Snapdragon: Tiny Threads Part 5

November, 1991 "Baby, you have to breathe," Royal said, brushing the hair off my face. "Deep breaths, remember. Just relax, you have to relax."

The pain started that morning. Unrelenting, bone-breaking pains. I wasn't ready. I was terrified of giving birth. I thought I was prepared, but once the pain started, I didn't feel strong enough.

"I'm trying, dammit!" Just then, a wave of pain shot through me, and I hunched over with my arms around my belly. I was sure it wasn't supposed to feel like that. There had to be something was wrong. "Where the h.e.l.l is my dad? We can't wait, Royal. Take me to the hospital now!"

He was on his feet and running down the stairs to get my mom before I finished the sentence. His face was full of fear and the unknown. I heard two sets of footsteps running up the stairs and seconds later saw the horrified look on my mom's face. I knew she could see something wasn't right.

"Royal, call 911. I don't want to try to get her downstairs alone. Joe is nearly an hour away. We can't wait. I thought we had more time."

She stayed with me while Royal called 911. His voice shook, and his eyes were full of agony, but they never left mine. We both knew something was wrong, but neither of us could say it out loud. I could see it all over his face. He was terrified.

Minutes after he hung up, I heard the sirens coming down the street. My mom scampered around the room gathering my bags and things I'd need in the hospital, while Royal wrapped my robe around my shoulders.

The pain was so intense I was numb. Everything was a blur as we made our way toward the hospital. Sometime between my parent's house and the hospital, everything went black.

Two days later, I was still in the hospital recovering after giving birth to our son. Two days of mourning the baby I'd never again get to hold in my arms. Two days earlier, we'd set up a tiny nursery in the corner of our room at my parents' house.

I could picture every inch of the room as I lay there: the changing table against the wall stocked full of disposable diapers, rash creams, and wipes. The stack of soft cotton outfits folded and settled inside a drawer in my dresser, and the colorful blankets that sat on top. Every minute I spent shopping for exactly the right print, the perfect color, the cutest outfit. Every second I spent choosing the right things to eat, drink, vitamins to take. Hours and hours spent thinking about what to name him, and the day we decided on Theodore. Teddy, for short.

I couldn't fathom going back to that house just to see it suspended in time, waiting for a baby that would never come home.

Royal, with the help of my parents and his mother, planned and attended Teddy's small funeral. I couldn't get out of bed. Royal took the brunt, and in a lot of ways, I felt like he resented me for it. I escaped-hid in my bed in denial and cried. He had to be the strong one for both of us. I failed my son twice-before coming into the world and again after. But Royal stayed calm. He let me grieve, he moved us along, and with his unwavering love, he pulled me out of the worst moment of my life.

It was a rare occasion when I'd hear Royal talk about Teddy. It was always brief and would leave him despondent and unhappy for days. I tried to be sensitive to his pain. There were several gentle reminders throughout the house, but I also didn't shove the pain in his face. I knew that he loved his son more than anything; it was just too painful for him to remember.

The next morning, I woke up with a renewed outlook. Fighting would get us nowhere. We were going at each other constantly, and I knew it was mostly due to frustration on both sides. There had to be a way to chip away at the walls he'd built up, but b.i.t.c.hing at him wasn't the way to do it.

I was still dumbfounded by his weird behavior. The ups and downs left me dizzy. He'd always been a stubborn man, so I had to go into it with a strategy or he'd just continue fighting me tooth and nail.

Sunday's were a busy day for me, so I snuck out of bed early, showered quickly, and got ready for my day.

I always opened Sunday, but I never left without fixing breakfast for everyone before I left. Royal wasn't real big on cooking, and since he seldom had a hot breakfast during the week, the weekends were it.

Once I had the eggs and potatoes done, I started coffee and went back upstairs to finish getting ready to go.

When I got to our room, Royal was just waking up, stretching his arms over his head.

"Morning," he mumbled.

I looked him over and sighed. Not once in the more than twenty years we'd been together had I ever lost the l.u.s.tful draw to him. He was a gorgeous man. Rugged, strong, and cla.s.sically handsome. His broad shoulders, thick, muscular arms, defined chest, and impeccable a.s.s were drawn straight from sin. Even though his age was beginning to show, it only made him more attractive.

There were more creases and lines on his face, his hair salt and pepper, and he didn't have the slim, six-pack abs he'd had when we met, but none of that took one thing away from him. Instead, he was more handsome, seemed more manly and distinguished to me, like he'd lived a life full of happiness and laughter to cause those lines.

Sadly, I wasn't fairing as well. My b.o.o.bs, the skin under my arms, and my b.u.t.t were all heading south. When I looked in the mirror, I didn't think I was ugly, but I was falling apart, and it wasn't easy to accept.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked in an amused tone.

"I think I want a b.o.o.b job," I blurted out.

"What?" he laughed. "Where the h.e.l.l did that come from? You've got a great rack." He crossed his arms over his chest and gave me a s.e.xy, sideways smile.

I just shrugged.

"Seriously, Jenna. Who's been putting things in your head? Abbie?"

I shook my head and sat on the edge of the bed. "No. I was just thinking out loud. Don't mind me. I'm just being weird." I shook it off and gave him an awkward smile.

He didn't say anything in reply, so I decided to get out of there before something else happened. I had a full schedule of clients at the salon, and I didn't need to be upset all day.

"I'm heading out. I put breakfast in the oven and coffee should be done. I'll be home around six." I pushed off the bed, leaned over to give him a quick kiss which he thankfully returned, and headed off to work.

My day was long but steady. At least work allowed me to clear my head a little. I'd worked there for over ten years and one of the best parts of my job was getting lost in my own little world. Most of my clients were little old ladies coming in for wash and sets and perms, but occasionally, I'd get to do something creative.

One of those times, unfortunately, was my least favorite client. She was always my last appointment on the fourth Sunday of the month. Like freaking clockwork.

Not only was she a b.i.t.c.h, but she happened to have been a good friend of Lana's back in the day.

Thankfully, she didn't say a word about Lana, and I knew if she had seen her already I would've had an earful. I was just glad she came and went without that wh.o.r.e's name coming up.

I'd long given up worrying about Lana, but was I happy she was back in town? h.e.l.l no. And there was no possible way in h.e.l.l I was befriending her. Screw that. She was ugly, inside and out, and that was never happening. Ever.

Chapter 5.

"Macy, can you get Benji's jacket on your way out? I have to grab the cake, and Laney and Skylar are already loading the truck with the rest of the food," I yelled up the stairs to my daughter.

Her thundering footsteps came running down the stairs, and then she grabbed her brother's jacket and thrust it in my arms. "I'm not going. This is so lame!" she whined.

I gave her a frustrated sigh and tucked the jacket under my arm. "You're going. We talked about this. This is a special occasion, Macy. You don't get to use your get out of jail free cards on family celebrations."

She rolled her eyes and huffed. "But Daddy does? Where's he?"

I tensed and gave her a warning look. "He's coming. He's picking up some tarps for the backyard from the work site. Calm down."

"Whatever. Fine. How boring! Sitting around with a bunch of old people and little babies. Lucky me."

Her sarcasm came through loud and clear. I laughed, but honestly, I think I was just delirious at that point. Getting out of the house with my sanity had become an impossible ch.o.r.e with those kids.

"It won't be all old people and little kids. You'll have your sisters, and Aubrey and Lily will be there. You love Lily."

"I do love her, and she's super cute, but if she wants to play hair again today, I'm walking home. Remember the chunk of hair she ripped out the last time I babysat?"

"Hey, I offered you the job at the salon, and you wanted to babysit instead. Quit your b.i.t.c.hing and get ready to go."

"Oh yeah, lots of fun!" she mumbled sarcastically. "Spend all afternoon with my mom bossing me around and then come home and get bossed around for the rest of the night. Nah, I'm straight."

"As fun as it is arguing with you," I told her, giving her the death stare. "I need to get this cake wrapped up and get to the house before Tara gets there. Go get your brother ready and strapped into his car seat."

She turned and flung herself out of the room, and I started shoving serving utensils into a bag, shaking my head the whole time. Macy could argue until the cows came home. Sometimes it was too much. Especially when I was running late and out of steam. She was giving me gray hairs, and that was enough to send my mood into full blown s.h.i.tsville.

The impulse to buy my mom a bottle of wine was strong. Maybe Scotch, something strong.

Lord knows I put her through enough when I was growing up, but having my house full of hormonal teenagers, I appreciated her even more. I didn't remember being as snippy as my girls were, but I was a teenager so I probably didn't pay attention.

She was patient and understanding. I tried to be fair and understanding with my girls, but I had a short temper-something I inherited from my dad. Royal was the softy. I was the disciplinarian, and it sucked.

Finally, I had the dog fed, a triple layer coconut cake, four salads, five pounds of marinated chicken to be grilled, four bodies in the truck strapped in and ready to go, and we were finally on our way.

I got to the house and smiled when I heard the music from inside. Abbie was so excited about the party. I think she was just glad Tara was turning forty before her.

When we got to the house, I was stunned at how amazing it looked. Abbie was the creative one, so I was glad she called dibs on decorations. Crepe paper streamed from every doorway, balloons bobbed from the backs of the chairs, and the flowers she chose were placed strategically around the house.

"It looks great, Abbie," I told her as I placed the cake on the counter.

She wiped her hands on her ap.r.o.n and smiled. "Not bad, right? I should've borrowed the girls to help. I'm getting too old for this s.h.i.t," she laughed.

Macy walked in behind me and put the two bowls of salad in the fridge. "You could have asked me, Aunt Abbie. I was bored all day."

The girls absolutely loved Abbie. I think it was because she was a perpetual teenager, and she let them borrow her clothes. She and Macy were close, mostly because they were so much alike. They were outgoing and beautiful and tough as nails. They related on a much deeper level, almost like sisters.

Abbie smiled and patted Macy on the b.u.t.t. "I know you would've, Mace. I thought it'd be easy enough, but I'm beat. Those d.a.m.n balloons were h.e.l.l. I think I blew my brains out!"

I shook my head at her. "Abbie, have you learned nothing over the years? Rent one of those d.a.m.n helium tanks. It's so worth the money."

She scoffed. "Please. I already went through my paycheck on this m.o.f.o. I should've just called your hubby-he's full of hot air, and he would've been perfect."

"Ah, don't be mean to Daddy," Macy scolded. "He's not here to protect himself."

"Yeah, where the h.e.l.l is he anyway? He was supposed to be here a half hour ago with my chairs and the canopies. I called him, but he didn't answer."

I shrugged my shoulders and tried to control the urge to spew verbal insults. He'd been a d.i.c.k all morning. He left me a note, letting me know he was getting the canopies and would meet me at the party, but that was it. I hadn't had a chance to tell Tara and Abbie about what had been going on, and with my daughter in the room, I kept my mouth shut.

"He left me a note. I don't know where he is. Macy, can you text him and tell him to hurry? I'll go get the rest of the food out of the truck." I asked her.

"Sure, Mom."

Abbie followed me out to the car, and I could feel the questions brewing in her brain. It was how we worked. She always knew when something was up. I never hid anything from her, but for some reason, it was hard to talk about Royal and me. I couldn't do it.

"That dress is fantastic. I told you it was great," she said.

I looked down at the simple sundress and smiled. She talked me into buying it weeks ago, but I kept the tags on because I wasn't sure about it. "Thanks. It's super comfortable. I'm glad the weather held up for the party so I could wear it."

She huffed and grabbed my arm to stop me. Enough small talk. Spill. Royal's leaving you notes? What's going on?"

And there it was. She wouldn't let up until I told her everything.

"We had a huge fight. Things have been a little... difficult for a while now, and the other night I snapped on him."

"What'd he do this time?" she said with a smirk.

"He came home from work and told me he ran into Lana Adams."

Her mouth fell open in shock. "Shut the front door! Lana... like, thee Lana? What's she doing back? I thought she married some movie producer in L.A.?"

"I didn't ask, and I don't care. What p.i.s.sed me off was his att.i.tude. He's barely said five words to me for weeks and then comes home with this news like he won the d.a.m.n lottery! How was I supposed to react? Be glad? Screw that. I hate her. She made my life h.e.l.l while we were dating, and I'd never been happier to see someone disappear from my life. But now here she is, and apparently, it's the best news he's had in years. a.s.shole!" I growled before plopping down on the b.u.mper of the truck.

Her expression changed again, and I saw the hurt in her eyes. "Why didn't you tell me you two were fighting? He hasn't said a word at work, either. d.a.m.n, Jenna."

I smiled sadly and shook my head. "I don't know what to do. I'm so angry, and he doesn't understand why. How can he be so clueless? He should've known it would hurt me. It's like he didn't even care."

She let out a haughty laugh and shook her head in disbelief. "Freaking Grainger men and their s.h.i.tty att.i.tudes. They both have steel rods up their a.s.ses and s.h.i.t for brains. Don't even get me started."

Abbie had a lot of opinions about my husband and his brother. Glenn was already on her s.h.i.t list, and had been since he broke up with Tara. She worked for Royal, so she had her own issues with him. They were more like brother and sister, but she was also my oldest and best friend, which meant if he p.i.s.sed me off, she was p.i.s.sed, too.

We'd been a tight-knit group for as long as I could remember. When Tara fell for Glenn after I started dating Royal, the bond was set. However, Abbie wasn't his biggest fan from the get-go. She'd taken to Royal right away, but she never truly trusted Glenn. She was protective, overly so. When Tara and Glenn fell apart, he went right back to the top off her list.

I was glad I'd never held a spot on that list. She was little, but she was scary as heck.

I placed my hand on Abbie's knee and squeezed. "It'll be okay, but I promise to talk to you if I need to. Not today, though. Let's just have a good time for Tara. This is her night." I smiled, pushed myself off the b.u.mper, and grabbed the rest of the things from inside.

"I brought my blender, so it'll be a good night. Let the margaritas be our salvation," she laughed.

"Always," I agreed.

Tara pulled into the driveway forty-five minutes later, and Royal still hadn't arrived. I was p.i.s.sed. Livid. I'd called to ask where he was, and he'd said he was on his way and hung up abruptly.

It wasn't like him to screw Tara over, especially on her birthday. The phone call left me tense, and I just hoped Tara wouldn't feel it.

The surprise went off without a hitch, and Tara was so excited about the party. It was just what she needed to get her mind off things and celebrate.

We went ahead and started the grill since we had no idea where Royal was or when he'd get there. Thankfully Abbie kept Tara's gla.s.s full of strawberry margaritas, and Skylar, Macy, and Delaney kept the kids busy.

I did catch Tara and Abbie sharing looks out of the corner of their eyes and knew it was time to completely come clean and give them the whole story so they'd stop worrying. Tara's birthday party was hardly the place to drop that kind of drama, though.