Give Me Tomorrow Part 11

Susan swallowed. 'I came away before he saw me,' she said. 'I couldn't face speaking to him.'

'Oh, Mum. You should have stayed and had it out with him cleared the air.'

Susan shrugged. 'Maybe.' She forced a smile and changed the subject. 'Let's not talk about it any more. Let's just look forward to Easter.'

Karen said nothing. She wondered what kind of reception Simon's idea of their taking a weekend break and leaving Susan to look after Peter would get, especially as her mother was in this emotional state. She'd tried to talk him out of it but he insisted that they both needed a break and she had to admit that she was looking forward to it.

Susan sat staring out of the window. It had been a shock yesterday afternoon when she'd decided, after a lot of heart searching, to take a walk round to the allotments to see Ted. She'd expected to see him working away on his plot and envisaged his pleasure at seeing her. She'd even taken a couple of slices of newly baked raspberry sponge; his favourite. Over and over in her head she'd rehea.r.s.ed what she would say and imagined his response. But when she got there, she found him working on what had been her allotment. And he wasn't alone. A woman was helping him. Aged, Susan guessed, in her forties, the woman was tall and slim with dark curly hair. Susan had certainly never seen her before. She could see that all the seedlings she had planted had been p.r.i.c.ked out and were now in neat rows, coming along nicely. She watched from a distance as they worked together, hoeing the rows. The woman straightened up, one hand to her back. She said something and they laughed together and set off towards Ted's hut, no doubt to take a break for refreshment. Resentment tore at Susan's breast. It hadn't taken him long to find someone else! Was she aware of the situation? she wondered. Did he take her back to his bungalow? Had they were they more than friends? Unable to bear it any longer she had made a hasty retreat, returning home with her mind in turmoil and wishing she had not given in to her impulse to try to see Ted that afternoon. He obviously wasn't missing her at all!

At they walked in through the front door Peter came running to meet her. 'Granny!' He threw himself into her arms and she lifted him up to hug him. 'Let's see what Granny has brought you,' she said, putting him down again. Opening her bag she produced a bar of chocolate. 'Only a little bit now,' she said. 'And save the rest for after tea.'

She fed Peter his tea and then asked to be allowed to bath him and put him to bed. She read him a story about his favourite Thomas the Tank Engine and came downstairs, savouring the smell of Karen's home-made lasagne. As the three of them sat down to eat, Simon looked across at his mother-in-law.

'Susan,' he said casually, tearing off a piece of his roll and b.u.t.tering it. 'We were wondering if you would like to do us a little favour while you're here.' He carefully avoided Karen's grimace.

Susan looked up. 'Of course, what is it?'

'Well, we Karen and I have both been working really hard and we thought wondered how you would feel about our taking a little break while you're here to be with Peter?'

'Oh.' Susan's heart sank. 'Over Easter, you mean?'

'Well, yes, this weekend is our only chance.'

Susan glanced at Karen, whose eyes were on her plate. 'I don't see why not,' she said. 'It would give me time to spend with Peter as long as he doesn't miss you too much.'

'Oh, he won't,' Simon said quickly. 'And even if he did it would only be for a couple of days.'

'Where were you thinking of going?' Susan asked.

'Paris actually,' Simon replied. 'It's a nice little hotel quite close to the Eiffel Tower.'

'Oh, I see. You've already booked it, then?' Susan couldn't keep the resentment out of her voice. It was only too clear now that they'd taken her for granted. She had only been invited so that she could babysit while they went away for a break.

Karen broke in. 'We booked before Adrey asked if she could go home,' she said. 'With her father being ill we could hardly refuse.'

'No, of course not,' Susan said, wondering why Karen hadn't mentioned it before. 'And of course I'll be happy to take care of Peter while you're away. It'll be a pleasure. When are you going?'

'Tomorrow,' Simon said, maintaining his casual manner. 'Our flight leaves at ten o'clock so we'll have to be away from here quite early.'

Susan got up early next morning to see Karen and Simon off for their break. She stood at the front door with Peter in her arms, waving as they drove away.

'Where Mummy and Daddy goin'?' Peter asked, his little face bewildered.

'They're going for a little holiday,' Susan told him, giving him a hug. 'But it's only for two days and you and I are going to have such a lovely time while they're away, aren't we?'

The little boy nodded uncertainly. 'Brekspup?' he said hopefully.

Susan laughed. 'Yes, Nana and Peter are going to have breakfast together now. And afterwards we'll go to the park and feed the ducks. Would you like that?'

He smiled. 'Yes, please. Have poddidge now?'

'Yes, porridge coming up.'

After Susan had cleared away the breakfast things and washed up, she got Peter's buggy out from under the stairs. It was a lovely morning, although the wind was still keen, and she wrapped Peter up warmly before they set out. In the park, the snowdrops and crocuses were out and even a few early daffodils. They made her think of the allotment and her heart twisted, reminding her of how much she missed it.

Down at the lake, she broke up the bread they had brought into duck-sized pieces and Peter threw it to them, laughing as they squabbled and splashed, racing one another to get it first. When all the bread had gone they went for a walk, Susan pushing the buggy and holding Peter's hand as they made their way slowly around the lake. She was trying to persuade him to get back into the buggy again when she spotted Ted. Her heart quickened and she tried to hurry away in the opposite direction but Peter complained loudly.

'No this way,' he cried loudly. 'Want to see birdies.'

She had promised him a visit to the aviary where there were peac.o.c.ks and other rare birds. 'Tomorrow,' she said. 'Nana will take you tomorrow.'

'No! Now! Want to go now!'

Susan glanced up and saw to her dismay that Ted had heard Peter's cries and was hurrying towards them. She sighed. 'All right,' she said resignedly. 'We'll go now.'

Ted was breathless as he caught up with them. 'h.e.l.lo there.' He bent down to Peter. 'Did I hear you say you wanted to see the birdies? Well, suppose I come with you?' he said. 'I was on my way there anyway. Now, are you going to sit in that comfy pushchair again? And will you let me push you?'

'Yes.' Peter obediently climbed back into his buggy and Ted took the handle from Susan.

'I've tried countless times to ring you,' he said quietly as they walked. 'You never get back to me.'

Susan couldn't look at him. 'There's a good reason for that,' she said.

'Maybe, in your eyes,' he replied. 'But you've never given me the chance to explain.'

'I don't want to listen to any more lies,' Susan said, looking straight ahead.

'You're being very unfair,' Ted said thickly. 'There's a very good reason for everything if only you'd stop and listen.'

They'd reached the aviaries and Peter had climbed out of his buggy to look at the birds. Susan turned to Ted. 'Actually I came up to the allotments yesterday afternoon to see you,' she said.

His eyebrows rose. 'You did? I didn't see you.'

'No, you were too busy laughing with your new lady friend!' She took Peter's hand and bundled him, protesting, back into his buggy. 'We have to go now. Peter is due for his nap.' She set off at a smart pace while Ted gazed after her.

'Susan wait,' he called. But Susan didn't look back.

When Karen and Simon arrived home, Susan sensed an atmosphere between them.

'Did you have a nice time?' she asked as Karen unpacked her case in the bedroom.

'Yes, thank you. It was lovely,' Karen replied without enthusiasm.

Susan sat down on the bed. 'So what did you do? Did you go to the Louvre and the Moulin Rouge?'

'Oh yes, we did all the usual touristy things just as you'd expect.'

'You don't sound very enthusiastic.'

Karen sighed and looked at her mother. 'That's probably because we spent most of the time rowing.'

'Oh, no! That's a shame. What did you find to row about?'

Karen hung the last of her clothes in the wardrobe and sat down beside her mother. 'I broke it to him that I've agreed to be one of the teachers to go on the school trip to Spain during the spring break. He was furious.'

'But surely as head, decisions like that are up to him, aren't they?'

'Neil Harris, who takes P.E. and games, is organizing this trip,' Karen explained. 'He's got carte blanche.'

'I see. So what is Simon's objection?'

Karen shook her head exasperatedly. 'You know how old-fashioned he is. He still hasn't really got his head round the idea of me going back to work. And leaving him and Peter for a whole week is completely beyond the pale.'

'Oh, dear.'

'But that's not all,' Karen said. 'Neil is a very friendly guy and Simon's got it into his head that he ...' She glanced up at her mother. 'That he fancies me and that he's only invited me on the trip for well, for obvious reasons.'

'And is there any truth in it?' Susan enquired bluntly.

'Mum!' Karen looked scandalized. 'Of course there isn't.'

Susan shrugged. 'I only asked.'

'There's something else,' Karen said unhappily. 'Simon keeps on about us having another baby.'

'And you don't want one?'

'It's not that so much, Mum,' Karen said. 'It's just that I feel he's using it as a way to bring me to heel.'

Susan frowned. 'Bring you to heel? What on earth do you mean?'

'He never wanted me to be a working mother. He obviously thinks that I'd be obliged to give up if I had another child.'

'Lots of people do work with more than one. And you have your au pair.'

Karen looked at her mother exasperatedly. 'You don't get it, do you, Mum? Simon wants to control me and it's not on. This is the twenty-first century and I'm not his property.'

Susan decided it wasn't up to her to express an opinion or take sides so she just shrugged. 'I'm afraid that's something you're going to have to work out for yourselves,' she said.

'But you do see my point, surely?' Karen pressed.

'It's really none of my business,' Susan said. 'For what it's worth, I think it's something you need to be in complete agreement on.'

'But we've reached stalemate. Simon won't change his mind.'

Susan patted her daughter's hand. 'Then maybe you'll have to come to some kind of compromise,' she advised. 'But don't stop discussing it. Keeping quiet only breeds resentment.' Susan looked at her daughter. 'And while we're on the subject, Karen, why didn't you tell me from the start that you wanted me to babysit Peter while you and Simon went to Paris?'

Karen coloured. 'I didn't know at the time.'

'You did, though. You told me yourself that the trip was already booked.'

'That was a fib, Mum. To begin with I asked you because I thought you needed a break. It was only after I told Simon I'd invited you that he said it would be a good idea for us to take a weekend away.'

'All right, but why didn't you say so? Why lie about it?'

Karen sighed. 'It's what I'm trying to tell you, Mum. He always expects to get his own way. It was never my intention to go away and leave you in charge. I thought it was an imposition but in the end I gave in. Then I had to lie to you to back him up.'

Susan shook her head. 'You're going to have to make up your mind what it is you do want,' she said. 'And then stick to it. It's the only way if you want your marriage to work equally.'

'I know you're right.' Karen sighed. 'I just wish it wasn't so hard, keeping everyone happy.'

Chapter Seventeen.

When I got back to the bedsit, I thought a lot about my meeting with Mum. It couldn't have been further from what I'd hoped for. To begin with, I'd stupidly visualized her as looking exactly the same as the last time we'd set eyes on each other. That was more than thirty years ago and the truth of it was that we were strangers. If we'd pa.s.sed each other in the street we'd have been none the wiser. Getting to know one another all over again was going to take time a lot of time. The question was, after this disappointing meeting was I prepared to put in the necessary time and effort? I wasn't at all sure.

The fact that she'd asked me for money had definitely put me off. After all, it was our first meeting for more than three decades. Then there was the fact that she'd obviously sunk to the depths; married a criminal and divorced him while he was in prison. If he was as bad as she made out, there were bound to be repercussions. Surely he was going to be fuming when he came out of prison and would be looking for revenge. On the other hand, if she told him that the daughter from her previous marriage had plenty of money (even though I haven't any more) wouldn't that be an incentive for him to get me to share the spoils? I began to wish I hadn't told her so much or given her my telephone number more, I wished I'd never bothered to look for her.

I was so disappointed and depressed. I'd had some stupid nave vision of this sweet, gentle woman, overjoyed to find her long-lost daughter of her being loving and supportive proud of me even. I'd imagined her as having made good in spite of her difficulties. I'd even visualized her as glamorous. Instead, this shadowy figure from my past, returning to give me the special maternal love I'd missed out on for most of my life, had turned out to be nothing more than a conniving woman on the make.

When I saw Mark at rehearsals the next morning, he was eager to hear all about our meeting.

'Come on, then, how did it go?'

I forced a smile. 'Oh, very well really.'

'Is that all?' he asked looking disappointed. 'Are you seeing her again? Did you hit it off?'

'I couldn't make any arrangements,' I told him. 'I said I'd get back in touch after the tour.'

He pulled a face. 'You don't exactly sound euphoric about it.'

'We hadn't set eyes on each other for over thirty years,' I said. 'It's early days. One hour over tea and cakes isn't going to make up for all that time.' At the mention of cakes, I recalled the greedy way she'd scoffed every single one of them without even offering the plate to me. It was just another of her less than endearing qualities.

Mark was peering at me. 'Oh-oh, it didn't go as well as you expected; you're disappointed?'

'Of course I'm not.'

'Did she fail to live up to your expectations?'

'No. She was everything was absolutely fine.'

He grinned maddeningly. 'Ah methinks the lady doth protest too much!'