Nature and Human Nature Part 43

ob him. 'Oh, Missus!' she said, 'I is so proud ob my bridegroom--he do look so genteel wid ole ma.s.sa's frill shirt on, don't he?'

"When dey went out o' de room into de entry, Cloe fotched him a crack ober his pate with her crutch that sounded like a cocoa-nut, it was so hollow.

"'Take dat,' said she, 'for not s.l.u.tin' ob your bride, you good-for-nottin' onmanerly scallawag you.'

"Poor dear missus! she died dat identical night."

"Come here, Sorrow," said I; "come and look me in the face."

The moment he advanced, Jerry slipt across the room, and tried to hide behind the tongues near his wife. He was terrified to death. "Do you mean to say," said I, "she died of going the whole hog? Was it a hog--tell me the truth?"

"Well, Ma.s.sa," said he, "I don't know to a zact sartainty, for I was not dere when she was tooked ill,--I was at de bank at de time,--but I will take my davy it was hogs or dogs. I wont just zackly sartify which, because she was 'mazin' fond of both; but I will swear it was one or toder, and dat dey was cooked wid dere heads on--dat I will stificate to till I die!"

"Hogs or dogs," said I, "whole, with their heads on--do you mean that?"

"Yes, Ma.s.sa, dis here child do, of a sartainty."

"Hogs like the pig, and dogs like the Newfoundlander at the door?"

"Oh, no, Ma.s.sa, in course it don't stand to argument ob reason it was.

Oh, no, it was quadogs and quahogs--clams, you know. We calls 'em down South, for shortness, hogs and dogs. Oh, Ma.s.sa, in course you knows dat--I is sure you does--you is only intendin' on puppose to make game of dis here n.i.g.g.e.r, isn't you?"

"You villain," said I, "you took a rise out of me that time, at any rate. It ain't often any feller does that, so I think you deserve a gla.s.s of the old Jamaiky for it when we go on board. Now go and shoot a Jesuit-priest if you see one."

The gall explained the order to her mother.

"Shoot the priest?" said she, in French.

"Shoot the priest," said Jerry; "shoot me!" And he popped down behind his wife, as if he had no objection to her receiving the ball first.

She ran to her chest, and got out the little horn box with the nail of St Francis, and looked determined to die at her post. Sorrow deposited the gun in the corner, hung down his head, and said:

"Dis here child, Ma.s.sa Slick, can't do no murder."

"Then I must do it myself," said I, rising and proceeding to get my rifle.

"Slick," said the doctor, "what the devil do you mean?"

"Why," says I, a settin' down again, "I'll tell you. Jesuit-priests were first seen in Spain and Portugal, where they are very fond of them. I have often eaten them there."

"First seen in Spain and Portugal!" he replied. "You are out there--but go on."

"There is a man," said I, "in Yorkshire, who says his ancestor brought the first over from America, when he accompanied Cabot in his voyages, and he has one as a crest. But that is all bunk.u.m. Cabot never saw one."

"What in the world do you call a Jesuit-priest?"

"Why a turkey to be sure," said I; "that's what they call them at Madrid and Lisbon, after the Jesuits who first introduced them into Europe."

"My goody gracious!" said Sorrow, "if that ain't fun alive it's a pity, that's all."

"We'll," said Jerry, "I was lost at sea that time; I was out of sight of land. It puzzled me like 44 north, and 63 40' west."

"Hogs, dogs, and Jesuit-priests!" said the doctor, and off he set again, with his hands on his sides, rushing round the room in convulsions of laughter.

"The priest," said I to the old woman, "has given him a pain in his stomach," when she ran to the dresser again, and got the cup of soot for him which had not yet been emptied.

"Oh dear!" said he, "I can't stand that; oh, Slick, you will be the death of me yet," and he bolted out of the house.

Having purchased a bushel of clams from the old lady, and bid her and her daughter good-bye, we vamosed the ranche.1 At the door I saw a n.o.ble gobbler.

1 One of the numerous corruptions of Spanish words introduced into the States since the Mexican war, and signifies to quit the house or shanty. Rancho designates a hut, covered with branches, where herdsmen temporarily reside.

"What will you take for that Jesuit-priest," said I, "Jerry?"

"Seven and sixpence," said he.

"Done," said I, and his head was perforated with a ball in an instant.

The dog unused to such a sound from his master's house, and recollecting the damage he received from the fall of the doctor, set off with the most piteous howls that ever were heard, and fled for safety--the pigs squealed as if they had each been wounded--and the geese joined in the general uproar--while old Madam Boudrot and her daughter rushed screaming to the door to ascertain what these dreadful men were about, who talked of shooting priests, and eating hogs and dogs entire with their heads on. It was some time before order was restored, and when Jerry went into the house to light his pipe and deposit his money, I called Cutler's attention to the action and style of a horse in the pasture whom my gun had alarmed.

"That animal," said I, "must have dropped from the clouds. If he is young and sound, and he moves as if he were both, he is worth six hundred dollars. I must have him; can you give him a pa.s.sage till we meet one of our large coal ships coming from Pictou?"

"Certainly," said he.

"Jerry," sais I, when he returned, "what in the world do you keep such a fly-away devil as that for? why don't you sell him and buy cattle?

Can't you sell him at Halifax?"

"Oh", said he, "I can't go there now no more, Mr Slick. The boys call after me and say: Jerry, when did you see land last? My name is Jerry Boudrot, where am I? Jerry, I thought you was lost at sea! Jerry, has your colt got any slippares on yet (shoes)? Jerry, what does 44--40 mean? Oh! I can't stand it!"

"Why don't you send him by a neighbour?"

"Oh! none o' my neighbours can ride him. We can't break him. We are fishermen, not hors.e.m.e.n."

"Where did he come from?"

"The priest brought a mare from Canada with him, and this is her colt.

He gave it to me when I returned from being lost at sea, he was so glad to see me. I wish you would buy him, Mr Slick; you will have him cheap; I can't do noting with him, and no fence shall stop him."

"What the plague," sais I, "do you suppose I want of a horse on board of a ship? do you want me to be lost at sea too? and besides, if I did try to oblige you," said I, "and offered you five pounds for that devil n.o.body can ride, and no fence stop, you'd ask seven pound ten right off. Now, that turkey was not worth a dollar here, and you asked at once seven and sixpence. n.o.body can trade with you, you are so everlasting sharp. If you was lost at sea, you know your way by land, at all events."

"Well," sais he, "say seven pounds ten, and you will have him."

"Oh! of course," said I, "there is capital pasture on board of a vessel, ain't there? Where am I to get hay till I send him home?"

"I will give you tree hundredweight into the bargain."

"Well," sais I, "let's look at him; can you catch him?"