Pegasus: A Novel Part 14

"You think I don't know what you've been up to, hiding Jews and making trouble! Always the innocent aristocrat, looking down your nose at us. And now you think you can blow up a munitions train and get away with it! We've been watching you for months." He was shaking with anger. Alex only smiled.

"Have you? It must be disappointing for you. I lead a quiet life." If he was trying to scare him, he hadn't, but Alex had his hand on the pistol in his pocket, just in case. It was the gun he'd been given the first night his tenant came to see him with the man he had hidden in his wine cellar for two days.

"Not so quiet as you'd like us to think. And when the Allies come, you'll welcome them with open arms?"

"Are they coming?" Alex asked, feigning surprise. "What interesting news. I haven't heard that on the radio."

"What have you heard?" the colonel asked, as the horse danced and he approached.

"About our victories on the eastern front, and how the British are cowering beneath our bombs. Is that not true, Colonel? Propaganda or truth?"

"You traitor!" the colonel said as he drew closer. "I hate your kind! Always supercilious! You think you're better than everyone else, because you were born with a t.i.tle and a schloss, and can do anything you want."

"And you think you can steal it from us, and be one of us. You're not, any more than the Fuehrer. You can't steal it, Colonel. You have to be born to it. That's how it works."

"You b.a.s.t.a.r.d!" the colonel shouted at him, and c.o.c.ked the pistol he held at Alex's head.

"You can kill me, or drive us out of Germany." Alex was speaking for Nick then. "But there are thousands more like us, and we'll win in the end. Truth is mightier than the sword, and so is honor. You can't dishonor us. You can kill us, but there will always be more of us than of you." As he said it with eyes full of hate and rage, the colonel pulled the trigger. He wanted to silence him forever. But Alex had had his pistol pointed at him, ready and c.o.c.ked. And as the colonel fired, so did Alex-not at the man but at the horse, which Alex knew would be the final blow to him, and far more subtle. As Alex fell dead to the ground, so did Favory beneath the colonel. Alex had had the last laugh, and he had chosen the most elegant exit, which was so like him. He was a n.o.bleman to the end.

Chapter 25.

The summer of 1944 was a strange season for the circus, too, a summer of disasters. They had decided to change their route that year, and went north in the early months of the tour, planning to head west later, so instead of California in July, they were in Hartford, Connecticut. And on July 6, with the big cats in the center ring for the first act, a fire broke out in the first twenty minutes of the show. It began as a small blaze but ran up the sidewall of the tent. The band broke into "Stars and Stripes Forever" immediately, which was the agreed-upon SOS signal to all circus personnel that something was amiss, without alarming the crowd. And the ringmaster attempted to warn the audience to leave the tent and not panic, but a power failure caused his announcement to go unheard when the microphone died, just as people began noticing the flames. They stampeded toward the exits, two of which were blocked by the big cat cages and tunnels that funneled them into the ring. Pandemonium broke out, as people became separated from their children, and the paraffin-coated tent, which had been treated for waterproofing, erupted in a blaze and collapsed within eight minutes, to the horror of the audience, the crew, and all who saw it. From then on it became a battle to save those inside, rescue children, find parents, get the animals as far away as possible, and put the fire out. A hundred and sixty-eight people were killed, and more than seven hundred were injured, and everyone a.s.sociated with the circus was devastated and shocked at the loss of life and the damage. Some of the victims had been burned beyond recognition, but many were killed by the crowd trampling them as they tried to flee. It was a tragedy like none other they had experienced.

Five officials of the circus were later charged with involuntary manslaughter, and the circus accepted full financial responsibility to pay whatever damages were requested. But the tragedy had left its mark on them all. John Ringling North was no longer running the circus then and had left it a year earlier, but everyone a.s.sociated with the circus was in deep grief over what had happened. Nick and Christianna and everyone they knew were deeply shaken. And tragically for those who knew and loved him, Joe Herlihy had been killed in the fire. He had just come back from a scouting trip and wanted to see some new additions to the show. Nick and Christianna were heartbroken by the loss of a good friend.

The circus closed down during the investigation, and opened in Akron, Ohio, a month later. Disheartened by what had happened, and working without a tent in heat and bad weather, they made it as far as Texas, decided to end the season early, and went back to Sarasota. And once back in Florida, after the disaster, Nick knew it was time. He wanted to leave the circus. It was an insecure, nomadic existence, and he wanted a normal life for their children, and he said as much to Christianna.

"This is normal," she insisted. She had never known anything else, but he had, and even if he could no longer provide the way of life he had grown up in, he wanted stability for them. He wanted more than tattooed freaks and bearded ladies, high-wire acts and big cats, and jugglers and contortionists, for Chloe and Lucas. He knew that Lucas would miss the clowns and the friends he had made in the past six years, but he wanted Chloe to grow up in a healthy, sane atmosphere, like other children. But no matter what he said, he couldn't convince Christianna. She wanted to stay at all costs. And what her father had predicted was proving to be true. Nick knew he would leave someday.

In November, Nick got a letter from Marianne that nearly broke his heart. He had been afraid of hearing it for months. British Military Intelligence, at the request of Charles Beaulieu, had been able to discover that Alex had been engaged in subversive activities in his area, against the authorities on a small scale, and had saved many lives. He had done all he could to undermine the n.a.z.is and help Jews, and had even helped to blow up a munitions train as a final mission. And the same morning, he had been shot and killed and his body dumped on his doorstep. He was buried in the family cemetery by one of his tenant farmers. But there was no question now as to what had happened to Nick's old friend. Alex was dead and had been for several months, and Marianne was devastated when she shared it with Nick.

He wrote her a long letter of sympathy in response, but once again Nick had suffered another painful loss, and Christianna was worried about him. He was restless and unhappy and sad, and even Chloe's antics didn't always cheer him. The war had gone on for too long for all of them, and taken too high a toll.

And in England, Isabel said the same to Charles. She was frantic about Marianne, who was a young girl leading an old woman's life, and was seriously melancholy after she learned in October of her father's death. After the shock of losing Edmund two years before, she was deeply depressed again. She had been widowed for two and a half years. And although Marianne adored Violet, her sadness over her father's death was greater than any pleasure she derived from her little girl.

"There's nothing we can do about it," Charles said, looking tired. Isabel was always trying to solve everyone's problems, but there was no lightening the burden of the war until it was over. Simon had been injured the year before and was back in action. That was stressful enough for them after losing Edmund. It was a terrible time for them all. Charles thought they just had to tough through it.

"I think we should send her to London," Isabel said with her latest brainstorm.

"What, and have her killed by a bomb or falling debris from a burnt-out building? Are you mad?"

"Not everyone gets killed in London. I'll admit I don't like the idea much myself, but she's twenty-three years old, and she has no friends here, nothing to look forward to or to do. They may be dropping bombs on London, but there are parties and people and young officers to flirt with."

"Oh, for heaven's sake. Wait till the war is over, Izzie." But she was worried about Marianne and how despondent she had been since her father's death. She didn't even seem to be enjoying Violet these days, who was an enchanting child.

"We can keep the little one here. At least send her up for a visit. She's too depressed over her father's death. She needs to get out of here."

She argued with him for a month, and finally after Christmas, she sent Marianne to London to stay with cousins of the Beaulieus who had a lovely house on Belgravia Square, near a bomb shelter. At first Marianne said she didn't want to go, but by the time she left, she looked brighter again, and she was excited about her London visit. Isabel had chosen their cousins for Marianne to stay with because they had a daughter the same age, and she could introduce Marianne to some young people for a change. She had seen no one but her parents-in-law for four years. And Marianne herself didn't realize how much she had missed being with people her own age since Edmund died, until she got to London and their cousin Julie took her to a score of parties, and introduced her to everyone she knew. She convinced Marianne to extend her stay and got her a volunteer job at a hospital two days a week, and the rest of the time they were out every night. She missed Violet, but her time in London was therapeutic and restoring her, so Isabel urged her to stay there. Her trip to London was doing for her what Isabel had hoped. She sounded young again, and happier than she'd been in years.

Marianne called the Beaulieus regularly, and she sounded like a different person. And she didn't tell her mother-in-law, but on New Year's Day she had met a young officer from Virginia, an American named Arthur Garrison, and she had seen him almost every day since. She had never had so much fun in her life. And when she came back to Haversham in February to see her daughter, she looked like a different person. Even Charles had to admit it, and that Isabel's mad idea had been the right thing, as always. Her "mad ideas" were usually her best.

Charles had a serious talk with Marianne when she got back. The war was by no means over, but when it would be, she would have to decide what to do about Schloss Altenberg, and whether she would want to keep it or sell it. She couldn't imagine living in Germany again. Her life was in England with them, and it would be too sad for her at Altenberg without her father. She thought she would probably sell it, although she knew it would be painful to do so. For all this time she had hoped to go back, but without her father, it had lost meaning for her.

"I thought you'd feel that way," Charles said sensibly. "But I wanted to ask you. I'll help you when the time comes. And of course, my dear, we want you to stay here with us. You will always have a home here." And Edmund had left her a substantial amount in his will, which she hadn't expected. Charles knew that her father had had a considerable fortune and extensive lands. Germany was liable to be in very bad shape after the war, but she was his sole heir. And between Edmund and her father, she'd been left a very substantial amount of money. She was set for life.

Marianne went back to London after a week and saw Arthur Garrison again. They shared a pa.s.sion for horses. He had a horse farm in Virginia where his family raised them. He had inherited it right before the war when his parents died, and she told him about her father's Lipizzaners. He was fascinated by them, and by her, but he also noticed how reticent she was to let any romance develop between them. She had fun with him, and loved talking to him, but she treated him more like a friend, and he finally questioned her about it one night after dinner.

"I lost my husband two and a half years ago," she said quietly, "in a bombing raid over Germany. And my father this year. I hadn't seen him in four years since I came to England. And my mother died when I was born." She took a breath and tried to explain to him what she was feeling. "I just don't want to lose any more people in my life. All I have are my daughter and my parents-in-law. I'm afraid that if I get attached to anyone else, they'll die too." It was as honest and direct as she could be with him, and tears stood out in her eyes as she said it.

"You're twenty-three years old, Marianne. You can't be afraid to love anyone for the rest of your life, because they might die. That's not fair. When the war is over, we'll all go back to normal lives. No one will be flying bombing raids, or having bombs dropped on them. We'll live with the risks of ordinary life."

"The only family I ever had was my father," she said sadly. "Now he's gone. My best friends died or left Germany. And I'll never go back to live in Germany again. My parents-in-law want me to stay here. And the only man I ever loved was Edmund, and he died the day before my daughter was born. I don't know if I have the courage to try again." Arthur was five years older than she was, and mature for his age.

"You've paid a high price for this war. Now you're going to have to learn to live with peacetime."

"It's not over yet," she reminded him. He could still die, as any number of people could.

"It will be soon. You can't live hidden away in the country forever either. You're too young to do that."

"Maybe I'll move to London," she said vaguely. She really didn't know what she wanted to do yet. He was kind and attentive, and they had the same interests. He was very attractive, and protective of her. And she truly liked him.

"Will you give me a chance, Marianne?" he said softly. "Please?" He had never met anyone like her.

"I don't know if I can," she said fairly.

"Let's do it together," he said with a kind expression. It was one of the things she liked best about him, his gentleness, and how well he treated her. So had Edmund and her father. Arthur reminded her a lot of Edmund in that way, although he was very American and soft-spoken with a Southern accent, and not British. And he didn't look anything like Marianne's late husband. He was as fair as Edmund had been dark, which was a relief. It would have been too strange if he looked like Edmund. But they had the same loving spirit. "I won't push you," he promised. He was smart enough to know that that was a bad idea. She didn't answer, but she smiled at him, and she seemed calmer.

And for the next several weeks, they went to dinner and saw friends. He was an adjutant to a general, so he was not flying missions, and she didn't need to worry about his dying from being in danger. He came down to Haversham to visit her one weekend, and her parents-in-law liked him too. He was well bred and polite and as aristocratic as they were, in an American way. And he was wonderful with Violet, and she responded to him. Most of all, he was terrific to Marianne. But his circ.u.mstances and "real life" worried Isabel greatly about him, and she expressed it to Charles after he left.

"What if she marries him and goes to America with him?" she said sadly.

"Then we'll visit her, and she'll visit us. You said it yourself, we can't keep her locked up here forever. She's a young woman."

"I was thinking London, not Virginia," she said wistfully. And she would miss Violet so much if they left, but she knew Charles was right, and she wanted whatever was best for Marianne. And Arthur Garrison looked like he might be it. Only Marianne still wasn't convinced. She was keeping him at arm's length.

By early April, Arthur was discouraged. He had the feeling that Marianne would never let herself love again, or not for a long time. And he had fallen in love with her. He stopped calling her for a few days to give himself some air, and Marianne was surprised. She had gotten used to spending a lot of time with him for the past few months, and hearing from him constantly, whenever he wasn't working. She mentioned it to Julie, who suggested that she might have finally scared him off, and Marianne spent the next few days thinking about it, afraid she had. And she suddenly realized that she didn't want that to happen. She liked him more than she wanted to admit.

She sounded relieved when he finally called her again. "I missed you," she confessed, and he beamed when she said it.

"Well, that's good news. I figured that you'd be relieved not to hear from me." He had almost given up on her.

"I'm not relieved, Arthur," she said honestly. "I'm just scared."

"I know you are. Me too. But good things can be scary sometimes. You just have to be brave enough to grab them."

"I don't know if I'm that brave," or if she wanted to be, but she knew now that she didn't want to lose him either.

She was warmer when she saw him for dinner that night, and animated when they talked, and when he took her home this time, he kissed her. She hesitated at first, and then let herself go and kissed him with a pa.s.sion she had forgotten. He didn't press her for anything then. He kissed her lightly again and told her he'd call her in the morning, and she looked dreamy eyed when she walked into the house and Julie saw her.

"What happened to you?" Julie asked her, and Marianne smiled mysteriously and didn't answer. "Don't tell me Sleeping Beauty is waking up again. Good lord! Hallelujah!" Julie had been worried about her too. She'd been so frozen when she first came to London, as though everything inside her was dead.

"Maybe" was all Marianne would say, and went upstairs to bed. But when she saw Arthur again the following night, things were progressing nicely.

Two weeks later, after they'd been dancing all evening at a private club, they talked about Berlin falling soon, and she suddenly realized that when the war ended, he would be going home to Virginia. And thinking about it, she suddenly felt panicked. She said something about it to him, and he was happy to hear it.

"May I consider that a hopeful sign?" he asked her, and she smiled, and he kissed her. They had been doing a lot of kissing in the past few weeks, and she wasn't as disconnected as she feared. He could sense that she was a pa.s.sionate woman. She had just been badly wounded. But he was a patient man, and he was willing to spend a lifetime helping her recover. He was trying to let her know that, and he thought she was hearing him at last.

For the next few weeks, as the war ended in Germany, Arthur did everything he could to rea.s.sure her. They were together when the German surrender to the Allies was announced, and it was a day of jubilation in England and all over Europe. It was bittersweet for Marianne, without Edmund and her father. Arthur said he'd probably be going home in June, back to his horse farm in Virginia.

"I'll have to go to my home in Germany to decide what to do with it," she said with a look of profound sadness. "I'm pretty sure I'm going to sell it. I could never live there without my father, and now knowing he died there. I think he must have come to hate Germany in the end. I don't want to live there anymore. Charles Beaulieu said he'd help me put it on the market."

"And the horses?" he asked sympathetically.

"They're all gone. The Germans took them. The stables are empty. And the house. At least the German high command never took it." And then she smiled at him. "It was probably too drafty and too hard to heat." He laughed at that. Most European castles seemed to be, from what he'd seen. She wondered if Nick would sell their old schloss now, too, or if he'd come home. After seven years in America and a life there, she didn't think so. Germany was over for all of them.

They talked late into the night. And two weeks later, Arthur told her that he was going home at the end of June. She nodded sadly when he said it.

"I'd like to ask you something, Marianne," he said quietly. "I'll understand whatever you decide. But would you do me the honor of marrying me? I know this isn't easy for you, and it would be a whole new life in America. But I love you, and little Violet. I would love you to be my wife." She hesitated for an eternity as she looked at him, and he was sure she would say no. And then she nodded. He nearly fell out of his seat, and he wanted to whoop with glee. But he didn't want to scare her. Instead he kissed her and promised to take care of her for the rest of her life, and she believed him. And she didn't ask him never to die. She knew better now. Sometimes people died, even if they didn't mean to. They couldn't help it. And it didn't mean they didn't love you.

"I love you too," she said softly. "I'll try to be a good wife."

"You don't have to try to be anything," he said, kissing her again.

"I have to settle my father's estate in Germany, and put the house on the market. Maybe I could come in September."

"Whenever you're ready," he said peacefully. "I'll be waiting for you." And she knew he would be, for however long it took.

Chapter 26.

Arthur left for America at the end of June to be released from the army, and return to Virginia. And in July, Marianne went to Germany. It was the first time she'd been back in five years, and the country was a shambles. It broke her heart to see it. And it nearly killed her to see their schloss again, empty and sad and deserted. She took her father's old lawyer with her, and asked two of the tenant farmers and their wives to help her. She spent a week packing up the house. She had to dispose of her father's possessions, and many of her own. She had a big job deciding what to give away, and what to keep, or sell. She wanted to send a few family heirlooms to America, like their silver and her grandmother's china, and some furniture she loved, and a portrait of her father. And she spent a whole afternoon going through the treasures of her childhood. There were so many memories, and all of it made her sad now. In the end, she kept very little, and decided to sell a lot of the furniture and even the ancestral portraits with the schloss. She had never really liked them and had no use for them now.

And there was nothing for her to keep from the stables. All the Lipizzaners and Arabians were gone. She and the lawyer decided what price she wanted for the estate. Her father's cars had disappeared from the garage, even the Hispano-Suiza he had loved, stolen by the Third Reich as well. The objects mattered nothing to her. She missed her father. She had come to say goodbye.

She stopped at her father's unmarked grave, near the chapel on her estate. No one had ordered a headstone for him, since he had been killed by the Third Reich, and she asked the lawyer to do it. She visited the tenant farmers before she left, and thanked them for their many years of service to her father. She was a lady to her core, with all the sense of honor and responsibility that her father had taught her by his example.

And then she and the lawyer drove past the von Bingen schloss. It looked empty and deserted too. And she shuddered when she thought of who had lived there and that no one of the family would return. It was overwhelmingly sad.

Marianne felt as though she had crawled through hundreds of years of history when she left Germany and went back to Haversham. She hoped to never return. Her life there was over. It was finished. And it was a relief to go back to the Beaulieus. They truly were her only family now, other than Violet. She was going to America in September to marry Arthur, and Isabel and Charles were happy for her. She had promised to spend the summer with them, and to return as often as she could. And they were going to visit her in Virginia too.

She and Isabel walked in the gardens the day she returned from Altenberg, the way she used to with Edmund. She had come so far in the last five years, and the Beaulieus had been so good to her. She had grown up. Violet had thrived, and they had lost a son. The world had changed. And now she was going to America for a new life. She looked at Isabel and smiled as they walked back into the house, remembering how terrified she had been the day she arrived, and now this was home to her in many ways, and they were like her parents, not just Edmund's. And she could almost feel him with her as she walked into the morning room. Violet was there, playing with her grandfather, and looking so like her father.

It would be a new chapter for Marianne now, a new country, a new life, and finally she was ready. And she knew Edmund would have approved.

Nick had the same difficult decision to make as Marianne, once the war in Germany ended. He had a schloss, extensive lands, and tenant farms. The house and lands still belonged to him, now that the Third Reich had fallen and he could own his estate again. But unlike Marianne, he had no desire to go back, even for a visit. He was sure. His homeland had betrayed him. And he knew it would break his heart to see it all again, and the manor house where his father died of grief, upholding his duty to G.o.d and country till the end. And seeing Alex's deserted schloss now that he was dead would be no better.

Nick decided to sell all of it, and make his life in the States for good, in the country that had welcomed him. He told Christianna about his decision, and she wasn't surprised. She had always believed that he wouldn't go back to Germany, just as he said. Too much had happened there to hurt him.

Nick had contacted a Red Cross group and a Jewish refugee organization, trying to trace his mother, when the war ended, and in September, they told him what he had suspected. She had died with her husband, four children, and several other relatives, including her parents. The whole family had been wiped out, like so many others. It didn't surprise him, but it made him sad. She had had other children, but had never known him. He felt as though he had lost her again when they told him.

He was startled when his father's old lawyer contacted him, after their exchange of letters in the summer, asking for Nick's permission to sell the estate. He had been offered a handsome price by an Austrian count, to buy everything, and after a night's reflection, Nick took it. It wasn't a fortune like the one they'd had before the war, but it was a great deal of money, enough to do whatever he wanted. And he knew what that was. He wanted to buy the ranch in Santa Ynez that he'd been dreaming of for years. Either an existing one, once he started looking, or he would build one. But it was time. He had been with the circus for seven years. He had just turned fifty, and he wanted a home for them and their children.

He told Christianna that when they got back to Florida, he wanted to leave the circus, and buy a ranch in California. She was horrified when he told her. She had always hoped this day would never come. But he had the money to do it now, and provide a wonderful life for all of them. The days of poverty and hardship were over-and for him, his years with the circus.

"I can't go," Christianna said in a choked voice.

"Are you serious?" He looked shocked. "We can do whatever we want now. We don't have to live like gypsies in a trailer anymore."

"But this is all I know, Nick," she said, sounding panicked. She was twenty-eight years old, and this was the only life she'd ever known. And Chloe was two, and he wanted her to have more than the circus, before it became her only life, too, which it already was. He knew that Sandor and her brothers wouldn't like it, but he thought this was an important move for them. And he owed it to Lucas too. He was thirteen, and needed good schools now, and a future, not just clowns as his best friends, and the bearded lady.

Christianna was so upset that she wouldn't even talk to him about it. And she hadn't told her father, but whenever Nick tried to bring up the subject, she said she wouldn't leave the circus. He wanted to give notice immediately, but he agreed to wait until January or February, or even March or April when they left on tour. But he a.s.sured her again that they were leaving. And she refused to discuss it with him again. But Nick was determined, he had made the decision, and he had the money to buy or build a beautiful horse ranch and stock it with fine horses for breeding, even Lipizzaners if he wanted. He had freedom again now, but had learned so much in the meantime.

Nick got a sweet letter from Marianne at Christmas, and was surprised to learn that she had moved to Virginia, gotten married to a man who bred horses, and was already expecting a baby with him. She said her schloss hadn't sold yet, but she was sure it would soon. And most important, she was happy and at peace. And she sounded very much in love with her husband. She wanted Nick and his family to come and visit. She was longing to see him, and suggested they come in January. Nick talked to Christianna and told her how important Marianne was to him, almost like a daughter, and she agreed to make the trip with him. She was only four years older than Marianne, and Violet was a year older than Chloe. And it would be the first time Nick had seen her in seven years. Lucas's memories of her were already hazy, but Nick's were crystal clear.

The weekend after New Year's, they went to Virginia, as planned. Nick and Christianna both thought that Arthur was a wonderful person when they met him, and perfect for Marianne. Violet was adorable, and Arthur's horse farm was spectacular. He came from an old Southern family and knew a lot about horses. And although she was shy at first, Marianne was so warm and welcoming, as was Arthur, that Christianna had a good time too. And Lucas remembered Marianne, once he saw her. She was sad not to see Toby, and it made his absence and Alex's seem more acute to Nick. But in spite of that, they had a wonderful time with Marianne and her family. The visit was a great success. He and Christianna talked about it all the way back to Florida. And when they got back, he reminded Christianna again that he wanted to give notice. He was not going on tour again. His years in the circus were over. And he wanted a horse farm like Arthur's.

Inevitably, it turned into an argument that lasted for weeks, and he couldn't win. She brought her father and brothers into it, and they argued with him too. Nick simply said that he was too old to go on with the circus. He wanted a horse ranch, and to breed horses, and that was it. And for Christianna, the circus was it. She wanted no other life, and was refusing to leave with him.

In March, they came to the conclusion that he had hoped to avoid. They were separating. He was going to California with Lucas to set up a ranch. And she was staying with her family and the circus, and keeping Chloe with her. It made his heart ache to lose both of them, but he knew he had to do it. He would visit Chloe whenever he could, and when she was older, she could visit him on the ranch. Christianna was as heartbroken as he was, but she agreed. Their paths were going separate ways, and neither of them would be happy doing what the other wanted. They weren't divorcing, but they were separating. Gallina was devastated when she heard it. And Lucas was unhappy too. He was going to miss his friends in the circus, and he loved Christianna and his little sister. But Nick was sure it was right for them to leave, and he didn't waver.

He handed in his notice before they left on tour, and John Ringling North came to see him himself to try to dissuade him. But when they finished talking, he said he understood, and thanked Nick for staying as long as he had. He realized that it was time for him to move on.

"You saved my life," Nick said to him gratefully. But seven years later, he needed to leave. "I'll never forget it." The two men shook hands. Nick had decided to leave for California the same day the circus left Sarasota on tour. There was no animosity between him and Christianna, it was just a very sad decision, and a fork in the road for both of them. They each had to follow their own path, and they were no longer the same, or headed in the same direction.

Nick had said goodbye to all his old friends that week, and he packed the horse trailers with everything but the horses the night before he left, and he and Christianna spent their last night together in the trailer. He wanted to make love to her but he didn't. He watched her sleeping all night, but didn't touch her. He knew he would love her forever. And she said the same the next morning when they got up. And he knew he would miss her every day from now on, but he had to follow his dream.

They walked to the horse tent together, and Christianna cried when she patted Pegasus for the last time. She was going to miss him and Athena too.

Nick and Lucas went to load up the horses then, and Christianna watched with tears rolling down her cheeks. She smiled sadly at Nick, and he brushed the top of her head with a kiss, and turned away so she wouldn't see the tears in his eyes. And then they were all loaded up. He went to kiss Chloe, and he looked long and hard at his wife.

"Take care of yourself. Don't give up that net again because I'm not watching." She shook her head and knew she never would. She was trying not to think of all the ways he had made her life better.

One of her brothers got into their trailer to drive it away, and he waved at Nick. They were sorry he was leaving. And then the convoy of circus trailers and vehicles headed out. Nick and Lucas got in line to leave the fairground in the new trailer Nick had bought. They had just gotten to the exit, when Nick stopped with a look of panic. He looked at Lucas and then turned around, and headed back into the fairground.