Ghetto Comedies Part 17

'They'll be too busy opening their own shops.'

'Don't argue. You _must_ preach his shop shut.'

'Very well,' said the Reverend Gabriel sullenly.

'That's right. A man with a family must rise to great occasions. Do you think I'd be where I am now if I hadn't had the courage to buy a bankrupt stock that I didn't see my way to paying for? It's a fight between you and Simeon Samuels.'

'May his name be blotted out!' impatiently cried the minister in the Hebrew imprecation.

'No, no,' replied the _Parna.s.s_, smiling. 'His name must not be blotted out--it must be mentioned, and--unmistakably.'

'It is against the Talmud. To shame a man is equivalent to murder,'

the minister persisted.

'Yet it is written in Leviticus: "Thou shalt in any wise rebuke thy neighbour, and not suffer sin upon him."' And the _Parna.s.s_ took a triumphant pinch.

VIII

'_Simeon_ and Levi are brethren ... into their a.s.sembly be not thou united: in their self-will they digged down a wall.'

The _Parna.s.s_ applauded mentally. The text, from Jacob's blessing, was ingeniously expurgated to meet the case. The wall, he perceived at once, was the Sabbath--the Jews' one last protection against the outer world, the one last d.y.k.e against the waves of heathendom. Nor did his complacency diminish when his intuition proved correct, and the preacher thundered against the self-will--ay, and the self-seeking--that undermined Israel's last fortification. What did they seek under the wall? Did they think their delving spades would come upon a hidden store of gold, upon an ancient treasure-chest? Nay, it was a coffin they would strike--a coffin of dead bones and living serpents.

A cold wave of horror traversed the synagogue; a little shriek came from the gallery.

'I don't think I ever enjoyed a sermon so much,' said the p.a.w.nbroker to the _Parna.s.s_.

'Oh, he's improving,' said the _Parna.s.s_, still swollen with satisfaction.

But as that worthy elder emerged from the synagogue, placidly snuffing himself, he found an excited gentleman waiting him in the lobby. It was Lazarus Levy, whom his wife Deborah, daughter of S. Cohn (now of Highbury), was vainly endeavouring to pacify.

'Either that Reverend Gabriel goes, Mr. _Parna.s.s_, or I resign my membership.'

'What is it, Mr. Levy--what is the matter?'

'Everybody knows I've been a good Jew all my life, and though Sat.u.r.day is so good for the clothing business, I've striven with all my might to do my duty by the Almighty.'

'Of course, of course; everybody knows that.'

'And yet to-day I'm pointed out as a sinner in Israel; I'm coupled with that Simeon Samuels. Simeon and Levy are brothers in their iniquity--with their a.s.sembly be not united. A pretty libel, indeed!'

The _Parna.s.s's_ complacency collapsed like an air-ball at a pin-p.r.i.c.k.

'Oh, nonsense, everybody knows he couldn't mean you.'

'I don't know so much. There are always people ready to think one has just been discovered keeping a back-door open or something. I shouldn't be at all surprised to get a letter from my father-in-law in London--you know how pious old Cohn is! As for Simeon, he kept looking at me as if I _was_ his long-lost brother. Ah, there comes our precious minister.... Look here, Mr. Gabriel, I'll have the law on you. Simeon's no brother of mine----'

The sudden appearance of Simeon through the other swing-door cut the speaker short. 'Good _Shabbos_,' said the shameless sinner. 'Ah, Mr.

Gabriel, that was a very fine sermon.' He stroked his beard. 'I quite agree with you. To dig down a public wall is indefensible. n.o.body has the right to make more than a private hole in it, where it blocks out his own prospect. So please do not bracket me with Mr. Levy again.

Good _Shabbos_!' And, waving his hand pleasantly, he left them to their consternation.

IX

'What an impudent face!' said the _Gabbai_ (treasurer), who witnessed the episode.

'And our minister says I'm that man's brother! exclaimed Mr. Levy.

'Hush! Enough!' said the _Parna.s.s_, with a tactful inspiration. 'You shall read the _Haphtorah_ (prophetic section) next _Shabbos_.'

'And Mr. Gabriel must explain he didn't mean me,' he stipulated, mollified by the magnificent _Mitzvah_ (pious privilege).

'You always try to drive a hard bargain,' grumbled the _Parna.s.s_.

'That's a question for Mr. Gabriel.'

The reverend gentleman had a happy thought. 'Wait till we come to the text: "Wherefore Levi hath no part nor inheritance with his brethren."'

'You're a gentleman, Mr. Gabriel,' e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.ed S. Cohn's son-in-law, clutching at his hand.

'And if he doesn't close to-day after your splendid sermon,' added the _Gabbai_, 'you must call and talk to him face to face.'

The minister made a wry face. 'But that's not in my duties.'

'Pardon me, Mr. Gabriel,' put in the _Parna.s.s_, 'you have to call upon the afflicted and the bereaved. And Simeon Samuels is spiritually afflicted, and has lost his Sabbath.'

'But he doesn't want comforting.'

'Well, Solomon Barzinsky does,' said the _Parna.s.s_. 'Go to him instead, then, for I'm past soothing him. Choose!'

'I'll go to Simeon Samuels,' said the preacher gloomily.

X

'It is most kind of you to call,' said Simeon Samuels as he wheeled the parlour armchair towards his reverend guest. 'My wife will be so sorry to have missed you. We have both been looking forward so much to your visit.'

'You knew I was coming?' said the minister, a whit startled.

'I naturally expected a pastoral visit sooner or later.'

'I'm afraid it is later,' murmured the minister, subsiding into the chair.

'Better late than never,' cried Simeon Samuels heartily, as he produced a bottle from the sideboard. 'Do you take it with hot water?'

'Thank you--not at all. I am only staying a moment.'

'Ah!' He stroked his beard. 'You are busy?'

'Terribly busy,' said the Rev. Elkan Gabriel.