Kung Fu Nuns Part 6

"The truth from a Kee?"

"Have I ever lied to you before?"

"I wouldn't know, and I'm too old to start putting my faith in what a Kee says, even one as amiable as you." After Ma detailed the whole story of the Old Boss and Beautiful Birthday Present, omitting his plans to abscond with the Kee Djung Pau money, Dr. Moi sighed, "I know Eugenia's father. A b.a.s.t.a.r.d!"

"Maybe I should look him up."

"He wouldn't show his face in Vietnam anymore. Owes too much money. I know people who'd make him eat his own Joy Stick, and they aren't part of any Black Family. The question is, why is an intelligent man like you going through with this farce? You know she'll never return to your b.a.s.t.a.r.d uncle, and the only way she'll ever get pregnant is if a Shar Yip f.u.c.ks her. They do that you know. Zen monks do not take an oath of celibacy. It's not the Catholic Church!"

"That's the old man's problem. I, shall we say, owe him a favor!"

"You've got your letter. A florid appeal from a distressed mandarin who wants to make a man-child. If you do happen to run into a Shar Yip, you'd better compose a little note of your own explaining Eugenia's situation. They're probably more apt to act on that first."

"I was planning to do just that! Can you write the letter tonight? The old man is anxious."

"Of course not. It has be on a scroll! I don't have the materials. Tomorrow!"

"How much?" asked Uncle Ma.

"For you, nothing! For Kee Djung Pau, two thousand five hundred dollars!"

"He'll s.h.i.t in his pants!"

"He'll think he's getting a bargain. It will be a work of art. Just don't tell him that the Shar Yips don't give a d.a.m.n about niceties. How much is he going to donate to their order?"

Cautiously, Uncle Ma replied, "Twenty five thousand, U.S."

"That's pretty good stuffing for a monk's begging bowl. They'll welcome Eugenia with open arms. Twenty-five thousand U.S. dollars to appease one Joy Stick. I know a place down the road full of pretty, young girls who'll do the same for a few dollars, and you don't need any fancy rice line writing to convince them."

"Sounds interesting!" said Uncle Ma.

"I'll give you the address."

"I'd hoped that you would accompany me, compliments of Kee Djung Pau!"

"I'm well thought of in this community. I can't be seen entering the front door of a b.l.o.w.j.o.b bar."

Later, when Dr. Moi saw Uncle Ma out, he said, "Wait for me on the corner. I'm going to tell my wife I'm walking you back to the hotel."

Smiling, Uncle Ma replied, "I thought you couldn't be seen entering a b.l.o.w.j.o.b bar?"

The doctor, in a theatrical whisper, replied, "They have a back entrance!"

The room phone rang in Uncle Ma's Palace Hotel, Suite One, the following evening and Dr. Moi announced from the lobby, "I'm finished."

Uncle Ma, anxious to get back home and on his way out of Vietnam, replied happily, "Bring it up!"

When Moi removed the missive to the Shar Yips from the embroidered silk bag he had made especially for it, Uncle Ma was more than just impressed, even though he could barely read the characters on it. He felt a pang of jealousy as he never bothered to perfect his brush in the cla.s.sical style, and carried on most of his correspondence in French, which he also thought in. "You know," he said. "I haven't the slightest idea what you have here. You could be telling the Shar Yips to slaughter its bearer."

"Have no fear, old friend! I'm just as anxious as you to learn if there are still any of them around."

"I thought you were sure they existed!"

"I a.s.sume they do. Your trip will settle all debates on the matter."

When the Old Boss heard that Uncle Ma paid Dr. Moi twenty-five hundred dollars for the scroll, he cried, "You crazy, nephew. Letter writer on street do that for twenty!"

Uncle Ma didn't answer. Instead, he carefully removed the scroll from its ornate bag and rolled it flat on the table in front of Kee Djung Pau. The old man was struck speechless. He then nodded and said, "It look good! But twenty-five hundred? Good thing I get man-child. You run family whole clan broke within year." Pointing to the scroll, he then said, "That say what I want say?"

"They'll think you're a poet of the first order!" The Old Boss bit his lip. "You wait here! I go get money. Don't move from seat!" He rose, entered the bedroom, and carefully locked the door behind him.

Uncle Ma mused, "He's going into his treasure box. I'd love to see it, just once." Wondering if Eugenia was in the bedroom, "He's not digging out the chest in front of her. No, it isn't possible. She must be visiting one of the Aunties."

Her voice suddenly escaped from the confines of the closed door. Screaming in almost perfect Kee dialect she said, "Why are you giving Uncle Ma so much money? If something happens to you I'll need it."

The Old Boss pleaded with her not to get upset. Uncle Ma had to control a fit of laughter as the bedroom door finally unlocked and Kee Djung Pau backed into the sitting room still shouting at Eugenia, "Don't worry! I know what I'm doing," over and over again. He caught a glimpse of her as she slammed the door in the old man's face.

Kee Djung Pau turned, holding a cheap, vinyl carry-on bag, and said, "Here the money. One million U.S. Dollar." Uncle Ma reached for the satchel, but the Old Boss didn't release his grip on the strap. Cackling, he said, "How I know sure you're not going to enter my rear gate with a hot bronze Joy Stick?"

"Keep your money then."

Kee Djung Pau stared into Uncle Ma's eyes for a long time before he let go of the strap. "Sit down there and count money. Make sure I no cheat."

Uncle Ma, following Kee Djung Pau's directives, sat and placed the bag on the floor. When he unzipped it, he found a small package on top of the stacks of one hundred dollar bills. "What's this?"

"Diamond ring one of the boys cut from finger of tourist in Thailand. It yours! Sell Hong Kong. Worth maybe fifty thousand U.S. dollar."

Just to appease the old man, Uncle Ma counted the well-used bills, using his notebook to keep tally. He thought, "I wonder how many more of these he's got hidden in his bedroom?"

When he was satisfied that the amount was correct, the Old Boss said, "Don't let anybody rob you."

"I'll put it in my safe deposit box as soon as I reach Hong Kong!"

"No!" moaned the old man. "No go Hong Kong first. Go Henan first, see monks! Then go Hong Kong do Kee business!"

"How the h.e.l.l can I go direct to the People's Republic?"

"You go Hanoi."

"How the f.u.c.k do I get to Hanoi?"

"You go with Viet Cong. I make deal with them. They honest. If Vietnamese find out you got that much money, they arrest you before you get airport Saigon."

Uncle Ma wasn't looking forward to the trek through the jungle to the border that separated the two Vietnams, but he nodded his a.s.sent.

The old man t.i.ttered, "You go Hong Kong first with all that money, you spend on blonde p.u.s.s.y. I get it in rear gate. You weak man. That's why I give you virgin slave. f.u.c.k her plenty. Travel with soft Joy Stick!"

It wasn't until he returned to his own apartment that he opened the small package containing the diamond ring. The stone was large and blatant. Having no idea of its worth, he handed it to his wife. Taking it to better light, she took a quick glance and snapped, "Junk! Not worth five hundred U.S. dollars."

Uncle Ma thought that she was undervaluing it so that he would have no qualms about giving it to her. He did so anyway, thinking it would be his last gift. "Well, you take it. You like diamonds."

"Me? Junk! I give to slave! Maybe she show her appreciation." Mrs. Ma instructed the young mongrel girl to crawl into his presence totally nude. When her tongue reached the toe of his extended foot, Mrs. Ma said, "Sit up. We have special present to give you!"

Mrs. Ma decided to make the gift-giving process more exciting than just handing over a present. She wanted the slave to find it while performing c.u.n.n.i.l.i.n.g.u.s on the mistress of the house, so she had her husband secretly insert the ring into her Mystic Place and then told Che to eat out her p.u.s.s.y to find a surprise. The girl licked and licked the older woman's t.w.a.t diligently, making her come more than one time, and always lapping up the afterflow of pa.s.sion. On the last o.r.g.a.s.m, the girl pressed her tongue really deep and felt the ring. She sucked it out like a human vacuum cleaner, then pulled it out of her mouth. She handed it to her mistress, as if to return something she mistakenly took from Mrs. Ma's body.

"No," said Mrs. Ma, "it for you." She handed it back to the girl who gasped when she was given the ring. She had never seen anything like it except on the fingers of Mrs. Ma, and maybe the richest woman in her province. With that simple gift, she became a whole person, anxious to please, and more than just satisfied the older couple that night. In fact, she was so enthusiastic about pleasing them that Mrs. Ma began to think of "adopting" her as her own very personal love toy.

CHAPTER FOUR.

Uncle Ma didn't linger in Hanoi. He went directly to the airport, checked the schedule of flights to Hong Kong (there was one daily) and then wired Kee Chin-Fui, head of the family in the Crown Colony, that he would be arriving the next afternoon. But to throw the Kees off track, he enplaned within an hour. He had no intention of getting any closer to Red China than Kowloon. Arriving at Kai Tek Airport, customs was more than just interested in his baggage and examined everything that he carried closely, as his circuitous route from Vietnam made him appear extremely suspicious, but the million dollars in cash he carried did no more than raise an eyebrow. The island had no currency restrictions, and the customs officials were used to travelers carrying large sums.

To put family members, who might have been thinking one step ahead of him, off base, and to lower the odds of attracting robbers, he argued with the cab drivers outside the arrival gate, shouting, "Too much! I can't afford a taxi!" and then walked to the end of the building where he took the Timshatsui tram to the Star Ferry, and the ferry to Victoria, walking directly to Barclay's Bank. When most of the money was safe in an account that no one knew of, he registered at the Mandarin Hotel under an a.s.sumed name.

The next afternoon, he retraced his steps to Kai Tek Airport and waited in the baggage claim area until the pa.s.sengers from the Hanoi flight disembarked. He joined them, still carrying his luggage, and made his way to the taxi stand to be surprised by the sight of his cousin, Kee Chin-Fui, and two of his sons, standing by a rented Rolls Royce. The three men rushed forward to greet him. The elder, upon reaching Uncle Ma, embraced him warmly. Kee Chin-Fui's personality was such that the hug gave Uncle Ma the distinct fear that he was about to be pickpocketed. If anything, Chin-Fui could have been said to be lacking the cla.s.s the Old Boss had at the same age, which was minimal at best. He slapped Uncle Ma on the back and said, "You know my two boys. Sin Op and Ma-Lo!"

Looking at the two pasty-faced youths, Uncle Ma said, "You are blessed a thousand times over. They are the image of their father."

"Let us help you with your luggage, Honorable Uncle Ma," said Sin Op, as his snakelike hand latched onto the handle of Ma's two-suiter and remained there in a viselike grip as if he was about to steal it. Ma-Lo made a grab for the tote bag slung around Uncle Ma's shoulder. Uncle Ma stopped him with a strong hand that meant business.

"No, Nephew! I can handle it myself, thank you."

Kee Chin-Fui hissed, "What you got in there? Lots of Kee Djung Pau's money?"

"Not very much," said Uncle Ma, casually unzipping the bag to allow Kee Chin-Fui a peek inside. It contained some twenty-five thousand dollars in mixed currency, not enough for any of the Hong Kong Kees to lose all rational thought and arrange for Uncle Ma to have an auto "accident" on his way from the airport and later claim they never even knew he was in town.

"Lots of money!" hissed Kee Chin-Fui. "You tell Old Boss lend us some. Business terrible here!"

"Business terrible? How could it be so, with such a brilliant member of the family running things," said Uncle Ma, wondering how their business could be that terrible. They controlled all the night soil which they collected from high-rise buildings and sold to the Peoples' Republic of China. He asked, "What happened? People stop s.h.i.tting?"

"That!" laughed Kee Chin-Fui, "only small part of our operation. Too much hard work. Too legitimate. Next time you come, you bring yellow brick from Burma with you. I show how make big money!"

"I just may," said Uncle Ma, sure that there would be no next time, and that when he next stepped aboard an airplane, he would fly toward eternal freedom from his relatives.

Kee Chin-Fui scowled at one of his sons who stared back at him blankly. He pointed to the door of the car, and then snarled, "Open for Honorable Uncle, dumb s.h.i.t!"

As Uncle Ma got into the Rolls Royce, his relatives close behind, he remarked, "How can you being doing so poorly with a grand automobile like this?"

Kee Chin-Fui, who was not fast enough to realize that Uncle Ma could tell the car was rented by its license plates, said, "Got plenty car! Got plenty apartment! But this tough place to make dollar. British cops all over the place! Not civilized place like Vietnam. Most time everybody even refuse tea money. Lots of Kee go to jail."

"Well, at least they don't hang anyone here," said Uncle Ma thinking, "The Devil himself wouldn't accept a bribe for some of the things the Kees are involved in."

"Let's not talk business. Talk fun! We spent a lot of money treating you good. Got you Thai Suite at Hilton."

"Special surprise for you in hotel," giggled Sin Op, drooling just like the Old Boss, although he was still in his early twenties.

"Oh, my, I should have thought about that! Wh.o.r.es!" was Uncle Ma's silent reaction. The Kee family ran the cheapest s.l.u.ts in the Crown Colony, relying on ma.s.s production rather than quality to fill the family coffers. The Black Families used to say that a Kee would f.u.c.k anything except another Kee. Even they had some taste.

"You like girls this time," hissed Kee Chin-Fui. "They special. My sons pick for you!"

"Practically virgins!" said Si Op.

Uncle Ma laughed, sure that whatever awaited for him on arrival at the hotel was just pulled out of a dive bar and was relatively chaste, if you didn't take into consideration one or two thousand sailors of the U.S. Pacific Fleet. Not being a gwai lo youth, he was sure that his Joy Stick was going to take an extended vacation as soon as he saw them. But he was quite surprised when he and the Kee entourage entered the Thai Suite in the Hong Kong Hilton Hotel. Waiting were two reasonably attractive Cantonese girls. They were totally nude and totally bored. Kee Chin-Fui hissed, "This Mai Li and this Toy Kwai. They do anything you say. f.u.c.k! Suck! Lick a.s.s! You name, they do!"

Thanking his cousin for the tasteful introduction, he turned to the young ladies and said, "The evening is long and I've just arrived. Help yourself to a drink! I'll order some food." Uncle Ma's intention was one quick double b.l.o.w.j.o.b and then getting them out of his sight as quickly as possible. Excusing himself, as the three Hong Kong Kees were already getting on his nerves, he retired to the master bedroom, unpacked, and then washed his face. He said to himself, "If those girls had any sophistication at all, they would have followed me in here and made a pretense at helping me get things in order."

Returning to the living room, Uncle Ma found his visitors arranged before the television set watching an old Chinese movie. They only became aware of his presence when he blocked their view as he crossed to the house phone to order some refreshments. Kee Chin-Fui yawned and said, "Tonight no dinner. Not enough notice! Tomorrow, special Kee celebration dinner on Kowloon side in 'special restaurant!'"

"A good Kee feed, ay!" said Uncle Ma. But his thoughts were hardly pleasant: "Six hours of watching my drunken cousins throw up over each other.... With any luck I'll be out of here by then."

Uncle Ma sat on a couch next to one of the girls, fully intent on getting the obligatory s.e.xual gift over and done with as soon as he had a good, stiff scotch inside of him. Sin Op rose, stretched, and without a word, crossed the room to the other girl. Facing her, he undid his belt, dropped his pants and his underwear in one movement, and presented his Joy Stick to her mouth. More concerned with the fact that he was blocking her view of the television than with the task at hand, she changed position so that she could still enjoy the movie and suck at the same time. Uncle Ma's own view of practically everything was blocked by Sin Op's pale, hairy, and red-splotched rear garden.

Kee Chin-Fui slapped the coffee table in front of him and hissed, "What you doing, you s.h.i.thead of a son? That girl for Uncle Ma. You have to pay now from your own pocket for b.l.o.w.j.o.b!"

Rising and crossing to the window to look down at the swimming pool below so as to free himself from the sight of the young Kee's b.u.t.tocks, Uncle Ma said, "I'm pleased that so brave and handsome a nephew can have the opportunity to enjoy himself in my presence."

"That cost money! He waste money all the time!" replied Kee Chin-Fui.

"The young ladies are paid for the entire evening!" said Uncle Ma, hoping that the two ugly Kee boys would relieve him of the ch.o.r.e of making his totally disinterested Joy Stick perk up. "Let your sons enjoy as well."

"Pigs.h.i.t! These girls do piecework. Twenty dollar suck! Thirty for f.u.c.k! Special rates other stuff!"

"Wholesale or retail?" asked Uncle Ma.

"Wholesale. We rent out at the market. Make sometime three hundred, maybe five hundred percent markup."

"And you actually pay them?" asked Uncle Ma.

"Pay them s.h.i.t! They work off debt." Pointing to the one with his son's c.o.c.k in her mouth, he said, "That one's father owe fifty thousand dollar gambling debt, and the one sitting by you owe us tuition, thirty-five thousand, she make loan."

Taking notice that the one who had come to the aide of her impoverished father was doing a rather poor job on Sin Op's rather small member, Uncle Ma quipped: "Fifty thousand, Hong Kong. That's a lot of b.l.o.w.j.o.bs."

Kee Chin-Fui replied, "Too many!" He took a notebook out of his pocket and flipped it open. Placing a pair of gold-rimmed gla.s.ses on his nose, he studied the figures before him, and then said, "Bad investment! She only pay back eighteen thousand dollar so far."

"Out of curiosity," asked Uncle Ma, "how many b.l.o.w.j.o.bs was that?"

The girl, coming alert for the first time all evening, took Sin Op's Joy Stick out of her mouth and said, "A lot!"

"Shaddup and suck!" replied Kee Chin-Fui in exasperation.

"She isn't cherry, except for her mouth, by any chance?" asked Uncle Ma hopefully, his mind flashing to the sweet gift Old Boss had bestowed upon him.

"We sell cherry already! That how come eighteen thousand. You keep careful count. Gift from Hong Kong Kee, but write down. Make list so they no cheat us!"