Raising Freethinkers_ A Practical Guide Part 18

A: The most accurate way to phrase the policy is that religious belief is required. If atheists were prohibited, an "unlabeled" child would be permitted.

But the Boy Scouts organization requires the declaration of religious belief.

From the BSA's Declaration of Religious Principle: The BSA maintains that no member can grow into the best kind of citizen without recognizing an obligation to G.o.d. The recognition of G.o.d as the ruling and leading power in the universe and the grateful acknowledgment of His favors and blessings are necessary to the best type of citizenship and are wholesome precepts in the education of the growing members.

213.

Raising Freethinkers: A Practical Guide for Parenting Beyond Belief The Scout Oath also begins with "On my honor I will do my best to do my duty to G.o.d and my country."

So no, it is not pa.s.sive. A Boy Scout is required to actively and repeatedly affirm belief in G.o.d.

Q: But all of my son's friends are joining Scouts, and he wants to sign up. Should I let him join?

A: This is essentially an ethical question, one you can and should discuss with your son. But since the issue often arises at the age of 8, it will ultimately be up to you as parents to decide.

The Boy Scouts of America has a national policy that bans atheists (and gays) from membership. Certain troops may not enforce the policy, but (as noted above) members must repeatedly affirm religious belief in the Scout Oath. Scouts who do not believe-and note that this includes "unlabeled" children, who have not yet decided the question of belief-must lie when speak- ing the Oath, unless their troop leader is willing to let them modify the Oath.

We'll call that Ethical Issue number one.

The second ethical issue: Such a policy, if enforced, demands that children take a religious stand-something directly opposed to the "best practice" of leaving children free of labels.

Third issue: Membership in an organization implies a certain level of en- dors.e.m.e.nt of the group's policies. Some feel that being a Boy Scout (or allowing your son to join) lends some support and credence to discrimination based on religious belief and s.e.xual orientation.

This doesn't add up to a slam dunk decision. Different parents can rea- sonably come to different conclusions about whether to join. If you are unsure of your decision, talk with the local troop leader who would be working with your son. Explain your concerns and see how he or she reacts. Look over the materials that your son would be using and see if the troop leader is willing to let your son say modified versions of oaths that mention G.o.d and do modified activities for merit badges that have a religious component if they make you uncomfortable. Let the troop leader know that you are committed to letting your son make his own decisions about religious ideas as he grows up, but you don't want him to be in an environment where he is taught (implic-itly or explicitly) that nonreligious people are lacking in moral values or are somehow morally inferior to religious people.

214.Talk with your son as well. Let him know about the policy and see what he thinks. The attractions of joining will generally outweigh an ethical argument at this age. If he still wants to join after your discussion, and you agree, let him know that he should keep thinking about it while a member. Make sure that he knows he is not required to partic.i.p.ate in oaths or activities that he disagrees with and that he can always talk to you about any problems that arise.

And if you are not comfortable letting your son join, explain why and help him seek out other activities.

Additional Resources * Margaret Downey's essay "Teaching Children to Stand on Principle" in Parenting Beyond Belief.

* Scouting For All ( www.scoutingforall.org), an organization committed to re-forming the Boy Scouts of America into a nondiscriminatory organization. an organization committed to re-forming the Boy Scouts of America into a nondiscriminatory organization.

Q: My daughter is interested in Girl Scouts. Does Girl Scouting have the same discriminatory policies?

A: No, it doesn't. Despite the presence of "G.o.d" in the Girl Scout Promise, the Girl Scouts organization (which is entirely independent of the Boy Scouts) has gone out of its way to spell out nondiscriminatory policies. The results have not been perfect-there have been local reports of discriminatory acts contrary to the organization's principles-but that's to be expected in a group of this size.

The att.i.tude of Girl Scouts USA regarding religious belief is summed up in a landslide 1993 vote by which the organization adopted a measure to permit its members to subst.i.tute another word or phrase for "G.o.d" in the Girl Scout Promise. A 2003 statement t.i.tled "What We Stand For" included this outstandingly clear pa.s.sage: The Girl Scout organization does not endorse or promote any particular philosophy or religious belief. Our movement is secular and is founded on American democratic principles, one of which is freedom of religion. 11 11 A 1991 policy letter also clarified the policy on s.e.xual orientation: As a private organization, Girl Scouts of the USA respects the values and beliefs of each of its members and does not intrude into personal matters.

Therefore, there are no membership policies on s.e.xual preference." 12 12 215.

Raising Freethinkers: A Practical Guide for Parenting Beyond Belief Q: Are there alternatives to the traditional scouting organizations?

A: Partly as a result of the discriminatory policies of BSA and other concerns with traditional Scouting (including reinforcement of gender roles, the emphasis on obedience, and other issues), several alternatives have recently developed, including: * Earth Scouts ( www.earthscouts.org): "Earth Scouts is an inclusive, co-educational scouting program . . . [emphasizing] sustainability, equity and nonviolence." "Earth Scouts is an inclusive, co-educational scouting program . . . [emphasizing] sustainability, equity and nonviolence." 13 13 * Spiral Scouts ( www.spiralscouts.org): "SpiralScouts thrives on . . . religious tolerance and interfaith cooperation, personal responsibility, and ecolog-ical education and conservation, in order to help our children learn to "SpiralScouts thrives on . . . religious tolerance and interfaith cooperation, personal responsibility, and ecolog-ical education and conservation, in order to help our children learn to grow into . . . citizens of the world." 14 14 The Spiral Scouts grew out of a pagan religious tradition, and some of the terms they use like "circles" and The Spiral Scouts grew out of a pagan religious tradition, and some of the terms they use like "circles" and "hearths" for their troops reflect that tradition, but their activities are meant to be for kids from any tradition. Their website provides more information and a way to find a circle near you.

Q: I want my kids to be part of a freethinking community, but I don't want them labeled as atheists before they've had a chance to think through their ideas for themselves. How can I expose them to a freethought community without them being labeled or indoctrinated?

A: You've got exactly the right idea. There's a consensus emerging among freethinkers that children need to come to their own conclusions about their religious (or nonreligious) beliefs, and concern about labeling and indoctrination is taken very seriously. Freethinkers by definition have come to their beliefs due to their own thinking, reading, and reflection, and most understand that their kids are ent.i.tled to no less. Many freethinkers had negative experiences with religious indoctrination in childhood and understand that the best way to turn a child off to an idea-any idea-is to force-feed it to her.

One of the core missions of The Richard Dawkins Foundation for Reason and Science ( www.richarddawkinsfoundation.org) is raising awareness about the problem of labeling children based on the religious (or nonreligious) beliefs of their parents. Camp Quest also avoids labeling children and instead seeks to create a place where children can explore their developing worldviews free of the negative stereotypes and controversy that may be leveled at their families back home due to their parents' beliefs.

216.Even though the vast majority of freethinkers are on the same page re- garding this issue, not everyone is. Check out the children's freethought activities that your child is involved in just as vigorously as any other activity. Talk to the activity leaders about any concerns you have.

While most freethinkers won't try to label a child based on the parents'

beliefs, your child may be facing such labeling from others in the community.

Talk with your child about this, and help her to have ready responses, such as, "Why do you think I believe that just because my parents do? Do you always believe the same thing as your parents?" Remind your child that she is free to change her mind about her beliefs as often as she wishes, and that you recognize she has her own beliefs even if sometimes other adults may forget that.

When other adults label your child based on your beliefs, gently correct them: "Well, that's what I I believe, but if you want to know what my believe, but if you want to know what my son son believes, you'll have to ask him." believes, you'll have to ask him."

A nonreligious mom in Ohio answers questions about homeschooling for the nonreligious.

Q: Why did you decide to homeschool?

A: My daughter, Allison, was in second grade and having a hard time. My daughter, Allison, was in second grade and having a hard time.

She wasn't clicking with her teacher or her school. She was also being bullied about her nontheism. Two girls cornered her in the bathroom and told her she was going to h.e.l.l because she doesn't believe in G.o.d. Many other similar incidents happened. I talked to her teacher and the princ.i.p.al. Since the students were doing this of their own accord, the school other similar incidents happened. I talked to her teacher and the princ.i.p.al. Since the students were doing this of their own accord, the school wouldn't interfere. They said that if they put a stop to it, they would be vi-olating those students' right to free speech. Rather than face a lengthy wouldn't interfere. They said that if they put a stop to it, they would be vi-olating those students' right to free speech. Rather than face a lengthy battle, I decided to pull her out to homeschool. battle, I decided to pull her out to homeschool.

Q: Aren't all homeschoolers religious fundamentalists?

About three in four homeschoolers in the United States are evangelical Christians, but there are also a lot of nontheist homeschoolers. We're just Christians, but there are also a lot of nontheist homeschoolers. We're just a bit harder to find! We are becoming more vocal, though. Our main a bit harder to find! We are becoming more vocal, though. Our main way of connecting is through email groups [see the Resources section]. We support each other and help find secular school materials. support each other and help find secular school materials.

Q: So there are secular homeschool curricula?

A: Yes-we just have to be really careful what we buy. Most religious Yes-we just have to be really careful what we buy. Most religious publishers are proud of their theism and make it clear that their materials 217 217 are not secular. But some are sneaky. When I first began homeschooling, I thought I could use their books and just ignore the religious sentences, I thought I could use their books and just ignore the religious sentences, but I quickly realized their whole worldview is different from mine. Many but I quickly realized their whole worldview is different from mine. Many homeschool supply companies are openly Christian but do sell some secular materials. If I see a warning that a book is by a secular publisher and homeschool supply companies are openly Christian but do sell some secular materials. If I see a warning that a book is by a secular publisher and may be offensive, that's the book I buy! may be offensive, that's the book I buy!

Q: Where do you find secular resources?

A: If you do an Internet search of secular homeschool resources, you'll If you do an Internet search of secular homeschool resources, you'll find lots of links. Some people research and review materials and post find lots of links. Some people research and review materials and post lists. I recently ordered textbooks used in public schools. I've found them lists. I recently ordered textbooks used in public schools. I've found them all secular. They're expensive, though. You can also find slightly older edi-tions on eBay at a large discount. I also order books from Great Britain all secular. They're expensive, though. You can also find slightly older edi-tions on eBay at a large discount. I also order books from Great Britain and have been very pleased with them. and have been very pleased with them.

Q: What about socialization?

A: This is the most common question homeschoolers hear. Socialization This is the most common question homeschoolers hear. Socialization can be particularly tough for nontheists. I've been to many gatherings where people a.s.sume I'm religious. I had a choice: Proclaim my Humanism, possibly alienating my daughter and myself from the group, or I could where people a.s.sume I'm religious. I had a choice: Proclaim my Humanism, possibly alienating my daughter and myself from the group, or I could keep quiet and scream later. When Allison was younger, I chose to bite keep quiet and scream later. When Allison was younger, I chose to bite my tongue. We were new to homeschooling, and she needed all the play-mates she could find. my tongue. We were new to homeschooling, and she needed all the play-mates she could find.

Now I'm more open. Also, since Allison is older, she's more forthright herself with her friends. Luckily, a wonderful woman in town started a secular homeschooling group. We're the Mid Ohio Secular Homeschoolers. herself with her friends. Luckily, a wonderful woman in town started a secular homeschooling group. We're the Mid Ohio Secular Homeschoolers.

We finally have a place to fit in and be completely ourselves! We sometimes discuss secular materials, but mostly we get together just for support and friendship. Allison feels so free now that she can openly discuss her nontheism. The kids encourage each other to stand up for freethought. her nontheism. The kids encourage each other to stand up for freethought.

They also help each other deal with hara.s.sment about their lifestyles.

Q: What are the pros and cons of homeschooling?

A: For us, the biggest benefit of homeschooling has been the lifestyle. For us, the biggest benefit of homeschooling has been the lifestyle.

We are free to go where we please, and we find learning experiences everywhere. Learning doesn't just take place in four walls of a school-room! We are trying to raise Allison as a citizen of the world, and we are able to do that through homeschooling. We travel as much as possible, able to do that through homeschooling. We travel as much as possible, paying lower off-season prices. We choose our own materials and style of learning. Also, my daughter is no longer bullied for being a Humanist.

218.The main "con" of homeschooling is that we have to actively seek out social experiences. Allison loves being around kids, and sometimes she misses being around cla.s.smates all day. Occasionally, we get on each others' nerves since we're together most of the time. We work it out through misses being around cla.s.smates all day. Occasionally, we get on each others' nerves since we're together most of the time. We work it out through open communication. We feel learning to get along and talk things out is open communication. We feel learning to get along and talk things out is an important life skill for kids. Also, we have to deal with the stereotype an important life skill for kids. Also, we have to deal with the stereotype of homeschoolers being religious. We like to open people's minds and let of homeschoolers being religious. We like to open people's minds and let them know all kinds of people homeschool. them know all kinds of people homeschool.

Don't let being a nontheist stop you from homeschooling. We can support each other and make our voices heard. As the number of nontheist homeschoolers grows, publishers will see the need in the market and publish more materials for us. homeschoolers grows, publishers will see the need in the market and publish more materials for us.

Deciding to homeschool can be a scary decision. I was really nervous at first, but now I'm absolutely sure it's the right decision for our family.

-Amy Page, Mid Ohio Secular Homeschoolers, 219.

Raising Freethinkers: A Practical Guide for Parenting Beyond Belief Activities This Activities section includes ideas for finding communities, build- ing communities, and exploring the idea of community.

The Belief-O-Matic Quiz www.beliefnet.com > Belief-O-Matic Age 12+ > Belief-O-Matic Age 12+ Have friends and family take the Belief-O-Matic Quiz at www.beliefnet.com.

Answer twenty multiple-choice questions about your beliefs and receive a list of belief systems and your percentage of agreement with each. A fascinating exercise in community building and in demonstrating the common ground among belief systems.

Hit the Road to Find Freethought Communities All ages Visit local freethought groups, UU congregations, or Ethical Societies. Learn about what they have to offer and look for ways your family can get involved.

Famous Freethinkers, Humanist Heroes All ages Most kids grow up completely unaware of the many contributions made by the nonreligious. Just as the theistic worldviews of Martin Luther King and Mahatma Gandhi informed and energized their work and character, so nonthe- istic, humanistic values informed the lives and work of such towering figures as John Stuart Mill, Susan B. Anthony, Jane Addams, Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, and countless others. Next time your child is choosing a famous subject for a book report or project, why not suggest a freethinker? Check out www.celebatheists.com for a list of several hundred atheists and agnostics, and pick out a few with your child about whom she is interested in learning more. for a list of several hundred atheists and agnostics, and pick out a few with your child about whom she is interested in learning more.

The Community Mural All ages Materials: butcher paper and crayons, markers, or paint Start by brainstorming what a community is. Help kids to move beyond the physical community into the concept of shared values and traditions. Have 220.the kids draw or paint a mural with their own vision of community. Ask that they include pictures of people doing things that help to bind a community together. Follow up by talking about ways to support each other and keep communities together.

Guru2Go All ages (Works best in groups of twelve or more, in relatively small age range) 1. Tell the children you are looking for four "gurus"-kids who can teach something they know in 3 to 4 minutes. (Help them brainstorm ideas: Tell the children you are looking for four "gurus"-kids who can teach something they know in 3 to 4 minutes. (Help them brainstorm ideas: Have you been to another country? Do you know how stars form? Can you explain how trees turn sunlight into food?) 2. Have the four gurus spread out in the room. Divide the remaining kids into groups of three. Have the four gurus spread out in the room. Divide the remaining kids into groups of three.

3. One from each group goes to a guru, who then teaches what he or she knows. The learners listen, ask questions, and take notes. One from each group goes to a guru, who then teaches what he or she knows. The learners listen, ask questions, and take notes.

4. The learners come back to their groups and teach what they learned. The learners come back to their groups and teach what they learned.

5. Repeat with new gurus. Repeat with new gurus.

Common Bonds All ages, groups of eight or morethe more, the better Materials: scratch pads, pens, butcher paper, markers 1. Have kids pair up. Have kids pair up.

2. Each pair talks to discover something they have in common (an interest, a preference, a talent, an experience, etc.), then writes it down. Each pair talks to discover something they have in common (an interest, a preference, a talent, an experience, etc.), then writes it down.

3. Each pair then finds another pair. Kids determine something that all four members have in common and write it down. Each pair then finds another pair. Kids determine something that all four members have in common and write it down.

4. Each group of four then finds another group of four and determines something all eight have in common. Each group of four then finds another group of four and determines something all eight have in common.

5. Continue to entire group. Continue to entire group.

6. Make a mural ill.u.s.trating each level of community. Make a mural ill.u.s.trating each level of community.

221.

Raising Freethinkers: A Practical Guide for Parenting Beyond Belief All My Friends and Neighbors All ages, groups of ten to sixty or more. Kids and adults can play this game together.

Materials: open field or floor s.p.a.ce and enough chairs for everyone in the group minus one.

This is a game we play at Camp Quest to help everyone get to know each other.

Set up the chairs in a circle, with one chair fewer than the number of partic.i.p.ants. The person starting the game stands in the middle and says something true about him- or herself, beginning with the phrase "All my friends and neighbors . . ." Example: "All my friends and neighbors like math cla.s.s the best." Everyone in the circle for whom that statement is true, and the person in the middle, runs and finds a new chair somewhere else in the circle (usually they aren't allowed to take the chair right next to them). The new person who is left without a chair goes to the middle and says something true about him-or herself, like "All my friends and neighbors know how to knit." Repeat until you're ready to move on.

Tips: Try to discourage merely visible attributes. You don't learn nearly as much about each other if most of the rounds are, "All my friends and neighbors are wearing blue jeans." Encourage people to be careful not to collide with each other or tip over their chairs when sitting down. If some of the younger partic.i.p.ants are getting in the middle over and over, help them get to a chair, or have them swap with someone who hasn't been in the middle yet. Try to discourage merely visible attributes. You don't learn nearly as much about each other if most of the rounds are, "All my friends and neighbors are wearing blue jeans." Encourage people to be careful not to collide with each other or tip over their chairs when sitting down. If some of the younger partic.i.p.ants are getting in the middle over and over, help them get to a chair, or have them swap with someone who hasn't been in the middle yet.

"Yeah, But . . ."

Ages 8 and up. Groups of two to eight. If more are partic.i.p.ating, break them into a few groups.

Materials: Topics for argument appropriate to the age group.

This is an activity used at Camp Quest to encourage kids to think on their feet and argue both sides of an issue. It's adapted from an activity called "Chain Debate" that is used as a warmup for high school policy debate teams. It's good for small groups of kids ages 8 and up. It can also be used as a way to air a disagreement in the group and get the issues on the table. The lesson here is that there are multiple sides to issues. Understanding the arguments of people who disagree with you can help you make better arguments for your own position-or may even change your mind. When you are working with a group, 222.you may not agree, but you can find a way to discuss the issue and work together.

1. Sit in a circle with the group. Sit in a circle with the group.

2. Explain that you're going to start a topic, and each person has to respond to the argument made by the person who went directly before her. No Explain that you're going to start a topic, and each person has to respond to the argument made by the person who went directly before her. No matter what her personal beliefs are, she should argue against against the point made by the person immediately before her. the point made by the person immediately before her.

3. Start a topic by stating a position and giving a reason. For example, "Kids should wear uniforms to school because then they don't have to compete Start a topic by stating a position and giving a reason. For example, "Kids should wear uniforms to school because then they don't have to compete with each other over whose family can afford the coolest designer clothes."

4. The person next to you then responds. For example, "Kids shouldn't have to wear school uniforms because wearing their own clothes allows them The person next to you then responds. For example, "Kids shouldn't have to wear school uniforms because wearing their own clothes allows them to express their individuality, which they can do even with inexpensive clothes."

5. The next person argues against the person immediately before him. It's important to point out that this person should respond to the The next person argues against the person immediately before him. It's important to point out that this person should respond to the new reason new reason being offered, rather than just restating what the first person said. For example, "Individuality can be expressed by kids in other ways at school, and since the school should be an environment where kids focus on learning, being offered, rather than just restating what the first person said. For example, "Individuality can be expressed by kids in other ways at school, and since the school should be an environment where kids focus on learning, they should wear school uniforms so that they aren't distracted by clothes."

6. Go around until everyone has had at least one turn. In smaller groups you may want to go around the circle with the same issue more than once. If Go around until everyone has had at least one turn. In smaller groups you may want to go around the circle with the same issue more than once. If you have an odd number of partic.i.p.ants in the circle, the second time around everyone will argue the opposite side as before. You can achieve this with an even number by having the organizer pa.s.s to the next person when it comes back around to his or her turn.

Tips: Selecting topics that are relevant and approachable to kids in the age group you are working with helps make this activity a success. Ideas include school uniforms, curfews, household ch.o.r.es, homework. Pick something that Selecting topics that are relevant and approachable to kids in the age group you are working with helps make this activity a success. Ideas include school uniforms, curfews, household ch.o.r.es, homework. Pick something that kids will know enough about that they can come up with reasons and some- thing that clearly has two points of view that can be defended somewhat equally. For older partic.i.p.ants, choose topics that are more complex or abstract. Have several topic choices written down when you start the activity, and if one topic isn't working well, move on to something else.

223.

Raising Freethinkers: A Practical Guide for Parenting Beyond Belief Group Story All ages, for groups of any size Materials: none needed; can use paper and pencils or markers Gather the group together and let everyone know that you're going to be telling (or writing) stories. But there is a catch: You're going to tell them together.

Form a circle. The first person in the circle offers a single word to begin the story. Each person adds just one word to the story when it comes around. The word has to fit grammatically with what has been said before-otherwise it can be anything you want. Keep going until the story comes to a natural stopping point.

Alternative 1: Instead of going around in a circle, have someone act as the Instead of going around in a circle, have someone act as the "pointer" and point to whomever they want to add the next word.

Alternative 2: Pa.s.s around a piece of paper and have each person add his or her word in writing, then at the end have someone read the whole story aloud. Pa.s.s around a piece of paper and have each person add his or her word in writing, then at the end have someone read the whole story aloud.

This way no one knows what is happening in the story until the paper reaches him or her, and no one knows the whole story until the end.

Alternative 3: Instead of adding just one word, have partic.i.p.ants add a certain number of words or a whole sentence. Instead of adding just one word, have partic.i.p.ants add a certain number of words or a whole sentence.

Blob Tag All ages; best for ten or more partic.i.p.ants Materials: an open, s.p.a.ce safe for running around One person starts out "it" and tries to tag others. When someone is tagged, instead of just that person being it, that person joins hands with the person who is it. Together they try to tag more people. The "it" blob grows until everyone has been tagged.

Alternative: If playing with a large group, you can have the "it" blob break in half and form two blobs once you reach a certain number. If playing with a large group, you can have the "it" blob break in half and form two blobs once you reach a certain number.

224.Team Spirit All ages, for groups of 3 or more Materials: big paper, markers, sc.r.a.p paper, pencils, or pens In this activity kids create a team name, team chant, and team logo. A great activity to use on the first meeting of a group that will be together for some time or will meet repeatedly. Depending on the size of the group, you may have all the kids work together to create one team ident.i.ty, or you may group the kids into a few separate teams and have each group create an ident.i.ty. Smaller teams can be especially good if you have a large group and wish to rotate between activities or have ready-made teams to play team games later. If you are creating several teams, have the groups number off randomly or have the adults create the groups so that people mix together with folks they don't know as well.

1. Give each group pencils or pens and some sc.r.a.p paper. Give groups 15 minutes to come up with a team name. Remind the groups that they Give each group pencils or pens and some sc.r.a.p paper. Give groups 15 minutes to come up with a team name. Remind the groups that they can use whatever method they want to for coming up with a name but should agree on the method (for example: voting, consensus, or picking from the best choices out of a hat) and the team name should be some- thing that the people in the group like being a.s.sociated with.

2. Once the group has come up with a name, give it another 10 minutes to come up with a chant or a cheer for the group. Let groups know that the Once the group has come up with a name, give it another 10 minutes to come up with a chant or a cheer for the group. Let groups know that the chant should be something to cheer on the group, not something that puts other teams down.

3. Then give the group another 15 minutes to come up with a logo for the team using the scratch paper to work out a design. Then give the group another 15 minutes to come up with a logo for the team using the scratch paper to work out a design.

4. Once each group has a logo design, hand out markers and big sheets of paper so that each team can draw and color in its logo. The logos can hang in the common meeting room or identify places in the room for teams to Once each group has a logo design, hand out markers and big sheets of paper so that each team can draw and color in its logo. The logos can hang in the common meeting room or identify places in the room for teams to gather.