Disastrous: Cautious Part 14

"It was good." Mia answered.

I quickly looked around the porch and then back at him, "Where's Elle?"

He let out a heavy sigh, ran a hand over his face, and then sat up straight in his chair. "She's with Mom. She's also mad at me because she's being punished."

Laughing once, I arched a brow, "Your punishment for her was sending her to Mom? Mom spoils her rotten."

He raised both brows as he chugged the rest of the beer. After he finished, he placed it on the floor beside four other empty bottles. Reaching into the cooler, he twisted open another one and leaned back. "Yeah, well, she called Mom after I punished her and said, and I quote, 'Grandma, Daddy is not being a fair father, and I want to run away.'" He took a long pull on the fresh beer and then shrugged, "So, of course, Mom came to the rescue. After Mom and I talked, well, more like argued about my parenting skills, she took Elle out to calm her down. That was forty minutes ago."

"Yep, that sounds like Mom."

Mia bunched her brows together. "Sorry, Jimmie. She'll come around. Little girls can be a bit dramatic."

"You think?"

Mia pulled out from my arm wrapped around her and gripped the bag in my hand, "I'm going up. I'll see you in a bit." She glanced meaningfully at me then tilted her head towards Jimmie, indicating for me to stay and talk with him. I nodded in understanding. "Oh, Jimmie, how about that group date this weekend?"

Jimmie shook his head. "Nah, things didn't work out with Jessica and me."

Mia's face fell sadly. "Oh? I'm sorry."

"It's good."

Mia gently smiled and then made her way into the house after saying her farewells to Jimmie. I was tired, but knowing I'd never seen Jimmie in that state, I reached for a beer and slumped into a chair beside him. We both sipped on Samuel Adams, our gazes straight ahead, overlooking the front landscaping.

The silence lasted long enough. I spoke up first, "Why was Elle punished?"

"She kicked some kid in the b.a.l.l.s at the park yesterday." He shook his head when I chuckled.

"What did the kid do?"

"Why does that matter?"

"You know Elle. She's not violent. The kid had to have done something pretty bad to make her go to that extreme. Maybe she was defending herself? Did you ask?"

His jaw slightly tightened as his lips smacked to the side. As if trying to control his anger, he took a long sip on his beer. When his jaw relaxed, his gaze dropped to the bottle in his hand. "The kid asked her where her mom was, and when she told him that she didn't have a mom, that she only had a father, he made fun of her. She got angry and kicked him in the b.a.l.l.s."

"Good. The little f.u.c.ker is lucky I wasn't there. Making fun of my niece? He would have been eating dirt."

Jimmie blew out a heavy sigh. "As a parent, I have to set an example, Marcus. Jeez, I can't let my kid walk all over me."

I didn't understand. Maybe that was a little harsh of me to say, but what the f.u.c.k? "Please don't tell me you yelled at her and didn't even talk it out with her?"

"No, first, we started talking. She asked about Cynthia. She wanted to know more about why she was the only kid in her cla.s.s that didn't have a mom. I told her that her mom was in a better place and that . . ." He paused as he continued to focus on the bottle, twirling it around in his hand. "I didn't know how to tell her that sometimes people in your life, no matter how much you love them, are taken away."

Turning his head toward me, his eyes saddened, he pulled his brows together. "How was I supposed to look into my little girl's eyes and explain something like that? I tried, but then she asked, 'I won't ever lose you, Daddy, right? Promise me.'" As much as he wanted to, I knew he couldn't make a promise like that, especially with the work we did. He tore his eyes away and chugged the rest of his beer. "So, yeah, it didn't go so well. Mom said I should have promised her or told her I wasn't going anywhere, that she's only a little girl and she doesn't understand things like that." He laughed once. "If only she knew . . . Elle's smarter than Mom thinks."

"I know it's not easy with Elle, even though you have Mom and me. I know it's still hard raising a little girl on your own."

"It's not all that bad. I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world, but there are times where I want to rip my hair out. There's going to come a time when she won't be able to talk to me about certain things. And dating? f.u.c.k, when she gets to that age, I'll be hunting dudes down if they get near her."

"I'll be right along with you on that one." We both burst out laughing at the thought. I could just imagine the two us all over Boston, spying as she went on her first date. It would definitely be good times.

After our laughter died down and we finished chatting about what we would do if we were to ever catch a guy touching Elle, we sat in silence and sipped our beers. It was a good silence. I was sure he was reminiscing about Cynthia, and my mind eased for the first time in a long time. Even all the s.h.i.t I had to deal with in the upcoming week didn't race through my head.

"You know the first exchange at the club is next week, right?" Jimmie poked through my thoughts.

And just like that, within minutes, my eased mind was f.u.c.ked by Lou, again. "Yep, what are your thoughts on that? You didn't speak up about it when he made the suggestion."

Jimmie raised a brow sarcastically. "We're all screwed anyway. Sooner or later, it'll just come crumbling down, and before we know it, we're all f.u.c.ked."

"I'm going to need you to hop onto the f.u.c.kin' optimistic train. What's gotten into you? You've been acting differently-even before this little s.h.i.t with Elle." Jimmie burst into a hard full gut belly laugh. "What?" I asked alarmed by his reaction. He laughed even louder at that. Standing up from his chair, he slightly bent over, holding on to his stomach as tears began to form from laughing so hard.

"What's gotten into me?" He barely got that sentence out through his laugh. "Me?" He pointed a thumb at his chest as his laughter erupted throughout the front porch. Like a f.u.c.king maniac.

What the f.u.c.k?

Then his face fell and his brows narrowed as all the humor washed from his face. "Life, Marcus. Life has gotten into me. Every day is a f.u.c.kin' fight-a fight to get out of bed and stand, a fight to push forward. If it weren't for my little girl, I wouldn't give two f.u.c.ks about any of it. Every night, I f.u.c.kin' pray that I can one day make that promise to Elle-that I'll live to see her go to her first day of high school, to see her walk down the aisle, and hopefully one f.u.c.kin' day to see her with her own child. I live to protect her from ever falling in love with a man like me, because let's face it, Marcus, we are not good men. Would you want your child with someone like you? Me? Better yet, would you want Elle with someone like us? That's my f.u.c.kin' deal." He turned around and stormed over toward the edge of porch. With his hands shoved into his front pockets, he bowed his head and stood silently.

There was nothing I could say to ease the tension because I knew full well that every word Jimmie had just said was true. In silence, I leaned my elbows into my knees and sat there as Jimmie's words sank in deeply. He was right and the f.u.c.ked-up part of it all? There were only two ways out of this life we'd chosen-death or becoming an informant. Neither one of us was an informant, so I knew what he feared. There was no starting over. That wasn't an option for us.

After fifteen minutes of complete silence, I thought to head back in the house when I heard the sound of a car pulling into the driveway. Jimmie headed toward the edge of the stairway of the porch. The engine shut off and doors slamming shut were heard followed by Elle's voice. "Daddy." Soon afterward, she was climbing the stairs with a pout as she stopped in front of Jimmie, waiting for him to accept her. Jimmie ran his hand over her small face, and she burst into tears. "I'm sorry, Daddy. I didn't mean to kick the boy in the b.a.l.l.s. I won't do it again. I promise. Please don't be mad at me." Jimmie chuckled and pulled her in to a tight hug.

"I'm not mad at you, princess."

She tossed her arms over his shoulders as she shut her eyes tightly. "So I'm not punished anymore?"

"Elle, don't push it."

"Okay, Daddy."

"Go in and get ready for bed. You have school in the morning. I'll be up in just a bit." She nodded, pulled away from him, and slowly walked up the steps. Jimmie stood and walked toward the car to our mom.

I headed toward the door. "Hi, Uncle Marc." Elle mumbled as she reached the door. I opened it for her.

Slightly bending, I tugged her chin up, "Hey, I don't get a welcome-home hug?" A soft smile formed along her face.

"Sorry." She said as she reached her hands and wrapped them around my neck. Pulling her in, I whispered, "Oh, and, Elle?"

"Yeah."

"Good job on the b.a.l.l.s kicking. Next time, for your sake, tell your dad you tried to aim for the knee and just missed." She giggled with a nod and entered the house.

Jimmie by then ran up the stairs and arched a brow at the grin on my face. "What's up with the smirk?"

"Nothing, man."

He reached for the door and patted my shoulder with his free hand. "Mom's in the car if you want to talk to her."

"She's not coming in?" Jimmie shrugged and went in the house.

Glancing over at driveway, I could see my mother in the driver's seat of her BMW. Her eyes were on me. Although it was darker out, the lights in her vehicle were on. I let out a deep breath and headed towards her. She cut off the ignition and climbed out of the car at that time.

"Hi, baby." She whispered as she reached out and rubbed her hand along my arm. She leaned up to kiss my cheek.

After I returned the gesture, I shoved my hands into my front pockets and then straightened my shoulders. "Hey, Mom."

She dangled the car keys in her hand and bowed her head toward the ground, lost in thought. "How was Philly?" She asked in a low tone and then brought her gaze back to me.

"It was good."

She nodded, pressed her lips together, and then let out a sigh. "Marcus, I really want to talk to you. I know you traveled all day and are probably exhausted, so I won't bother you tonight, but do you think we could meet up for lunch? Tomorrow perhaps? I'll stop by the office. We can eat there or out, whichever you'd like."

"Yeah, sure." She responded to my short answer with a tight smile. I knew I wasn't being exactly cooperative, but I wasn't ready to get into a big emotional scene with her. With just getting back and the whole thing with Jimmie, I just wanted a f.u.c.king drama-free night for once.

"Okay, is noon good for you?"

"I have a deposition at ten. Let's make it one to play it safe."

"Okay, that sounds good. Thank you." I nodded in response.

My mother turned on her heels, hopped into her car, and pulled away.

When I entered the bedroom, Mia was fast asleep. Not wanting to wake her, I hopped in the shower, dressed, and went back down to my office. I needed to look over the Jefferson file for tomorrow's deposition. It wasn't my case, but I was filling in for another attorney and needed to catch up on the file. I also needed to focus on anything else besides my mother and Lou, the club, and what Jimmie had said. I shoved all of those f.u.c.king thoughts to the back of my head and focused on work.

Fingers grazed along my jawline, waking me from my sleep. I knew it was her by the scent of her perfume even before my eyes flashed open. I smiled as she climbed on top of my lap in a straddled position. Her hair was untamed from her sleep. I leaned my head back and watched her for a while as she ran her fingers through my hair. I felt at ease.

"When I woke up, you weren't in bed." Her concerned eyes scanned my face. "Are you okay, baby?"

I reached up and twirled a lock of her hair around my finger. "I was working on a file and fell asleep."

Smiling, she wrapped her hands around the back of my neck. "Mmmh, well, come to bed with me. It's lonely without you."

With my head tilted aside, I watched as her still sleepy eyes studied me with a slight smile. "Move in with me?"

Puzzled by the random question, her brows pressed together, "Huh?"

"Come on, Mia. It just seems right." I grazed her cheek with my fingertips. "I just want to hold you close every night and wake up to this beautiful face every morning."

"Marcus, I . . ." At a loss for words, she lightly shook her head, in an attempt to clear her mind. After she wet her lips, her eyes locked back on mine. "Can I think about it?"

Disappointed by her response, I forced a smile and gave a curt nod. "Of course. Let's go to bed."

"Okay." She whispered as she climbed off my lap and reached her hand out to me. I took it, stood, and we made our way out of my office up the stairs and into my room. I lay in bed more confused than ever as to where she must have seen our relationship going.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN.

MIA.

As I lay on my side in bed with the white silk sheets tangled between my legs, wrapped around my torso, and nestled along my arms, I admired Marcus as he dressed for work that morning. I watched as the man before me stood in front of a long mirror with an unreadable expression, yet I knew he was broken in more ways than one.

He was a man with two lives: one that he wanted no part of and another he desperately tried to keep successful. Any man that had to survive the turmoil and struggles that Marcus had in life was usually twice his age. He was a man with many flaws, which haunted his very existence-a man who had held so much hatred in life. Yet, when he loved? It was strong. It was hard. It was pa.s.sionate. It was without control. And at the end of the day, all this man wanted was me.

Marcus caught me staring as his eyes locked with mine in the reflection of the mirror. A soft smile crept along his lips. "You have to go to school soon. Do you still want to have breakfast? I can drive you to campus, and we can stop by the cafe shop."

"Why can't we just stay in and lie here all day."

A soft chuckled escaped from him as he b.u.t.toned the last b.u.t.ton of his shirt and tugged the tail of the fabric into his pants. "As much as I would love to, I have this deposition that I promised Peirce I would handle, and you have school."

I let out a pathetic whimper, and knowing that he was right, I stretched and stood up out of the bed. I made my way over to him, pressed my body against his back, and wrapped my arms around him. He grabbed my hand and lifted it, grazing my knuckles along his lips. Then he placed my hand back on his chest as he reached for his tie. "Let me." I asked as I took the silk fabric from his hand. He turned around and looked down at me.

Smiling, I popped his collar up and wrapped the tie around his neck. I felt him staring down at me as I slowly tied a knot, remembering how I did it for my brother. Michael was terrible at tying one. He'd rather put on a clip tie than knot one himself. I softly giggled at the memory, and Marcus gently tilted his head aside. His brown eyes exuded curiosity and humor, and his lopsided grin showed off that adorable dimple I loved so much. He didn't ask what made me laugh; he just continued to watch me.

After I finished knotting the tie and securing it perfectly, I folded down the collar of his shirt. I took a few steps back to admire my masterpiece, and with a big smile, I rocked on my heels and placed my hands behind my back. "All done."

Marcus stood there with a small smile on his lips as his eyes intently focused on mine. Not taking a look in the mirror, he took two steps toward me and gently pressed his lips along my forehead. "Perfect."

"You didn't even take a look." I glanced up at him through my lashes.

He smiled. "I meant you."

With an arched brow, I c.o.c.ked my head. "Good one. You know you don't have to try so hard with the lines. You'll always get laid."

His laugh surrounded the room. "Yeah, yeah, I'll be downstairs, waiting."

Smiling, I turned on my heels and headed toward the bathroom.

"Have you given much thought to what I asked you last night?" Marcus took a bite of his breakfast sandwich. He quickly glanced up from across the small bistro table for two.

"You mean what you asked at two this morning? Which was only a few hours ago? No, I haven't." I teased.

"Well, tell me your thoughts. Why is it such a difficult decision to make?"

With a sigh, I placed my coffee down and focused on him. "Marcus, I'm not sure what it is. On one hand, I really do want to live with you, but then I feel as if something is holding me back. My thoughts keep pulling against each other in a tug of war. I just need time." I lightly shrugged. I wasn't sure why I was having this constant battle between what my heart desired and what my brain advised.

It broke my heart when I saw the same disappointment in Marcus's eyes as I had witnessed a few hours ago. I wanted to jump right on it and say yes. We'd both grown so much, and I knew Marcus was trying hard, but he was still involved with Lou and that criminal lifestyle. As much as I'd tried to put that fact aside, it was something I wanted him to quit. I hadn't told him that because I knew that it would be a major stress and burden to him. Yes, I'd accepted his flaws, but when I thought about having a future with Marcus and starting a family with him, I immediately thought of our children. Marcus became involved in the underground criminal lifestyle because he grew up surrounded by it. Could I live with myself if I allowed my children to grow up in the same environment? I knew I couldn't, because it wasn't a life I knew until I met him.

Maybe I was thinking too far ahead, but I couldn't help it. After what we'd been through in such a short period of time, I wanted to feel secure about our future. Until then, I had to deal with the constant battle between what I felt was right and what I knew was right.