One-Act Plays Part 63

THE TOFF. No, of course you don't.

BILL. O, all right, Toffy. [_All begin to pull out revolvers._]

THE TOFF [_putting his own away_]. No revolvers, please.

ALBERT. Why not?

THE TOFF. Because I don't want any noise at my party. We might get guests that hadn't been invited. _Knives_ are a different matter.

[_All draw knives. THE TOFF signs to them not to draw them yet. TOFFY has already taken back his ruby._]

BILL. I think they're coming, Toffy.

THE TOFF. Not yet.

ALBERT. When will they come?

THE TOFF. When I am quite ready to receive them. Not before.

Sn.i.g.g.e.rS. I should like to get this over.

THE TOFF. Should you? Then we'll have them now.

Sn.i.g.g.e.rS. Now?

THE TOFF. Yes. Listen to me. You shall do as you see me do. You will all pretend to go out. I'll show you how. I've got the ruby. When they see me alone they will come for their idol's eye.

BILL. How can they tell like this which of us has it?

THE TOFF. I confess I don't know, but they seem to.

Sn.i.g.g.e.rS. What will you do when they come in?

THE TOFF. I shall do nothing.

Sn.i.g.g.e.rS. What?

THE TOFF. They will creep up behind me. Then, my friends, Sn.i.g.g.e.rs and Bill and Albert, who gave them the slip, will do what they can.

BILL. All right, Toffy. Trust us.

THE TOFF. If you're a little slow, you will see enacted the cheerful spectacle that accompanied the demise of Jim.

Sn.i.g.g.e.rS. Don't, Toffy. We'll be there, all right.

THE TOFF. Very well. Now watch me. [_He goes past the windows to the inner door R. He opens it inwards, then under cover of the open door, he slips down on his knee and closes it, remaining on the inside, appearing to have gone out. He signs to the others, who understand.

Then he appears to re-enter in the same manner._]

THE TOFF. Now, I shall sit with my back to the door. You go out one by one, so far as our friends can make out. Crouch very low to be on the safe side. They mustn't see you through the window. [_BILL makes his sham exit._]

THE TOFF. Remember, no revolvers. The police are, I believe, proverbially inquisitive. [_The other two follow BILL. All three are now crouching inside the door R. THE TOFF puts the ruby beside him on the table. He lights a cigarette. The door at the back opens so slowly that you can hardly say at what moment it began. THE TOFF picks up his paper. A native of India wriggles along the floor ever so slowly, seeking cover from chairs. He moves L. where THE TOFF is. The three sailors are R. Sn.i.g.g.e.rS and ALBERT lean forward. BILL's arm keeps them back. An arm-chair had better conceal them from the Indian. The black Priest nears THE TOFF. BILL watches to see if any more are coming.

Then he leaps forward alone--he has taken his boots off--and knifes the Priest. The Priest tries to shout but BILL's left hand is over his mouth. THE TOFF continues to read his sporting paper. He never looks around._]

BILL [_sotto voce_]. There's only one, Toffy. What shall we do?

THE TOFF [_without turning his head_]. Only one?

BILL. Yes.

THE TOFF. Wait a moment. Let me think. [_Still apparently absorbed in his paper._] Ah, yes. You go back, Bill. We must attract another guest.... Now, are you ready?

BILL. Yes.

THE TOFF. All right. You shall now see my demise at my Yorkshire residence. You must receive guests for me. [_He leaps up in full view of the window, flings up both arms and falls to the floor near the dead Priest._] Now, be ready. [_His eyes close. There is a long pause.

Again the door opens, very, very slowly. Another priest creeps in. He has three golden spots upon his forehead. He looks round, then he creeps up to his companion and turns him over and looks inside of his clenched hands. Then he looks at the rec.u.mbent TOFF. Then he creeps toward him. BILL slips after him and knifes him like the other with his left hand over his mouth._]

BILL [_sotto voce_]. We've only got two, Toffy.

THE TOFF. Still another.

BILL. What'll we do?

THE TOFF [_sitting up_]. Hum.

BILL. This is the best way, much.

THE TOFF. Out of the question. Never play the same game twice.

BILL. Why not, Toffy?

THE TOFF. Doesn't work if you do.

BILL. Well?

THE TOFF. I have it, Albert. You will now walk into the room. I showed you how to do it.

ALBERT. Yes.

THE TOFF. Just run over here and have a fight at this window with these two men.

ALBERT. But they're ...

THE TOFF. Yes, they're dead, my perspicuous Albert. But Bill and I are going to resuscitate them.... Come on. [_BILL picks up a body under the arms._]

THE TOFF. That's right, Bill. [_Does the same._] Come and help us, Sn.i.g.g.e.rs.... [_Sn.i.g.g.e.rS comes._] Keep low, keep low. Wave their arms about, Sn.i.g.g.e.rs. Don't show yourself. Now, Albert, over you go. Our Albert is slain. Back you get, Bill. Back, Sn.i.g.g.e.rs. Still, Albert.

Mustn't move when he comes. Not a muscle. [_A face appears at the window and stays for some time. Then the door opens and, looking craftily round, the third Priest enters. He looks at his companions'

bodies and turns round. He suspects something. He takes up one of the knives and with a knife in each hand he puts his back to the wall. He looks to the left and right._]

THE TOFF. Come on, Bill. [_The Priest rushes to the door. THE TOFF knifes the last Priest from behind._]