Social Life Part 57

Barring Out Disputed Questions.

The temper of the meetings depends very largely on the kind of organization that holds them, whether, for instance, as in the case of Sorosis, it is a club of refined and educated women, of literary and artistic pursuits and tastes, or whether it is one for reform, as temperance, suffrage, social purity, or religious development and work. The members of Sorosis, when in session, are well-bred, if not always clear-headed and reasonable. Religious gatherings of women are seldom other than of good temper, and quiet in their tone.

Political meetings and sectarian meetings are apt to be turbulent.

This fact has been recognized by some women's clubs, Sorosis, for example, and they will not permit the subjects to be discussed or introduced in any way at meetings.

The various business womens' and working girls' clubs are inst.i.tuted for the sole purpose usually of furnishing good lunches at the noon hour at reasonable rates, and combine this feature with pleasant reception and lounging rooms, and often with various literary and business courses of study.

There is one Ladies' Suburban Club--the Alexandra--the most exclusive of London's women clubs. It is also the most successful. No individual of the other s.e.x above the age of twelve is admitted beyond the doormat. Husbands, fathers, and brothers, are all ruthlessly excluded from within its sacred precincts. It furnishes an admirable center for shopping operations, and for lunches, teas, etc. It possesses the advantages of bedrooms, let at the most reasonable rate, so that girls and young married women can spend a night or two in town without any trouble to chaperons or maids. Women friends, of course, may be admitted into the club, and servants and tradespeople interviewed. It is named for the Princess of Wales, and no one who has not been presented to the Queen is eligible to membership.

There is also a Ladies' Suburban Club in Chicago that partakes of the same features, save that it is not founded upon quite so aristocratic a basis, and the suburban woman heartily appreciates its benefits. No more does she wander aimlessly up and down the streets while awaiting a home-bound train. She has a resting place of her own within easy reach of the shopping district, one where she can be made presentable for matinee or theater. Here, on one floor, she finds hairdressers, manicurists, a cafe, a woman ready to repair damaged garments; and should she miss the last train, comfortable sleeping-rooms, where she can spend the night quietly. There, the club-shopper is ready to attend sales and do all manner of purchasing--from ordering funeral flowers to selecting a good seat at the theater, while the club nursery is responsible for all children left there. Their membership hails from many states.

Presiding at a Woman's Club.

The average woman is not so well qualified to preside over meetings in which continual interruptions are occurring, through the members rising to points of order, and other questions of privilege, because, unlike the average man, she has not given much attention to the study of parliamentary law.

The rules for conducting a meeting do not admit of any personal feeling or individual taste on the part of the presiding officer. On the contrary, there is a code of rules expressly laid down to guide and regulate such matters.

The presiding officer is not supposed to control the opinions of the members, but merely to direct them. She should be in entire sympathy with the objects of the meeting, and have a full and complete understanding of all its aims, objects and purposes. This latter is a very important consideration. Members, and especially new ones, are constantly asking for information, and unless the presiding officer can furnish it briefly and at once, delays are sure to occur, and the meeting be anything but pleasant or satisfactory to the other members present.

Order of Business.

Having been chosen to preside, the first duty is to call the meeting to order. If it is a first meeting, the objects for which it is called should then be stated clearly, but in as few words as possible. If it is not a first meeting, but a regular or const.i.tuted one, the presiding officer should have the roll of members called by the secretary. The minutes of the last meeting should then be read. Next, the presiding officer should appoint her committees for the session; or, if it is a regular meeting, the reports of the various committees appointed at the previous session should be heard. Next, the regular business should be taken up, and having been disposed of, the presiding officer should allow the introduction of any new business that may properly come before the meeting.

It is of the utmost importance that a presiding officer should be possessed of good eyesight, so as to be able to perceive a member as soon as she rises. There must be no hesitation or nervousness about a presiding officer. She must be ever on the alert, with all her faculties about her. She must be broad-minded, liberal, and clear-visioned, with a readiness to instruct the members when any mistakes are made, and always willing to grant the full liberty of debate to all; for out of the widest differences will come the very best conclusions after full and fair discussion.

SOCIETY

[Ill.u.s.tration]

Women are our only leisure cla.s.s. This has been so often repeated that it scarcely matters to whom the credit of the saying must be given.

In this country the burden of social work rests upon women, while in all European countries, men, young and old, statesmen, officials, princes, amba.s.sadors, make it one of the duties of life to visit, leave cards and take up all the numerous burdens of the social world.

Here it is the lady of the house that does all this. Husbands, fathers, sons, are all too much engrossed in the pursuit of business or pleasure to spend time in these multifarious cares. Mrs. John Sherwood says: "They cannot even spend time to make their dinner calls. 'Mamma, please leave my cards,' is the legend written on their banners."

Influence of Women.

The wonderful influence of women of culture and fashion, with their "happy ways of doing things" in the political, as well as the social world, is as great now in Washington as it ever was in Paris, in the palmiest days of the Imperial _Salon_.

The graces and the courtesies of life are in their hands. It is women who create society. It is women from whom etiquette is learned, not from a.s.sociation with men. The height of a stage of civilization can always be measured by the amount of deference paid to woman. The culture of a particular man can be gauged by his manner when in the company of ladies.

Primitive man made women do all the hard work of life, bear all the burdens, eat of the leavings, and be the servants of the tribe.

Civilized man, on the other hand, gives precedence to woman in every particular. He serves her first, he gives her places of comfort and safety, he rises to a.s.sist her at every opportunity, and we measure his culture by sins of omission, or commission, along this line.

Thus, all these small observances not only conduce to the comfort of woman, but they refine and do away with the rough and selfish side of man's nature, for without this refining contact with gentle womanhood, a man will never lose the innate roughness with which nature has endowed him.

It is women, as before said, who create etiquette, and Burke tells us that "manners are of more importance than laws." A fine manner is the "open sesame" that admits us to the audience chamber of the world. It is the magic wand at whose touch all barriers dissolve.

Effect of Cultured Manners.

"Give a boy address and accomplishments and you give him the mastery of palaces and fortunes wherever he goes. He has not the trouble of earning or owning them; they solicit him to enter and possess."

Whatever enjoyment we obtain from our daily intercourse with others is through our obedience to the laws of etiquette, which govern the whole machinery of society, and it is largely to women with their leisure, and their tact, that we must look to create and sustain the social fabric.

"To know her is a liberal education," was the stately compliment once paid a woman, and there are women left to whom it still applies.

As Emerson says in his essay upon "Manners:" "Are there not women who inspire us with courtesy; who unloose our tongues, and we speak; who anoint our eyes, and we see? We say things we never thought to have said. For once, our walls of habitual reserve vanished and left us at large; we were children playing with children in a wide field of flowers. Steep us, we cried, in these influences for days, for weeks, and we shall be sunny poets and write out in many colored words the romance that you are."

The successful society woman has a genius for leadership. She molds and makes what she will of her surroundings. She undervalues the talents of no one; she rather draws out and makes the most of every one with whom she comes in contact.

She is quiet, she is reposeful, she has the tact that puts every one with whom she meets at ease, and, above all, she is sympathetic. A judiciously expressed sympathy with our fellow-beings is one of the highest attributes of our nature.

"Unite sympathy to observation and the dead spring to life." It is tact to so express that sympathy as not to seem aware of the weakness that we would support and conceal from others. Madame Recamier had this gift of hidden sympathy, this power of drawing out the best that was in those who approached her. To this gift it was that she owed that power over all men which survived her wonderful beauty.

A Sympathetic Nature.

It was not her wit, for with this she was not so greatly endowed; it was not alone her beauty, for the eminent men and women of the day followed her when, blind and poor, she sought the solitude of the abbey; but it was the delicate tendrils of her sympathy and the steadfastness of her friendship that drew towards her all hearts, and molded and welded her company of followers into one of the most perfect and powerful social circles that has ever surrounded any society leader.

Many an awkward situation has been saved by feminine tact. There was the cabinet-member's wife who drank out of her finger-bowl because her guest, a senator, had done so. And the general's wife who, when a clumsy tea drinker smashed a priceless cup, picked up another of the fragile affairs and crushed it between her fingers with a "They do break easily, don't they?" And the woman who, when M. Blanc was mistaken at an English garden party for a page, replied, "Well, M.

Blanc is a page--of history."

This tact is in great measure a natural gift, but it can be cultivated, and is well worth the trouble. Nothing can be so utterly painful in society as the tactless person who is perpetually "doing those things which he ought not to have done, and leaving undone those things which he ought to have done."

The art of conversation, too, is worth cultivating. A woman, noted among her friends for her delightful letters and as delightful gifts of conversation, was asked how she managed it.

"Frankly," was the reply, "I strive for it. When I see in a book or hear anywhere a happy phrase, or a telling sentence, I make a mental note of it, and watch for an opportunity to incorporate it in my own speech or written word. I don't mean I appropriate other folks' ideas in wholesale fashion, but I do steal or utilize their knack of expression. Another point I make is never to permit myself to speak carelessly, that is, slovenly, any more than I let my hair be untidy or my gowns mud-stained. It does not seem to me frivolous or bestowing too much care on trifles to take this small pains for my betterment. I pin a flower on my dress for a bit of color, or adjust a bow where I know it is becoming; why should I not apply the decorative idea to my speech?"

Power through Repose.

Cultivate repose of manner. Be calm and restful. Do not fidget.

Command of the tongue is a valuable accomplishment to cultivate. Many a young girl is actually fidgety, because she thinks to be a success she must be "full of life" and always "on the go." She wants to be bright and vivacious. If such is her temperament and her vivaciousness comes spontaneously it is perhaps attractive, though it is very likely to get tiresome.

Nine out of ten women would be twice as attractive if they would learn to keep still and thus gain the full social value of this ability.

Especially is this true of young girls. When a young man is introduced, why plunge at him with a volley of phrases? An effect is made twice as quickly if his look is met with steady, quiet eyes, a few words spoken in a gentle, sincere voice, and a chance given him.

Presumably, he requested the introduction, and so, probably, he has something to say. Anyway, he is likely to have, if you are serene and quiet.