Mother's Remedies Part 196

The dead white brings out the yellow in her complexion and the faded color of eyes and hair. A very light "dressy" hat makes the wrinkles more obvious.

The Suitable.--Dark, un.o.btrusive colors, relieved by white lace at throat and wrists, hats modest in size and coloring, set off gray hair and matronly figure far better than showy and more youthful garb. No elderly woman should attempt to wear brown; somehow it kills her complexion if she is sallow. Black, very dark blue, the softer shades of gray, are generally becoming if relieved with white. Lavender and mauve can be becomingly worn by those dear old white-haired ladies who have pretty complexions. The lemon-colored lady must avoid them. We must remember Joubert's saying: "In clothes fresh and clean there is a kind of youth with which age should surround itself."

Materials must be as handsome as can be afforded; soft wool materials may be chosen, cashmere, henrietta, voile, make up suitably. In summer most old ladies can wear white to advantage.

Simplicity should be the guide as to styles. Leave the fussy and elaborate to younger women, and adopt a dignified simplicity.

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DUTIES OF A CHAPERON.

"The art of not hearing should be learned by all." Young America flouts the chaperon. The young girl of the middle cla.s.s guesses she can "look out for herself," and knows "how to behave." Very often she doesn't know, and sadly demonstrates her lack of the knowledge of life and good sense that would enable her to avoid situations that create gossip. In European society the chaperon is indispensable and has an acknowledged and honored position. In America, young women ridicule the idea and young men are decidedly impatient of her presence. And yet in our more conventional circles it is understood that she is a protection to the girls in her charge, and an oft-needed restraint on young men who are inclined to be too free and familiar.

Mothers as Chaperons.--A mother is her daughter's best chaperon. Very often her health, her home duties and her own lack of social experience unfit her for such a duty. In that case, she should be glad to put her girls in charge of some more experienced woman. If all young men were honest and honorable and temperate, the unchaperoned girl would meet with fewer embarra.s.sments. Think of the awkward plight of a girl should the carriage or the taxicab break down as she is returning home, or the miserable state of the girl whose escort at play or party has taken too much wine! These things don't often happen, some one says. They do happen--far more frequently than the world at large is aware.

Chaperon's Lot Not Easy.--The duties of a chaperon are so onerous that she deserves much grat.i.tude, rather than revilement, for undertaking them. She must stay at b.a.l.l.s and parties when she would infinitely prefer her bed; she must frequent places of amus.e.m.e.nt that are tiresome to her but agreeable to her young charges; she must remain in the parlor, or in the adjacent room separated only by draperies from it, while the girt entertains men callers, and no woman enjoys being "gooseberry;" she must check too high spirits and prevent "loud" behavior. And she will many times know that her presence is resented, and sad to say, endure slights in the discharge of her duties.

Chaperons a Social Help.--Nevertheless, if girls only knew it, the chaperon may be very helpful and aid them materially in having a good time. She should be a woman of wide acquaintance, accustomed to good society. Then she will introduce the girls under her charge to nice men whom they should know, and to partners for the dance; see that they are invited to nice places, and that they are correctly dressed. She must have tact combined with dignity, and be able to reprove little lapses in decorum so tactfully that youth will not take umbrage. She must make her charges like her, and win and hold their respect. And it is very important that she should know what not to see--"the art of not hearing"--yet she should never overlook anything vital, It will be seen that she should be a person of infinite tact, good nature and courage.

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The Chaperon of the Motherless Girl.--Nowdays, the wealthy widower, instead of putting his young daughter at the head of the household, secures some woman of good reputation and social standing as his daughter's chaperon. She is, practically, the feminine head of the house, and in so far as possible, takes a mother's place with the girl. She sees to it that the girl has proper companionship and does not make undesirable acquaintances. She accompanies her on shopping expeditions, travels with her, attends theatres and parties with her, takes the head of the table if the girl gives a luncheon, and everywhere strives to make life pleasant for her young charge, giving up her own pleasure and convenience for that purpose.

Even the young woman of twenty-five or twenty-seven, at the head of her father's household, or living in a hotel, should have a companion.

Avoid Espionage.--And yet, with all this responsibility, the chaperon must avoid anything like espionage. She must not open letters; she must not be prying and inquisitive; she must not give reasons for the girl she chaperons to regard her as "a dragon."

A giddy, flirtatious chaperon is a disadvantage to a girl. She is so desirous of securing attention and having a good time herself that she neglects her charge. Often she undertakes chaperonage chiefly or entirely in order to go about herself. Such a chaperon is worse than none at all.

The Girl and the Chaperon.--A girl should remember that her chaperon stands in the relation of a mother to her for the time being, therefore any disregard of her chaperon's suggestions or wishes is the same as disregarding her mother's. No well-bred girl ever does this--well, at least not publicly. If her chaperon gently intimates that it is time to go home, that she is dancing too many times with the same man, or "sitting out" too long, she should cheerfully comply with the hint. She should not vanish with an escort, leaving her chaperon and others--to wonder at her absence, but at the close of every few dances, before the beginning of another, ask to be taken to her chaperon. There her next partner will naturally look for her.

She must at all times treat her chaperon with the utmost respect and deference, remembering the lady is bestowing a favor by taking charge of her, and that it is often at her parents' request.

At a theatre party, bachelor's tea, sailing party, excursion, etc., one married woman is sufficient chaperon.

The girl who works, the art and music student, may look after herself, but the society girl must submit to the thralldom of the chaperon.

[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 773]

The Chaperon in Middle Cla.s.s Society.--While the rules of etiquette are intended to be of general application, there are certain relaxations in middle cla.s.s society not permissible in more fashionable circles. This is the case as regard the chaperon. Many young men on moderate salary would not feel they could afford to buy a ticket to the theatre or concert for a chaperon, or order a carriage. But is a girl then to be denied permission to accept the invitation? Under such circ.u.mstances middle cla.s.s etiquette requires that the young man shall be well known to the family as a person of good habits and reputation. The girl, however, is not supposed to accept an invitation to a supper afterwards. She may go to a dancing party at a private house or a club in case proper chaperons are provided for the affair and they almost invariably are. But it is better taste for a party of young people to go together under the care of a chaperon.

When a girl receives a young man visitor, her mother should always meet him. She should enter the parlor, be introduced if he is a stranger, converse for fifteen or twenty minutes, and excuse herself, leaving the young people to their tete-a-tete. No girl ever loses a young man's estimation through being properly looked after.

Under no circ.u.mstances should the young girl be allowed to accompany a young man on an excursion without a chaperon. She should not motor with him alone; another pair of young people should go with them unless a chaperon is included.

GOOD FORM IN SPEECH.

"It isn't so much what you do; it is how you do it. Not so much what you think as how you clothe your thoughts that enables you to make a pleasant impression."

Good breeding is shown in the use of words, quite as much as in manners.

Correct use is evidence of culture and personal refinement.

Use of Slang and Colloquialisms.--Slang, we are often reminded, is common--meaning vulgar. And yet, there are some slang phrases that are so expressive, and convey so much meaning in few words that the temptation to use them is irresistible. Much use of slang, however, is very undesirable, indicating lack of refinement. We may be colloquial, but must eschew the vulgar.

Among the words that are bad form we find "folks," used instead of "family" or "relatives." "Ain't" is one of the most common improprieties of speech and one that has no standing whatever in good language.

"Gentlemen friend." "lady friend," are vulgarisms. We should not speak of young men as "fellows."

We should say "shops" instead of "stores," and "station" instead of "depot." A depot is a place where provisions and stores are acc.u.mulated.

Just how it came to be applied to a railway station is an etymological puzzle. The use of "learn" for "teach" is incorrect. "Pupil," "student"

and "scholar" are often used interchangeably, but incorrectly so. "Pupil"

refers to the younger cla.s.ses in a school.

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Those in the most advanced grade of a high school, and those in college are students; while scholar signifies those who are learned and out of school. "Dresser," "bureau" and "dressing case" are incorrectly applied to a chest of drawers. "Vest" for "waistcoat," and "dress suit" for "evening clothes" are incorrect. "Visitors" is in better taste than "guests." "Got"

is a word often used superfluously and always inelegantly. "I have it"

sounds much better than "I have got it"; leave out "got" wherever you can.

As for "gotten"--it ought to be unspeakable.

"Don't" for "doesn't" is, perhaps the most common grammatical error. "I don't," "you don't," "they don't,' are correct. "Don't" is a contraction of "do not." You wouldn't say "he do not," "she do not," would you? Then don't say "he don't," or "she don't."

As a rule the simpler the speech the better. "Residence" for "house,"

"peruse" for "read," "retire" for "going to bed"--all these and their like sound stilted.

The use of French words and phrases is to be avoided, both in writing and speaking. Generally they are misp.r.o.nounced--as in the case of the very affected lady who spoke of "Mrs. Brown, nee Smith," p.r.o.nouncing "nee" as if spelled "knee."

Form of Address.--To acquaintances, a woman speaks of "my husband"; to friends, she calls him by his Christian name. To servants, he is "Mr.

Smith." This is a rule often violated, so often in fact, that few are aware of the impropriety of saying "Mr. Smith" to friends and acquaintances. The man employs the converse of the rule; it is "my wife"

to acquaintances, etc. To speak of a daughter as "Miss Mary" or "Miss Jane" to anyone but a servant is insulting, placing the person thus spoken to on a par with an inferior. If formality is desirable one should say "my daughter Mary." The same rule applies to a son.

It has already been said that we do not address a wife by her husband's t.i.tle. He is Dr. Brown; she is Mrs. Brown. Mrs. General, Mrs. Judge, are not current in polite circles.

We do not use "Sir" in addressing equals. Children no longer say "sir" or "ma'am" to their parents, but "Yes, father," or "No mother." Ma'am is seldom heard now except from old-fashioned servants. Maids and men-servants say "yes, Mrs. Smith," or sometimes, "No, madam."

Courtesy in Conversation.--"Things said for conversation are chalk eggs,"

said Emerson. There are many chalk eggs on the market. Most of us feel that to "be sociable" we must talk incessantly. True, there are sometimes dreadful pauses in conversation when no one seems able to think of anything to say, and the longer the pause the more vacuous one's mind.