Doublecrossed Part 7

"Oh, s.h.i.t. Here I am bringing up something you don't want to talk-"

Act like nothing's changed. That's not a terrible lie. "No, like I said, I'm in Phoenix visiting my friend Terri. We've been talking about it nonstop. I just don't want to talk to Marina about it. This is the first time I can ever remember her trying to get me to open up about something and me not wanting to."

"How long have you been together?"

"Just over a year. No, wait, a year and a half. How about you?"

"We had our third anniversary in September. I thought it was supposed to take seven years to get the urge to cheat."

"That must be the average," Callie said, chuckling at Regan's dry humor. "Probably takes some people fourteen years, and some jerks cheat on their honeymoons." Jerks like Marina.

"I guess it could be worse, huh? I'm sure this is Angela's first time."

"I wish it hadn't ever happened. And I'm sorry my girlfriend was involved. That makes me feel responsible somehow."

"No more than I am. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do now. Do you know what I mean?"

"I know exactly what you mean. I thought I'd leave immediately, but I hung on like I was waiting for something else to happen. Good or bad. Just something." Like finding out Marina's been with your girlfriend since we got together.

"You know, that's how it feels for me too. Like I need another piece of information."

"Yeah, that's it. Marina's been really nice, but that hasn't helped. She actually offered to take me to Acapulco this weekend and I refused. This the first time she ever offered to pay for me to go anywhere cool, but I didn't want to be with her."

Regan's voice grew even softer. "Angela's coming home from Acapulco tonight."

"You know, I tried not to think about that, but it makes sense she'd be at a national sales conference. I'm surprised that Marina wanted me to go."

"Angela offered to take me, too. Do you think they both wanted some protection?"

"Maybe." Even though it was like pulling teeth, she liked talking to this woman. It was nice to have someone who really understood how it felt. The important thing was making Regan aware of Marina's history so she could protect herself. "Uhm...I'm not sure how to do this elegantly, but you should be using protection."

"Protection? What kinda protection?"

"Uhm...protection from STDs. Marina claims she's always practiced safe s.e.x, but I can't guarantee that's true."

"Oh, f.u.c.k." She took in an audible breath. "Have you done that?"

"We haven't had s.e.x since this happened, but we always have. She's ready to get back to business, but I guess I've been too hurt. I tell her the vibes are off."

"There aren't any vibes at all in our house."

"That makes sense. She has to regain your trust."

"No, that's not it. Our troubles go back a long way."

"But you've only been together for three years."

"Yeah, I know. I think part of the reason Angela cheated was because of our problems. And that sucks," she said emphatically.

"Wanna talk about it?

She waited a beat. "Aren't we?"

Even though Callie couldn't see her, she was sure Regan was smiling. Her voice had changed just a little bit, gotten a little lighter. "Yes, I guess we are. Do you want to add anything? Or should I just guess?"

"You can probably guess and hit it right on the head. It's the all-too-common, lesbian bed death."

"I don't know a lot about that, but three years sounds awfully fast for death."

"Try less than one year," Regan said, clearly disgusted. "And the thing that makes me the maddest is that she's been telling me there's nothing wrong. It's always because she's tired or she has to go on a trip or she just got back from a trip or she has PMS or somebody next door has PMS, or someone down the block just got back from a trip..."

"Uhm, if this isn't too rude, why are you still with her?"

"Because I made a promise to her. I didn't want another casual girlfriend. I wanted somebody to build a life with, and I thought Angela was that woman. There are so many things about her I respect and admire, but when it comes to s.e.x, she seems completely incapable of discussing it and working through our problems."

"You know, Marina's a bit like that too, but about other things. I guess I'm lucky that we get along really well s.e.xually."

"You are, but I think every couple has something that doesn't work. I was very willing to hang in and work this out. But having Angela cheat on me made me doubt everything I believed about her." She took a big breath and once again it sounded ragged. "She broke my heart, and I don't know how it'll ever heal."

"Oh, Regan, I feel so bad for you. I wish I could help you heal faster."

"I'm sorry I'm such an emotional mess. I'm not sleeping, and when I do fall asleep, I wake up with nightmares. I don't normally cry much, but I guess being exhausted makes me more emotional."

"Anybody would cry from this."

"Do you?"

"Uhm...to be honest...not a lot. Maybe that's something to think about, huh?"

"It might be. I don't know how you normally handle things."

"I can get pretty emotional. I've tried to figure out why this hasn't impacted me the way it has you, but I've struck out."

"Well, having your agreement probably makes it less of a shock." Callie didn't respond immediately and Regan quickly said, "I hope that didn't sound judgmental. I can't imagine being in an open relationship, but it's not fair of me to think that being cheated on isn't painful no matter how it comes about."

"Thanks. What you said did hurt a little bit."

"See? That's what adults do. They apologize when they say or do something hurtful, and then they get over it. How do I make Angela be like me?" She laughed again, clearly teasing.

"I don't want Marina to be like me, luckily. Pigs will fly before that would happen.

"Well, I'm not sure how long I'm going to be able to hang in, but I don't think I'm ready to give up yet."

"I don't know what your schedule's usually like, but I work from home, and I can make time to talk to you any time you feel like it. Promise me you'll call."

"Thanks, Callie. I will. It's helped a lot to talk to you."

"I'm being honest, Regan. Call anytime."

Callie thought she'd heard her sniffle one last time when she said, "I will."

Chapter Seven.

Callie took her time getting her bag packed, planning on easing into her mother's...o...b..t. They got along great for short time periods, but with tensions as high as they were, it might be risky. But emotional comfort won out, and she called a cab to take her across town.

On the way, she thought about her father's cheating as she almost always did when she was at the family home. Given how young she'd been, it had taken a while-three or four years-to finally understand what her father had done. Gretchen had helped out with that. She'd not only explained what s.e.x was, she'd made it clear that's what Dad had done with the woman from his office. That accounted for weeks and weeks of nightmares. Thinking of Dad putting his p.e.n.i.s into a spot she didn't know women had was a major freak out. But it had slowly started to make sense why Mom was so upset. That seemed like something you'd have to do with someone you were married to. It also seemed gross beyond belief.

What didn't make sense over the years was Mom allowing the betrayal to color every part of her life. Being bitter was at least partially a choice. No one liked being with a depressed, angry woman. That would not happen to her. Marina was not going to leave a scar. A bad sc.r.a.pe, maybe. But that would heal.

Pulling up in front of the house, she breathed a sigh of relief noticing her mother's little gray car was gone. She went up to the door, and paused to look around. She hadn't been home since she left for Dallas and things had changed. The neighborhood had gotten a little more upscale. Some of the younger homeowners had done the intelligent thing and planted desert friendly plants in their small yards. But Callie's mom, Patricia, still had a lawn and a pair of orange trees fighting for every drop of water they could get.

Standing there in front of the only home they'd ever had made everything clear-she could never come back. She'd worked hard in the past year and a half to build a graphic design business, and even though much of it wasn't local, some of it was, and she knew she'd been hired because of her proximity.

Plus, she'd made a nice group of friends in Dallas. Terri was, without question, her closest friend, but with her schedule, she wasn't available very often. Callie considered that she probably talked to her more from Dallas than she had when she lived locally. Plus, as much she loved her mother, and her sisters, they were best when taken in small doses. Staying home just long enough to get her bearings seemed like the best idea.

Callie used the key that she'd kept, opening the door to the remarkably evocative smells of her youth. It brought back so many memories, both good and bad, that just being in the building made her tired. She went into the guest room, Gretchen's old room, stripped off her clothes, and crawled into the single bed. The mattress was probably thirty years old, but it felt strangely comforting to let the sheets, worn smooth from use and age, caress her body and, to some extent, her psyche.

At three o'clock she called her mom at work and give her a little while to digest the news. "Hi mom, it's Callie."

"What's wrong?"

Slightly annoyed that she couldn't ever talk to her mother without her a.s.suming something cataclysmic had happened, she said, "Nothing. Well, I guess that's not true. Marina and I are breaking up and I wanted to get away for a while."

"Come home!" It was more a demand than an offer, but Callie was glad to get it.

"I am home. I got here a little while ago. Want me to make dinner?"

"No, of course not. I'll make dinner. Now take a nap or go for a walk or something. I'll be home soon and you can tell me all about it."

Even though she knew she should insist on doing something productive, Callie was quite pleased to get a little maternal pampering. She knew she was in desperate need of it, so she decided to relax and enjoy it.

Surprisingly, Patricia showed up with pizza. She hustled in through the side door, carrying her purse, a briefcase and a big box that she was trying to keep horizontal.

Callie heard her and dashed into the kitchen, taking the box from her hands. As she put it down on the table, her mother's arms were around her and, unexpectedly, she started to cry, something she couldn't recall doing in front of her mother in her adult life.

"Oh, my poor girl. Tell me what happened."

She gently pulled away and scanned the kitchen for a box of Kleenex which she found on the counter. She took a few and blew her nose. "Why don't you go change clothes and I'll get dinner ready." Patricia looked like she wanted to argue, but she gave her daughter a quick kiss and went towards the bedroom.

By the time Patricia returned, Callie had set out plates and napkins and utensils and there were two pieces of pizza on each plate. "This looks great, Mom."

"Emily told me about this place and it's so good I find myself stopping there at least once a week on the way home. I knew you'd like it too."

"That was nice of you. Pizza is comfort food for me." She took a bite and smiled in satisfaction. "This is fantastic. This alone was worth the trip."

The pleasant atmosphere lasted for just another few seconds. "Marina didn't cheat on you, did she?"

Callie had sworn she was not going to get into details, but the look on her face must have given her away.

Patricia slapped her hand onto the table in outrage. "A woman! A woman did this to you! How can that be?"

"Women are jerks too, Mom."

"Oh, Callie, I was so happy when you told me you'd fallen in love with a woman. I was sure a woman would be able to keep it in her pants."

"Marina couldn't."

"Then good riddance! Thank G.o.d you found out before you had children."

"We didn't even share a checking account. We were a long way from having children."

"Well, I'm glad to see you had the sense to leave. I just can't believe a woman did this to you," she muttered, looking completely perplexed. "But I'm proud of you for throwing her out."

"I threw myself out. It's her apartment."

"Nonetheless"-Patricia looked into her eyes-"I know how hard it is to break up with someone you love. It takes a lot of guts to have a moral code you stick to, even when it's hard." She took Callie's hand in hers and chafed it lovingly. "It was hard, wasn't it, baby?"

"Yes." Callie broke down in tears, ashamed that she'd given Marina so many chances, but a little glimmer of pride burned in her chest at having finally stood up for herself.

She could hold out for only three days. Her mom was solicitous and sympathetic, but thinking about Marina and their unfinished business kept her awake at night. She finally made a reservation and went back to Dallas, getting there while Marina was at work.

Even though it was expensive, she went to a packing supplies place and bought proper boxes for her things. It was somehow less humiliating than cadging them from the grocery store. She'd lost track of time and started when she heard Marina's key in the door. Her heart was racing and her stomach turned when Marina burst into the room, arms extended. "I've missed you!"

Callie blocked her hug with her forearms. Marina almost stumbled, catching herself by sticking an arm out and using the wall for support. "Why'd you do that?" She looked hurt. Very hurt.

"I did that because I know the truth about Angela." Again, her stomach threatened a revolt. "I know you've been with her almost since we got together."

Marina blanched, and that alone made Callie feel empowered. Now she'd know how it felt to be kicked with no warning.

Marina backed up and slowly kicked off her heels, then removed her jacket. She looked strangely contemplative, thoughtful. When she turned back, she swallowed noticeably. "Okay. I can't argue with the truth. How did you find out?"

"Immaterial. It's the truth and you just admitted it." She grabbed another box and put her printer in it, wadding up newsprint to cushion it.

Marina extended a hand, but Callie swatted it away. "It's over. You don't get to touch me anymore."

"Oh, Callie. Come on." She sat down on the desk chair, her legs spread apart in a very ungainly, uncharacteristic way. She looked nothing like a powerful businesswoman today. "Give me a chance."

"I did. I gave you a chance when I first learned about her. If you'd told me the truth then..."

"s.h.i.t." She leaned over and rested her head on her folded arms.

She looked so defeated, Callie felt a momentary pull on her heartstrings, but she fought that off. "Yeah. That's just what I said when I found out."