Six One-Act Plays Part 22

BART--(_To King._) I asked you here for advice, not abuse.

KING--(_Shortly._) You have my advice, marry her.

BART--And I tell you I won't. I don't love her, and I do love Lucy.

KING--Lucy. The girl up home, I suppose?

BART--Yes.

KING--What will she think of this mess?

BART--She need never know that Selina existed.

KING--(_Starting._) Selina!

BART--That's her name.

KING--Selina, what a coincidence!

BART--I thought you'd understand, and help me out.

KING--Tell me, I'll try to understand.

MISS BROWN--(_To Boy._) My Gawd, ain't they never goin'?

BOY--Talk about yer cheap skates!

BART--(_To King._) I've been kind of lonely down here in the city, and she was a regular oasis in the desert. I took her to a good many first nights, and the opera pretty nearly every week, and she--

KING--(_Gently ironical._) Gazette pa.s.ses, I presume?

BART--You don't think I could pay for them out of my salary, do you?

I've not had a cent from father since I left home.... She always gets herself up well, and wears good-looking clothes, and I felt proud to take her around. Besides, she's older than I am, and I thought I was safe.

KING--I had no idea you were so irresistible.

MISS BROWN--(_To Boy._) It's time to give them the acid test. (_She turns a sign advertising Coca Cola, with its face to the wall. On the back is printed in large letters, "This ain't no free rest room. Buy something, or get out." King turns around, glances at the sign casually, then gives his attention to Bart._)

BOY--Hully gee! The big b.o.o.b can't read!

MISS BROWN--What's a poor girl to do now?

BART--(_To King._) Why, I never even kissed her, although once or twice, I think she wanted me to.

KING--With such a platonic background, how did you manage to break her heart?

BART--That's the queer part. Tuesday night after Tosca, we had a little supper at her apartments. We were talking about friendship, and I told her what a bully little pal she had been, and how I'd miss our good times when I went home and married Lucy.

KING--You mentioned Lucy?

BART--Why shouldn't I?

KING--_I_ should call it a strategic error.

BART--I suppose it was a mistake.

KING--It's rank idiocy, my boy, to tell one woman you love another.

BART--It seemed to break her all up. She declared I'd led her to believe I was going to marry _her_, that she had given her heart unreservedly to me--

KING--(_Quickly._) She had "given her heart unreservedly to you?" Did she use those words?

BART--I'm not apt to forget them, especially as she repeated everything half a dozen times. She made me feel as if I'd deserted her at the altar. I tell you, I never went through such an awful hour in my life.

KING--Didn't you explain to her?

BART--Explain to a weeping woman? She was lost in an ocean of tears, I'd have had to use a foghorn. I got so rattled I began to cry myself. Then she flung herself in my arms, and said if I jilted her (jilted her, mind you!) she'd blow her brains out. And she'll do it, too, she'll do it.

That's what I'm afraid of. If Selina kills herself for love of me, it's all up with Lucy; she'll never marry me.

KING--Does anyone know of this scene?

BART--Her maid came in while she was sobbing in my arms. I tried to shake her off, but she clung like a leech.

KING--Her maid, that's bad.

BART--(_Moodily._) I know it's bad.

KING--Are you sure you never made her think you loved her?

BART--I protest on my word of honor, I never even hinted at love.

BOY--(_To Miss Brown, as he yawns over newspaper._) There's nothin'

worth readin' except this blame suicide.

MISS BROWN--(_Looking up from her newspaper._) It certainly gets my goat the way some fool women go dippy over men.

(_King glances at Miss Brown suddenly, as she raises her voice during her last remark, then turns to Bart._)

KING--Have you seen the papers?

BART--I've been afraid to look at them for fear of reading something about her.

KING--(_Turning to counter._) Bring me a Gazette, boy. (_Hands coin._) No change. Go along.

BOY--(_Impudently._) The woods is full of 'em.

KING--(_Looking at paper._) I guess you're in for it, Bart.

BART--(_In a stifled voice._) What--what is it?