Social Life Part 36

[Ill.u.s.tration: ENTERTAINING THE GUESTS WITH A SONG.]

Observe scrupulous silence while others are playing and singing. If you possess any musical accomplishments, and are asked to contribute your share toward the entertainment of others, do so without waiting to be urged; or, if you decline, decline absolutely. Urging should not be resorted to by the hostess, which custom would soon cure a certain cla.s.s of performers from the disagreeable habit of holding back for repeated solicitations. If you consent to play or sing, do not weary your audience. Two or three stanzas of a song, or four or five pages from a long instrumental piece are sufficient. If more is greatly desired it will always be called for.

Remember, it is only the lady of the house who has the right to ask you to play or sing, and to all other requests give a smiling refusal.

Beware of too Much Reserve.

Remember also, that, for the time being, owing to your mutual acquaintance with the host and hostess, you stand on a perfect equality with all the guests present and should, therefore, without further preliminaries, converse freely with any.

Never commit the blunder of stealing away to a side table, and there affecting to be absorbed in some volume of engravings, or finding some unlucky acquaintance in the room, fasten upon him or her for the entire evening. These are social crimes that no shyness can or should excuse.

Where the party is a small social gathering and various parlor games are resorted to for amus.e.m.e.nt, one should always join in when asked, even while not caring so to do. Exercise skill, appear pleased, and while, perhaps, not enjoying the evening greatly one's self, there will be at least the consciousness of having contributed to the happiness of others. In reality, there is no better field for employing the Golden Rule than in the whirl of social life--no wider field for unselfishness.

A superficial knowledge of the etiquette and rules that govern the various social games of cards will be found a great advantage in society, since, if one does not dance or play cards, he will be forced to content himself with other wall-flowers like himself. A gentleman should never let even urgent solicitation induce him to play for stakes at a party. There is a code of right and wrong beside which the code of society has no weight.

Hours of Arrival and Departure.

An evening party usually begins about nine P.M. It is supposed to end about midnight unless the devotees prefer to remain later. Some, who do not care for this amus.e.m.e.nt retire immediately after supper.

When to leave at a ball is a very elastic rule which varies to suit the circ.u.mstances of the case. To leave as soon after supper as may be or to stay until the ball is actually over, are equally correct courses to follow. Half past one is a very good time to depart. Here in this busy country where the gallants of the evening will be the business men of the morrow, earlier hours are usual than among the leisure cla.s.ses of the Old World.

In retiring from a large party it is sufficient to bow politely when expressing the pleasure you have received. And if the hostess or host offer the hand, shake it cordially, but not too roughly.

An after call is required the same as after a ball or dinner party.

RECEPTIONS.

For informal receptions, invitations are most frequently written on the left hand corner of the hostess's visiting card: MRS. CHARLES GREY, Thursday, from five to eight o'clock.

At an evening reception, the lady should be dressed in handsome home toilet, and receive standing. If several ladies receive together, their cards should be enclosed with the invitation. The simplicity of the occasion leaves the hostess the more time to devote to the enjoyment of her guests. Music, both vocal and instrumental, is a great addition to an evening reception.

Refreshments are generally served informally. The table should be set tastily in the dining-room, and supplied with coffee or chocolate at one end and a tea service at the other. Besides these, daintily prepared sandwiches, buns, cakes, ices and fruits are served. If the reception is very select, and the number of guests small, a servant presents a tray with tea, sugar and cream, while another follows with the simple refreshments that should accompany it.

A wedding reception, or a very elaborate evening reception, of course admits of much more ceremony, as well as more substantial refreshments, than small entertainments.

Ladies attend evening receptions in _demi-toilette_, with or without bonnets, and gentlemen in full morning dress.

[Ill.u.s.tration: RECEPTION TO A DISTINGUISHED GUEST.]

Invitations to evening receptions, lawn or musical parties are informal, but require an answer, as it is agreeable to every hostess to know the number of her expected guests.

[Ill.u.s.tration:

_To meet their Royal Highnesses,_

_The Infantes Eulalia_

_And_

_Antoine of Spain._

_The Spanish Consul_

_And_

_Mrs. Chatfield-Taylor._

_At Home,_

_Monday, June twelfth, at nine o'clock._

_21 Pearson Street._]

If the reception is given in honor of some individual or celebrity the name of the honored guest should appear at the top of the invitation, as above _fac-simile_ of cards issued by the Spanish Consul in honor of the Infanta of Spain during the Columbian Exposition.

Evening Receptions.

Evening receptions being simpler in detail and less expensive than parties, are becoming more fashionable every year, especially among people of literary and artistic tastes.

Guests calling, meet a select circle, among whom are usually poets, artists, and persons of elegant leisure, formality is readily broken, and the occasion is always one of pleasure.

The hour for leaving a reception is varied (anywhere from eleven P.M.

to one A.M. being usual). Early hours are usual among those who have other engagements and who go on to other parties, remaining about half an hour at each one: thus, at crowded receptions the departures commence before the arrivals have ceased to be announced.

Morning Receptions or Matinees.

Of all the entertainments given during the daytime, luncheons, breakfasts, afternoon teas, kettledrums, etc., the morning reception, so-called, although it is given in the afternoon, is perhaps the most formal. Some hostesses adopt the French fashion of calling it a matinee, meaning any social gathering that is held before dinner, as any party is called in France a _soiree_.

There are many advantages in a morning party. It affords ladies who do not attend evening receptions the pleasure of meeting on a semi-formal occasion, and is also a well chosen occasion for introducing a new pianist or singer. For a busy woman of fashion a matinee, beginning at two and ending at four or half-past, which are the usual hours for these entertainments, is a most convenient time. It does not interfere with a five o'clock tea, or a drive, nor unfit her for a dinner party or evening entertainment. Convenient, however, as this hour is for ladies, it is quite the reverse for gentlemen, since the majority of them in America do not belong to the leisure cla.s.s. Hence to avoid this inequality of the s.e.xes, ladies often give these matinees on some of our national holidays.

When, as often happens, some great celebrity is to be presented to a large circle of friends, there is no more satisfactory form of entertainment to be afforded him than a morning reception. To this we may draw to meet him many men who could not be brought together at a late-hour, full-dress, evening entertainment. Authors, artists, clergymen, lawyers, statesmen, editors, doctors and capitalists, as well as cultivated society women, financiers and philosophers, can all be brought together in easy and friendly social intercourse.

But, if we hope to gather about us men of mind and distinction, we must not expect to be amused only, we must be amusing, we must offer some tempting equivalent; something that has the ring of pure gold, rather than the glamour of fashionable dress, dancing or music. So, with an Archbishop to entertain, we may hope to attract the distinguished clergy of the city; with a great author, other celebrities of the pen and pencil who will gladly come to greet him; and once drawn to a successful and brilliant a.s.sembly, they will be easily induced to return. Therefore, any lady who would make her home attractive to the best society must offer some higher stimulant than the glitter of fashion. For good society we need men and women who can talk. We need relaxation, and it is best sought in intercourse of abiding value with those whose lives differ from those of our own.

Correct Dress.

The invitations are written in the same form as those given for an evening entertainment, and although given by daylight, the rooms are frequently darkened and artificial illumination gives to the whole a festive air. The hostess may be dressed in demi-toilet, somewhat low at the throat if wished, and of the richest materials, but not in full evening dress, laces or conspicuous jewels. She may have friends to receive with her who will dress in the same demi-toilets. The guests wear reception dresses or handsome street dresses. Wraps are laid aside, but hats and gloves are kept on. Gentlemen wear full morning dress on all these occasions. Overcoats and umbrellas are left in the hall or dressing-room, but hats, if the stay is to be short, may be carried into the drawing-room.

Visitors do not usually remain more than half an hour, though, if the occasion is especially interesting, an hour or more is often spent.

Conversation is indulged in, and guests listen to music, or whatever is provided for their entertainment. At an ordinary morning reception the refreshments are light, and served the same as at an evening reception. If, however, the occasion is unusually important, the collation is more abundant, and the service more formal.

Visitors leave cards to serve instead of the after call. Those who were invited but unable to attend, call within a few days. (For general forms of invitations see Department of "Invitations.")