Mother's Remedies Part 189

At a church wedding it is customary--and usually necessary to keep out the uninvited--to enclose small cards which are presented at the church door to ensure admittance. If the reception is large, the same thing is sometimes done as a measure of protection.

Calls after Wedding.--It is expected that the guests at a wedding breakfast or reception will call on the mother of the bride within three weeks after the marriage, and upon the bride on one of her "At Home" days, or soon after her return from the wedding journey, if no days are specified.

Cards bearing the date of the bride's "At Home" days, or "At Home after"--a certain date, are enclosed with the announcement cards, or the date named on the card. If sent they must be ready to mail immediately after the wedding.

THE HOME WEDDING.

While the home wedding is modeled in its essentials along the lines of the church wedding, much less formality is observed. The invitations to the church wedding are always in the third person and engraved. Those for the home wedding, though often following the same formula, may be informal notes in the first person, written by the bride's mother.

Correct Attire.--It is sometimes supposed that a bride married at home may not wear a veil nor be "given away." On the contrary, if she wears white she may with perfect propriety wear a veil, and the Episcopal marriage ceremony always, and nearly all other forms of the service include the giving away, as implying parental sanction and consent. The "giving away,"

then, is customary, even at the simplest home wedding.

If the bride wears a traveling dress she has a maid-of-honor, the one attendant being so-called. The groom is attended by his best man. There are usually two ushers, though these may be omitted, The maid-of-honor wears some pretty costume which is in keeping with that of the bride. If the latter wears white, the attendant also wears white with colored tr.i.m.m.i.n.gs. If the bride wears a veil, the maid wears a hat; the veil being the head covering of the bride.

[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 741]

The bridegroom wears a black frock coat, gray trousers, white waistcoat and tie, silk--not lawn, gray or white gloves, and patent leather shoes at a day wedding, The ushers are similarly attired, save that they may wear black waistcoats. Silk hats are worn.

Minor Particulars.--The bridegroom and best man will require a room. The clergyman expects a room where he may don his surplice or gown. The ushers may also require a room.

The bride's mother receives the guests, her father remaining with his daughter to conduct her to the room where the ceremony is to be performed.

A mother may perform this office if the father is not living. After placing his daughter's hand in that of the clergyman, the father steps back a pace or two, awaiting the end of the service. Wedding music is played when the party is ready to enter, and may be continued, very softly, through the ceremony; it must not overpower the voices of the partic.i.p.ants.

Guests should arrive at the hour named, leave wraps in hall or dressing room, and descend to the parlors. It is not expected that all will be seated, though a few chairs are provided for the elderly. The ushers stretch two lengths of white ribbon from end to end of the room, making an aisle for the little procession.

The clergyman, groom, and best man enter and take their places at one end of the room, when the music begins. Then come the ushers, next the maid-of-honor, walking alone; then the bridesmaids, if any, followed by the bride on the arm of her father. The groom steps forward to receive her and the two face the clergyman. The best man stands on the bridegroom's right. The maid-of-honor will hold the bride's bouquet and her glove, if this is removed; the ring is in the custody of the best man.

Etiquette to be Observed.--At the close of the ceremony the clergyman congratulates the pair and steps aside. They face about and the bride's mother is the next to offer her good wishes, then the groom's parents. The guests then extend felicitations. It is thought in better taste to wish the bride happiness and congratulate the groom, it being supposed that he is the most fortunate in having been able to secure such a prize.

It is no longer customary for everyone to kiss the bride; she is not compelled to suffer to that extent.

The best man a.s.sists the ushers--whose first duty is to remove the white ribbons--in escorting guests to the bride and groom. His duties are the same as those of the best man at a church wedding.

The maid-of-honor stands at the bride's left as she receives.

The bride and bridegroom lead the way to the dining room, the best man offering his arm to the maid-of-honor.

The bride's father escorts the bridegroom's mother, the guests follow in such order as is convenient, and the bride's mother and the bridegroom's father are the last.

[742 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]

If only twenty-five or thirty guests are present the wedding breakfast is preferably served at small tables. The clergyman and his wife, who should always be invited, are seated at the bride's table. So also the maid-of-honor, the best man, the ushers, and the parents of the pair, with sisters and brothers if convenient. Or, the bride's table may be reserved strictly for the bridal party.

The bride may cut her own cake if she chooses, or the wedding cake may be dispensed in boxes as at the reception following a church wedding.

The departure of the newly wedded pair is on the order already indicated.

After the Wedding.--It may be said here that the "horse play"--for it is nothing else--sometimes indulged in as "an after clap" to a wedding, in which practical jokes are played on the pair, is not only unkind and ill-bred, but in most execrable taste. To placard the luggage "Just married;" to tie white ribbons on it and the carriage in which they are driven away; to subst.i.tute a suitcase packed with the things a man doesn't want on his journey for one containing what he does, is not at all "smart."

Why should some coa.r.s.e, ill-bred persons, whether they have or have not been favored with invitations, strive to embarra.s.s and make uncomfortable those to whom the situation is already sufficiently trying? Why, after so much pains and expense have been employed to make the occasion beautiful and impressive, should the "practical joker" take it upon himself to spoil it all by an ill-timed "pleasantry" which is the acme of rudeness and discourtesy? It is a curious character that can enjoy perpetrating what are really outrages upon other people's sensibilities.

Wedding Gifts.--Very soon after the wedding invitations are out the presents begin to pour in. The fashion of gift giving on such an occasion is not as prevalent as at one time; it was overdone, carried beyond the limits of good taste, and of course a reaction was inevitable. Some men profess to share the feeling of the Scandinavian immigrant who was so deeply affronted at the offerings made by his bride's friends--as if he were not able to furnish his home with the necessary articles--that in his Berserker rage he was with difficulty restrained from casting gifts and donors together into the street.

Generally speaking, only relatives and intimate friends send gifts, though there is no interdict as regards others who may wish to testify to their interest in the bride in this way. An ostentatious gift from a person not in the family is in bad taste. The words "No presents" on wedding invitations are in the worst possible form.

An invitation to a church wedding and not to the reception precludes the necessity of making a gift; indeed, it would be thought rather "pushing"

to send one.

[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 743]

What to Give.--The flat silver is generally given by the bride's family.

In order to avoid duplicates, it is best for the friends and relatives to consult together in regard to their gifts. It is not thought good form to offer articles of wearing apparel. Anything the bride's immediate family has to offer in this line is best included in the trousseau. Cut gla.s.s, silver, bric-a-brac, napery, books, pictures, fans, rugs, clocks, handsome chairs and tables, are things that may be chosen with propriety.

The question of the correct form of marking silver and napery often comes up. The rule is to have it engraved with the initials of the bride's maiden name--not the single initial of her family name, as is sometimes ignorantly done--because it is her own private property. If a wife dies, the silver bearing her name is packed away for the future use of her child, especially if it is a girl. The second wife would be forbidden by good taste and convention, from using the first wife's silver.

Acknowledgments.--Wedding gifts are usually packed where they are bought, and sent direct from the shops. The card of the donor is enclosed, within a tiny envelope. It is a rule that the wedding gift must be acknowledged immediately, before the marriage, and by a personal note from the bride.

This is not always possible, but the note should be written at the earliest moment the bride's engagements will permit. Such notes are always in the first person, and should be pleasant and cordial. The writer must be careful to render thanks for the article sent. Amusing mistakes sometimes happen; thus a lady who had sent a pair of handsome candlesticks was mystified by expressions of grat.i.tude for a silver berry spoon she had not sent.

A cordial form of acknowledging a gift is this:

12 Canton Avenue.

My Dear Mrs. Bruce: The beautiful cut gla.s.s vase sent by you and Mr. Bruce has just arrived, and I hasten to thank you most sincerely for your kind thought of me. It will be a constant reminder of your goodness to Mr.

Waters and myself, and a most lovely ornament to our new home.

Gratefully yours, Marion Moore.

July tenth, nineteen hundred and nine.

The wedding gifts may or may not be displayed, according to the personal preference of the bride. They are commonly shown to intimate friends. A room is given up to their display. Cards are to be removed.

[744 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]

Wedding Decorations.--At a church wedding it is customary, and wisest, to put the matter of decorating the church and house into the hands of a florist, who can furnish the palms and others plants required for the chancel, and carry out any color scheme desired. He has the paraphernalia requisite to effective disposition of flowers. Usually large cl.u.s.ters of foliage and flowers, ribbon tied, are attached to the pews reserved for the relatives; often they are arranged the entire length of the aisle, The mantels in the house are banked with flowers, southern smilax is used in profusion, and flowers are arranged upon the tables at which the supper is served.

At a church wedding in the country the bride's friends must come to the rescue, and their gardens be robbed to beautify church and home. Flowers may be sought in the fields. Large jars of daisies, wild ferns, tall gra.s.ses, autumn tinted boughs, or in the blooming season, boughs of fruit trees, can be used most effectively. At one pretty home wedding the decorations were boughs of the wild crab-apple in bloom, pink and pretty, and kept so by having the stems inserted in bottles of water, suspended by wires and concealed by other foliage. A large screen sometimes forms a background for the bridal party. If covered with wire netting flowers can be very easily attached.

Walls are not festooned; "wedding bells" and canopies are out of date. The most approved setting is tall palms, ferns on standards concealed by a lower grouping, with a few potted plants in bloom to relieve the sombreness of the green. Large flowers like lilies, hydrangeas, chrysanthemums and peonies are most effective. Tulips are often employed at a spring wedding. One little country girl made good use of ordinary field clover in decorating her home for her marriage.

After a wedding, the flowers are often sent to the hospitals, or to those who are known to be ill, at the request of the bride.