Shakespeare Jest-Books Part 4

Thys tale shewyth you, that som man takyth _upon him for to teche_ other men wysdome, when he is but a fole hymselfe.

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[45] smock.

[46] _i.e._ who saw her.

[47] An unregistered proverb, perhaps. The meaning is tolerably clear.

See _Tarlton's Newes Out of Purgatarie_ (1590). edit. Halliwell, p. 93.

[48] Whither.

-- _Of the graye frere that answered his penytente._ xxiii.

-- A man there was that cam to confesse hym to a _prest and tolde_ hym, that he had layne with a yonge gentyll woman. The _prest then_ asked hym in what place; and he sayde it was in * * * all nyght longe in a soft warme bed. The frere herynge that * * * thys and sayd: Now, by swete seynt Francys, then, wast thou very[50] * * *

FOOTNOTES:

[49] I am myself responsible for these few words in italic, which I have supplied from conjecture.

-- _Of the gentylman that bare the sege borde on hys necke._ xxiv.

-- A CHANDELER beynge a wydower, dwellynge at Holborne, _neere_ London, had a fayr doughter whom a yonge gentelman of Dauys Ynne[51] woyd[52]

sore to haue hys pleasure of her, whyche by longe sute to her made, at the last graunted hym, and poynted hym to com upon a nyghte to her faders hous in the euenynge, and she wold conuey hym into her chamber secretly, which was an inner chamber within her faders chamber. So accordynge to the poyntment all thynge was performed, so that he lay wyth her all nyght, and made good chere tell about foure a clocke in the mornynge, at whyche tyme it fortunyd this yonge gentylman fell a coughynge, whych cam vpon hym so sore that he could not refrayn. Thys wench, than fering her fader that lay in the next chamber, bad hym go put hys hede in the draught, lest that her fader shold here hym: whych after her councel rose in his shyrte, and so dyd. But than because of the sauour of the draught it causyd hym to coughe moche more and louder, that the wenchys fader herde it, and askyd of hys daughter what man it was that coughed in her chamber. She aswered and said: no body. But euer this yong man coughed styll more and more, whom the fader herynge sayd: by G.o.ddes body! h.o.r.e, thou lyest; I wyll se who is there;--and rose out of his bedde. Thys wenche perceyued her fader rysinge, [and] cam to the gentylman and sayde: take hede syr to your selfe: for my fader comyth.

This gentylman, sodeynly therwyth aba.s.shyd, wolde haue pullyd his hede oute of the draughte hole, which was [so] very streyghte for hys hede that he pullyd the sege borde vp therwyth, and, [it] hangyng about his neck, ran vpon the fader beynge an olde man, and gaue hym a great fall and bare _him to the ground_.

_8 lines wanting._

here was two or thre skyttysh horses whych, when they se this gentylman ronnyng, start[ed] asyde and threwe downe the cart wyth colys, and drew _backe_ and brake the carte rope, wherby the colys fell out, some in one place and _some in_ another; and after the horses brake theyr tracys and ranne, some towarde Smythfelde and som toward Newgate. The colyar[53] ran after them, and was an houre and more, or[54] euer he coulde gette his horses to gyder agayne; by which tyme the people of the strete were rysen and cam to the _place_, and saw yt strawyn with colys.

Euery one for hys parte gaderyd vp _the colys, tyll the_ most parte of the colys were gone, or the colyar had got his horses _agayne_. _Duryng thys_ whyle the gentylman went thrugh Seynt Andrews _Chyrch Yarde towarde_ Dauys Inne, and there met with the s.e.xten commynge to attend to _ring the bell for_ morow mas: whych, whan he saw the gentylman in the _Chyrche Yarde in hys_ shyrt wyth the draught borde[55] about his neck, had wend[56] _it had ben a spryt, and_ cried: alas, alas, a spryt! and ran back again to his house almost atte b * * for fere was almoste out of his wytte that he was the worse _a long time after_. This gentilman, than, because dauys inne gatys were not open, _ranne to the ba_cksyde and lept ouer the garden wal; but, in lepyng, the draught-bord so troubled hym, that he fell downe into the gardyn and had almoste broken his necke: and ther he lay styll, tyll that the pryncypall cam into the garden; which, wan he saw hym lye there, had wente some man had ben slayne and there caste ouer the wall, and durst not come nye him, tyll he had callyd vp hys companye which, when many of the gentylmen[57] wer com to gether loked well vppon hym, and knewe hym, and after releuyd hym; but the borde that was about hys necke caused his hed so to swell, that they coulde not gette it of, tyll they were mynded to cutte it of with hatchettys. Thus was the wenche well iaped,[58] and for fere she ranne from her fader; her faders arme was hurte; the colyar lost his coles; the s.e.xton was almost out of hys wyt; and the gentylman had almost broke his necke.

FOOTNOTES:

[50] Perhaps this story, of which we have here a fragment only, was similar to the one narrated a little farther on. See Tale 57.

[51] Thavies Inn, near St. Andrew's Church, in Holborn.

[52] wooed.

[53] Orig. reads _that the colyar_.

[54] before.

[55] the seat of the commode.

[56] weened.

-- _Of the merchantes wyfe that sayd she wolde take a nap at sermon._ xxv.

-- A marchantys wyfe there was in Bowe parysh in London, somewhat slepte in age, to whom her mayde cam on a Sonday in Lente after dyner and sayde: maystres, quod she, they rynge at Saynte Thomas of Acres, for there shall be a sermon prechyd anon; to whome the mastres answered and sayde: mary! G.o.ddys blessynge haue thy harte for warnynge me thereof; and because I slepte not well all this nyght, I pray the brynge my stole to me: for I wyll go thyder to loke, whether I can take a nappe there, whyle the preest is prechynge.

By this ye may se, that many one goth to chyrch as moch for other thynges as for deuocyon.

FOOTNOTES:

[57] Orig. reads _gentylman_.

[58] mocked, made a jest of. See Nares (edit. 1859) _in voce_.

-- _Of the woman that said and she lyued another yere she wolde haue a c.o.c.koldes hatte of her owne._ xxvi.

_Of the above tale but a few words remain in the fragment._

-- _Of the gentylman that wysshed his tothe in the gentylwomans tayle._ xxvii.

-- A gentylman and gentylwoman satte to gyder talkyng, _which gentylman_ had great pain in one of his tethe, and hapnyd to say _to the gentylwo_man thus: I wys, maystres, I haue a tothe in my hede which _greuyth me u_ery sore: wherfore I wold it were in your tayl. She, heryng him _say this, answe_ryed thus: in good fayth, syr, yf your tothe were in my tayle it coulde _do it but lytle_ good; but yf there be any thynge in my tayle that can do your tothe good, I wolde it were in your tothe.

By this ye may se that a womans answere is seldome to seke.[59]

-- _Of the Welcheman that confessyd hym howe he had slayne a frere._ xxviii.

-- In the tyme of Lente, a Welcheman cam to be confessyd of his curate; whych in his confessyon sayde that he had kylled a frere; to whome the curate sayd he coulde nat a.s.soyle hym. Yes, quod the Welchman, yf thou knewest all, thou woldest a.s.soyle me well ynoughe; and when the curate had commandyd hym to shew hym all the case, he sayd thus: mary, there were ii freres; and I myght haue slayn them bothe, yf I had lyst; but I let the one scape: therfore mayster curate set the tone agaynst the tother, and than the offence is not so great but ye may a.s.soyle me well ynoughe.

By this ye may se, that dyuers men haue so euyll and larg conscyence that they thynke, yf they do one good dede or refrayn from doynge of one euyll synne, that yt ys satysfaccyon for other _synnes_ and ofencys.

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