Shards - Book 1 Part 4

"No. Yes. I don't know. That was so weird. You s.a.d.i.s.tic little so and so. You could have at least warned me!"

She smiled wickedly. This girl had a nasty streak in her I'd have to watch. "Why? Just a bunch of women and one young lady making small talk," she said naively. But her next comment showed her true thoughts. "So, what was it like?"

"Like I said, weird. I kept thinking that I'd start staring at them and drooling. But I didn't even care." I blushed. "Well, I cared maybe a little. This is pretty hard to say, but I was ... was..."

"Comparing their bodies to yours?"

I stared at her. "How did you know?"

She laughed. "Silly. Almost all women do that. See, I told you you were more woman than you realized. Just wait until you compare yourself to somebody you know. Like me." I flushed even more at that thought. Flushing seemed to be one of my more accomplished skills so far this century. I became convinced there was a "Turn Red" switch inside me, and some maniac was at the controls.

"Still, try to warn me, okay?"

"Okay," she said cheerfully. We walked to the next door on the right, about ten meters down. "Consider yourself warned. Here are the ladies showers and rest rooms." She grabbed my arm and tried to haul me in, but being warned, I pulled back.

She tugged harder, but not hard enough to force me, which I'm sure she could. "Come on!"

"Susan, no! I'll die of embarra.s.sment!"

She relented immediately. "All right, then. Let's go in here." She indicated the next door on the right, five meters from the ladies room.

"What's in there?" I asked suspiciously.

"The men's showers and rest rooms. Now, in you go." Again she tried to get me in, but pushing this time instead of pulling. This time I really lost it. My little maniac was. .h.i.tting the red b.u.t.ton. With a sledge hammer.

"Are you crazy! I can't go in there!"

She stopped her pushing and crossed her arms. "So what's it going to be? Men's? Women's? Or should we just dig a hole for you outside the cave?"

"I don't know," I said sullenly.

"Good grief! One or the other! Decide! Either that or..." she paused and smiled mischievously. "Or we can just wait an hour or so and let nature decide. You drank an awful lot of juice for breakfast, you know. Milk, too."

Now here was a problem. And her mentioning it only made it worse, cutting her hour estimate down considerably. By about an hour. But the problem was all in my head. There really only was one choice. I might die of embarra.s.sment in the ladies room, but I'd probably get arrested in the men's. Giving her as indignant a "Hmmph!" as I could muster, I walked into the ladies room, Susan following.

When we came out five minutes later, I was relieved, in more ways than one. Despite her attempts at making it as terrible an experience as possible-including shouting out helpful and somewhat vulgar hints while I made use of the facilities-it wasn't uncomfortable at all. Which was her point. A point she intended to drive home.

"Now do you get it? Own up to it, girlie; you're a girlie."

"I already knew that." I didn't feel too cooperative.

"Yes, you know it. But do you feel it? It can't just be in your head. It's got to be in your mind, your being, your ... your soul." She really was banging at this, but I had had enough. I felt a switch go off. But this time it had anger labeled on it.

"Just let it go! You don't have to pound it into me! I'm not an idiot!"

"Then don't act like one!" Susie spoke louder, more frustrated than mad.

"Me? You're the one trying to haul me into places I don't want to go or can't go! I'm done with the tour! I'm going back to our room!" And I stalked off.

Or at least I tried to stalk off. I had kept telling myself that Susie was bigger and stronger than me, and that she could use force if she wanted to. She'd even said so, in a round about way, when explaining the reason behind using such young teens. But I don't think I believed it. I had looked up at her. I was in her underwear and it was too big for me, and her clothes almost hung on me. Yet I somehow knew I could handle her if I had to, which made me feel a bit more secure and in control. That security and control was about to become a shattered illusion.

I had gone five paces when I felt an iron grip latch onto my upper left arm, and then she was dragging back me into the ladies room. I screamed at her to let go of me, and used every ounce of strength I had to twist free, but I was helpless. The best I could do was stagger her walk a little, and not much at that.

She effortlessly slung me through the door and walked in after me. I heard her speak a quick word, and the door became solid. She grabbed me again and hauled me into the showers, which were abandoned at the time, though still wet from use. Again, she tossed me with ease into the middle of the slick tiling. I slipped and went down.

I rose to my feet, wet and angry. Who was she to ... I didn't even bother trying to finish the thought. I just went at her. That little...

I was on the tiles again. I started to get up again when she walked up and heaved me up to then up off my feet. I landed, still in her grip, and began fighting like a wildcat. A desperate, terrified wildcat. Holding my shoulders, and ignoring my best blows, she slowly shoved me back to the shower wall, her face showing no emotion.

Suddenly, that wall became an enemy to me. To touch it meant defeat. I yelled and hit and tried to break free, all with no effect. Against every fiber in my being, I was being forced back. I didn't want her to win. I didn't! I planted my feet and pushed back. Nothing. I lost a step, then another. I twisted my shoulders to wriggle free, and with my hands tried to hit her. But my reach only extended to her upper arms, and my fists pounded her like goose down. My skinny shoulders remained locked in her painful grip. I lost another step and felt the wall behind my foot. I used the wall as leverage and pushed with all my weight and strength. I felt an even greater force pushing back.

I looked up into Susie's eyes. She had tears in her eyes, and looked so very sad, but very resolved.

"I'm sorry. But you are going to learn." And with that she pinned my shoulders against the wall.

The anger vanished as quickly as it had come upon me. I understood now. I started to sob, then openly cry. It was far worse than last night. The total realization of who and what I was enveloped my mind, my being, my soul. It was complete and final and devastating. I slumped to the wet tiling, wailing. Susan released my shoulders and pulled me into her embrace. This time, I felt no fear or discomfort whatsoever, but clung to her with even greater resolve than I had mustered to fight her. She held me tight to her breast, her fingers playing through my hair while my emotions ran their course. My tears poured down my cheeks as I cried and cried and cried.

How long we remained like that, I don't know. At least ten minutes. Perhaps as many as thirty. It was a long time before my crying settled down to sobbing, then whimpering. Susie held me close the whole time, patting me, whispering into my ear, comforting me with hugs, all while we huddled together on the floor of the women's shower. Any of these things would have irritated or shamed me had I been a man. But I wasn't a man, nor would I ever be a man. I was a young woman, and all of these things suddenly meant the world to me.

I raised my tear-streaked face and looked into Susie's eyes, smiling shyly. She smiled quietly back at me and hugged me again. I closed my eyes and tried to lose myself in her strength. I heard a quiet step.

"Susie? Can we help?" asked a soft, quiet voice. It was one of the women who must have been locked in with us.

"Oh, thank you, Kerry. Yes. Would you see if the last shipment has her new clothes? If so, bring a change, please. And for me, too. We're soaked through and through, I'm afraid. Thank you."

I heard her and another woman move away quietly. Someone spoke, and I heard the door unlock and they were gone, the door locking behind them. I felt Susie take hold of me by the shoulders, but ever so gently this time, and pull me from her. She looked into my eyes, her own eyes still misty. She reached a hand to my cheek and wiped a tear.

"I'm so sorry. I knew this was coming, and I hated it, but it almost always has to be this way." She stood up and helped me to my feet. "Let's get you cleaned up a bit."

We walked over to the sink and washed my face. Lifting my head from the still running tap, I looked straight into the mirror for the first time.

It was a young girl's face. Hazel eyes, brown, shoulder length hair, normal girlish features. A little coltish and not fully developed overall, but with a very nice mouth. I recognized it. It was my face. I looked harder. It was my face. My breath caught.

"I ... I'm pretty!"

"Of course you are! But I wasn't going to tell you until you realized it. You probably would have slugged me."

I hung my head shamefully. "I-I-I'm sorry, Susie. I was terrible."

"Yes, you were. A bratty, headstrong, angry little witch. Exactly the way I was when I was fourteen." I looked up sharply at her. I slowly nodded my head.

"You were right to do it. I-I thought I had done a pretty good job of dealing with this. Especially after my cafeteria performance. I guess I was fooling myself."

She smiled. It was nice to see the smile back. "You were fooling yourself. But don't short cred yourself, either. You showed yourself and us that you were a person , I just showed you that you were a female person. But being a person is more important. Being female is a bonus." She smiled again at me, and I had to smile back.

"Until now, I guess I had seen it as, well, being a negative."

"Teenagers!" she chided. "Always full of opinions, and almost always wrong!" Her laugh robbed the words of any bite. I felt much better.

We heard the door open, and Kerry walked in with an armful of clothing. Kerry was an older woman, maybe fifty or so. Older? Fifty wasn't old. Yes, it was, I thought, if you were fourteen. I looked again, trying to use my mind, and she still looked fifty, but also younger than a moment ago. She had graying hair and laughter lines, but was in good shape physically. She smiled at me and set everything down on the counter. She picked up the top set of clothing and handed them to me.

"Here you go! They just came in and are made for a girl just your size." She gave me a quick up and down. "Though I'll bet you grow out of them in no-"

"Thank you, Kerry," Susie interrupted. Kerry flushed with realization. I was suddenly tired of this soft-stepping. Enough was enough.

"No, Susie, that's all right." I looked at Kerry. "Thank you, so much, Kerry. Could you do me a big favor?"

"Yes," she answered without hesitation.

"Please finish your thought. Exactly as you were going to." I closed my eyes to listen.

"Ummm ... well, all right. I was going to say, I'll bet you grow out of these clothes in no time. You look like a girl who's going to turn men's heads before long." She stopped and waited.

I played the words through my head, tasting them and letting them play their way through me, tickling my ego and psyche. They settled in and made me blush with pride. With pride! I felt the weight of the world fall off my shoulders. I opened my eyes and smiled.

"Thank you, Kerry. I mean it." She appeared surprised and pleased with my sincerity. "Thank you for finishing the compliment. It really sounds and feels like one."

She peered closely at me for a moment, measuring me. I think she liked what she saw, for she smiled and said, "You should be labeled 'dangerous', young lady. You're going to be a heart breaker!" She laughed and left. I heard the door lock again at her pa.s.sing. I started undressing.

Susie was sizing me up also. "You're also going to be a handful."

I laughed. "Bet on it! And all thanks to you, Susie. Suddenly, I feel so alive!" I pulled off my top and slung it away, laughing and twirling, the loose bra straps slipping off my shoulders. But I didn't care. Susie looked at me sharply.

"Are you okay?" She sounded concerned.

"I dunno. Probably not." I unhooked the bra and dropped it, feeling lightheaded and excited and daring. "I'll probably be bawling my eyes out in another ten minutes. But let's enjoy it while we can, okay? Please?"

She hesitated, then shrugged and began undressing. "All right. But if it gets too wild, we stop, okay?"

"Oh, don't be a p.o.o.p! The roller coaster's starting and it's my ticket," I said with giddy delight. I pulled off my pants and threw them at her. "Here! These are yours!"

She laughed and relaxed. Before long, we were in the showers, using them this time instead of fighting in them. I felt the warm water pulsing over my body, enjoying the moment. My giddiness was fading, but I felt a comfortable, content feeling replacing it.

We finished rinsing and toweled off. I'd been tempted to sneak a look at Susie as we showered, but refrained. Not because I was uncomfortable, but because she was. I did look at her though as she toweled off, her back to me. Her legs were indeed lithe and lean, a match for the rest of her pet.i.te figure. And her silky, ebony skin was just as smooth and perfect on her body as it was on her face. Though she was in her twenties, she had about her an ageless quality that would keep her youthful even when she had great-grandchildren.

"Shoe's on the other foot, huh, Susie?" I looked at my bare feet. "Poor a.n.a.logy, we don't have any shoes on." She turned her head.

"How do you mean?"

"You warned me that I was more female than I realized; that I'd compare my physique to yours eventually. But when I try to, you're the one with her back turned and a towel around her middle," I giggled.

She blushed and grinned sheepishly. "You're right! I am nervous. This is crazy! I've done this a dozen times, with a dozen Cues."

"But not quite like this."

"Not quite like this," she agreed. She dropped the towel and walked to me and her clothing. "But not all that different, either. I'm sorry." She relaxed even further, and for at least a little while, we really were just two friends.

We dressed. More accurately, Susie dressed herself, then me. My last project at NATech had me solving the near impossible feat of creating viable underwater cities, with humans capable of breathing air and water, yet I could not figure out how to put a stupid bra on. I had put myself into a second contorted position when Susie noticed. She was already dressed.

"I can't believe you! You glance at solar simulation panels that you've never seen before in your life and nail their theory, workings, and energy source, all in one breath. But then you get caught up in your own bra!" Nothing like hearing an echo of my myopic brilliance. "Here. No, no. It closes in the front. After you put it on! Just put it on like a jacket." She fiddled with the adjustments and when she at last let go, I was amazed at the difference. It was like a second skin.

"Wow! It's like I'm not wearing one! Now this I can get used to!"

We finished up. I still had on pants and a shirt-blouse, I mean-but they fit very comfortably. I looked at myself in front of the full-length mirror beside the counter. My figure showed a good bit more in this much less baggy uniform. I liked that. For now. I turned to Susie, who was finishing combing her hair with a brush Kerry had thoughtfully included. I turned from the mirror, taking in one last look of my profile.

"Let's finish that tour. I promise I'll behave."

She stepped over and began running the brush through my thick hair. I didn't really have a hair style. Just pretty much as it lay, with shorter bangs in front.

"No more tantrums?"

"No more tantrums."

"Good. Next time I may just belt you one." My eyes widened with surprise and just a twinge, the smallest twinge, of fear. Susie saw it reflected in the mirror. She twirled me around. "Hey, I'm just kidding!"

I stared down at the floor. "I-I know. I'm sorry." I couldn't believe I even thought that she was serious. But...

"Don't be! I'm the one who's sorry. Poor joke and poor timing. Now let's see that smile." I lifted my face and smiled. Tentative, but honest.

"I suppose that's the best I deserve. I'll behave myself, too."

"Promise?"

"Promise. Well, I think we've seen enough of the ladies room for awhile. Let's check out the rest." We left our wet things where they were. I had a hunch they would be clean and dry and sitting on our beds before we even got back to our room.

We exited the bathroom, leaving it unlocked this time. I half expected to see a dozen women in the hall, dancing the Kansas City two-step. We'd had that bathroom to ourselves for more than an hour. But no, the hallway was deserted. I knew why now. From Susie's comments, a lot of Cues came into their own in that room. Certainly not a function I would normally have a.s.sociated with a shower.

We continued down the hall to our right. It, in turn, curved to our left about thirty meters further. On our immediate left was a large, translucent opening.

"The men's barracks. Completely off limits to all female personnel." That pretty much precluded exploration in there. We pa.s.sed the men's showers on the right. I'd already been as close to them as I wanted. Further on the left, just as the hall curved, was another large opening into the men's barracks. By now, the hallway had magically come to life, with people again moving up and down. Some waved at us, a few greeted us, and most just walked by, leaving us our privacy. Everyone smiled.

The hall finished a gentle ninety degree turn and headed, Susie told me, south. There were four doors on the left and five on the right. These were quarters for married couples, the male noncoms, and Lt. Sanchez, whose room was the last one before the hall went up a ramp and opened into the hanger. Susie walked by them without bothering to knock. Just as well. I didn't really want to deal with too much at one time. We walked up the ramp and into the hanger.

My perceptions of s.p.a.ce were right on. It looked the same size as last night, about eighty meters wide and fifty deep from the mouth. I saw now that there was also a large square area extending to our right. It had the same-what did Susie call them?-solar simulation panels, as the mess. Several tables dotted the area. But this was clearly the exercise and recreation facility. There were several people working out on exercise machines, gym bars and wrestling mats. I thought of my wrestling workouts with Chris-to me, the last one was only three days ago-and wondered what he'd say now. I thought of some of the moves he had used on me in the past and blushed. It was probably just as well he was dust. From what Janet had never implied but nonetheless communicated, I'd need to kill him anyway after one or two sessions. I pointed at the equipment.

"I'm a little surprised you have those. I had gathered you kept pretty busy."

"Oh, we get busy, all right. But it comes in bursts. We might go for weeks with little or no activity, then boom! we're suddenly pulling double shifts and using coffee in place of sleep. And for dogs like me, in research, we hardly ever get good work outs unless we're relocating."

"Relocating? Doctor Barrett had mentioned your group is illegal. That's why I wanted to escape last night. I imagine sudden relocation comes with the job description. How often do you move?"

Susie shrugged. "All depends. We've been in one place as long as three years. Then we moved four times in six months. We've been here for eight months now."

"But maybe not much longer?" I ventured.

"We've been at yellow for about two weeks. Yellow means standby for seventy-two hour relocation. If it goes to red, we move." She looked at me. "How did you know?"

"It wasn't too hard. Doctor Barrett said several things that made me think that. And I observed your men loading last night-but for a different reason-before I got caught."