I Am Troubled That My Fiance Is A Villain Chapter 38.5

Interlude: Silly Evening Chats

Deciding to stay up, I sat down at a small table by the window, and looked if my travelling clothes had any open seams and frayed spots. There's no getting used to the feeling of thinking of sitting down, staring, and thinking of various things.

But aside from that, I felt myself calm down from doing menial work, and just like so, I spread out the clothes and looked it over.

This is the most expensive inn in town; on both sides of the window's awning are trifling dents above shoulder-level, and on them were oil lamps. Thanks to these, I'm able to properly see my own hands even in the night, which was helpful. If these weren't here, that would be the only thing I'd be able to see all night long with the moon's light. That would give me too much free time.

I immediately rubbed and found a fraying spot, and excitedly took out thread and needle.

These clothes were originally maid clothes, but I don't quite know whether the fraying spot came to be on this journey or not. It would be fine for me to leave it as is, but thanking the owner for lending it to me would somehow be– So I pretty much decided to just mend it.

I've liked sewing right from the very start, so I think I'm relatively good at it if I do say so myself.

As for Bern, embroidery became his forte so I became a bit disheartened, and decided to polish my skill at sewing as a n.o.ble lady until I'm at the same level as Bern who doesn't need this skill. By the way, I absolutely regret that although I said I'll be polishing it, I haven't seen any indication of any progress.

For no particular reason, I looked outside the window over every house covered in darkness, wondering where the direction of the residence was.

Probably because most people are already asleep, but most of the buildings' windows with lights on were noticeably few compared to when night began to fall, allowing one to clearly see the voluntary swaying of the small lamps the people left behind on the street were holding.

Father and Mother went to visit his school friend overseas so when we sent them off, we told them we would sight see while heading to Bell but that we'll have to return to our territory before the new year begins.

If it looks like we can't manage to barely make it by the beginning of the year, we'll just have to return to the Rietberg territory after going to the monastery without even stopping by anywhere.

In the end, we wouldn't be able to sight see much on this trip.

I didn't really go out on this journey to sight see, but when I tried to look back on places that we've stopped by up till now, there weren't any that were decent sight-seeing places. Rather than say we went to Bell, it's more like we made a U-turn before Bell, and went further north.

I wanted to at least get a souvenir… Hmm? A souvenir?

I noticed having made a serious mistake, and afterwards, unconsciously raised my voice. I noticed I have yet to buy a souvenir.

“Ah, darn–“

“Did something happen?”

Bern suddenly appeared from behind me, and looked at what was in my hands.

“We haven't bought any souvenirs even though we told them we're heading over to Bell.”

He agreed, That's right, and despite looking ready to sleep, he sat down across from me.

“Well, isn't it okay?”

Eh~ You're too lenient…

I mean, I didn't exactly say we should buy something, but it might be weird if we had nothing to show up for. If it was me, I would think, Tch, do you really have nothing?

Actually, this feels nostalgic for some reason.

I even thought the same thing on the first day I met Bern.

What was it again?

At that time, I remember I wasn't feeling good cause I remembered my past life, and Bern took me to a break room.

I asked him, ” Is it okay for you to not talk with His Highness–” wait, he's not His Highness anymore, “–with Prince Edwin?” and after he replied nonchalantly, “Isn't it?” I was shocked, and thought the same thing as I did earlier when I thought, You're too lenient…

I figured my memory wasn't that great, but the scene at that time came to mind so vividly and I cast my eyes down at it.

There was an impressively slender boy with straight black hair. His moderately long bangs fluttered, gray eyes looking at me.

Although there were many n.o.ble children in the courtyard, surrounded by neatly pruned roses, we both looked at it at a distance. Now that I think back on it, I may have looked a little disinterested, and he might have looked like a kid that's difficult to approach.

At that time, I never thought I would be together with that boy for this long.

It seemed really funny to me for some reason, and I incidentally let out a chuckle.

“What're you laughing about?”

“Well, I just thought how you said the same thing as well when we first met.”

“Is that so?”

“It is.”

Bern was similarly recalling that day. He stared, and then suddenly, he let out a small laugh. It was indeed a laugh that one would do while reminiscing.

“…For some reason, you were making a really surprised face then.”

Probably when I thought, What's with this kid, he's really beautiful!

“That's because a beautiful boy suddenly started talking to me.”

When I grinned as I said that, for some reason, Bern slightly mumbled an Uuuuhh. What's this? Is he embarra.s.sed?

After that, he subtly removed his gaze from me, and said this:

“Did Lizzy, uhm, like my face?”

He said it in a slightly disjointed way, and I c.o.c.ked my head to the side.

Unable to stand my gaze that seemed to say, Say it in simpler terms, he repeated his question in a whisper.

“I asked, was I your type?“

“You're asking me this now?”

His shoulders dropped, disappointed of my answer, and he looked exhausted, giving up.

“When Elmenhilde asked you what you liked about me, you said, I wonder what? right?”

Ah, so that's what.

I knew he was paying attention, but surprisingly, he minded it huh? If it's because of this, it might have been better if I said something appropriate like he's kind or something. Well, he actually is kind.

“My type, huh… I did think, Wow, he's beautiful but I didn't think it was to my taste.”

Well, more like it wasn't to that level.

Besides, it's not like I'm particularly fond of his appearance.

Ah, but–

“I like your eyes. The way they droop, and the color. They look really beautiful when hit by the light, like silver.”

And I also like the slightly troubled face he makes like he's saying there's no helping it when I sometimes say weird and selfish things.

Bern gave a curt reply, I see, and completely covered his mouth with the hand that had been on his elbow. Probably because he was pretty much satisfied with my answer, his eyes looked like they were smiling slightly.

I tried asking myself, Would it have been better to say more? and Why do I like this guy again?

But I naturally stopped working on the clothes, unable to think of a particular reason why I like him or even an excuse.

To be honest, I don't think I can answer This is it! even if you ask me just why do I like him.

It's not like I knew the exact moment.

We got engaged before we could even think of things like love, so I liked Bern as a person. By the time I realized that, it had turned into something like love or affection before I knew it.

So I don't think it has anything to do with his appearance… Is what I would like to say, but that's because Bern's just so good-looking.

If I were asked aren't you attracted to his face? I can't exactly deny it either. Even in my past life, whenever I saw his sprite in-game, I would go, Kyaa, kyaa! I mean, come on, that's because I'm still a girl, you know.

“What does Bern think about my appearance then?”

When it was my turn to ask, turning somewhat embarra.s.sed, Bern folded his arms, and said with a really serious face:

“That's a difficult question to answer.”

Huh, what? Difficult?

Wouldn't it be safer to say You're cute, or something similar to what I said about his eyes?

“What most people would say is that you're not beautiful. I also agree with that.”

Hey–! I mean, you didn't even give me the chance to object!

“That's what you have to say!?”

Bern looked slightly miserable, like he was saying even that troubles me, when I unconsciously raised my voice, but he steadily continued on.

“But I think you're cute. No matter what others say.”

“Hii…”

D-Did you hear that, Madam1!? This person just said I'm cute! That I'm cute!

“T-Thank you very much.”

When I mumbled my thanks, embarra.s.sed from being told right to my face that I'm cute despite my complaints, he laughed, amused at why I was thanking him.

“Are you going to be staying up for a while longer?”

“Yeah.”

More like I just feel like staying up all night.

“Does it have something to do with why you were weird today?”

Uuuhh.

“…I wonder.”

Avoiding it was weak of me, even if I do say so myself.

“Is it something that's difficult for you to talk to me about?”

Something that's difficult, huh.

I can't really tell Bern of all people that I've been dreaming of him imprisoned in jail, and dying nor do I want to say it either.

And I don't think he knows anything if I asked him about the matter with Lucas.

Even if I do tell him, where would I start? Explaining something I don't know anything about is really difficult.

“I can't explain it right now. And also cause it's hard for me to do so.”

“Try, and then maybe we can surprisingly straighten it out then.”

“It's so weird, huh? It's always around this time where I would withdraw.”

“That's because you're halfway through changing your mind about lots of things because you're angry.”

When he said that so seriously, it was my turn to hesitate.

Remembering how illogical I was, and how I cried without caring about everyone's gazes felt really unpleasant. The next time we fight, I'll do so in a cooler, more adult-like manner… Hmm, I wonder if it's impossible for me.

Bern stared at what I held in my hands.

Some people might misunderstand that behavior of his as forcing them to quickly fess up but because of how long we've been together, I understood that he wasn't really looking my way, wanting to force me.

It probably isn't because he's not interested either, but he's probably thinking that he doesn't need to hear it even if it's something useless. It was a halfhearted way of saying, If you really didn't want to talk about it, you don't have to, and if you do, I'll listen.

If that's the case, then on the other hand, it would feel like he wants to ask me by all means, and I would wonder just how much of my agony should I tell him about– After properly thinking things through while he stared absentmindedly, I said:

“I've been having nightmares recently.”

I peeked at glance at his reaction.

Bern blinked several times, wondering if he heard me right, and urged me to continue the story with his eyes.

“The prison we went to today really resembles the one in those dreams…”

“By prison, you mean the one in the bas.e.m.e.nt?”

When I nodded, Bern replied with a vague hmmm.

Oh come on! Your reaction's too weak!

“I kinda can't sleep because of it.”

It would have been more correct to say I don't want to sleep instead of I can't sleep, but for some reason, it was really difficult of me to say so. Even though I should have explained that staying up was of my own free will, I felt guilty like I ate desserts before dinner.

“Was it a scary dream?”

“…Kind of.”

That's right– It was a scary, cold, and desolate dream.

I once again moved my hands that had stopped working. I don't think there's anything else to fix on this one so after this, I'll look over Bern's.

“Don't mind me, just go to sleep.”

He slightly shrugged his shoulders, and shook his head like he thinks that the goodwill I specially showed him was stupid.

“You're going to stay up all night, right? I'll join you,”

“Huh, how did you know!?”

“That's cause you were grumbling terrible things with that weird pose and saying you don't want to sleep earlier.”

Is it that? The time I half-turned into a slime?

I guess I unconsciously let out what I had been thinking at that time.

“I'll wake you up if it looks like you're falling asleep.”

“You sure?”

“Either way, I can't really sleep since I'll be worried about you staying up.”

My feelings of guilt about staying up all night rapidly grew.

Even if I did think I have enough free time to stay up by myself, thankful things are still much appreciated.

“Go to sleep when you're feeling sleepy, okay?”

“I will.”

After that, we leisurely spent the night continuing our ramblings.

The strange thing was that I wasn't sleepy at all, but instead, Bern, who said he can't sleep out of worry, was the one who started dozing off after four AM, and was currently sleeping so skillfully on the chair.

I knew that people who are flawless at anything would sleep so skillfully while maintaining their posture even when sitting on a chair.

As for me, I would have liked it if he could quickly overcome his hate of beans seeing as he's able to skillfully sleep on a chair. Every time we eat them, he just gives them to me, but it's not like I like beans that much, okay?

…Well, that's a secret from Bern though.

I listened to Bern's shallow breathing while thinking of various things, important things like things I know, things I don't know, What should I tell to Lila when I meet her later? to trivial ones like This is a really nice inn, should I expect the same from their breakfast?

It began to grow lighter, the darkness gradually driven off to the corners, and every house's brick roof began to glitter like scales. It'll still take some time before the sun completely rises but it was quite obvious that nighttime was over.

A clang resounded, and turned towards the direction of the bell I could clearly hear through the window. To my right were light, spire-shaped silhouettes inside several buildings.

Was it the monastery we're going to, or the town's bell tower? Either way, this chime seems to be coming from that direction.

Another complacent, peaceful chime resounded throughout the whole town.

I heard Bern stir. He's already woken up from the several chimes without me having to wake him up.

And just like that, we welcomed the morning.

WOW. LONG. This was cute, G.o.ddammit. This is so refreshing after all that plot stuff happening in the past few chapters.

Also, to whoever I told last chapter that this chapter was where Lizzy tells her about the game… I apparently lied (unknowingly). That's later on, but it still happens. WE STILL HAVE 4 MORE CHAPTERS GUYS! WERE SO CLOSE. I WANNA GET TO THE EXTRA WITH THEIR CHILDREN ALREADY. A CARBON COPY OF BERN.