Shards - Book 1 Part 3

"Won't I end up gallumphing around like some jock in a tutu?"

She mouthed my words silently, as though translating them, then shook her head. "If I understand you right, the answer's no, you won't. Not unless you ... gallumphed around as a man on purpose before."

"Of course I didn't. I just walked."

"So do that now."

A little light went on in my head. I tried again, and this time I didn't swish near as much, if you can swish at all in army fatigues. The wiggle was still there, but much diminished. I beamed at her, quite pleased with myself. Susie clapped her hands.

"Wonderful! Now you don't look like ... well, never mind what you don't look like. We'll have a lesson in girl humor another time. I'm starved! Let's get some breakfast." My own stomach was growling, too, so it sounded like a great idea. She grabbed my hand and led me to the wall where the door was. I should have felt self-conscious about it, but the truth was that I would have enjoyed holding her hand as either a man or a girl. Just for different reasons. At least, I hoped for different reasons. I was still too new at this to really understand my own feelings. I did know that I liked it.

The door appeared as before, but a little higher and a little wider. I held my breath a bit as we went through, but it didn't close in on me this time, either. Hand in hand, we entered the wide, rough-hewn corridor.

It was much different from last night. Instead of being dark, dank and deserted, it was full of life and light. People, all clad in a uniform style of dress, moved up and down the corridor, which was nearly as bright as day. And they were noisy. Mixtures of laughter, formal, and normal conversation added much to the atmosphere. If it weren't for the craggy, solid rock making up the floor and walls, I'd have never guessed we were in a cave. I said as much to Susie, then repeated it in a louder voice. She nodded and spoke back in as loud a voice.

"We're a pretty loud bunch when we have the chance. That's why we spend the extra energy on the ghost walls for our Cue's recovery rooms and ghost doors for private quarters. Ghost walls are planed energy fields that simulate ma.s.s. It cuts out everything. The doors can even allow openings large enough to fit exactly to whatever's in its plane, down to a millimeter. It's a pretty weird feeling, going through. And it can be phased to keep out light and sound. C'mon, the mess is down this way." She pulled me to the right, the direction I hadn't explored.

It seemed longer than it had last night. I would have guessed it to be only fifty feet, but was closer to 100 feet. Check that. Closer to thirty meters. I'd been easy with either the English or metric systems, but apparently only metric had survived. That was one plus in this society, anyway. I'd best fall into the habit of using metric exclusively.

It was the same as before. Brightly lit, heavily used, and cut from solid stone. It was also very clean, though I did spot a couple of stains YES, MRS. FLETCHER? THE CARPET'S STAINED JUST DOWN THE HALL FROM YOUR DOOR? DID YOU NOTICE WHAT KIND OF STAIN? BLOOD? ARE YOU SURE? MY SENSORS DIDN'T DETECT ANYTHING THAT WOULD ACCOUNT FOR BLOOD. IT MAY BE JELLY FROM THE BREAKFAST DELIVERY ... NO, I'M SURE MY SENSORS ARE IN WORKING ORDER, MRS. FLETCHER. YES, I RAN FULL DIAGNOSTICS ON MYSELF LAST NIGHT, AS ALWAYS, MRS. FLETCHER. NO, I'M NOT ARGUING WITH YOU, MRS. FLETCHER. I'LL PUT A CLEANING 'BOT ON IT IMMEDIATELY, MRS. FLETCHER, AND REPORT TO YOU WITHIN THE HOUR ... VERY WELL, THEN, WITHIN THE HALF HOUR.

that looked almost like blood. As we approached, though, I realized I was mistaken. It did make me notice, however, that it was in front of a section of rock on the right hand side that was completely smooth and flat. I glanced back and noticed another section like it, where my room was. Here would be another recovery room. I looked at the stain once more. Nope. Definitely not blood. Not even a stain, just darker stone. I didn't have to be a genius to figure out why I'd made the mistake. Right now, my senses were whirling from everything I was seeing and hearing. But the whirling this time felt almost like a euphoria.

We continued to the end of the hall, pa.s.sing a third blank surface on the right, and came to a huge opening on the left. Like the hanger on the other end of the hall, this one also had a lower floor and higher ceiling. Bright sunlight poured down from the ceiling; it must be open to the sky above, though I couldn't see yet. Unlike the hanger, it was completely man-made, judging from the flat floor and fairly rectangular shape. It was accessible via a large ramp, cut from the native rock. Susie led me down this ramp, and we were inside the mess.

Roughly forty meters by sixty meters, it served as a mess and storehouse. The ramp was about fifteen meters long and ended about halfway into the room. Its gentle slope indicated that pretty heavy objects were brought through here-even though they'd apparently eliminated the weight problem with antigravity, there was still the ma.s.s to contend with, and a slope for controlled descent was required. The wall on the ramp's right side was gla.s.s smooth and looked somewhat like my room's wall. A ghost wall, Susie had called it. I reached out a hand to see if it would go through, but it felt solid. A small tingle went up my arm and I quickly withdrew my hand, more surprised than shocked. I looked at Susie, but she was too busy suppressing a grin to speak.

The area to the left, bathed in warm sunlight, was the mess. The center area was wide open, with tables and chairs in a semi-structured order. Against the wall on my left-the wall shared by the corridor, for we had now stepped off the ramp and turned to our left-was a kitchen with a cafeteria style line. On the far wall were two openings. The one in the middle seemed to be a laundry of sorts. The other one, on the far right and in the corner, was a hallway from which men and a few women were moving in and out. The wall on my right held a single large entrance that stretched from ceiling to floor, unlike the other openings. It was at least ten meters wide and was closed off with a flat ghost wall that was somewhat recessed from the normal stone face of the mess. The sunlight, for some reason, did not reflect whatsoever off the surface of the ghost wall. I looked up at the sky to see if there was a protruding ledge casting a shadow on it, and gasped with awe.

There was no sky. Instead of open air and a brilliant sun, I saw a high ceiling of solid stone. And instead of lighting was a shimmer, constantly emanating from the entire surface. As I watched, I could feel the sunny warmth pouring down on my upturned face. The shimmer seemed almost sky blue, and I even caught a whiff of fresh, mountain air. I was stunned.

"Why, that's incredible!"

Susie looked up and laughed. "This is the part of my job I love the most! Showing off our little advancements to Cues. Yes, that's an environmental stunt we pull to keep up morale. Sometimes we're cooped up in here for weeks at a time, and this becomes our playground. Here and the rec area. I'll tell you how we do it when you're more caught up with the times."

"I'd love to know. Offhand, I'd have to guess that it involves a prismatic shifting of ambient sunlight, recombined through a spectral and holographic filter. You're probably using of static grid of thermal energy for the display, though I can't begin to imagine the power source you'd use to achieve that magnitude of output."

It was her turn to stare at me while I tried to suppress a smile. She didn't say, but I'd lay odds I'd hit pretty close. Score one for NATech training and applied use of the gray matter, fourteen years old or not. I pulled at her hand and started walking to the long line in front of the cafeteria counter. "Come on. I thought you were hungry." Still staring at me, she let me drag her to where the trays were. I almost felt like letting out a giggle, but was maybe still a little embarra.s.sed at the thought.

It looked like it would be ten or fifteen minutes until we'd get up to the counter. I got in line behind a guy about twenty or so. He seemed as big as a house, but when I looked at him carefully, he was only average build. I picked up a tray and the noise made him turn. He smiled at me and I smiled back, a little self-conscious. He stepped aside and waved us both in front of him.

"Hey, dogs! Make way for a couple of ladies!" Everyone turned and moved over, women included, letting us up to the very front of the line. Now I was very embarra.s.sed. I tried not to show it, but my face was burning, a condition I was becoming very familiar with. I held the empty tray flat against my chest. My hips felt like they were swinging out a half-meter with each step, with each step becoming more and more tentative until I just plain stopped. I stared down at the floor. That hole Susie had talked about earlier sounded very appealing right now.

Susie put her mouth next to my ear. "Calm down. Just breathe a bit. There. Now don't hold on to that tray so tight, it'll shatter. Look, no one's watching us." I looked up. For a line of people who had just given us the front, I'd never seen so much disinterest. They all seemed to be talking to each other while paying us absolutely no mind. Even the guy who had shouted was yakking to someone else, going into great detail about-from what I overheard-absolutely nothing. Susie nudged me in the back, and we walked to the front counter. I set the tray on the long counter to serve myself.

I looked up, way up, into the eyes of the cook, or attendant. He was a breathing mountain. His girth, both chest and belly, was astounding. He probably affected the local tides. He smiled at me. These people really got into smiling.

"Well, good morning, ladies! We've got some bacon, eggs, waffles, pancakes. You name it, we got it! Juice, milk and what not at the end. Oh!" He reached under the serving table and pulled out a small bottle. "For you, Corporal. The latest shipment came in about an hour ago, and with it five bottles of your poison. Go ahead and ruin your mouth and my reputation."

"Thanks, Hill. But don't rattle me until you try it. Makes even your swill edible."

I stared. It was a bottle of pepper sauce, a popular brand from my time. "That's Tabasco sauce!" I blurted.

Hill grinned at me. "That it is, ma'am. You're welcome to try it, though it will pain me to see such a soft flower of..." he broke off, and in the corner of my eye I saw Susie's head shake ever so slightly. "That it is," he continued. "Oh! Rumor is there'll be afternoon drills, so that means a skipped lunch and late dinner. So now's the time to eat. Well, dig in!"

I couldn't believe how hungry I was. And the smell of the food doubled it. I helped myself to generous portions of eggs, bacon, fruit, rolls, juice and milk. Susie took much less than I did, settling for eggs, a single roll and a gla.s.s of juice. We walked over to a table that was impossibly clean and abandoned. Impossible because there must have been at least a hundred people in there, with seating for not quite that. I was a little surprised they didn't eat in shifts to make best use of the facility. I sat down on one bench, with Susie on the other side so we could talk. She sprinkled some pepper sauce on her eggs, my mouth watering at the sight. I loved pepper sauce. But from what the cook had said, it was difficult to get, so I refrained from asking. She bowed her head and gave thanks, as I did. While we ate, I looked around curiously.

My first impression was how big everyone was, even the women. And the men were gigantic. Each and every one of them looked ready to play on the offensive front line of the Green Bay Packers. But when I took the time to really look at them, they seemed much less so. I knew what it was: They weren't all that big; I was all that small. Susie was apparently the most pet.i.te of the women, and she was bigger than me. So unless there was another 'Cue around here, I was the runt of the litter. By a wide margin. It was an interesting feeling.

It was also an interesting feeling being the center of attention. For although absolutely no one was looking at us, I somehow knew that they wanted to. But even the ones who were just coming in from the far hallway and the corridor seemed to not see us. Instead, they gave us our privacy as best they could, and carried on their own conversations and eating their own breakfasts.

Which was more than I could. I looked down at all my uneaten food. I'd barely touched it, but I was stuffed. I put down my fork suddenly. Susie, who had been looking at me looking around, grinned.

"What? You're full already?" she said with mock surprise.

"I think I'm going to be sick."

"I'm not surprised. You ate enough for two people your size."

"Are you kidding? I barely touched this stuff."

She leaned forward. "No, no. Listen closely: 'You ate enough for two people your size.' Understand?"

I understood. I had the eyes of a hungry thirty-one-year-old pig and the stomach of a hungry fourteen-year-old waif. If I didn't watch myself, I'd look like several fourteen-year-olds, all rolled into one gooey glob. I moaned and pushed the plate away. I heard a lull in some of the conversation at the table next to us, and stole a quick glance. They were all carefully inspecting the storage area's ghost wall for any flaws. I suppose they had seen this kind of thing before. Even Susie was smiling. Of course, she was always smiling. But I think it was at me rather than with me this time. I tried to smile back.

"All right. All right. I understand. Looks like I'm not the first Cue to make this mistake."

"Nor the last," she agreed, giggling.

"I suppose the cook set me up, too."

"Uh-huh. Truly a gift much greater than his labors at cooking." She had abandoned giggles for open laughter.

"Hey, Lendler! I heard that!" A voice shouted from the kitchen behind me.

"And I suppose it is kinda funny. Pretty mean way to welcome someone into your century, though," I said, smile on my face and no hostility in my voice.

"Call it an initiation. Or payment. These people went through a lot to get you here, and they want to see what you're made of."

"Oh, yeah?" I smirked. "Then maybe I should show them."

s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g up every bit of courage I possessed, I rose and climbed up on the table and took a deep breath. All eyes turned to me, and the hall became quiet. Way in the back, standing on the ramp, was Dr. Barrett. It was the first time I'd seen him since I'd fainted last night. He was watching me very closely.

I was about to bow, but decided to try something really terrifying. Instead of bowing, I slowly curtsied to the crowd, my whole body trembling with fear and my heart racing like a trip hammer. It was my first curtsy, and a lousy one it was, too. Poor balance, probably poor form, and done in pants instead of a skirt. But they loved it. As one, they shouted "Hooray!" and the sound was almost a physical blow. It struck me that everyone here undoubtedly knew more about me than I did, and to a person were also aware of their unintentional error. I felt my emotions flood to the surface, and with those emotions came tears. These people deserved a show.

Picking up an apple from my still full plate, I consumed it for all to see. Shouts and applause reverberated through the hall. I finished the apple with the crowd roaring its approval. I then turned to the kitchen, where the cook Hill was laughing and applauding, and heaved the core at him. It was a very pathetic throw, landing less than half way and far to the right, but the message was clear. Everyone yelled and whistled, including Hill. I then curtsied to him, and he bowed back, his bow as ugly as my curtsy, but every bit as sincere. I then turned back to the crowd and curtsied a final time, trying to put all my thanks and gratefulness into that simple, awkward and foreign motion. Staying in my curtsy while everyone stood and pounded the tables, I looked down at Susie, who was also yelling and clapping, tears rolling down her cheeks. I spoke just loud enough for her to hear, which in that din was still pretty loud.

"Susie, I really, really, really , want to get out of here."

She nodded and stood up, wiping tears from her eyes. Still laughing, she clumsily helped me down from the table. My knees were very wobbly and I felt light headed. With me almost in a daze, Susie had to lead me toward the far tunnel. All along the way, people quickly rushed over, lined up and either curtsied or bowed as we pa.s.sed. All of them were cheering. I tried to wave, but my whole body was numb.

Still, it was nice to be wanted.

Chapter Four.

We entered the corridor, much narrower than the main one, and headed down it a little ways, pa.s.sing two doors on each side and stopping in front of the third on the right. By this time Susie had my arm around her shoulders, and was all but carrying me. My legs felt like over boiled noodles, and I was on the verge of fainting again. Behind us, the mess area was alive with excited noise, but no one had followed us down. We entered the room, pa.s.sing through a ghost door that just turned off and on.

Inside were simple, neatly kept quarters for two. There were standard furnishings and two beds close to each other. They were close because they had to be; the room was very small. There didn't seem to be a private bathroom, which was too bad; I would have really liked to heave my breakfast about then.

Susie lowered me onto the first bed and sat down on the second. She took my trembling hands in hers and rubbed them. She had a look of respect in her eyes.

"You, girl, have guts! No brains, but lots of guts."

"Yeah," I stammered out. "Guts you're about to get all over your lap."

She started, but relaxed at my weak smile. "Whatever possessed you to do that? To stand up and make a spectacle of yourself?"

"Just trying to say thanks. And give as I got."

"Well, you did all that. Everyone has been pretty tense around here, wondering how you'd take all the changes. Now they have an idea. But you, girl! Wow! That was incredible!"

"Then why do I feel like I've been filleted?"

"That's easy. You pushed yourself too hard again. Only this time it was your emotions you rode too hard. Guys can push down better than gals. Your 'guy' mind did quite a number on your 'gal' emotions. Ease up some, huh?"

I smiled weakly again and carefully sat up. My nerves and breathing were settling down. I looked around the tiny room.

The room was maybe, just maybe, three meters square. As you entered the room, the door was in the left front. There were two single beds, Susie's against the back wall and mine parallel to hers with a narrow, half-meter aisle between them. Facing the beds on the left wall as you entered were two chests of drawers, standing head-high. The beds and dressers took up two thirds of the room. The other third, nearest the door, had a narrow counter with what looked to be a computer display embedded into the wall, and a simple chair. As I'd mentioned, there was no bathroom, but I noticed a small sink with spigot to the left of the counter, in the corner. Beside the sink and on the wall beside my bed was a full length mirror. The mirror appeared to be painted on the stone. The door had a small alcove, all of one meter deep.

"So. Home Sweet Home?"

"Yep. Just the two of us. Normally I sleep alone unless I've been a.s.signed a Cue. A female Cue," she added hurriedly. "All the noncoms and officers have either private or semiprivate quarters. Because of my direct involvement with new Cues, I get my own quarters."

"Must be nice, rooming with a potential nut. Ummm, Susie? Are you, you know, comfortable with me sleeping with you? I mean, what with..."

"With you being a man to start with?" I nodded, avoiding her eyes. I had to admit I was scared of either answer. "Well, I didn't know until last night, remember. But yes, I gave it some thought once I did know."

"And what do you think?"

"I think I don't mind at all. You're not a man now; you're as female as I am. So I'm not worried about improper advances. For me at least, you've got nothing to advance that I'm interested in. And it's not like I'm embarra.s.sed about having you watch me dress or shower or anything. You're more of a girl than I think you realize yet. So I wouldn't be hesitant about rooming with you for my sake or safety.

"Which leaves ... what about you ? Again, I don't mind. What are your choices, really? As uncomfortable as you are now, how much worse would it be if you bunked with one of the male noncoms-which you couldn't anyway. You'd probably die from shame. I would. And like I said, you're a lot more woman than you know. You'll find out, soon enough." I had confusing emotions on that comment. Come to think of it, though, I had confusing emotions on everything.

She took my hands again. "So, no, my sweet Cue, I'm not at all worried or uncomfortable having you sleep with me. We're buddies now, and we watch out for each other." She gave me a warm hug and a small kiss on the cheek. It tingled and felt nice. She stood up and pulled me to my feet. I wobbled, but stayed up.

"Well, back to work! We've got a lot of ground to cover. I need to show you around the place. This afternoon will be busy, but we have the evening to ourselves. Doctor Barrett wants to give you a checkup sometime this afternoon. Oh! And let's check the new shipment that came in; there should be some proper clothes in there for you. Then it's dinner, the gym, showers, and bed. Tomorrow, our research crowd wants to talk to you. If you're willing, they'd like to know more about you. Let's see ... anything else?"

A thought occurred to me. "Yes. I'm going to need a new name."

She giggled. "Already ahead of you, there. I'll be giving you your name tomorrow night, after dinner. Tradition."

"Huh? You're picking my name? Why? And why would you even have need of such a tradition? Don't Cues keep their old names?"

"You'd think so, wouldn't you? But the fact is, many do change their names. Maybe as a way of marking old and new times, of starting ties with the present. Of course, many just keep their names.

"Whether or not they keep their original name, though, we still give you a name. We follow the tradition of having the primary researcher-who also acts as counselor for the first few months-name the Cue. Even the Cues who keep their original name often use our name as a middle name. It helps you become a part of us and our time. And it reminds us that we are responsible for you. So since I was the primary researcher, that makes me your counselor, your roomie, and I get the honor of naming you."

"Unfair!"

"Really? Who picked out your present name?"

"Well..."

"Your parents did, of course. Unless they let you grow up, calling you 'it', until you could choose yourself. In a way, I'm your parent now." She thought about it a moment. "Well, maybe more like your sister. I hope to be your friend-" "You are my friend!" I said pretty forcefully and impetuously.

"Mind your manners and don't interrupt. Anyway, I'm your nearest living relative now, and one of your rescuers, and your roommate, so I get to name you."

"You're right. I'm sorry. So you name me tomorrow, huh?" She nodded. "What are you going to call me until then? 'It'?" I smiled and almost, but not quite, giggled.

"Just what I have now; nothing. I've been avoiding calling you John, both to help you acclimate and because it just sounds silly. No offense, John," she giggled.

I giggled for the first time, and it felt wonderful, like opening a vent and letting all the pressure out. "None taken. Go ahead and keep doing it that way." I tapped my head. "I'm still John up here, but it's starting to sound silly to me, too." I stood up. "I'm looking forward to tomorrow night. I'm also a little afraid of ... aargh!" I said with frustration. "I hate these constantly mixed emotions! But I will keep my last name. I'll always be a Wyeth."

"Oh, yeah? What if you get married?"

That floored me. I tried to envision such an impossible circ.u.mstance, but my imagination boggled. It boggled because I pictured myself, my old self, in a wedding dress, a ludicrous sight even in the mind's eye. It hit me that I didn't really know what I looked like. I'd only had a brief glimpse of my face in the mirror in the doc's office, and it was pretty dark then. And I'd certainly had no inclination earlier this morning to see any of me. But now I felt the twinges of curiosity tugging at me. I glanced at the full-length mirror, off to the side. Maybe later today.

"I don't really see marriage in the future for me, Susie."

She gave a knowing look. "Well, maybe, maybe not. You're still young. Don't look at me like that. Anyway, you could still keep Wyeth even if you did marry."

I shrugged.

"I dunno. I'm pretty traditional, and would probably..." My mind caught up with what my mouth was saying, and I shut up. Susie laughed.

"Now how about that tour?"

As a tour, it ended almost before it started. We left our quarters, the ghost door blanking the entire frame, and turned right along the corridor. We skipped the first door on the left-Susie said it would be the last one on the tour-and came to the first door on the right after our room. She knocked on the ghost door. It gave an odd, hollow sound. There was no answer, so we continued on. Susie said it was the quarters of Corporals Bent and Geher, the other two female noncoms beside herself. We continued on to the next door, only three meters further down and also on the right. Susan ushered me in through the double-wide ghost door which allowed us entrance while turning translucent.

We walked down a short hallway and into a large room holding maybe three dozen single beds. The barracks. The women's barracks. There were six women in there with us. Four were sprawled out on their bunks, either sleeping or relaxing. The other two were stark naked, toweling off after a shower. I felt myself getting very uncomfortable and wondered just how loud they'd scream when they saw me. But they didn't. They just waved and curtsied in their birthday suits, mimicking my performance with mischief but no malice. Susan walked us up to them and introduced me. We chatted a bit about something then left. I noticed I hadn't stared a single time, and could actually remember their faces better than their other, um, features.

We stepped out, and I breathed a sigh of relief, sagging against the rock wall. Susan looked at me curiously and far too innocently. "Something wrong?"