Outsiders. Part 7

Renee's question snapped Yazhi back to reality, but she couldn't seem to find her voice.

"I mean, I've kissed my share of women, which is perhaps not a good thing to be pointing out right now," Renee said, her tone filled with wonder, "but nothing has ever felt like that. It was as if we were one..."

At first, Yazhi could manage only to nod. Eventually, she managed, "In many ways, that is true."

"I don't understand."

"We are twin flames-destined in many lifetimes to find each other-and always to be intertwined, like two halves of a whole."

"I'm sure what you just said made sense to you, but I have no clue what it meant."

"I will explain later." When Renee looked as though she would object, Yazhi reached up and kissed her softly-just a touch of the lips. "I promise." She lowered herself back down and took Renee's hand. "Right now, I really want to show you what happened that day, while we are still within the time span that you spent in the canyon."

Renee's mind was spinning, and her body tingled all over. What she'd told Yazhi was true-she'd never felt anything like what had overcome her when their lips touched. It was as if their souls fused together. It was disconcerting, and confusing, and oh, so deliciously exciting.

"Can you show me where you were set up before the accident?"

Yazhi's question forced Renee to focus. They were walking through the middle of Lower Antelope Canyon. Although she wanted badly to bring her camera along, Yazhi had asked her to leave it in the Jeep.

"I was standing over there." Renee pointed to a spot roughly fifteen feet farther into the canyon.

"Okay." Yazhi walked to the indicated spot and turned in a circle, her expression pensive.

"What is it?"

"Huh?"

"What are you looking for?" Renee asked as she came up beside Yazhi.

"I'm calculating where I was above ground in relation to where we are now."

"Oh." Renee thrust her hands in her pockets. "Is that...is that what you did? Follow the crevice from up top?"

"Yes," Yazhi replied. She seemed distracted. "I asked Ben for his last position fix, and then I tried to estimate how far the force of the water would have swept you, and the point where the fissure would be wide enough for me to rappel down in time to reach you before..."

A chill ran down Renee's spine as she filled in the blanks.

Yazhi, whose back had been turned, pivoted around and took both Renee's hands. "Don't. It didn't happen. You're here and you are fine."

For several seconds, Renee simply allowed herself to get lost in the security of Yazhi's compa.s.sionate gaze. "How do you know what I was thinking? Is that just a hunch, or...?"

Yazhi shrugged, but maintained contact. "I am empathic. I can feel what you feel. Because we are twin flames, this would not be hard, in any case. If you look inside yourself, you will find that you have an equal sensitivity to me."

Renee dropped her hands and wandered over to examine the striations in the rocks.

"This notion makes you uncomfortable."

Renee shook her head, but did not turn around to face Yazhi. "It's not something I've thought about. It's foreign to me."

"Is it?" Yazhi's question was asked softly, but for Renee, it's implication reverberated off the walls.

"Of course. Not everyone has your abilities or can do what you can do."

"No. That is true. But you can."

"What makes you so sure?" Renee turned to find that Yazhi was standing right behind her, essentially trapping her against the wall. She squirmed. "You're really short, you know that?"

"So my name says. But you are changing the subject."

"Your name means short?"

"No. Yazhi is Navajo for 'little one,' and you are still avoiding the topic at hand." Yazhi stood within inches of Renee, her arms crossed and her legs shoulder-width apart.

"All right. What makes you so d.a.m.n sure I have any sort of supernatural powers?" Renee made air quotes around the last two words.

"Have you forgotten how you found your way back to me this morning?"

"I was desperate and bound to find my way."

"But that is not what you did, and you know it. How do you explain how it feels when we do this?"

The end of Yazhi's question echoed inside Renee's mouth as she kissed her hard, her tongue demanding entry. Renee felt the searing heat, then the same sense of oneness she had experienced before-as if she finally had come home. Somewhere in the deep recesses of her mind, alarm bells rang, but she was powerless to know why.

When Yazhi released her, Renee staggered backward into the wall, where she gasped for breath. "That doesn't prove..." Renee flared her nostrils and narrowed her eyes as the source of the alarm bells became clear. She pointed her finger accusingly at Yazhi. "Lavender."

"I'm sorry?"

"Lavender. You smell like lavender. The same scent I smelled this morning when I took off my sleep shirt."

The expression on Yazhi's face told Renee everything she needed to know. "You were already in my room. You weren't coming in to wake me. You were sneaking out."

Yazhi sat cross-legged on the ground and bowed her head. "You were in such distress. Your memories gave you such pain. I only wanted to take away the pain."

"How the h.e.l.l do you know about my memories?" Renee towered over Yazhi menacingly, her whole body trembling.

Yazhi looked up directly into Renee's eyes. "The same way I knew about the boy in the alley, the young woman on the Ferris wheel two nights after that, the elderly gentleman walking home from the store..."

"No." Renee put her hands over her ears. "You have no right."

"I have never tried to intrude, Renee. The Great Spirit sent me to help you. To teach you the ways, so that you might reclaim who you really are and live a life in harmony-"

"My life is none of your d.a.m.ned business! Screw you and The Great Spirit. Get out of my head!" Renee stormed past Yazhi and sprinted toward the end of the canyon. She didn't stop running until her sides cramped. She bent over and vomited, then slid down behind a large rock. Her whole body shook as she sobbed uncontrollably. "Leave me alone," she whispered. "Just leave me alone."

Chapter Eight.

Yazhi paced back and forth across the small office. She peeked out the window at the impending darkness and bit her lip.

"Do you know where she is?" Ben put his hands on Yazhi's shoulders.

"No."

"But you could figure it out just by focusing if you wanted to. Why won't you? I can see that you are worried."

"No." Yazhi shook her head. "She must come to terms with who she is and decide that she wants what I am offering. It would be wrong to tune into her energy when she has made it plain that she does not wish to let me in."

"Yaz, I don't want to point out the obvious, but it'll be full nightfall in less than an hour, the temperature is dropping, she has no idea where she is, and she has no food or water out there. This is a safety issue."

"I know." Yazhi balled her hands into fists. "I have reached out only far enough to know that she is safe. Ben, she is more frightened of herself than she is of the obvious dangers."

"That's crazy."

"A child's fright can be very difficult to overcome, especially when it has been instilled by adults who reacted out of ignorance and their own fear."

"But she's an adult now."

"Yes, but we all carry within us the lessons of our youth, however misguided, until we learn a better way."

"And you think leaving her out there by herself will teach her a lesson?" Ben asked.

"As a child, she was taught that it was not safe to be who she was-she got the message very early on that awful consequences would ensue if she used her psychic abilities. That mentality still persists for her. That is her reality."

"So I repeat, you think leaving her out there will teach her a lesson?"

"The lesson is within her. Renee needs to overcome her fear and look inside. That will not happen if I intervene. My telling her she should not be afraid is not good enough, though I wish it were. This is her journey." Yazhi rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands.

"Why don't you go home? I'll stay around for a little while in case she comes wandering in."

"She won't."

"All the more reason for you to go home. Nothing will be gained by you wearing the carpet out in here."

Yazhi considered Ben's suggestion. If Renee hadn't strayed too far from Lower Antelope Canyon, Yazhi could reach her just as quickly from the house as she could from the office. At home, she could light a candle and meditate. It might help ease some of the tension that was eating away at her insides.

"You're right. I should go home."

"I'll stay for another hour or so. Just in case you're wrong."

Yazhi kissed Ben on the cheek. "You are a good brother. I think I'll keep you."

"I'm a lucky guy. Now get out of here."

Yazhi lingered for a moment more. She closed her eyes and focused on her third chakra-the seat of intuition. Yes, going home was the right course of action. She grabbed her keys off the counter and headed out the door.

Renee shivered inside her jacket. The warmth of the day had disappeared with the sun several hours earlier. She jumped up and down and slapped herself to restore circulation. "I am not cold. I am not cold. I am not c-c-c-cold." d.a.m.n, it's freezing out here.

Although she couldn't see the hands on her watch, Renee knew it had to be after nine o'clock. She wondered where Yazhi was and what she was doing. Was she worried? Was she out searching?

Renee shook her head. "You're pathetic. Why should she care? Didn't you tell her to b.u.t.t the h.e.l.l out?" A tear leaked out and rolled down Renee's cheek and she angrily wiped it away. She'd shed too many tears already. She put her fingertips to her lips and imagined that she could still feel the warmth of Yazhi's mouth on hers. "Oh, G.o.d."

She wanted nothing more than to be lying in the comfort of Yazhi's embrace. But the woman scared her silly. "If you're going to be honest about it, fool, it isn't Yazhi that scares you, it's what she said and what she knows."

For perhaps the tenth time since she had run out of the canyon, Renee replayed the events of the day. Everything had been going so well, until..."Until you realized that she knew about what happened with Mom and Dad." Renee felt her cheeks go hot with shame and embarra.s.sment at the memory.

"What bothers you more, idiot, the memory, or the fact that Yazhi knows about it?" Renee punched at the air in frustration. She'd been through this so many times over the past few hours, and still, she had no answer. Disgusted, she sat down on the flat rock she'd chosen for her perch. Hope to G.o.d you're not sitting on some rattlesnake's home, jerkball.

Renee felt the panic well up inside her as the reality of her situation sank in. "Okay. No reason to freak here. You can't see two feet in front of your face, you're hungry, you're thirsty, you've resolved exactly nothing, and you're in the middle of nowhere. No problem." She took a deep breath. What was it Yazhi had said to do when she'd been lost that morning? Rhythmic breathing had been a big part of it.

Renee closed her eyes and breathed in through her nose and out through her mouth. Immediately, she felt the fear begin to recede. She imagined a golden light shining down on her, flowing through her and filling her until she glowed from within. Her shoulders began to relax and her mind started to drift.

You're asking the wrong question.

Renee furrowed her brow. She did not recognize the voice in her head, yet she was not frightened.

What question should I be asking?

Why do you fear who you are? Why do you run from the knowledge? Why do you deny your true self?

I do not...Renee let the thought trail off. She did, and she knew it. She had spent the better part of her life running-running from thing to thing and from person to person-never standing still long enough to quiet her mind unless she had a camera in her hand. Looking at life through the filter of her lens was her comfort and her shield. She was tired, so very, very tired of running.

What must I do? This is the only way I know how to be. How can I change?

Take the hand being offered.

Renee frowned. What the h.e.l.l was that supposed to mean?

Yazhi. The answer came not from the voice, but from within. Renee's eyes popped open. Yazhi. The thought of her brought a smile to Renee's lips. Yazhi seemed so comfortable in her skin. She accepted her gifts so easily. Hadn't Yazhi said she would teach her? Yazhi could help. Yazhi, with her patient eyes and enchanting mouth. Yazhi, who already knew the truths Renee had denied but had not turned away or judged. Renee wanted to jump for joy.

Then she remembered that she had shoved Yazhi away-had treated her badly-as she had so many others in her life. She had permanently alienated them all. Had she done the same with Yazhi? The thought made her sick to her stomach.

Please, G.o.d, if I've ever done anything right, please let me fix this. She closed her eyes again and focused. There was only one way to find out.

Yazhi, if you can hear me, I sure could use your help.

Yazhi's eyes fluttered under her lids. She'd been meditating for nearly an hour.

Yazhi, if you can hear me, I sure could use your help.