Slow Burn Part 46

Dean turned Kara down. Then...what? He changed his mind? Or maybe she has something on him? Distractedly, I thank Dani for apology. She seems relieved. We're never going to be friends, but I'm glad she wanted to clear the air. It doesn't make me feel any better, but it does give me some things to think about.

My talk with Dani has me reevaluating my relationship with Johnny, and my relationship with Dean. I don't want to compare the two, but I can't help it. And I did fall for both of them, but now I realize that I care deeply for one-and I'm in love with the other. They both turned me inside out, they both betrayed me. I was expecting one, but not the other. Finding out Johnny had cheated on me was a terrible blow. But it didn't make my world fall on its a.s.s. Maybe because I always expected to get burned by him. With Dean...I told him things that I've never shared with anyone other than Heather, and I felt completely safe in doing so. Dean never seemed to judge. Johnny wouldn't have, either-I know that. I don't know why I always held a part of myself back with him. I guess I was afraid of getting hurt. But it happened anyway, didn't it? I never trusted Johnny-but I trusted Dean from the start.

d.a.m.n it, I still trust him! He would never hurt me, and he would never be anyone's puppet. I don't care what Kara said, or her stupid pictures. I, of all people, should know that sometimes pictures don't tell the whole truth. Maybe those pics were old, or it was all a set-up. Something!

G.o.d, I wish Dean would talk to me.

Chapter 49.

Nick catches me before Government. He looks uneasy, so when he asks if we can talk, I almost want to say no. I don't need any more revelations. Weirdly, I have this thought in my head that if our genders were reversed, he'd be telling me he found out he was pregnant, and that the baby was mine. Except he'd be pretty far along by now-almost four months, by my calculation. I did know a girl whose mother didn't know she was pregnant until she was almost seven months along. I guess baby movements can also be mistaken for gas? That's a scary thought.

Anyway, Nick is talking to me.

"You heard about that thing with Larrabee, right?" Nick asks in a low voice, pulling me to the side in the hallway.

"Yeah, who hasn't?" I hug my books to my chest, and smile at Sara who gives us a curious look before she walks into cla.s.s.

He nods, looking grim. "Well, Liddell's been working with the cops, right, and all the football players have to give their alibis for that night. We're all sticking together-no one's going to rat on the others, but a lot is at stake here."

"I know." I bite my lip nervously. "Dean's not really talking to me right now, but...I guess you know he was with me on Sat.u.r.day?"

"Yeah, that's what I wanted to talk to you about." Nick leans against the wall, and runs his hand through his hair nervously. "Listen-he'll kill me if he finds out I'm telling you this, but his a.s.s is on the line right now."

"What do you mean?" I ask sharply. "If he needs an alibi, I'll back him up. I'll talk to Aunt Jo-I mean Princ.i.p.al Liddell."

"Actually, Dean already talked to her. He said he was at home that night. Which would have been fine." Nick sighs, shaking his head. "But then dumba.s.s Ryan-who knew you guys were together, and knew Dean didn't want you involved-decided to go to Liddell and say that Dean was with him and Grayson all night on a camping trip. So, now, Liddell knows Dean was lying."

"Oh, G.o.d." The back of my head hits the wall. "Ryan's such an idiot!"

"Yeah," Nick agrees emphatically. "Dean's in a s.h.i.tload of trouble 'cause he won't say where he really was. Liddell knows he wasn't at Larrabee that night, but she's using this to get him to roll over on the other guys. He won't give them up, but he won't say where he was, either. He's about to lose everything, Juliet."

I close my eyes, fighting back a wave of emotions. "Why doesn't he just tell her the truth?"

"He's trying to protect you."

My eyes pop back open. "I doubt that," I say, my words laced with bitterness.

Nick stares at the ground for a moment, deliberating. When he finally looks up, his hazel eyes are full of worry. "Look-I'm not supposed to say anything...there's a lot of s.h.i.t going on right now, and I don't blame you for being p.i.s.sed. But this isn't right. He's gonna go down for this. I just thought you should know."

I nod in acknowledgement. "Thanks, Nick." When he smiles cautiously, I reach out to pat his arm. "You're a good guy."

He laughs deprecatingly. "I'm trying."

He goes into cla.s.s, and I start running down the hall.

Man, I'm missing a lot of cla.s.ses lately.

"You know I have to tell your parents about this."

I meet Aunt Jo's dragon eyes with an effort. "I know."

Behind her ma.s.sive walnut desk, she shakes her head at me. "I don't understand, Juliet. I thought you were dating Johnny Parker?"

I rub the back of my head, considering my responses. I decide to go for the simplest one: "I get around."

That earns me a disgusted tsk. I almost want to remind her that she was the one who suggested I dump Johnny for Dean my first day at Leclare. But she makes it clear that dating him is perfectly acceptable-having s.e.x with him is not.

"Your grandmother will be so disappointed," Aunt Jo continues. "She expected you to conduct yourself with the highest of morals, and to have respect for yourself. You realize your behavior reflects on her, as she is the one covering your tuition..."

Oh, please. Grandma Deems has been married, like, fifty time-once to a guy half her age. And she's worried about my conduct? I slept with one guy on a boat, not a boatful of guys. Does it make it more cla.s.sy if it's on a yacht?

I can feel my eyes getting gla.s.sy. Why is Aunt Jo lecturing me about Africanized bees? I must've missed a whole section zoning out.

"-may reconsider her decision to cover your college tuition as well," she says, her brows lowering heavily over her eyes.

"I know," I say, and stifle a sigh.

"I just want you to be certain of the consequences before you go on record," Aunt Jo tells me, her expression grave. "Is this your official statement, Juliet?"

"Thank you, Aunt Jo," I say, acknowledging her implied offer to recant. "What I just told you is the truth."

Aunt Jo nods once. "Alright, then. Thank you for coming by. I'll let you know if we need anything further."

I haul myself out of the chair on shaky limbs. I feel like I need to lie down, or get some air. I definitely need fresh air. I make it to the door when Aunt Jo calls my name. When I look back at her, I'm surprised to see that her expression is considerably softer, making her look years younger.

"You must love him to come forward about this," she says with a strange, wistful smile.

My own is forced, and somewhat grim. "It's the right thing to do."

I'm in the middle of yet another surprise quiz in Calc when I hear Dean being summoned to the office over the intercom. My pulse gallops out of control, and my concentration is suddenly shot. I stare blankly at my quiz, unseeing. What is he thinking right now? Will he be p.i.s.sed when he finds out what I've done? Well, that's just too d.a.m.n bad. d.a.m.n it, I'm never going to figure out the area between the curves now...y equals whaaat?

I am going to fail this quiz.

"So how was your date with Bobo?"

Tanya sighs, leaning against the locker next to mine. "It was exceptional," she says dreamily. "I may be in love."

"Congratulations. Where did he take you?" Grimacing, I pull Tanya's errant curls out of my locker before I shut the door. I swear one bites me.

She doesn't even notice. Her eyes are sparkling as she recounts every minute detail of her time with Bobo-including what they both wore, and everything they ordered for dinner. I've never heard of chocolate lasagna before, but it sounds weirdly delicious.

I am highly entertained by Tanya's enthusiasm-even smiling genuinely, for the first time in days. Then I spot Dean through the crowded hall, and everything else fades away.

He's walking in my direction, standing out from everyone else as much for his looks as his height and build. My heart aches at the sight of him. He's so d.a.m.n beautiful, despite his grim expression. Our eyes meet fleetingly, joining for one intense moment before breaking away. My mouth trembles, but I quickly firm it, compressing my lips into a thin line.

As he approaches, I have to look away. I can't watch him walk past me like I don't exist. It tears me up every time. I smile blankly at Tanya, who is blithely unaware of my distraction.

I am so desperately trying to ignore Dean, that I don't realize he's coming toward me until he's standing right in front of me. My mouth opens wordlessly as I stare up at him.

Dean's jaw clenches, his eyes stricken. We drink each other in for endless moments, then suddenly he's moving. His hands come up to cup my face, and then he's kissing me deeply, pressing me back against my locker. He immediately cages me in with his body, and I become incapable of thought. I can only feel. We hold onto each other like the world is dying around us. I almost wish it was, because this is exactly how I'd want to go out.

Dean is the one who breaks the kiss. He rests his forehead against mine, panting slightly. We stay connected like this for a few precious seconds before he abruptly pulls away. He strides down the hall, leaving me completely rocked and shaking, slumped against my locker. I stare at his retreating form, but he never turns around.

I suddenly become aware of two huge eyes in my peripheral vision. Tanya is gaping at me, cartoon-style. I can practically see the exclamation marks materializing all around her head.

"Oh. My. G.o.d," she says in a hushed voice. "Did that just happen?"

Her shocked tones snap me out of my Dean-induced haze. I glance around, and to my horror, I realize just how many people have witnessed him kissing me senseless. Everyone is staring at me like I've just pulled a rabbit out of my-somewhere weird.

"OhmiG.o.d, Juliet!" Tanya grabs my arm, and starts to shake it around. "What was that about?!"

I turn to her with confused eyes. "I don't know," I say honestly.

Chapter 50.

I remember when I wished my mom would see me. Now I want to just fall to the ground, roll under the coffee table, and maybe stay put for a while.

She's crying right now. It's the angry tears. I'm in a lot of trouble.

"How could you?"

I sink down onto the couch, my shoulders hunched forward. Finally, I look up at her. "Are you upset that I had s.e.x-or that I had s.e.x with the son of the woman Dad cheated on you with?" I'm not trying to be mean, I honestly want to know.

Mom doesn't answer. She squeezes her eyes shut, and presses a hand to her forehead.

"I'm sorry," I say, meaning it. "I didn't do it deliberately to hurt you. I just-I fell for him. It's not his fault that his mom is-it's not his fault," I remind her.

"You lied about who he was," she reminds me. "That was deliberate."

"Because I knew it would upset you," I counter. I nervously play with the chain of my necklace, mostly hidden by the collar of my shirt. "You're still so mad about everything. I don't know...I feel like I can't talk to you anymore. You're just-you're never here."

Mom's entire posture stiffens defensively. "And where do you think I am, Juliet? Going out to parties, and having s.e.x on fancy yachts? I work sixty plus hours a week to keep a roof over our heads, and money in the bank! I'm sorry I don't have the time and the energy that I used to when your father and I were together-but circ.u.mstances change. I'm doing the best I can."

"I get that. I do-and I appreciate it. But..." I take a deep breath, nervously pleating my fingers together. "I never see you, and when I do, you're always so tired, and we never talk. It's kind of like you gave up on having a life."

Totally wrong thing to say. I realize this the moment it comes out of my mouth-and I really realize it when Mom's eyes flare dangerously. Oh, s.h.i.t.

"Regardless what you think of me and my non-existent life," she begins coldly. "I'm still in charge around here, and I don't appreciate being made a fool of. Allow me to maintain the illusion that you have some respect for me. No more sleepovers. He is not to step foot inside of this house again, are we clear?"

I knew she knew! "Yeah, well, you don't have to worry about that," I mutter bitterly.

Sympathy briefly softens her face. "You broke up?"

"Something like that." I sigh, running my hands through my hair. "It doesn't matter. Mom-really, I'm sorry. I'm not even seeing him anymore. Not to change the subject, but can I talk to you about how much you've been working? You practically live at the hospital, and you look exhausted, like, all the time...I'm really worried about you."

Mom's shoulders tense, and she looks like she wants to snap at me. Then she sighs, letting her head fall back. "I know, but we've been so understaffed lately. A lot of the girls I work with are much younger than me, and they're always having babies! Or they have little ones at home that need them for one thing, or another. Someone's always begging me to cover their shift for them, and I don't mind doing it." She smiles sadly at me. "And you don't really need me around, anymore."

My eyes suddenly fill with tears. "That's not true. There were a lot of times when I-I don't know-I could have used your advice. Or just to eat dinner with you once in a while would be nice." I choke on my words, trying to sound casual when I really want to scream. "I'll be graduating and off to college in a few months, so...I'd really like to spend more time with you before I leave."

I exhale noisily, and look up at her. She's just staring at me in a vague kind of way, like she's not sure if I said something, or if she's just hearing things.

"I can do that," she says after a while. "The overtime pay's great, but-I'll make more of an effort to be at home."

"That would be awesome."

"Okay. What time is it? Oh, shoot...I need to get some rest before my shift tonight-and I still have to call your grandmother." Mom rolls her eyes as she starts to turn away. "She's convinced you're going to show up on her doorstep one day, pregnant and homeless."

I cringe back into the cushions. "Do you want me to call her?"

Mom waves a hand in the air. "No, no, I'll deal with her. Honey, I'm dead on my feet right now. We'll talk later, okay?"

"Sure. Thanks for..."

But she's already gone, disappearing into the kitchen. d.a.m.n, she walks fast. "Thanks for listening," I say to the living room.

Well, that went a lot better-and a lot worse-than I thought it would.

Later, when I'm about to leave for work, I reverse directions and knock lightly on Mom's door. There's no response-she's probably sleeping-but I want to apologize to her once more before I go.

She's not in her bed. I find her in the bathroom. The door is cracked open, and I can see her leaning against the sink, and crying hoa.r.s.ely into her hands.

You know what's worse than a daughter who makes her mother cry like that? One that turns and walks away without a word.

Work is not fun. I get hit in the face with a basketball, and my nose starts gushing blood. For real. I'm a total bleeder. Kathy runs to help me, and skids right through the blood spill, and into a cabinet full of red rubber b.a.l.l.s. I don't know why, but I laugh at her, and blood sprays all over my hair and clothes. This one kid, Brandon, asks me if I have hepat.i.tis.

I'm sent home, which is probably for the best. I go from obsessing over my mom, to Dean and that kiss. But mostly Dean and the kiss, because I don't want to think about my mom crying.

Why did he kiss me? Was it just gratefulness because I went to Aunt Jo? It sure didn't feel like gratefulness to me. It felt like-like beauty and pain. It filled me up with heaven as much as it tore me to h.e.l.l. I shouldn't have let him do it, shouldn't have kissed him back. I should have demanded answers. I should have made him admit he really does care about me.

Yeah, right. Then why haven't I heard from him?

I lie in bed, wide awake, remembering the day I found out Dad was cheating on Mom with a client of his from work. Mom had somehow found out her information and was threatening to go to her house to confront her, while Dad begged her not to. They didn't even notice that I had come into the room. When Mom ran upstairs, he followed her, and I went over to her computer where I found a web page open with Dean's mother's name, and her business and home address. Because of my stupid little crush on him, I realized who she was right away.