How to Write Clearly Part 4

*24. Nouns should be placed near the nouns that they define.* In the very common sentence "The death is announced of Mr. John Smith, an author whose works &c.," the transposition is probably made from a feeling that, if we write "The death of Mr. John Smith is announced,"

we shall be obliged to begin a new sentence, "He was an author whose works &c." But the difficulty can be removed by writing "We regret to announce, or, we are informed of, the death of Mr. John Smith, an author, &c."

*25. p.r.o.nouns should follow the nouns to which they refer without the intervention of another noun.* Avoid, "John Smith, the son of Thomas Smith, _who_ gave me this book," unless _Thomas Smith_ is the antecedent of _who_. Avoid also "John supplied Thomas with money: _he_ (John) was very well off."

When, however, one of two preceding nouns is decidedly superior to the other in emphasis, the more emphatic may be presumed to be the noun referred to by the p.r.o.noun, even though the noun of inferior emphasis intervenes. Thus: "At this moment the colonel came up, and took the place of the wounded general. _He_ gave orders to halt." Here _he_ would naturally refer to _colonel_, though _general_ intervenes. A _conjunction_ will often show that a p.r.o.noun refers to the subject of the preceding sentence, and not to another intervening noun. "The sentinel at once took aim at the approaching soldier, and fired. He _then_ retreated to give the alarm."

It is better to adhere, in most cases, to Rule 25, which may be called (Bain) the Rule of Proximity. The Rule of Emphasis, of which an instance was given in the last paragraph, is sometimes misleading. A distinction might be drawn by punctuating thus:

"David the father of Solomon, who slew Goliath." "David, the father of Solomon who built the Temple." But the propriety of omitting a comma in each case is questionable, and it is better to write so as not to be at the mercy of commas.

*26. Clauses that are grammatically connected should be kept as close together as possible.* (But see 55.) The introduction of parentheses violating this rule often produced serious ambiguity. Thus, in the following: "The result of these observations appears to be in opposition to the view now generally received in this country, that in muscular effort the substance of the muscle itself undergoes disintegration." Here it is difficult to tell whether the theory of "disintegration" is (1) "the result," or, as the absence of a comma after "be" would indicate, (2) "in opposition to the result of these observations." If (1) is intended, add "and to prove" after "country;"

if (2), insert "which is" after "country."

There is an excessive complication in the following:--"It cannot, at all events, if the consideration demanded by a subject of such importance from any one professing to be a philosopher, be given, be denied that &c."

Where a speaker feels that his hearers have forgotten the connection of the beginning of the sentence, he should repeat what he has said; _e.g._ after the long parenthesis in the last sentence he should recommence, "it cannot, I say, be denied." In writing, however, this licence must be sparingly used.

A short parenthesis, or modifying clause, will not interfere with clearness, especially if ant.i.thesis he used, so as to show the connection between the different parts of the sentence, _e.g._ "A modern newspaper statement, _though probably true_, would be laughed at if quoted in a book as testimony; but the letter of a court gossip is thought good historical evidence if written some centuries ago."

Here, to place "though probably true" at the beginning of the sentence would not add clearness, and would impair the emphasis of the contrast between "a modern newspaper statement" and "the letter of a court gossip."

*27. In conditional sentences, the antecedent clauses must be kept distinct from the consequent clauses.*--There is ambiguity in "The lesson intended to be taught by these manoeuvres will be lost, if the plan of operations is laid down too definitely beforehand, and the affair degenerates into a mere review." Begin, in any case, with the antecedent, "If the plan," &c. Next write, according to the meaning: (1) "If the plan is laid down, and the affair degenerates &c., then the lesson will be lost;" or (2) " ... then the lesson ... will be lost, and the affair degenerates into a mere review."

*28. Dependent clauses preceded by "that" should be kept distinct from those that are independent.*

Take as an example:

(1) "He replied that he wished to help them, and intended to make preparations accordingly."

This ought not to be used (though it sometimes is, for shortness) to mean:

(2) "He replied ..., and he intended."

In (1), "intended," having no subject, must be supposed to be connected with the nearest preceding verb, in the same mood and tense, that has a subject, _i.e._ "wished." It follows that (1) is a condensation of:

(3) "He replied that he wished ..., and that he intended."

(2), though theoretically free from ambiguity, is practically ambiguous, owing to a loose habit of repeating the subject unnecessarily. It would be better to insert a conjunctional word or a full stop between the two statements. Thus:

(4) "He replied that he wished to help them, and _indeed_ he intended," &c., or "He replied, &c. He intended, &c."

Where there is any danger of ambiguity, use (3) or (4) in preference to (1) or (2).

*29. When there are several infinitives, those that are dependent on the same word must be kept distinct from those that are not.*

"He said that he wished _to_ take his friend with him _to_ visit the capital and _to_ study medicine." Here it is doubtful whether the meaning is--

"He said that he wished to take his friend with him,

(1) _and also_ to visit the capital and study medicine," or

(2) "that his friend might visit the capital _and might also_ study medicine," or

(3) "on a visit to the capital, _and that he also_ wished to study medicine."

From the three different versions it will be perceived that this ambiguity must be met (_a_) by using "that" for "to," which allows us to repeat an auxiliary verb [_e.g._ "might" in (2)], and (_b_) by inserting conjunctions. As to insertions of conjunctions, see (37).

"In order to," and "for the purpose of," can be used to distinguish (wherever there is any ambiguity) between an infinitive that _expresses a purpose_, and an infinitive that does not, _e.g._ "He told his servant to call upon his friend, _to_ (in order to) give him information about the trains, and not to leave him till he started."

*30. The principle of suspense.* Write your sentence in such a way that, until he has come to the full stop, the reader may feel the sentence to be incomplete. In other words, keep your reader in _suspense_. _Suspense_ is caused (1) by placing the "if-clause" first, and not last, in a conditional sentence; (2) by placing participles before the words they qualify; (3) by using suspensive conjunctions, _e.g._ _not only_, _either_, _partly_, _on the one hand_, _in the first place_, &c.

The following is an example of an _unsuspended_ sentence. The sense _draggles_, and it is difficult to keep up one's attention.

"Mr. Pym was looked upon as the man of greatest experience in parliaments, where he had served very long, and was always a man of business, being an officer in the Exchequer, and of a good reputation generally, though known to be inclined to the Puritan party; yet not of those furious resolutions (_Mod. Eng._ so furiously resolved) against the Church as the other leading men were, and wholly devoted to the Earl of Bedford,--who had nothing of that spirit."

The foregoing sentence might have ended at any one of the eight points marked above. When suspended it becomes:--

"Mr. Pym, owing to his long service in Parliament in the Exchequer, was esteemed above all others for his Parliamentary experience and for his knowledge of business. He had also a good reputation generally; for, though openly favouring the Puritan party, he was closely devoted to the Earl of Bedford, and, like the Earl, had none of the fanatical spirit manifested against the Church by the other leading men."

*30 a. It is a violation of the principle of Suspense to introduce unexpectedly, at the end of a long sentence, some short and unemphatic clause beginning with (a) " ... not" or (b) " ... which."*

(_a_) "This reform has already been highly beneficial to all cla.s.ses of our countrymen, and will, I am persuaded, encourage among us industry, self-dependence, and frugality, _and not, as some say, wastefulness_."

Write "not, as some say, wastefulness, but industry, self-dependence, and frugality."

(_b_) "After a long and tedious journey, the last part of which was a little dangerous owing to the state of the roads, we arrived safely at York, _which is a fine old town_."

*Exception.*--When the short final clause is intended to be unexpectedly unemphatic, it comes in appropriately, with something of the sting of an epigram. See (42). Thus:

"The old miser said that he should have been delighted to give the poor fellow a shilling, but most unfortunately he had left his purse at home--_a habit of his_."

Suspense naturally throws increased emphasis on the words for which we are waiting, _i.e._ on the end of the sentence. It has been pointed out above that *a monotony of final emphasis is objectionable, especially in letter writing and conversation*.

*31. Suspense must not be excessive.* _Excess of suspense_ is a common fault in boys translating from Latin. "Themistocles, having secured the safety of Greece, the Persian fleet being now destroyed, when he had unsuccessfully attempted to persuade the Greeks to break down the bridge across the h.e.l.lespont, hearing that Xerxes was in full flight, and thinking that it might be profitable to secure the friendship of the king, wrote as follows to him." The more English idiom is: "When Themistocles had secured the safety of Greece by the destruction of the Persian fleet, he made an unsuccessful attempt to persuade the Greeks to break down the bridge across the h.e.l.lespont. Soon afterwards, hearing &c."

A long suspense that would be intolerable in prose is tolerable in the introduction to a poem. See the long interval at the beginning of _Paradise Lost_ between "Of man's first disobedience" and "Sing, heavenly Muse." Compare also the beginning of _Paradise Lost_, Book II.:

"_High on a throne of royal state, which far Outshone the wealth of Ormuz and of Ind, Or where the gorgeous East with richest hand Showers on her kings barbaric pearl and gold-- Satan exalted sat._"

with the opening of Keats' _Hyperion_:

"_Deep in the shady sadness of a vale, Far sunken from the healthy breath of morn, Far from the fiery noon and eve's one star-- Sat grey-haired Saturn, quiet as a stone._"