line. She once told me she loved hanging laundry out to dry, that she enjoyed the fresh air, sunlight, and the time she had alone to think and pray. I shook my head and wondered for the hundredth time how she had kept her spirits so high with all the treatments and stuff she had been through.

When my laundry was ready to go on the line, I dropped the heavy basket on the back porch and ran up to my room to grab my ipod. Music could make any situation a little more fun. My ipod wasn't anywhere to be found though and I was just about to give up the search when I remembered that Jen had borrowed it a few days before.

Jen's room was the same as it had always been for the last ten years. Sure, it had some minor changes. Fewer teddy bears and a ton of high school memories, but it was still Jen. I caressed a photo taped to her mirror. It was a pic of Jen and me with our arms around each other, wearing our matching outfits. It seemed like yesterday. I sighed and searched the top of her desk and dresser for my ipod without any luck. I went over to her night stand and pulled out a several pieces of paper and sat them on her bed to rifle through the drawer for the missing ipod. I found the ipod and earphones in the drawer tucked in a stuffed kangaroo's pouch. I grinned and picked up the papers to shove them back into her drawer.

My eyes snagged on a single word on one of the papers as I was shutting the drawer. I froze where I was standing and pulled the drawer back out slowly with my heart pumping so hard I could hear its pounding in my ears. The rapid thumping in my head caused me to feel off centered and dizzy as I lifted the paper out of the drawer and sat down on the edge of Jen's bed. The top left hand corner had the name and address of the cancer clinic Jen's mom had gone to for her regular checkups. The letter, however, was addressed to Jen.

My hand tightened around the letter as I sat there with a sick feeling settling into my stomach. The letter was dated a few days after Mrs. Collins had pa.s.sed away. It said that Jen had missed her appointment for a biopsy and that they had tried to contact her several times by phone and would urge her not to put off the test, but instead either call the office or come in to reschedule her appointment. I read the letter several times, my eyes blurring from the tears. I sat there in disbelief, shock and horror. Jen needed a biopsy? Had she found a lump?

A fuzziness started in the back of my throat, a tingling in my jaw, and my body shook tiny tremors from the cold sweat I'd broken out in, pushing me to run for the bathroom to release the entire contents of my stomach. I sat on the cool tile, hanging from the toilet bowl with the letter still clutched in my hand, and tears running down my face for I don't know how long. All I knew was that my world had been rocked to its very foundations. If anything ever happened to Jen ... I shook my head viciously. It was nothing. It had to be a false alarm.

I got off the floor on shaky legs and splashed my face with cool water. I stared at my reflection in the mirror and saw the desperation there. I bowed my head and closed my eyes, my hands tightening painfully on the porcelain sink in front of me. I clenched my jaw and made up my mind that very second that I'd help Jen get through this, that I'd take her to get the biopsy, I'd hold her hand and I'd make sure no matter what ... she would be alright, that she'd have a long, happy life. No one deserved it more. When I glanced up once again, I saw pain in the back of my eyes, but I also saw a h.e.l.l of a lot of determination. I stuck the letter back in Jen's nightstand drawer before heading back downstairs with my ipod forgotten in my pocket to hang my laundry to dry.

It turns out Mrs. Collins was right. With the sun shining down on my face, the cool breeze blowing the fresh scent of my laundry all around me, and the many little sounds of nature you can only hear if you live out in the country, I felt a little more calm by the time I was finished and heading inside to wait for Jen to return from town. I contemplated whether or not I should confront her or wait until she was ready to bring it up herself. I decided to wait a day or two, but I knew the quicker she got the test done the better, so I wasn't going to wait longer than that.

en and I shared a very quiet lunch together before I excused myself to take a nap before I had to get ready for my evening with Matt. I couldn't sit there and make small talk with her knowing that she could have the same thing that killed her mom and yet she was pretending nothing was going on. I rolled over on my bed with my earplugs in and let the soothing sounds of Louis Armstrong calm my frantic thoughts just enough not to run back downstairs and shake some sense into my best friend. She was scared. Simple as that. And I had to make her see that no matter what, I would be there for her. I lay in my bed so long, thinking over everything that had happened in the past week that I almost ran late getting dressed.

Matt didn't tell me where he was taking me, but he did say we would have dinner somewhere relaxed. I opted for a teal and cream striped maxi dress with a little black shrug and a pair of black wedges. I left my hair down and kept my makeup to a bare minimum. He, of course, was right on time and I was glad I wouldn't have to stand around and chat with him and Jen before we left since she was taking a shower.

"You seem awfully quiet tonight," Matt said gently as we rode out of town once again. I shrugged a shoulder and sighed.

"Just a lot on my mind," I muttered.

"Anything you need to talk to someone about?" he asked.

"No, but thank you." I smiled and made an effort to push all my worry about Jen out of the forefront of my mind for the night. His eyes searched my face. I knew he could tell I was a little off, but I was grateful he didn't push or prod. We turned down a road and I saw a small church sitting up on a pretty hill up ahead and gasped.

"You said it wasn't a church!" I snapped, my eyes wide with the pain of betrayal. Matt's head snapped to the side and his eyes met mine. I could see the anger building behind his eyes.

"I did say that, and I'm not the kind of man who would lie about something like that," he growled at me. I realized a little too late that we weren't slowing down to turn up the church's driveway, instead we were bypa.s.sing it. I glanced over at Matt, who had a tick in his jaw from the force with which he had been grinding his teeth.

"I'm sorry," I whispered lightly. "I've had a long day, I'm just a little on edge." Matt nodded in my direction with his eyes never leaving the road. A few miles later we pulled off the road in front of a large wrought iron gate, where Matt got out to open for us to pa.s.s through. When he got back in the truck, I raised my brow, wondering where the heck we were.

When we pulled up to a large, red brick country home with a beautiful wrap-around porch and several trucks parked in the front yard, I was still clueless. It wasn't until Matt opened the door for me to hop out of his truck and a slightly older, female version of Matt with his warm brown eyes and easy smile came out on the front porch, did I realize Matt had brought me to his family's house for dinner. He didn't take me church, no, he took me straight to his preacher daddy for a one-on-one intervention.

Matt's hand on my back, gently pressing me forward, was probably the only thing that kept me from launching myself back into his truck and demanding that he take me home. When I reached the front door, four men had joined Matt's mom there. Hunter was leaning against the wall, a huge grin splitting his face like he knew exactly the terror I was feeling from being surrounded by Matt's entire family.

"Thank goodness you've finally arrived." Mrs. Wright came over and put an arm around me, shooing Matt away gently. "There are only so many hours a woman can put up with this much testosterone in one room." She winked and I relaxed just a fraction. "I'm sure Matt neglected to tell you he was bringing you here by the sh.e.l.l-shocked look on your face." My mouth flew open to deny it, but she waved it off with a snort. "Men have no idea what terrors women face when meeting their boyfriend's family for the first time." I smiled. She wasn't so terrifying. When we all shuffled inside and I turned around, I was faced by a wall of Wright men and a male guest whom I didn't know.

"Beth ... nice to see you again. Looking forward to the evening. I hope you're not planning on any wagers tonight." Hunter smirked and I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Depends on if I will have an honest chance. Unlike the other night at the fair," I snapped.

"Oh dear, don't tell me. The ring toss?" A larger, blue eyed version of Matt, who had a tattoo of thorns across his knuckles, chuckled and shook his head. I blushed and a small smile spread across my face.

"Won a date with that wager," Hunter guffawed. I narrowed my eyes at him and he laughed even louder.

"I'm Daniel, by the way." He stuck his hand out and I grasped it in mine. "The older, more handsome brother." He winked and I laughed as Matt and Hunter protested with groans and barbs about his supposed handsomeness.

"Alright boys. Keep it down, you're all equally handsome. Got it from your old man, after all." Matt's dad stepped forward, his blue eyes twinkling, taking me by surprise with their gentleness. "I'm so happy to meet you, Beth. Hope we don't scare you away before the night is over." He smiled broadly and I smiled in return as Mrs. Wright called out that we should all eat before dinner got cold.

We all sat down to a large wooden table weighted down with a veritable southern feast. My eyes rounded when I took in the enormous amount of food. Matt chuckled deeply from beside me, which sent shivers coursing down my spine.

"Don't worry. This isn't near as much as it looks, especially when you have five grown men who have been working outside all day bringing their bear-sized appet.i.tes with them." I sat down next to Matt and his hand immediately found mine. He brought our clasped hands up and placed a gentle kiss on the back of mine. "I am so glad you're here tonight," he whispered into my ear, stirring wisps of hair around my face. I shivered and smiled over at him.

"I'm glad I'm here too," I said, honestly. I only twitched once when Matt's dad began a prayer over the meal.

"Dear Lord, thank you so much for my family, for the food we're about to eat, for a good day's work, and for the beautiful woman who's always been by my side through thick and thin. Thank you for old friends and new. Amen." I sat there for a second in mild shock as everyone started pa.s.sing bowls and platters around the table. That was it? No hidden barbs, no hidden messages? Matt was grinning like he'd heard my thoughts when my gaze landed on him. He handed me a bowl of green bean ca.s.serole and shrugged as if to say "what did you expect?" I shook my head and scooped out the ca.s.serole onto my plate. What exactly did I expect?

"Beth, did you get to meet Keith?" Mrs. Wright touched the man sitting next to Daniel on the arm.

"I don't think I did," I answered. Mrs. Wright huffed and shot a rebuking glance over at her eldest son. He blushed under her momma-stare and wiped his mouth off with his napkin.

"Sorry. I'm not usually that inconsiderate." Daniel grinned and placed a hand gently on the man's shoulder. "Beth, this is Keith ... my partner." Keith smiled and squeezed Daniel's hand, giving me a needed extra second to snap my mouth shut and pop my eyes back in their sockets.

It wasn't the fact that Daniel was gay, not even close. I'd had several gay friends over the years-some of the best people I ever met were gay, but the fact that they were open about it right at Pastor Wright's table had nearly knocked me off my chair. Not only that, but it was plain as day that both Pastor and Mrs. Wright adored Keith. Matt's hand squeezed my leg under the table. One of Matt's surprises, I thought. If he'd been trying to shock me and open my eyes a little ... he'd succeeded.

"It's very nice to meet you, Keith. You from the Salem area?" Keith had a light accent that I couldn't place until he told me he was originally from Boston before joining the army, where he had met Daniel. Conversation flowed without pause and I found myself enjoying the evening. The food was delicious and I wasn't the least bit shy about asking for a second helping of Mrs. Wright's homemade apple crumb pie. The woman made her own vanilla bean ice cream, for heaven's sake.

"So, has my thick headed son asked you to the barn dance tomorrow night yet?" Pastor Wright sat next to his wife on a double seated rocker out on the front porch. I was sitting in a rocker next to Matt while Hunter was lounging on the steps of the porch. Daniel and Keith had already left to go back to their place because they had an early morning on the following day. Matt groaned beside me and Hunter chuckled from his spot on the steps.

"What?" His dad asked with a wicked gleam in his eye. Now I knew where Matt got that look from.

"There's going to be dancing, pie eatin' contests, and a bake off. Should be a lot of fun, just about the whole town will be there." Mrs. Wright sat back and snuggled into her husband's side and sighed. "I do love a southern barn dance." I grinned up into Matt's laughing eyes and raised a brow.

"I was going to ask you ... later." Matt shot over at his dad.

"Well, in that case, I'd love to ... oh." Jen. I couldn't leave her alone now, not when I knew how much she was going through. I shouldn't be off leaving her at home by herself at night again.

"What is it?" Matt asked, his forehead furrowed in concern.

"It's Jen ... I really can't leave her alone all night again." I gave him a regretful smile and shrugged. I really did want to enter that baking contest. There would always be time to have fun, though ... once I took care of Jen.

"Why can't Hunter take Jen?" Mrs. Wright commented sweetly. "She could use a little fun, the poor sweetheart." I glanced over at Hunter who had a look of utter shock and mortification on his face that his mother was actually playing match maker. His mouth hung open for a while before he gathered himself enough to snap it closed.

"I don't need anyone to get a date for me," he gritted out.

"I wasn't trying to get you a date ..." she sputtered.

"I'm perfectly capable of getting my own date ..." he muttered "I was just saying that she's far too pretty and young to stay at home. And you could get out a little more too. You don't think she's pretty?"

"Of course I think she's pretty," he snapped.

"And you're not doing anything tomorrow are you?" She shrugged her shoulder and I hid a smile. Matt was full out grinning next to me, enjoying his brother's discomfort.

"No, I'm not doing anything tomorrow, but..."

"So if you think she's pretty and aren't doing anything anyway, I guess it would make perfect sense for you two to go together." Mrs. Wright waved a hand as if that settled the matter.

"Well ... I guess I wouldn't mind getting out of the house for few hours," Hunter replied with a scowl. His mom gave me a knowing wink.

"It's settled then, Beth will break the news to Jen tonight and we'll all go together tomorrow night." Matt paused for a second. "Would you care to make a friendly wager around the pie eating contest?" I groaned when Matt, Hunter, and his dad all argued how they would be the winners this year. Evidently it was a pretty big thing to win the t.i.tle of Salem's Pie Pig. Who knew?

A profound weight had been lifted off of my heart by the time we left the Wright home. I guess stereotyping can go both ways. Did that mean I would be comfortable going to church and hearing hour long sermons? Absolutely not. But at least I could feel more comfortable around Matt and his family-and that's all that was really important to me right then.

"Hey, where are you right now?" Matt asked from beside me.

"Just thinking about how much I enjoyed time with your family tonight." Mrs. Wright was something else. I smiled as I recalled how she managed to get Hunter to do what she wanted without him ever realizing it. She had mad momma skills. "I'm also wondering if I should be concerned that you carry around an inflatable bed for your truck." Matt brought our intertwined hands up and kissed the back of my knuckles, raising little goose b.u.mps along my arm as he did. My eyes left the beautiful starry sky we were lying under in the back of his truck bed to find Matt gazing fixedly at me. My breath caught in my chest and I reached up to push a wayward lock of his hair off of his forehead.

"I've never taken a girl out like this before, sweetheart. You're the only girl I've ever wanted to sleep under the starry night sky with. You make the stars shine a little bit brighter and the night bloomin' jasmine smell a little bit sweeter." My heart fluttered wildly at his words. No man had ever said such beautiful things to me before and I knew no man ever would again. Matt was one of a kind and every time we were together I fell a little more in love with him. I leaned over and kissed him gently, savoring the feel of his lips against mine, the complicated woodsy scent of him, and the way his arms held me gently as if he were touching the most precious thing on earth.

"I've never wanted anything as much as I do right now." I murmured against his lips. "I've never felt more alive than I do when you're touching me, Matt." I melted into him as his mouth crashed down on mine, his lips soaking up my confession and his body showing me exactly how he felt. No matter how many years I live, I will always remember the tiniest details of that night out in the middle of a field, miles away from another human being. How the stars twinkled just for us, like a million, tiny, flickering candles lighting the night sky. How even though the evening was cool and flowers scented the air around us, that it was Matt's embrace that kept me warm and his scent that lingered more vividly than any flower ever could. How that as we made love to each other, the world fell away and nothing else mattered except the rise and fall of our synchronized breathing, the wildness of our hearts, beating as one, and the words I love you floating all around me, planting themselves into my heart, as Matt whispered them into my hair.

he cloud of contentment and peace when I woke up in the next morning quickly faded as soon as I got a look at the puffy, dark circles under Jen's eyes. She was sitting on the edge of her bed, staring out into s.p.a.ce and I could see the stress and strain of all the she had endured etched clearly onto her face.

"Jen?" I asked softly. She jumped and then shook her head gently to clear it, managing a small smile. I went in and sat cross legged on the bed beside her. I pushed a strand of her hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear. I sighed deeply and took her hand in mine. "We'll get through this. We'll call today to make an appointment and then we'll go together." Jen sucked in a breath sharply, her eyes widened and then she released her breath with her shoulders slumping a little.

"How long have you known?" she asked, deflated.

"Since yesterday morning."

"How?" She chewed her bottom lip.

"I found the letter in your night stand when I was searching for my ipod." She nodded with her head still bowed, her eyes on her lap.

"I'm sorry. I should have told you, I just couldn't think about it right then, not with my mom ...." She stopped as her voice broke and cleared her throat.

"I know. It's okay. I'm here and now that I know, you don't need to keep so much on your shoulders. Let me help, let me be the person you yell at, cry on, or whatever you need. You're strong and no matter what, you're going to be okay. You have to be." Jen sighed deeply again before leaning over and laying her head on my shoulder. I smoothed my hand over her head and kept saying all the things I knew she needed to hear, all the things I needed to hear, and all the things I hoped with all my heart would turn out to be true.

When we went down stairs, Jen called for an appointment and they said they wanted to see her the next day. I tried not to think about that and about her mom dying of cancer. What were Jen's odds of having it? I didn't know and I really didn't want to. I just couldn't.

"So, tomorrow is a long way away when you have something coming you don't want to think about," I said conversationally as we ate our Chunky Monkey ice cream, which we'd decided was perfect for breakfast that morning.

"It is. We should do something. Movie?" She dug out what was left of her ice cream and licked her spoon.

"I actually have something planned," I said, my eyes still on my ice cream.

"Oh no," Jen groaned.

"What?" I asked around a spoonful of what could aptly be described as heaven.

"You had that tone." I raised a brow and Jen rolled her eyes. "You know ... that one where you have an idea and I ended up knee deep in some kinda trouble." I smirked and pointed my now-empty-spoon at her.

"I'll have you know it wasn't entirely my idea." It was Jen's turn to lift her brow.

"Oh really? Pray tell, what exactly is your idea and whom have you been conspiring with?" Jen crossed her arms over her chest and I beamed at her.

"Conspire is such a nasty word." I complained. Jen signaled for me to get on with it.

"Matt is taking me to the barn dance tonight." Jen's face fell. "And Hunter is taking you." Jen gasped and vaulted out of her chair.

"You set me up on a double date?" she yelped. I flinched.

"It was Hunter's mom too," I pouted. Jen gasped and collapsed back down into her chair.

"Oh this just keeps getting better and better. I went from my best friend setting me up with her boyfriends' brother, to a guy's mother setting me up with her son." Jen plunked her head down on the table in front of her. "I'm pathetic." I began laughing until Jen threatened to tell all my dirty little childhood secrets to Matt.

"It's not as bad as all that ... he said you're pretty." I smiled when her eyes grew thoughtful.

"Did he now?" she asked softly. "Well, it really doesn't matter. He's definitely not my type and it's obvious that this is a pity date, so I won't worry about it. You better realize how much I love you, I'd have killed anyone else for this." Her eyes narrowed and I kept my grin in check ... barely.

"So, what are we entering in the baking contest?" I asked. I rubbed my hands together in antic.i.p.ation. Two things I adored-baking and a good, healthy compet.i.tion. Jen laughed as she got out her mom's hand written cookbook.

"You're going to be nice if you lose, right?" I put a hand on my chest and gave her the most innocent look I could muster. She laughed even harder, so I'm not entirely sure I could pull off innocent.

"I promise to be a good sport." I held up my hand in what I hoped was the boy scout salute and not some sort of gang symbol. Jen still looked unconvinced, so I shrugged and began on a first draft of my acceptance speech for the first place ribbon we'd be taking home. Jen's laughter was a wonderful sound to my ears.

By the time we baked several batches of goodies and made huge batch of blackberry jam, the kitchen was a disaster area. But, we were too busy baking, tasting, cleaning, and laughing to take too close a look at Jen's impending appointment the next day and that's exactly what I wanted.

"What do you think of this one?" Jen pulled out a pretty dress and a cardigan from her closet to add to the growing pile of clothing on her bed. She was putting an awful lot of thought into an outfit for her "pity date". I didn't bring that little fact up though.

"It's cute." I said. She dropped her arms and glanced over at me.

"By cute, you mean boring?" She groaned. "I have no idea what to wear, maybe I need a change or something." I jumped up off the floor and went over to her very over-stuffed closet.

"You've got tons of great things in here, you just need a fresh perspective." I tugged the outfit out of her grasp and shooed her over to a chair. When I opened her closet door, I knew exactly what her problem was. She had everything already matched ... a lot of her outfits had purses hanging from them to go the extra-matching-mile. I grimaced. She had nice stuff and I always knew she was a little bit of a perfectionist, but her closet was over the top. It screamed to be torn apart and everything jammed back in at random. Jen had issues with being random and spontaneous. She liked order, but sometimes chaos is exactly what the doctor ordered. I jerked out several outfits from the closet and unmatched them before tossing leftovers onto the bed.

"Wait. What are you doing? Those are already complete outfits." Jen s.n.a.t.c.hed a blouse out of the air before it hit the bed. I ignored her. "Why are you mismatching everything?" Jen waved the shirt at me. I put a hand on my hip to scowl over at her.

"Jennifer Collins, you need to live a little and the first step is to understand that wearing flowered panties under a striped dress is perfectly acceptable. Freeing, even." I tossed a striped dress into the try on pile and tried to keep from smiling as Jen bounced back and forth on the b.a.l.l.s of her feet to keep from s.n.a.t.c.hing her clothes out of my hand and reorganizing them all.

When she stood in front of the mirror after several outfits had been tried on and discarded, she scrunched up her nose and I sighed. She looked amazing.

"It's going to kill me to say this ... but, I love it!" She let out a squee and hugged me tightly. She turned around to admire herself in the mirror. She wore a pink, jean skirt paired with a flowing, floral, cap-sleeved top. Over that she had on a cream colored corduroy vest. All three pieces were from different outfits in her closet, but the different textured pieces together looked trendy and yet still Jen. I glanced down at my watch. It was an hour before the guys would be picking us up. Time for me to get ready.

My outfit took a lot less time. My favorite blue jeans, an embroidered, cream colored boho blouse and my brown boots and I was ready for some country dancing and good, old fashioned, country food.