Jokes Book Collection Part Vi Part 26

29. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

30. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

31. Computer Engineer : One who gets paid for reading such mails......

32. Definition of a Gynaecologist : Someone who looks for problems where others look for pleasure!!!

33. Gynaecologist : Someone who looks for problems where others look for pleasure!!!

34. WIFE : "A wife is someone who stands by her husband through all his troubles. He would not have had...if he had stayed single."

Jokes5.

Joke Category: Santa & Banta - Dumb & Dumber

Once a Hindu, a Muslim and our dear Santa were standing together. An englishman came up and asked, hey guys, what is your favourte flowers?

The Hindu replied, 'Lotus'

'Ha, I clean my s.h.i.t with that!' the Englishman jeered

The Hindu got angry, the lotus being our national flower

The Muslim replied:'Chameli 'Ha I clean my s.h.i.t with that!' The Englishman response

The Muslim also got angry but kept quite

The Englishman asked Santa, 'Sardarji, and what is your favourite flower?'

Patriotic Santa replied: 'Cactus! and replied Now clean your a.s.s with that!

Joke Category: Sardarji - With all due respect

Q:) How do u recognize a sardar in school or college???

A:) They are the ones who erase their notebooks when the teacher erases the blackboard... BOLO tarara!!

Q:) What will a sardarji do if he wants an additional white sheet of paper?

(He already has one and he wants one more..) ..

A:) He takes a photcopy of the white paper !!!

Q:) Why did the sardarji sleep with a scale?

A:) Because he wanted to measure how much he has slept........

Joke Category: Stupid or not..

Egg Marriage.

Two eggs decide to get married. Along comes the big day and everything goes to plan. But they are both very nervous about the honeymoon night so the female egg decides to dress up in a skimpy little negligee to help them get excited.

The husband comes along and sees his wife dressed like this and all off a sudden runs into the bathroom and locks the door.

The wife is very shocked by his behavior but being inexperienced at this she thinks it's normal. After about 10 minutes the husband egg is still in the bathroom and the wife is starting to get impatient so she knocks on the door.

"Honey, Is everything o.k.?"

"Yeah, Yeah. I'll be out in a few minutes."

So, she goes back to the bed and waits. But after a half an hour she is really annoyed because he's still in the bathroom, so she goes up and knocks on the door.

"If you don't come out of the bathroom now, I'm going to divorce you, I swear!"

With this the door opens and out comes the husband egg wearing a crash helmet! The wife egg thinks this is very strange so asks him why he's wearing it.

"Well, the last time I got this hard, someone hit me over the head with a spoon!"

Joke Category: Economist - aap demand / hum supply

An economist, a philosopher, a biologist, and an architect were were arguing about what was G.o.d's real profession. The philosopher said, "Well, first and foremost, G.o.d is a philosopher because he created the principles by which man is to live." "Ridiculous!"

said the biologist "Before that, G.o.d created man and woman and all living things so clearly he was a biologist."

"Wrong," said the architect. "Before that, he created the heavens and the earth. Before the earth, there was only complete confusion and chaos!" "Well," said the economist, "where do you think the chaos came from?"

How To Catch & Kill A Lion.

Six Ways To Catch A Lion.

1. Newton's Method : Let, the lion catch you. For every action there is equal and opposite reaction. Implies you caught lion.

2. Einstein Method : Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion. Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon. Now you can trap it easily.

3. Schrodinger Method : At any given moment, there is a positive probability that lion to be in the cage. So set the trap, sit down and wait.

4. Inverse Transformation Method : We place a spherical cage in the forest and enter it. Perform an inverse transformation with respect to lion. Lion is in and we are out.

5. Thermodynamic Procedure : We construct a semi-permeable membrane which allows everything to pa.s.s it except lions. Then sweep the entire forest with it.

6. Integration Differential Method : Integrate the forest over the entire area. The lion is some where in the result. So differentiate the result PARTIALLY w.r.t lion to trace out the lion.

Now Lets Kill The Lion.

1. Rajnikanth Method : (a) Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime. The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself. (b) Remove the make-up and put it over lion. The lion will die notwithstanding that heavy weight.

2. Kamal Method : Go near the lion and cry like anything....Lion will die of sorrow!

3. Jayalalitha Method : Send Police commisioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it's sleeping!

4. Manirathnam Method : Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark room with a single candle lighted. Keep murmering something in its ears. The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.

5. Balachandar Method : Send a lioness into the forest. our lion and lioness fall in love with each other. Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion. First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness. But 2nd lioness loves both lions. Now send another lioness (third) into the forest. You don't understand right...ok....read it after 15 yrs, then also you wont!

6. Bharathiraja Method : Send Napolean and kill it with Thirupacchi aruva.

7. Shanker method : Take the lion to Australia or US...and kill it in a good scenic location.

8. Vijaykanth method : Bring 5 more lions.Fight with them and kill all of them expect one.Then advice some patriotism to the remaining one. This lion will become cow.

9. T. Rajendar method : Bring one lioness. Make your lion to fall in love with the lioness. Arrange for some 6 or 7 songs (make sure that none of them are duets)....Finally see to that the love is broken.lion will die of love failiure.

10. Shah Rukh Khan method : Release a film like "ASHOKA" and make the lion to watch the movie.

11. Govinda method : Continously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.

12. Rahul dravid method : Ask the lion to bowl at you. You bat for 200 b.a.l.l.s and score 1 run.

13. Menaka gandhi method : Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continously.

14. George bush method : Link the lion with Osama Bin Laden and shoot him.