Social Life Part 1

Social Life.

by Maud C. Cooke.

PREFACE.

There is much truth and force in the old saying, that "Manners make the man." All persons should know how to appear to the best advantage in polite society. This very attractive volume furnishes rules of etiquette for all occasions, and is a complete guide for daily use in all matters pertaining to social intercourse.

The first department treats of Introductions and Salutations. The rules given under this head are those constantly observed in the best society. The same is equally true of all the instructions throughout the book, which is the most complete work on this subject ever issued.

The next department treats of the very important Art of Conversation.

It has been said, with truth, that "a good talker is always a social success." The reader is here taught how to converse agreeably and with ease. To be a bright, witty, interesting talker, is a most charming accomplishment. This volume is a help in this respect, the value of which cannot be overestimated.

Visiting Cards and Customs are next treated, and all the perplexing questions which they occasion are fully answered. With this very comprehensive volume at hand, no person will be guilty of blunders and humiliating mistakes.

Invitations, Formal and Informal, Acceptances and Regrets, form another topic. The work furnishes full information and is authority upon all matters of social etiquette.

All young persons, and some older ones, are deeply interested in the Etiquette of Courtship and Marriage, Weddings and Wedding Anniversaries. These subjects are treated in a manner at once practical and instructive.

The usages of the best society in giving Parties, Dinners, Teas, Receptions, Breakfasts, Luncheons, etc., are minutely described. Also, Home Etiquette and Etiquette for Children. With this volume in the home, parents can easily teach the young polite and winning manners.

Miscellaneous Entertainments form a department that is bright and sparkling. The dark side of life is not overlooked, Etiquette of Funerals forming a separate topic. How the young lady should "come out" is stated in full, with invaluable instructions to her parents and herself.

Then we come to Etiquette of Public Places, followed by that of Walking, Riding, Boating, Driving, etc. Etiquette for Bicycle Riders receives full attention. Here are Hints for Travelers, for Hostess and Guest, General Etiquette and Delsarte Discipline, Musicales, Soirees, Lawn Parties, etc. Washington Etiquette is described and all the proper t.i.tles for professional and public men are given.

The Art of Dress receives exhaustive treatment, and the rules to be observed by those who would dress tastefully are very complete. They who are well dressed have already made a favorable impression upon others. Suggestions and rules upon this subject are important to all who would shine in social life.

Letter-Writing makes constant demands upon nearly all persons, yet its difficulties are perplexing. Here are plain directions upon this subject, which should be studied and followed by all who would succeed in the great art of elegant correspondence. It is essential often to have the best Forms for Letters, happily expressed, choice in the use of words and easy and correct in grammatical construction.

Artistic Home Decorations are fully treated, showing how to have a pretty, tasteful and inviting home at least expense. This subject is receiving great attention everywhere, and this delightful volume should be in every household in the land, as it furnishes just the information needed. Fireplaces and Windows, Stairways, Woodwork, Doors, Lighting, Decorating, Furniture and Paintings, are among the topics treated in this part of the volume.

In short, this work is a treasury of rules and information on every subject of Social Etiquette, Self-Culture and Home Life.

An entirely new and very important feature is the beautiful Phototype Engravings in rich colors. The publishers consider themselves fortunate in being able to present these new and admirable embellishments, which have been p.r.o.nounced gems of art.

THE ESSENCE OF ETIQUETTE.

[Ill.u.s.tration]

The old chronicler says, "Manners maketh man." "Manners are not the character, but they are the dress of character," adds a modern writer.

Manners are not the pure gold of the mind, but they set the mint stamp upon the crude ore and fit it for circulation, and few there be who may dare to set aside their valuation. To genius only is this privilege granted, and genius is exceeding rare.

It should be remembered that more people can give the list of Dr.

Samuel Johnson's sins against good manners than can quote from his "Ra.s.selas" and "Rambler," while there will always be more who can descant upon the selfish, tyrannical ill-breeding of Thomas Carlyle than can estimate the value and immensity of his literary labors.

The essence of all etiquette will be found in that Golden Rule from Holy Writ that enjoins upon us to "do unto others as we would that they should do unto us," and whereon Lord Chesterfield based his maxim for the cultivation of manners:

"Observe carefully what pleases or displeases you in others, and be persuaded that, in general, the same things will please or displease them in you."

The social code, even in its smallest particulars, is the outgrowth of a kindly regard for the feelings of others, even in the little things of life, and a kindly sympathy for all that interests your companions.

"Be hospitable toward the ideas of others," says Dr. George Ripley.

"Some people," he a.s.serts, "only half listen to you, because they are considering, even while you speak, with what wealth of wit they will reply." Such people may be brilliant, but they can never be agreeable.

You feel that they are impatient to have their own turn come, and have none of the gentle receptiveness so pleasing to our own _ego_ that rebels against their egotism.

It is the kind and sympathetic soul that wins friends, and

"He who has a thousand friends Has not a friend to spare, But he who has an enemy Will find him everywhere."

Our first impressions of a man are impressions of his manners. We designate him from the first glimpse of his face, first sound of his voice, as an affable, agreeable and sincere individual; or as crabbed, cross-grained and suspicious in his temperament, and are attracted by, or repelled from him, according to the characteristics with which his manners have clothed him.

The Influence of Good Manners.

So potent is this power exercised over the world by the gentle sway of manners that their possession is worthy the cultivation and care we put forth for the attainment of all gracious, pleasant things, and to their possessor is given the key to which all doors open.

Emerson was one of the most acute observers of manners that culture has ever produced, and he wrote: "The longer I live the more I am impressed with the importance of manners. When we reflect upon their persuasive and cheering force, how they recommend, prepare and draw people together; when we think what keys they are, and to what secrets; what high and inspiring character they convey and what divination is required of us for the reading of this fine telegraphy, we see what range the subject has."

Manners, with some, are the gracious legacy of inheritance, education, and environment; with others they are the growth of the careful cultivation of years, and carry with them the calm self-poise of the man who has conquered circ.u.mstances and established his own position.

In such as these there inheres a certain power that impresses itself upon all who come in contact with its influence.

The self-possession and certainty stamped upon the face of a man who inherited, or won for himself, the sure and perfect armor of good-breeding, is but the outer stamp of the man himself.

Manners are profitable as well as pleasant. They carry with them a measureless weight of influence. A gentleman once brought into his library a costly subscription book. "My dear," said his wife, "you already had a copy of that work." "I knew I did," he replied, "but the manners of the lad who sold it were so elegant that it was a pleasure to purchase it."

The charm of good manners is not a qualification belonging to any particular station in life, for, to the poor and unlettered oftimes may be traced deeds and actions that mark them as nature's n.o.blemen.

Education, wealth and social station do not always confer them, but the outer grace may be acquired by all.

In this way it has come to be known that a refinement of laws in any country indicates that a gradual refinement of manners has led up towards, and finally crystallized into a refinement of the hearts and the laws of the people.

The Marks of True Politeness.

True politeness is always known by its lack of a.s.sumption. President Tyler, in advising his daughter-in-law previous to her taking her position as lady of the White House, used these noteworthy words: "It is, I trust, scarcely necessary to say that, as upon you will devolve the duty of presiding at the White House, you should be equal and untiring in your affabilities to all. You should remember that nothing shows a little soul so much as the exhibition of airs or a.s.sumptions under any circ.u.mstances."

The minor observances have much to do with the polishing and perfecting of the manners of men. These little things that mark one as being "to the manor born" are not the growth of moments but the slow accretions of years; neither can their use be dropped in the privacy of home to be a.s.sumed at pleasure for the outside world to admire, else they will fit but illy, as borrowed plumes are wont to do.

The best-intentioned and best-hearted people that the world has ever known are too often careless in the slight observances that mean so much to the cultivated. Th.o.r.eau says, "I could better eat with one who did not respect the truth or the laws than with a sloven and unpresentable person. Moral qualities rule the world, but at short range the senses are despotic."

"The code of society is just a little stronger with some individuals than the code of Sinai, and many a man who would not scruple to put his fingers in your pocket, would forego peas rather than use his knife as a shovel."

The Great Value of Courtesy.