Help! Gooogle-sensei!! Vol 2 Chapter 9

Chapter 9: Extremely Easy Nasty Deed

 

Currently, I have a serious problem.

This is a problem which even a certain great teacher can’t answer.

I have a great idea for the new technique. But, I can’t decide its name.

Meanwhile, the time for war is approaching, I become impatient.

Nipple Laser, Yes, It was in ‘English’!!

I was careless, ‘Electrical Parade’ was in English too!!

I am a German! Not a British!! And not an American either!!

Aah, King Arthur start his introductory speech by himself!!

Read the mood!! I’m still thinking, you know!!

 

“My name is Arthur, Arthur Pendragon. The king of Highland Kingdom and the leader who rules over the twelve tribes!! This over thirteen thousand years of humiliation. Today, at this place, I will clear it all!! Emperor of Frank Empire!! No, Demon King Charlemagne!! Your actions of continuous domination with fear over your country, your people, and your neighboring countries for thirteen thousand years!!  If they’re beautiful, regardless of their gender, their marital status, their age, and even your own children!! You will bring them to your bed, and after they lose their beauty because of aging, you will discard them…… Today, all your evil deeds will come to end!! You must know I, as the ruler of Highland Kingdom, represents everyone who detests and resents you!!”

Uwwaa, Hero-sama, how emotional.

Even without the slightest resemblance with King Arthur in the legends, he’s a knight among knights.

However, Charlemagne, he is too honest with his lower half.

Even though he was hated to that extent, no one can drag him down from his throne, just how much is his magical power?

This is scary, Arthur-kun said, “I can win…..No I will!!”, but I don’t know is it a win flag or lose flag.

For the time being, good luck♪

After those words, I encourage him by saying, “As long you don’t lose heart, you can win”.

And Arthur-kun really nodded to it, you know?

 

 

 

“I’m Charlemagne. Unfortunately, calling me demon king is an honor for me. Anyone with power can get what they seek is inevitably the rule of world. Because I love beautiful things, I won’t forgive anyone who unseemly decays. And it’s as my mercy. If you don’t want to be stolen by me, just fight me with your power. Steal or be stolen is inevitably the rule of world. No people in power will deny their power while eating their prey. It’s actually funny, right? However, that humorous figure of yours is beautiful too. My lovely Arthur. Your appearance of fighting against me is really beautiful. That shivering figure while being angry which comes from seeing your friends being stolen by me is also beautiful. If you want to settle things with me, I will make you surrender using my power. I’ll be looking forward to your face distorted in humiliation when I bring you to my bed. I’ll be looking forward to see you crying in shame. And also when you submit yourself to me. Well then, let’s make love. I’m Charlemagne. The first and the last emperor of Frank Empire.”

Translation: Power is justice, it will always be like that.

I know I know.

So, I will kill you, okay?

With all of my power, I will kill you, okay?

 

 

 

“No one will hear me though, but I will say it. I will kill you. Because you’re a nuisance. Because I have a grudge. Because I hate you. Because you’re annoying. For now I will kill you. Anyway, I will kill you. Because you’re alive, I will kill you. Because you were born, I will kill you. Because you will die, I will kill you. Because you’re in front of me, I will kill you. And… because I’m angry, I will definitely kill you. My name is Karl Gustav Pendragon. The one who will put an end to the eternal emperor.”

That’s a dangerous muttering if I have to say so myself.

If someone was to say that to my face, I will report it to Pipo-kun.

[TL Note: j.a.panese police headquarter mascot character]

But unfortunately, he doesn’t exist in this world, so just give up, okay?

Aah, after that, after being disinherited and exiled, I’m not in any position having to obey non-aggression pact, so good luck, okay?

 

 

 

The introductory speeches have ended, and both armies have signaled the start of war by blowing horns.

Then, let’s start, demon king-sama? And good bye.

“Nipple!! Flaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.s.sh!! Requieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeem!!!”

Having sun on one’s back when fighting is the basics in a war. In that case, let’s create it, the sun!!

Autumn’s cloudy sky sunshine in the south? It won’t even be a match!! Illumination service’s maximum output… it’s not, though, but what’s emanating from my nipples is sunlight!! The source of life!! Look at my light which surpa.s.ses the light from midsummer blue sky’s sun!! And I have two nipples, so it shines twice brighter!! Closing your eyes? You will fight while closing your eyes? Hahaha, how skilful. I will only shine right here. You must know this will be the halo which represents the justice of King Arthur!!

Aah, after that, it’s dangerous to ride horses, you know?

The only music fit for this battle field is indeed, Dies Irae, one of Verdi’s masterpieces

It’s a full orchestra prepared by sensei, you can enjoy it.

And in addition, I will play the high-pitched tone version too.

The audible limit of human is about 23,000 Hz, but horse can hear until about 33,000 Hz.

I have tested it with horse from fantasy world, and it’s exactly the same, you know?

So, let the crazy and noisy big explosion resound.

j.a.panese name: Chiku Vibration.

That’s right, giving the opponent a fatal attack to their hearing, making them fall into confusion bad status, a debuff skill of mine.

One of its good point is you can choose the target you want by adjusting the sound frequency.

And, today’s guest for this live are, horses! Sorry horses! It’s not your fault!!

 

At the same time when the horn blows stop, appear a light, which shines brighter than the sun, behind the Highland Kingdom army, dazzling the eyes of Frank Empire army’s soldiers and horses. That radiant light which shines even brighter than the sun of blue sky didn’t even let them turn their faces.

It’s different for the Highland Kingdom army who have the sun on their back.

Receiving the divine light of b.r.e.a.s.t.s with their back, and the evil Frank Empire army can be seen clearly.

Moreover, a big sound resounds in the battlefield as if the wrath of G.o.d.

The horses fall into panic.

“Attaaaaaack!!

King Arthur’s order has been handed down.

Until now, Highland Kingdom army literally can’t fight with their full strength.

Because even if you temper your power, your weapons won’t get stronger with you.

But, today is different.

Because they can show their full, perfect, and whole power!!

The fight between 150,000 soldiers who close their eyes and 15,000 soldiers who have their eyes open, which one will win?

It’s already obvious.

The horses also fear the music, so they went into rampage, shaking off the person riding them, then trampling them, so they’re now split into 150,000 rampaging horses, and the escaping magicians who try to avoid being trampled.

Ahahahahahaha, you b.a.s.t.a.r.ds who disturb Princess Maria’s love life, being kicked by horses is a fitting fate, right!?

“Internal discord happens because they don’t have love in their life, right? [NTR-gou]”

There’s someone using magic to suppress the sound.

But still, horses that have already fallen into a panic state won’t immediately calm down even if they gained temporary silence, right?

There’re some magicians who burned their favorite horse because they were shaken off and about to be trampled.

Is this the love which Frank Empire says? I endured it even when I was almost torn in two by Charlotte.

If King is a king, then soldier is a soldier too.

Everyone, you can die altogether!!

Two dragons who wore earplugs beforehand soared through the sky, and with their flame, they burn the cavalries.

But all of it is just a diversion.

 

 

War, as I expected, is a battle between soldiers.

The magicians who can’t face the front and the crowd of warriors approaching with their full strength.

One-sided trampling battle.

I modified the helmet of Highland Kingdom army a bit.

Shield, well, it’s sungla.s.ses.

A place where you can train yourself and exert your full strength, is a dream-like place for them.

Is this the so-called Ore TUEEEEEEE?

[TL Note: means OP]

However, their opponent are cowards who can only fire magic while escaping on their horse, you know?

Their enemy is YOEEEEEE, isn’t it?

[TL Note: weak, this and tueee are written in alphabet in raw]

Well, whatever.

Ten people per person, their spoils is a bit lacking in number.

Sorry, I apologize. Actually, I want to prepare thirty people per person, you know?

I thought he will bring 500,000 soldiers, but demon king-sama disappointed me!!

A disappointment. I want him to die. Well, I will kill him though, you know?

I beg you, okay? Arthur-kun.

You said you will win, so you must win, okay?

 

 

Demon King Charlemagne who has lived over thirteen thousand years, and king of knights who has lived over thirteen thousand years.

 

 

I think at the moment a swordsman closed the distance against a magician, it will be a one-sided battle, but as I guessed, The Great Demon King-sama is the last boss, we can’t do it in ordinary way.

I heard if he wants to do it, he can easily slay ten or twenty dragons.

Well, for me who have Sensei that can destroy earth at my side, he is just the same as an insect though?

Caliburn in right hand, Excalibur in left hand, and even though each of his slash can split the ground, that won’t be possible against a ma.s.s of magical power. The sword of swordsman who devote himself in training for thirteen thousand years can’t reach a magician who only pa.s.sed his life lazily in his bedroom.

That man named himself as an emperor and the ruler of earth by just being born with ma.s.sive magical power.

For thirteen thousand years, Charlemagne rules and grasps over people with that magical power, truly a genuine monster.

So irritating, really irritating.

A mere slash can’t hurt him, just by waving his hand, a lightning strikes the ground.

The one right there isn’t a human, but a fortress.

There’s no way for a person to fight that alone.

However, I didn’t interrupt him.

I don’t want to stain Arthur’s feeling which piled up over thirteen thousand years.

 

That ma.s.sive and dense lump of magical power, just by being there, he doesn’t allow any sword to attack him.

However, Arthur’s feelings aren’t that shallow to the extent to give up with this.

Arthur just put his over thirteen thousand years of feelings unto his swords and fights continuously.

 

“Hahaha, how fun! Come to think of it, there’s only a few people who challenged me in this thirteen thousand years. No, the people who challenged are too few. It’s so boring because the battle ended before it even started!! I’m a man. I do understand the aesthetics of battle!! ……However, there’s no one who can fight me, it’s not even a contest for me. Therefore, I’ve always overlooked you, Arthur!! Aah, actually I can capture and make you succ.u.mb at any time!!”

He didn’t even defend himself at all.

Because when a fist hits a lump of iron, the one who would be broken is the fist.

Caliburn and Excalibur are creaking.

No matter how many you look at it, the losing one in this battle is King Arthur.

But, he won’t stop, he can’t be stopped. Yeah, after thirteen thousand years, for the first time he can corner him.

“I have said your evil deeds end today, right!! My sword will reach you!! My sword will definitely reach you!! Without fail!!”

Even towards Arthur’s rage, Charlemagne replies it back with smile.

Explosive flame, thunder, and lumps of ice as big as a mountain, however Arthur dodged, averted, blocked, and parried all of them, avoiding fatal injury.

In the first place, Demon King Charlemagne doesn’t want to kill Arthur.

Like a cat chasing a mouse, no, like a man is happy after making the girl he likes cry, he just indulges himself in s.a.d.i.s.tic pleasure.

Not even a fight, in the first place, he even pointed it out to make it easier to dodge.

As if he’s just playing with his beloved Arthur.

 

After one hour, after two hours, the sun which should be on top of us, starts to sink to the west, and even when the sky is dyed in evening, that play-like fight doesn’t end at all.

No one would interrupt a fight between warriors. Because it’s just the same as insulting them.

More precisely, there’s no one who can interrupt them.

150,000 soldiers of Frank Empire army have died already, only one monster left.

 

“After a fight to this extent, you still didn’t give up. From the bottom of my heart, I love that beautiful stubbornness.”

Not even one injury on Charlemagne yet.

And also, not even one injury on Arthur yet.

“Just this? It’s not even half a day yet, you know? Or do you surrender already? If you want to break my heart then even one year or ten years, no, even thirteen thousand years I will take you ooooooooooooooon!!!”

Swinging his Caliburn to that wall of magical power is just like tracing it.

And after that, he received rain of lightning in return.

While rolling in order to avoid it, he stand on ground in order to jump, and he flies in a straight line to pierce with Excalibur.

And, it pierced him.

 

“……………………………………Argh!?”

The tip of Excalibur pierced Charlemagne’s chest shallowly.

Because he jumped to the back in order to escape from it, it didn’t become a fatal attack. But, certainly the tip of sword reached him.

Even though his blood flows out, it stops immediately with magic.

With a wave of his hand, h.e.l.lfire mowed down everything in its way.

Then he jumps high to the sky, and when both Caliburn and Excalibur traced flashes of light, it engraved cross line on Charlemagne’s chest.

He puked blood, but as I guessed he…… can’t stop the bleeding with magic.

And moreover, Arthur aims his slash towards his limbs, Charlemagne collapsed with his back on the ground……

 

 

“Ha-hahahaha, hahahahahahahahahaha!! How beautiful, Arthur!! I never thought I would suffer a defeat!! You’re very beautiful!! Arthur, I love you!!”

While his blood is flowing, Charlemagne is happy and smiled from the bottom of his heart.

Not only s.a.d.i.s.t, he is a m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.t too?

“I have said it! Today, all your evil deeds will come to end!!”

While Charlemagne is laying on the ground, Arthur look at him with the eyes full of anger.

He was a hero.

“I give up, it’s my loss. ……Arthur, if my life will be taken by you, I think it’s great!! It’s a form of love too!!”

He’s happy even towards his death, huh, that Demon King Charlemagne.

Because of that, I have prepared for this.

 

Then now!! A man who can’t read the atmosphere, the flat-faced baron will take his appearance!!

Between King Arthur and Demon King Charlemagne, I interrupt in without reading the atmosphere!

“Okay! I will introduce myself here!! I’m the one honored as the ugliest in Highland Kingdom!!”

Yeah, I think it’s an awful introduction even though I’m the one who said that, and certainly I’m literally like that, so it’s not rude…….it is rude.

More precisely, I have searched it on Gooogle-sensei, I’m certainly a man with appearance Charlemagne hates the most.

Well, after I have helped King Arthur, he should give me something, right?

 

“Ka-Karl? That ugl……No, what! Who is he?”

“Yes, I’m a dedicated executioner for you, Demon King Charlemagne, and I was called the special executioner!!”

[TLNote: this line is weird in english since karl said half of it in katakana. The first executioner and the special is in katakana. And he might be referencing the film Boondock Saints since he used the j.a.panese name of it for the second executioner. スペシャルな処刑人]

I smiled broadly. Pendragon is a free being.

Looks like the fact that Demon King-sama is extremely fond of beautiful things is true, because he hates my face to the extent of puking after seeing it.

According to Sensei’s investigation, the thing he hates the most is an executioner with a nauseating face and glistering club in hand, it’s rude to him, you know?

[TL Note: either a kind of reference, or a d**do]

“It’s not like King Arthur’s, but I have a quite deep resentment towards Charlemagne-sama, and I’m not that kind to let you be killed happily by the hands of the beautiful King Arthur. So please, can you leave Charlemagne’s last moment to me?”

I can’t let that Great Hero King Arthur to do this inhumane deed.

However, he has to give this task to me as a reward because I have helped him in many things like Adamandight and the rest.

“I lent Adamandight equipment, gave a hand with my light and sound support, and even lent my dragon. And, I’m not a va.s.sal of Highland Kingdom. Only a mere mercenary, so I demand you to let me give Charlemagne the most tragic and cruel death as my share. If you claim you would’ve won even without my help, you’re free to refuse.”

The Great Demon King Charlemagne is shivering like a child, he appeals to King Arthur.

 

“I understand. It’s regrettable, but I’m greatly indebted to Karl-dono. It won’t be enough to repay it, but I will leave Charlemagne to you. It’s regrettable that I can’t kill him with my own hands, but it can’t be helped.”

He wanted to kill him with his own hands, but when the opponent is happy like that, it won’t extinguish his rage. And it won’t be a revenge for his dead comrades.

He has something more befitting for him, that is a death full of tragedy and cruelty, and everyone in this place wants it to be like that.

However, everyone in this place has a pride as a warrior, so they can’t choose to do that.

So, I took that role, only that.

Well well, it’s the start of extremely easy nasty deed!!

 

 

“S-Stop, please stoooooop!! Arthur! Arthur, please kill meeeee!! The beautiful you, please kill meeeeeee!!

Of course, that wish won’t come true.

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!

 

Happily ever after.