Every Man in His Humour Part 9

MUS. Good Signior: by Jesu, you may do the part of a kind gentleman, in lending a poor soldier the price of two cans of beer, a matter of small value, the King of heaven shall pay you, and I shall rest thankful: sweet Signior --

LOR. SE. Nay, an you be so importunate --

MUS. O Lord, sir, need will have his course: I was not made to this vile use; well, the edge of the enemy could not have abated me so much: it's hard when a man hath served in his Prince's cause and be thus. Signior, let me derive a small piece of silver from you, it shall not be given in the course of time, by this good ground, I was fain to p.a.w.n my rapier last night for a poor supper, I am a Pagan else: sweet Signior --

LOR. SE. Believe me, I am rapt with admiration, To think a man of thy exterior presence Should (in the const.i.tution of the mind) Be so degenerate, infirm, and base.

Art thou a man? and sham'st thou not to beg?

To practise such a servile kind of life?

Why, were thy education ne'er so mean, Having thy limbs: a thousand fairer courses Offer themselves to thy election.

Nay, there the wars might still supply thy wants, Or service of some virtuous gentleman, Or honest labour; nay, what can I name, But would become thee better than to beg?

But men of your condition feed on sloth, As doth the Scarab on the dung she breeds in, Not caring how the temper of your spirits Is eaten with the rust of idleness.

Now, afore G.o.d, whate'er he be that should Relieve a person of thy quality, While you insist in this loose desperate course, I would esteem the sin not thine, but his.

MUS. Faith, Signior, I would gladly find some other course, if so.

LOR. SE. Ay, you'd gladly find it, but you will not seek it.

MUS. Alas, sir, where should a man seek? in the wars, there's no ascent by desert in these days, but -- and for service, would it were as soon purchased as wish'd for, (G.o.d's my comfort) I know what I would say.

LOR. SE. What's thy name?

MUS. Please you: Portensio.

LOR. SE. Portensio?

Say that a man should entertain thee now, Would thou be honest, humble, just, and true?

MUS. Signior: by the place and honour of a soldier --

LOR. SE. Nay, nay, I like not these affected oaths; Speak plainly, man: what thinkst thou of my words?

MUS. Nothing, Signior, but wish my fortunes were as happy as my service should be honest.

LOR. SE. Well, follow me, I'll prove thee, if thy deeds Will carry a proportion to thy words.

[EXIT LOR. SE.]

MUS. Yes, sir, straight, I'll but garter my hose; oh, that my belly were hoop'd now, for I am ready to burst with laughing. 'Slid, was there ever seen a fox in years to betray himself thus? now shall I be possest of all his determinations, and consequently my young master; well, he is resolved to prove my honesty: faith, and I am resolved to prove his patience: oh, I shall abuse him intolerably: this small piece of service will bring him clean out of love with the soldier for ever. It's no matter, let the world think me a bad counterfeit, if I cannot give him the slip at an instant; why, this is better than to have stayed his journey by half: well, I'll follow him. Oh, how I long to be employed.

[EXIT.]

ACT II. SCENE III.

ENTER PROSPERO, BOBADILLA, AND MATHEO.

MAT. Yes, faith, sir, we were at your lodging to seek you too.

PROS. Oh, I came not there to-night.

BOB. Your brother delivered us as much.

PROS. Who, Giuliano?

BOB. Giuliano. Signior Prospero, I know not in what kind you value me, but let me tell you this: as sure as G.o.d, I do hold it so much out of mine honour and reputation, if I should but cast the least regard upon such a dunghill of flesh; I protest to you (as I have a soul to be saved) I ne'er saw any gentlemanlike part in him: an there were no more men living upon the face of the earth, I should not fancy him, by Phoebus.

MAT. Troth, nor I, he is of a rustical cut, I know not how: he doth not carry himself like a gentleman.

PROS. Oh, Signior Matheo, that's a grace peculiar but to a few; "quos aequus amavit Jupiter."

MAT. I understand you, sir.

[ENTER LOR. JU. AND STEP.]

PROS. No question you do, sir: Lorenzo! now on my soul, welcome; how dost thou, sweet rascal? my Genius! 'Sblood, I shall love Apollo and the mad Thespian girls the better while I live for this; my dear villain, now I see there's some spirit in thee: Sirrah, these be they two I writ to thee of, nay, what a drowsy humour is this now? why dost thou not speak?

LOR. JU. Oh, you are a fine gallant, you sent me a rare letter.

PROS. Why, was't not rare?

LOR. JU. Yes, I'll be sworn I was ne'er guilty of reading the like, match it in all Pliny's familiar Epistles, and I'll have my judgment burn'd in the ear for a rogue, make much of thy vein, for it is inimitable. But I marle what camel it was, that had the carriage of it? for doubtless he was no ordinary beast that brought it.

PROS. Why?

LOR. JU. Why, sayest thou? why, dost thou think that any reasonable creature, especially in the morning, (the sober time of the day too) would have ta'en my father for me?

PROS. 'Sblood, you jest, I hope?

LOR. JU. Indeed, the best use we can turn it to, is to make a jest on't now: but I'll a.s.sure you, my father had the proving of your copy some hour before I saw it.

PROS. What a dull slave was this! But, sirrah, what said he to it, i'faith?

LOR. JU. Nay, I know not what he said. But I have a shrewd guess what he thought.

PRO. What? what?

LOR. JU. Marry, that thou are a d.a.m.n'd dissolute villain, And I some grain or two better, in keeping thee company.

PROS. Tut, that thought is like the moon in the last quarter, 'twill change shortly: but, sirrah, I pray thee be acquainted with my two Zanies here, thou wilt take exceeding pleasure in them if thou hear'st them once, but what strange piece of silence is this? the sign of the dumb man?

LOR. JU. Oh, sir, a kinsman of mine, one that may make our music the fuller, an he please, he hath his humour, sir.

PROS. Oh, what is't? what is't?

LOR. JU. Nay, I'll neither do thy judgment nor his folly that wrong, as to prepare thy apprehension: I'll leave him to the mercy of the time, if you can take him: so.

PROS. Well, Signior Bobadilla, Signior Matheo: I pray you know this gentleman here, he is a friend of mine, and one that will well deserve your affection, I know not your name, Signior, but I shall be glad of any good occasion to be more familiar with you.

STEP. My name is Signior Stephano, sir, I am this gentleman's cousin, sir, his father is mine uncle; sir, I am somewhat melancholy, but you shall command me, sir, in whatsoever is incident to a gentleman.