Peachmonk Part 2

"I thought your Grace would like to be in at THE ROUND-UP to-night, as I believe you will have some personal interest in the case: I have not all the ends joined: there are a few FRAGMENTS THAT REMAIN unattached, but it is only a question of getting UNDER THE CRUST: but before I forget it; the DOVER incident is closed: THE Pa.s.sENGER FROM CALAIS has been CAPTURED and THE CAREER OF KATHERINE BUSH has been brought to a close: always hate to run down THE WEAKER s.e.x, but QUICK ACTION was necessary. We are going to Ratcliffe, your Grace, and I have The Yard's Rolls-Royce below, and if you have no objection, we'll make a start. I have taken the PRECAUTION to bring THE SCARLET RUNNER, as we call it; pretty heavy car, but greater SECURITY; LIGHT MOTOR CARS AND VOITURETTES are no good for rough roads."

"JERRY," said Morgan, as they reached the curb, "GO-AHEAD, don't be a 'FRAID CAT, High street, Ratcliffe."

It took but a moment to get FROM LOW TO HIGH GEAR: through Hobart Place, into VICTORIA Street, across New Palace Yard, and on to the Embankment.

"Give this motor HALF A CHANCE," said Morgan, "and you are GOING SOME: Does your Grace see the man AT THE CROSS ROADS? that's MY FRIEND PROSPERO: he has been connected with more CELEBRATED CRIMES than any man at the Yard."

On HIGH SPEED, THE SCARLET CAR rushed past The Metropole, under Charing Cross bridge, past The Needle and the imposing facade of SOMERSET HOUSE: across Blackfriars entrance, and then into EARLY LONDON. "BREAKERS AHEAD," called Morgan, "Jerry: careful of the mud." There really wasn't any mud, only CITY DUST, but the sentence had to be interpolated here in order to give a REASON for the next question.

"I don't suppose your Grace is interested in ROAD MATERIALS? Last year, MY SON AND I made A STUDY OF SPLASHES."

The motor continued on its CROOKED WAY through Upper and Lower THAMES streets, past THE TOWER OF LONDON, over THE BROKEN ROAD of Lower Shadwell.

"Your Grace, I venture to say, A BIT OF ROUGH ROAD."

"Very, Morgan, but good for OUR DIGESTION, but THESE SHIFTING SCENES are rather disconcerting."

The motor was stopped at Love Lane, where the party was met by POLICEMAN BLUE JAY, who accompanied them to the THAMES Wharf, BEYOND the No. 3 shaft of Rotherhithe Tunnel.

"Inspector," said THE PILOT, "here's A STROKE OF LUCK; this is no WILD GOOSE CHASE; your trip is not IN VAIN; you're JUST IN TIME, for the boat is still at ANCHOR."

"WHAT SHALL WE DO NOW?" asked the Duke, not KNOWING, OTHER PEOPLE'S BUSINESS.

And Morgan, pointing through THE PURPLE MISTS, to the SURREY side, for the early DAWN was upon them, said:

"We have now reached THE END OF THE JOURNEY: do you see the ship in MIDSTREAM off the Surrey Locks, in front of the gas tanks? That's our destination: the DEAR ENEMY."

"But, Morgan, for THE LIFE OF ME, I fail to see where I come in."

"All in good time, your Grace: IT'S ALL IN A DAY'S WORK: again I say, don't WORRY: but I see the EBB-TIDE is on," and blowing two blasts upon a whistle, the Police-Boat, THE SEAWOLF, shot through THE OUTLET from Shadwell Basin, where she was always HELD FOR ORDERS.

"Be careful, your Grace: get away, ANTONIO: THE BLACK BARQUE, you know: and when we get aboard, all be careful of the OPEN HATCHWAYS."

And IN ANOTHER MOMENT, Morgan, standing in the bow, shouted "Ship Ahoy: IN THE KING'S NAME, I want the captain of THE QUEEN OF THE NIGHT," after which they began climbing UP THE LADDER.

(A fight occurs here, a description of which has been omitted as it contains some BLANKETY BLANK VERSE.)

"And now, my worthy CAP'N GID, cut out the SMILES: THE GAME is up: the POPULATION of your HAPPY SHIP has dropped one; we have secured two prisoners and if you don't want to be the third, COME down, and besides, BY WHAT AUTHORITY are you SAILING, UNDER TWO FLAGS: IN SPITE OF ALL the WHITE LIES you have told us, you have A YOUNG LADY aboard and we propose to have THE GIRL: WORDS TO THE WISE, you know. I admit that you have been A VICTIM OF VILLAINY, but you are playing A DESPERATE GAME, and THE RECKONING is at hand. Where is THE HIDDEN VICTIM? what, may I ask, have you over there IN GRANDMA'S CHEST, there in THE SHADOW, UNDER THE RED ROBE? Put down that gun: anyway I can see it is not THE REAL THING."

(A fight occurs here, a description of which has been omitted, as there was some PISTOL AND REVOLVER SHOOTING.)

"My CAPTAIN with the FAIRY TALES, THE CONFLICT is over; THE DAY'S WORK is finished; as a FIGHTER, you're a monumental failure: go buy a sc.r.a.p-book, and learn how to become a prize-fighter, and as to SHOOTING FIRE-ARMS like WILD FIRE, it was simply FURTHER FOOLISHNESS; but FOR THE LOVE OF TONITA, come off your PIRATE BRIDGE; pull up, and remember IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO MEND: no more MONKEY SHINES: this HAPPY-GO-LUCKY business has been EASY MONEY to you, you with THE ITCHING PALM; but it is really not one of the THINGS WORTH DOING, and IT NEVER CAN HAPPEN AGAIN: I PROMISE to let you off, and these are no IDLE WORDS, for you have been THE DUPE, and I WISH YOU JOY in your FREEDOM, but OH! MARY BE CAREFUL, hereafter.

And NOW, my MAN, draw up at the ROYAL ALBERT Dock."

"EXCUSE ME, MY LORD DUKE," said Morgan, "I think instead of awaiting the return of the motor, THE MORE EXCELLENT WAY will be to begin THE HOMEWARD JOURNEY, by taking a tram here for West Ham, and then the District to THE WEST END, THE LAND OF MAKE BELIEVE."

"GO-AHEAD BOYS: FOLLOW ME, your Grace," and carrying the still LIMPY figure of the RELEASED girl, the party crossed the road.

VIII: THE GRAND FINALE.

The Duke of Belleville had just finished going through his morning's post, and still held in his HAND a lengthy letter from his financial adviser, RICHARD ELLIOTT, FINANCIER, THE MONEY MASTER dealing with THE FINANCES OF SIR JOHN KYNNERSLY, one of THE BOOMERS of the day, and with THE CONTEST FOR SOUND MONEY. The Duke was, at the moment, reclining rather lazily, with his TWO LEGS outstretched, and was thinking, neither of the contents of THE LETTERS, nor of WHAT TO WEAR, but listening rather, as THE MUSIC LOVER, to THE SONG OF SONGS, THE SONG OF THE CARDINAL, perched upon THE ELM TREE ON THE MALL.

Oh! What is there to equal a SPRING IN LONDON?

This, the Duke's favorite room, was at once the admiration of the artistic, containing, as it did, wonderful examples of THE CHIPPENDALES, and FRAGMENTS OF OLD FURNITURE, collected by HIS OWN PEOPLE, his very own ANCESTORS: the room, too, was an historic one; many A PRINCESS OF INTRIGUE had occupied that very chair, and the GHOSTS OF PICCADILLY had met there on more than one occasion, for every house must have a GHOST, even if it be JUST FOR FUN.

THE BRONZE BELL of distant Big Ben had just proclaimed the hour of noon, when Inspector Morgan was announced.

"AT LAST," said the Duke to himself, "THE REVELATIONS OF INSPECTOR MORGAN."

"THE TOP OF THE MORNING to your Grace: I am here, as you see, AT THE TIME APPOINTED: I trust your Grace is well, after the ORDEAL BY FIRE last night? I am A COURIER OF FORTUNE. RECORD NO. 33 is now complete."

"I AM WELL, Morgan: but out with THE GREAT SECRET: I take it that THE WELDING of the chain is complete: that THE GREAT PLAN has been successful: but allow me to suggest that you are not FRANKS DUELLIST, so for goodness sake, stop bending THE SILVER BLADE of that knife: it is not a rapier, as you seem to imagine, and I am afraid you will break it: it really belongs IN THE KITCHEN."

"MY STORY, your Grace, is rather long, and in a manner proves that there has been MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING: but before I begin, let me say that Sir Jaffray was FOUND DEAD this MORNING: of course it was DRINK that killed him: I fancy that lets your cousin, HER LADYSHIP, out of a bad bargain: THE MESSAGE, BY TELEPHONE from Broadstairs stated further that Sir Jaffray and THREE COMRADES were BOXING and drinking quant.i.ties of BAD WHISKEY at BAR-20 of THE FLYING INN, and a propos were discussing the ART OF AVIATION, and FLIGHT WITHOUT FORMULAE, which only added FUEL to THE FLAME, and became so noisy, that THE MASTER OF THE INN threw them OUTDOORS: but to RETURN; this MORNING, I had a long INTERVIEW with Miss Marjorie Crow, and she has helped me to BRIDGE, THE CHASM: LINK BY LINK, have I welded the chain: your Grace will probably recall that affair at ELIZABETH, when Lord Cammerleigh, having been at THE OPERA with Lady Grasmere, was found dead, two hours later, in High street, ELIZABETH; his apparently lifeless body carried into THE RUNNING HORSE INN, to await the arrival of the Coroner of THE 13th DISTRICT: how the body disappeared IN A MYSTERIOUS WAY, after having been viewed by THE VEILED LADY: the NEXT MORNING, one of the Yard's men, PENDENNIS, in pa.s.sing along QUALITY STREET, saw Lord Cammerleigh at THE WINDOW AT THE WHITE CAT: with the aid of a FORCING BOOK, THE BOLTED DOOR was forced open and his Lordship, even although AT BAY, denied having been at ELIZABETH: said he had been MOTORING through the HIGHWAYS AND BYWAYS IN KENT. Nevertheless, he quite innocently gave us THE CLUE: ONCE BITTEN TWICE SHY, you know; THE WOMAN IN QUESTION was traced to CHIPPINGE BOROUGH, where we found she made A CHANGE OF DRESS, and in the garb of a CHARITY sister, visited prisoner NUMBER 99, at DARTMOOR: here, then, was THE MAN IN THE CASE, No. 99, being none other than the celebrated DR. NIKOLA. FROM THE BOTTOM UP, by DEVIOUS WAYS, by PERSUASION, and I might say, almost by FOUL-PLAY, have we worked out this case: the WOMAN, I have no doubt, finally realized that she was being HUNTED DOWN, for we took every OPPORTUNITY to let her know that we had her under surveillance, but here our theory failed us, THAT IS TO SAY, the woman, NO DOUBT realizing that she was UNDER FIRE, instead of coming to US with a proposition, wrote a confession, then took A FATAL DOSE of Coniine. Now, your Grace, I understand that you were married yesterday, and you will recall that last night we rescued a young girl, named MARJORIE Crow...."

"What! Morgan, you certainly don't mean SISTERS: but I know the d.u.c.h.ess hasn't a sister."

"AS YOU LIKE IT, your Grace: right you are, her Grace is quite unaware of the fact; but THE TURN OF THE BALANCE came this morning, when I informed his Lordship about THE WOMAN AT KENSINGTON, HOW SHE PLAYED THE GAME: that her husband was still alive and IN DURANCE VILE, although, as I SAID TO MYSELF, this is not THE TRUTH as his RELEASE came last night. Lord Cammerleigh then related his story: strange how all the FRAGMENTS should be found at the same time: IN A NUTSh.e.l.l, the woman's CONFESSION is that she and her sister were the nurses to his Lordship's two daughters...."

"It will be news to most people to hear of Cammerleigh as a FATHER," said the Duke, "but continue."

"At this time his Lordship was very fond of the gaming-table and thoroughly knew THE RULES OF THE GAME: one night, finding himself cheated, knocked down the offender, AS A MATTER OF COURSE, and fled from THE CLUB. AS IT HAPPENED, the man was not injured: continued his prison-in-the-end career, and came into public notice TWO YEARS AGO, in the case of THE FOURBE Soapstone and Leather Co. vs. THE GREAT AMERICAN PIE COMPANY: was convicted and is now at DARTMOOR as No. 99, which is, as I told you, NOT EXACTLY SO. The morning after the club affair, the WOMAN, the nurse, informed Lord Cammerleigh that he had killed HER HUSBAND and demanded twenty thousand pounds; to keep silent: for the moment, she knew she had THE UPPER HAND: his Lordship thought HIS HOUR had come, but he put up A GOOD FIGHT: but YOU NEVER KNOW YOUR LUCK, for the nurse did not know that his Lordship only had a very small life-interest in his wife's estate, and could not comply with her demands, her scheme had failed: then she spirited away the infants, and it was not until to-day, that his Lordship knew that they were still alive, so thoroughly did THE BLACKMAILERS do their work."

"Why did he not call in the police: COWARD...."

"JUST A MINUTE, your Grace, the reason is obvious: he had the murder, so-called, in mind, and he also hoped to locate the kids himself: for eighteen years, he was HELD IN THE TOILS, until one day he saw the woman, driving in a VICTORIA, in THE ENGADINE: she seemed to be moving IN HIGH PLACES (ALt.i.tUDE, 5935 ft.): he followed her and made A BID FOR FREEDOM, but without SUCCESS: the WOMAN informed HIS LORDSHIP that the moment she heard of his DEATH, she would reveal HER SECRET to his lawyers: hence the two sham deaths: on both occasions, he had some one AT HAND, to immediately come FORWARD to claim the body and spirit it away, so that proper restoratives could at once be applied, without the aid of an inquisitive medical MAN: Doctor Phaque thinks he must have used a powder, composed chiefly of Dimethyloxyquinizine and Myosin to produce this STATE: the same person was to at once inform the NEWSPAPERS of the death: unfortunately, on the first occasion and ON THE EVE of SUCCESS, the woman, having followed him to ELIZABETH, at once saw through the trick.

The second attempt proved equally disastrous: we had the details of the Norton abduction, by arresting the man left behind, A WATCHER IN THE WOODS; the woman had arranged THE GREAT PLAN, HERSELF, when she realized that she had divulged entirely too much to Miss MARJORIE Crow but MAN PROPOSES, you know: the Nikola man's real name is Anderson Nicholson Crow. How is that for A STORY OF A LIE? Lord Cammerleigh is now with his DAUGHTER, MARJORIE, and expects to call upon her Grace very shortly: he really believes himself quite ill; I found him studying A TREATISE ON APPENDICITIS, and he TALKS about being put UNDER THE KNIFE: A DIAGNOSIS of his own, AS I REMEMBER; PEOPLE LIKE THAT are NOT EXACTLY RIGHT; they get on my nerves; they should have PEACE AND QUIET behind THE FIVE BARRED GATE."

"Oh! COME, Morgan, take THINGS AS THEY ARE: But your success has been truly marvellous: HERE'S TO YOU: you deserve a big COMPENSATION, and A TOY SHOP, FOR THE CHILDREN. Jameson, telephone THE SLEEPING CAR office in c.o.c.kspur Street, to reserve rooms on THE ROME EXPRESS for to-morrow night, as the d.u.c.h.ess and I want to get away from the TUMULT of THE CROWDED STREET; and TO BE AMUSED: and now, Morgan, LAUGH AGAIN, and GOOD-BYE."

OF COURSE EVERYTHING HAS BEEN EXPLAINED, BUT n.o.bODY WILL UNDERSTAND THE EXPLANATIONS ANY BETTER THAN THE AUTHOR UNDERSTOOD WHAT WAS SOUGHT TO BE EXPLAINED.