Mr. Punch's Cockney Humour - novelonlinefull.com
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[Ill.u.s.tration: THE IRREPRESSIBLE.
_Street Boy (to cabby, in a block)._ "Look 'ere, are you a goin' on wi'
this four wheeler?--'r else me an' my friend'll get down an' walk!"
[_Retires hastily._
AUDACIOUS 'ARRYISM.--Our friend 'Arry objects to the t.i.tle of a recently published novel, "Airy Fairy Lilian." He says that he can't imagine a fairy all over 'air, though he might an 'obgoblin.
THE BAGMAN'S BAG
Hark how the c.o.c.kney sportsman drops His aitches o'er the glades and glens, But, at hen pheasents though he pops, Your 'Arry never drops his n's.
A PAIR OF "NIPPERS."--A coster's twins.
c.o.c.kNEY CLa.s.sICS.
"Jack," said Robins, "which varsity would you rayther go to, Hoxford or 'Idleberg?"
"Hoxford, Jemmy, to be sure, you m.u.f.f," answered Robbins. "'Cos vy, I prefers hindustry to hidleness."
[Ill.u.s.tration: A BANK HOLIDAY REMINISCENCE.
_'Arry._ "Ow much an hour, guv'nor?"
_Horsekeeper._ "Eighteenpence."
_'Arry._ "All right. I'll have a ride."
_Horsekeeper._ "Well, you've got to leave 'arf a crown on the 'orse?"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: POOR LETTER "H"
"Have you got any _whole_ strawberry jam?"
"No, miss. All ours is quite new!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: SONGS OF THE SUMMER
"The weather seems to be improving, Nupkins!"
"Yes, miss; the nightingale and the cuckoo is a-'ollerin', every night!"]
'ARRY ON 'ORSEBACK
Our 'Arry goes 'unting and sings with a will, "The 'orn of the 'unter is 'eard on the 'ill"; And oft, when a saddle looks terribly bare, The 'eels of our 'Arry are seen in the air!
c.o.c.kNEY EPITAPH FOR A COOK.--"Peace to his hashes."
"A Horse," observed a Scotch vet., "may have a very good appet.i.te, and yet be unable to eat a bit."
"Ah," said 'Arry, "there's the difference between a 'oss and a ostridge, which could eat bit, snaffle, curb and all."
LE SPORT.
A c.o.c.kney sportsman, wishing to introduce hare-hunting into France, is seriously meditating a work on the subject, to be ent.i.tled, _Arriere-pensees_; _or, Thoughts on Keeping 'Ariers_. His _nom de plume_ will be _Le pet.i.t Jean du_ Jockey Club.
[Ill.u.s.tration: _'Arriet (as a bee alights on her hand)._ "My word, 'Arry, wot a pretty fly!"
(_Sting._)
"Crikey! ain't 'is feet 'ot!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "'Ullo, Jim, look 'ere! 'Ere's a noo stachoo! Lend us yer knife!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: _Jinks._ "I want to buy a dog. I don't know what they call the breed, but it is something the shape of a greyhound, with a short curly tail and rough hair. Do you keep dogs like that?"
_Fancier._ "No. I drowns 'em!"]
