Jokes Book Collection Part Vi Part 25

"What the f.u.c.k was that?"

- Mayor of Hiroshima

"Where the f.u.c.k is all this water coming from?"

- Captain of the t.i.tanic

"That's not a real f.u.c.king gun."

- John Lennon

"Who's gonna f.u.c.king find out?"

- Richard Nixon

"Heads are going to f.u.c.king roll."

- Anne Boleyn

"Let the f.u.c.king woman drive."

- Commander of s.p.a.ce Shuttle

"What f.u.c.king map?"

- "Challenger," Mark Thatcher

"Any f.u.c.king idiot could understand that."

- Albert Einstein

"It does so f.u.c.king look like her!"

- Pica.s.so

"How the f.u.c.k did you work that out?"

- Pythagoras

"You want what on the f.u.c.king ceiling?"

- Michaelangelo

"f.u.c.k a duck."

- Walt Disney

"Why?- Because its f.u.c.king there!"

- Edmund Hilary

"I don't suppose its gonna f.u.c.king rain?"

- Joan of Arc

"Scattered f.u.c.king showers my a.s.s."

- Noah

"I need this parade like I need a f.u.c.king hole in my head."

- John F. Kennedy.

The Book Seller.

My friend lives in Malleshwaram... One day he went to Bannerghatta Road to visit his uncle for some days as his parents had to attend a wedding in Coimbatore. One evening he and some other of my college friends went to Yellahanka for a movie. He had so much fun that he forgot that it's very late. He caught the last local bus to Bannerghatta Road ..... he reached Bannerghatta Road around midnight ......He had to walk about a mile from the bus stop to home .... As he was walking alone, he could sense that the night felt very creepy as it was so dark. While walking, he was astonished to see an old creepy looking guy selling some books. It was a very unusual thing to see a thing like that..... He got the shivers on him when he noticed that this old guy is unusually pale and staring at him... The old guy said "Son why don't you get a book...it would keep you company". Then he did something which he would regret for the rest of his life ....... My friend started to act brave & thought why not & had a look at his collections... My friend's hair started to rise up as he noticed that all the books were related to supernatural activities...but he found one that was very interesting. So he asked the old man "how much is it, uncle?"....

The old guy replied, "Well son...this is an interesting book...it's only for Rs 250. My friend was shocked and said "but...but...it's expensive"

This time the old man stared which freaked my friend. My friend quickly checked all his pockets & found Rs.

200 & said "This is all I have." The old guy replied "It's OK son ...you can have the book for that price" As my friend was just about to run for home... the old man called back & said "Son ... whatever happen, you don't ever flip the book to it's last page... remember these words or you would regret...!!!!!" My friend nodded and never looked back ...

Reaching home...he quickly asked his Uncle whether there was any new old book seller nearby? The Uncle replied "not that I know of but ...we've heard that there's 1 old man who comes once in a while during full moon nights but heard that there is something creepy about it...why son?" My friend freaked out... he told his uncle "nothing uncle...just asking". He started reading the book with the old man's words on his mind. At night, 12 0'clock, as he went to bed, a gush of wind blew which chilled him up to his bones. At that glimpse, he noticed the wind had blown the pages to its last page. He remembered what the old man has said! But we humans tend to have the tendency to know. Out of curiosity, he flipped to the last page & fainted... What he saw at the last page is stated below: Original price:--Rs 20/- Promotion price:--Rs 10/-***********hehehehehhehhe.

Osama Bin Laden1.

US Declares, 'Veerappan Is Osama Bin Laden'

In what can only be described as bizarre, the US Department of Defense has released information, which describes notorious sandalwood smuggler Veerappan as none other than America's most wanted person, Osama Bin Laden. The Pentagon yesterday called a news conference where it distributed the report of its 'intelligence' agencies* that claimed that Osama Bin Laden had already escaped Afghanistan and Veerappan was his alter ego.

The President of USA, George Dubya Bush Jr., is now contemplating attacks on India. So far he has not received any support from his Western allies. Pentagon officials now say that Osama Bin Laden was frequently visited by Nedumaran and asked to fight as Veerappan as a hero of the LTTE. Now RAW and the IB are investigating claims whether Osama Bin Laden (a.k.a Veerappan) had a part to play in the a.s.sa.s.sination of Rajiv Gandhi.

When reporters asked how Osama could be Veerappan, Mr. Donald Rumsfeld said, "If George Bush Jr., can be the President of America, why can't OBL be Veerappan." He later added that in order to hide his ident.i.ty, Osama had an array of plastic surgeons at his disposal and could morph himself into any person.

These claims are stoutly being denied by the States and the Centre. Everyone seems to be keen on having a say. "America's campaign against Iraq is going nowhere. That is why America has started this rumour," the chief minister of Andhra Pradesh said.

Meanwhile the Pentagon is trying to garner support to attack India. When asked about its plans to attack Iraq, the Secretary of Defence answered, "Actually we were not really interested in attacking Iraq. We were only interested in attacking a country starting with the letter 'I'. And since India has more letters than Iraq, the President has now changed his rhetoric. Also we have had a request from the PM of Australia to target India in view of its performance in the Champions trophy played in Sri Lanka.'

One country that has fully supported this unprecedented move is Pakistan. The President/CEO/Managing Director of Pakistan, General Musharraf has expressed his delight at the dramatic turn of events. 'You see, our planes can't fly that far to Iraq but since India is our next door neighbour, we won't even be needing planes. Of course we have always given moral and diplomatic support and will continue to do so but this takes it to a whole new level and we will be now supporting the Jehadis in a new way.

When asked by the reporters how, he responded, "So far we have only been writing 'go go you Kashmiri mujahadeen' on the back of a cla.s.sified Pakistan Army paper. But now we will give them that piece of paper in the barrel of an AK-47 and thus help our ally, the US and still support the freedom struggle."

*Editor: Readers may kindly note that Indus Inquirer had revealed Osama's true ident.i.ty way back in April 2002 with its sensational expose, 'Osama bin Laden and Veerappan are one and the same person'. (Indus Inquirer archives: April 6, 2002)

Cla.s.sic Definitions & Cool Meanings.

1. Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.

2. Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.

3. Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master.

4. Divorce : Future tense of marriage.

5. Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without pa.s.sing through "the minds of either".

6. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

7. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

8. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power.

9. Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.

10. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, n.o.body listens & everybody disagrees later on.

11. Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

12. Cla.s.sic : A book which people praise, but do not read.

13. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

14. Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

15. Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

16. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

18. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

20. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

21. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to h.e.l.l in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

22. Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

23. Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."

24. Pessimist :- A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.

25. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

26. Father : A banker provided by nature.

27. Criminal : A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.

28. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.