Snapdragon: Tiny Threads Part 4

He turned to leave the room, and I slammed my palm against the counter. "Not with me, though. Right?" I said under my breath.

He heard me loud and clear, though. He turned quickly and stalked toward me. Without a word, he grabbed my arm and dragged me up the stairs to our room. I wasn't sure if I was turned on or frightened. He'd been drinking, so I didn't know what the h.e.l.l he was thinking. He was angry, that was obvious, but something in the way he looked at me made me melt.

He pushed through the door and crossed the room quickly, kicking the door shut before turning and throwing me on the bed. "Get ready for bed, Jenna." He slid his pants down his legs and removed his shirt, tossing it into the corner on the floor.

He walked toward the bathroom without another word, and I stared at his back, confused. A few minutes after he shut the door, I heard the shower start and jumped off the bed with a huff. I pulled on some pajamas and climbed into bed, not sure if he planned on joining me or not, but hoping he would. Going to bed separately after an argument was a bad idea, so I figured I'd try to entice him a bit.

It was a little desperate, and maybe manipulative, but it couldn't hurt. I went back to the dresser and pulled out one of the outfits I'd purchased before our trip. I needed something to give me a little confidence.

I wanted to deflate the situation, and maybe something good would come out of it after all.

I got back into bed and the bathroom door flew open moments later, and Royal climbed into bed behind me. He was quiet and moved very little-it was unnerving. I turned over to see if he'd fallen asleep and found him turned, facing me.

He reached over wordlessly and brushed a strand of hair out of my face. His hand lingered, and he dragged his knuckles over my cheek. The intensity in his eyes made it seem like all the air had been sucked out of the room. He hadn't looked at me that way in years, and my poor heart just couldn't take it. Without warning, my eyes flooded, and a broken sob escaped my chest. Royal pulled me against him, ducking and holding my head with his large hand.

It was liberating to let it go, to cry and sob and relieve myself of the stress that coiled up in my stomach for so long. Being wrapped up in his arms was everything I wanted and for once, it didn't feel forced. It was real, genuine, and exactly what I needed. The distance and stress was just too much to bear, especially when I didn't have his arms to escape to.

It made me feel lost-invisible.

When I felt his breath wash over me, his hands on my skin, and his voice in my ear, everything was right. I was safe, loved, and secure. Everything that frightened or worried me disappeared. I wasn't sure why he couldn't grasp just how much I needed him.

"Go to sleep, Jenna," he said quietly.

"I'm not tired. I want to talk."

His lips on my neck were warm and tender but distracting. He reached over, pulling my leg over his hip and bucked himself against me roughly. I could feel his erection and my head fell back against the pillow as he started to grind against me. It was the smell of the beer on his breath that stopped me from enjoying his affection.

Was that what it was all about? He was drunk and h.o.r.n.y?

h.e.l.l no.

"Royal, stop."

"Mmmm," he hummed as his fingers trailed down my hip and dipped down between my legs.

I pushed on his chest, angry and confused. Didn't he realize I was upset? Was he so drunk he couldn't determine that I obviously wasn't in the mood for s.e.x anymore? I was enraged and disgusted.

"f.u.c.king stop! You're drunk! I can't go through this again." I heard my voice crack and cursed myself for being such an emotional invalid.

He pulled away from me, his eyes dark and angry. "f.u.c.k you, Jenna."

I gasped, shocked by his hateful words. "How dare you! I want to talk, Royal, but I'll wait until you're sober. Just go to sleep."

Without another word, he did. The tenderness was gone, and in its place, coldness and silence wrapped around me while I tried to sleep.

Chapter 4.

"I'm going down to see my parents today. Wanna come?"

I looked over at Royal, hopeful that he'd come along. My parents had a way of making everyone comfortable and happy. I'd be good for all of us to relax a little and let go of some of the tension. You couldn't help but feel warm and happy around them. They were just goofy enough to blow away the worst kind of anxiety.

"No," he said, not looking at me. "I promised my mom I'd build some planter boxes for her garden today. I'll take Benji with me."

"That's fine," I said. "We'll probably be there most of the day. We'll meet you at your mom's for dinner, though."

"Sounds good." He grabbed his coffee off the counter without another glance in my direction, not that I expected anything more out of him at that point.

I'd tried and tried to open up communication, but he was being a d.i.c.k. Not only that, I was still highly p.i.s.sed off about Lana. Changes had to be made, but every time I tried to sit down and have a real conversation, he put me off. One step forward, two steps back.

He turned before walking out of the room. "See you tonight."

I sighed, watched him walk out of the room, and shook my head. Frustrated didn't even begin to describe how I felt anymore.

An hour later we pulled up in front of the house and my mom was waiting on the front porch on her swing. As soon as she saw us she threw her book aside, smiled widely, and jogged down the steps to greet us.

She just couldn't wait.

"There's my girls!" She gushed like she hadn't seen us in years. It didn't matter if it'd been a week or a month; she was always just as excited.

"Hi, Nana," the girls chimed in unison.

She kissed us all on the cheek and rushed us inside. "Your gramps is going to be so excited that you're here! Are you staying for dinner? I could throw something together."

I looped my arm with hers and laid my head on her shoulder. I loved my mom so much. The woman was too sweet for her own good. "Sorry, Mama. We've got dinner at Sarah's tonight." I barely suppressed the urge to roll my eyes.

"Oh, I see. So, what are you making?" She giggled and gave me a little hip b.u.mp. My mom was a smart lady.

"She's cooking. I'm not sure what, but she insisted she wanted to do it this time."

"Well, that sounds very nice. However, I'd really like it if we could do dinner here next weekend."

I gave her a sad smile. "Sorry, Mama. It's Tara's birthday. Maybe the weekend after?"

She held the door open for me and shook her head. "Guess I'll take whatever I can get."

She was kidding; she never got mad. It still made me feel guilty. "I promise the weekend after, and maybe we'll make it a weekend-the boys can go fishing, and we can take the girls shopping. That'd be nice."

The screen slapped closed behind us, and my father called out from the living room. "Who's going fishin'? Roy come with you?"

He sat in his regular spot in front of the television, newspaper across his lap and TV table loaded with beer, the remote, his pipe, and his jar of peanuts. The living room was his planet. If he was home from work and not out fishing, he was sitting in his chair watching TV.

"Hi, Daddy."

I moved through the house and gave him a big kiss on the cheek and then patted the bald spot in the middle of his skull.

He lowered his gla.s.ses and smiled up at me. "So? You bring Roy along? Where's my little pal? I didn't hear him."

I gave him a small pout and shook my head. "Sorry, Dad. They're at Sarah's today. She needed some work done around the house. You're stuck with me and the girls instead. I was making plans with mom for a couple weeks from now. Are you going to be around then?"

I almost laughed at the disappointment in his face. "Well, guess that's okay. That woman doesn't have anybody but Roy to help her. Yeah. I should be around." He went back to his newspaper, and I took that as my cue to leave the room.

The rest of the day was spent with my mom working with Laney on the costume she needed for school. I was worthless with a sewing needle, but my mom was an expert. I made lunch while they worked, and then the other girls and I spent some time in the garden, pinching off dead roses and pulling some weeds. Mom had arthritis in her knees, so she had a hard time dealing with the garden most of the time, but it was a beautiful garden. Exceptional. My love of gardening and flowers came from working in that same yard with her, and the girls enjoyed it just as much.

Too soon, we were back on the road and on our way over to Sarah's. I was tired. I hadn't been sleeping well and after working in the sun all day and the drive there and back, I would have rather gone home and soaked in a bath. But this was tradition, and with all things considered, I guess it was necessary to keep things the way they'd always been. At least for the kids.

I couldn't help but think about my mom as I drove. I'd caught her several times, looking at me like she had something to say, and then she'd shake her head and look away. She knew something was up. I was just glad she held her tongue in front of the girls. I wish I would've just stayed for dinner instead of going to Royal's mother's house. She drove me up the d.a.m.n wall, for one, and for another, I felt like the monkey on my back was clawing me b.l.o.o.d.y. I had to get it off my chest.

After a painful dinner with Sarah and her pa.s.sive-aggressive c.r.a.p, I'd officially had it. I'd been running on fumes as it was, and she always wore me out with her nitpicking.

Benji fell asleep, so we decided to leave him for the night. He slept over with Sarah regularly, and honestly, I was ready for the break. I carried him upstairs and got him tucked in before I left.

When I got back downstairs, Royal and the girls had already gone home. I didn't mind driving home alone. It'd give me a little while to unwind and relax.

I was relieved to find the house dark when I pulled up. Royal left the porch light on for me, but it looked like they'd already gone to bed. I wasn't surprised. The girls were nodding off at Sarah's.

Once inside, I set the alarm and went to the laundry room to start my first load. The girls usually took turns helping with the laundry, but they'd been so busy with school and events, things had started piling up. With four kids that tended to happen. I'd let it pa.s.s during the school year. I'd rather have them concentrate on studies and being kids. But come summer, I was going to take advantage of them being home.

I started with a batch of Royal's socks because they took the longest. His feet smelled like rotten hamburger, and his socks were so putrid I almost couldn't stand them. I loved the man, but those feet of his could knock a grizzly on its a.s.s. Gingerly, I tossed them in the tub, threw in some soap and baking soda and stated a soak cycle before going to bed.

Usually, I'd try to get more done, especially on Sundays, but I was too tired to get anything else done.

I crept up the stairs, careful not to wake anyone, but was surprised to find Royal in his office. I stopped in the doorway, leaned against the door jamb unseen and watched as he smiled and tapped away at the keyboard. The lights were off, but the glow from the monitor lit up his face.

I stood in the doorway, unseen and watched as he smiled and tapped away at the keyboard. The light was off, but the glow of the monitor lit up his face.

"What has you so tickled?" I asked, stepping into the room.

He lifted his head and his smile fell. I stopped mid-step and crossed my arms over my chest. It felt like I'd been slapped in the face. I hadn't meant to intrude on him, but I couldn't help but wonder what had him smiling that way. He was never on the computer unless he had work to do and never on the weekends. I just found it odd.

"Nothing. Glenn sent me this email."

He clicked the mouse a few times and then turned off the monitor before spinning in the chair to face me. "Some stupid video."

He seemed perturbed with me, so I gave him a tight smile before turning slightly to walk out. "I didn't want to disturb you or anything. I'll leave you alone. I'm just going to get ready for bed. Good night."

Screw that. He didn't want to talk to me, obviously, but I couldn't help but feel like he was hiding something. The whole thing was strange.

"I'm coming. I was just waiting for you."

"Whatever." I turned without another word and went to our room. I had nothing left for the night, and a fight would send me straight over the edge.

He was right behind me as I entered the room, and when he shut and locked the door behind us, I had to control the urge to roll my eyes.

That was one of his tells, the hint that he was in the mood. That made my head spin even more. His abrupt, a.s.shole reaction to me coming into his office was not a signal that we were heading in that direction.

I ignored it and him. Instead of dealing with his up and down crazy behavior, I grabbed a tank top and a pair of sleep shorts from the dresser. I could hear him taking off his clothes behind me, but he didn't make a move thankfully.

He climbed in bed, and I peeked over at him. He'd just pulled the sheet over his legs and caught my eye.

"Are you coming?" His voice was slightly teasing, but it put me off.

"Yeah, just give me a sec."

As fast as I could, I shed the rest of my clothes and slid into my pajamas. He was watching me-I could feel it. For once, I didn't want him to. I wanted to crawl in a hole and disappear.

I climbed in next to him, turned off the light, and snuggled into the mattress like it was heaven. My body ached and my brain hurt. I just wanted sleep. A lot of it.

I felt his touch on my shoulder and sighed. He wasn't going to let me sleep, but there was no way I was going down that road. s.e.x was so not on the table. I could barely keep my eyes open.

I turned over and faced him and found him staring at me with the strangest look on his face. It woke me right up.

"What's going on, Royal?" I tried desperately to keep my voice from shaking but failed horribly. I could feel my chin quiver-something that always happened when I was ready to cry.

"I'm just f.u.c.king tired. Don't worry about it. I'm fine. It's all good." He gave me a weak smile that I didn't buy at all.

"I don't understand why you can't tell me what's going on with you. Is it me? Did I do something? Work? Is it work?"

He huffed loudly and fell onto his back, his arm going over his face and covering his eyes. "f.u.c.k, Jenna. I just said everything's fine. Maybe if you'd stop nagging me for five minutes, you'd hear what I'm saying. I just have some s.h.i.t on my mind. If something was wrong, I'd say so."

I couldn't believe he was being such an a.s.shole. I only wanted to help. He had been the one flipping back and forth all night. Hot one second, cold the next. s.e.x on the brain to leave me the f.u.c.k alone. My nerves couldn't take it.

Was I concerned? Absolutely. We'd always been a team-one unit. Always had been. The distance was killing me, and his mood swings were so confusing I had whiplash.

I hated seeing him upset, but G.o.d, I was so tired.

"Whatever. I'm sick of fighting about it. I'm tired. I have to work tomorrow, and then I'm stopping at the cemetery." As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I felt his body tense up.

The cemetery was always a sore subject, and maybe somewhere in my subconscious I wanted to hit him in the gut the way he'd been hitting me for weeks.

"Why even bring it up, Jenna? I know you go every Sunday. Every Sunday I tell you the same thing. I'm not going with you."

His att.i.tude towards Teddy was hurtful. I never understood how he could be so callous and cold about it.

"I didn't ask you. Make sure you let the dog out before you go to sleep. Good night."

I turned over and let silent tears fall down my face while I thought about our little angel.