Denpa Onna to Seishun Otoko Chapter 5

In the beginning of each semester back in my old school, the teachers would check our bicycles.

For examples, if the headlights worked, the stickers were school appropriate, or brakes were ok… The school arranged teachers to especially examine the bikes after school's out. It was nosy — even more so, since it's mandatory.

From the angle of someone who doesn't go to a club, it's was being forced to line up for teachers to check one bike at a time after school when you want to play around before going home. And it was outside.

April: trample on the fallen cherry blossom; September: death by the sun. And January: chattering teeth in the cold.

Complaints from the athletes department also rose when the field was swarmed with bikes.

In the past, the softball club even began batting practices, apparently aiming volley of b.a.l.l.s at the teachers. Some guy made two goals. He'll probably become an official member of the team after becoming a second year. The only problem was his victim: the softball club adviser.

If they found problems like a broken bell or a rocket engine attached on the bike, they'll even check again. Thus, no one forgets to fix his or her bike the day before. Basically, the goals of the staffs were already accomplished at that moment. This feeling is like sheep being chased by a shepherd dog. I disliked that pompous att.i.tude.

How many years ago was it when I took the initiative to fix my bike? Occasionally I refill the tires, but sweating and trying hard to derust the bike must be a first.

Dragging my rusty transport out of the storage, I gave my best to revert it back to its former glory.

I even bought a rust removing spray from the mart to polish the frame. Man, it's not working! As if cleaning the bloodstain displayed on a TV screen, it was fruitless.

It would actually be faster I borrowed Meme-san's working bike, but it's probably more economical with the c.r.a.ppy one, since it's going into the Mother of Life — the sea. I also don't want to feel the wrath of viewers.

I don't believe one bit that she can fly. Wahahahaha.

Even if she had a bike like this.

I finally remembered where I've seen this. This bicycle painted in legendary red-and-white color indeed soared in the sky. With the backlit moon, it flew with an alien in its basket.

It's the movie 'E.*'[1]. What I was fixing was the very same bike used in that movie. I remember seeing it in the twentieth anniversary edition during elementary school.

I could easily picture the Cosmophile, Erio, begging Meme-san to buy this expensive and limited replica of the bike. She treasures her daughter, no matter what she may say.

Just a glance at her pair of model-like, scarless hands with perfect nails confirmed the theory.

Lady Erio stood on the side without words or questions, watching someone else sweating to fix her bicycle. The azure sky contrasted well with the contrail; she stood barefoot on the gra.s.s, emitted subtle particles and formed a landscape painting of a realized fantasy creature. She held the hair that flew in the air — just to my taste.

...Eh? I was suppose to censure her, so why was the content full of adulation? ...Oh well.

I'll be a man who values the inside more, and give up on derusting. I touched the chain that may snap at any moment; I pressed on the center — it was loose. Incredible how it held out all this time.

Flying on this bike was of course out of the question. Even the cosmic power of the extraterrestrial won't be enough to make up for this junk's inadequacy. Wait, the bike should have been working at that time: it only looks like this because of the accident. Anyway, the bike doesn't matter — aliens should be able to levitate with their own feet. I guess they like to show off too!

I took out the dusty tools stuffed inside the shed, earnestly playing my role of a subst.i.tute bicycle-chiropractor. Since I left school, the time went from morning to noon, and my hands never stopped the unending tasks.

The h.e.l.l am I doing? I'm tired of hearing my own question. It's like forcing myself to listen to the same vocabularies during sleep with a speaker pillow for twenty hours. The brainwashing probably already caused hearing difficulty.

This was purely an endurance battle between me and Erio. Do I admit her alien status? Or do I shut her down to an Earthling? We shoved each others from our respective mindset, not budging one bit. For ill.u.s.trations, just imagine fighting for spots for flower viewing!

We weren't thinking for each other: we just want to forcefully carry out our own ideals. This was a fight of egoism. I won't give her the excuse of having inadequate equipment — be completely crushed by the gravity of Earth!

As for the upgrading of bicycle parts, I didn't want the knife of 'being broke' to further stab into my stomach, so I finished with just a pumped tire and swapped chain.[2]

I walked inside to wash my face in the restroom, dried off the water and sweat with a towel, then went back into the yard.

“Oi, E.T. (The acronym for Erio Touwa).”

Erio's fine dress swayed in the zephyr, and she looked like the daughter of n.o.bility. I ordered her.

Her gaze was fixed on the gra.s.shoppers beneath, and then she looked up silently:

“…...”

Me? She pointed to herself, the meaning revealed from the act. Yes, you.

“Get in the basket. You like that better, right?”

Speaking of which, the back seat on this bike was removed. Is it coincidental, or intentional? It isn't impossible to have another person stand on the back using the footstand, but it's more thrilling to imitate the movie.

This is what they called Role Playing. Maybe it's better named reversely.

“I won't say this is never done before, but it's definitely h.e.l.l lot more uncommon for people to fly on bikes. Even though I hoped it'd look more official, but… This is what we get!”

I stroked the frame's rust mark with my palm. The sensation was terrible, and gave me gooseb.u.mps:

“If you can fly, just fly all the way back to s.p.a.ce!”

And find somewhere to drop me off too.

You heard me — even the sea's fine. Even if I lose my memory, it's fine.

Erio's nodded slowly. Her act of jaw clenching was not out of doubt or cowardice, but of fort.i.tude. Her lips formed a line, silent yet revealing of will.

And we reached consensus. First, Erio entered the white basket. The large-sized basket devoured her with its mouth gaping toward the sky. Putting life into the bike is the job of an alien.

Touwa Erio.

If you don't have the proof of being the Amazonian alien, then show me yourself![3]

Prove the existence of aliens.

Prove what you've lost half a year ago was taken by the aliens.

I stepped onto the bike, my destination no longer needing navigation.

The route to find the laughable trace of alien, paved in the rue of Erio — the road toward the ocean.

Disregarding the impetus of its user, the bike kept going at its own pace. Awesome.

The speed didn't change~ like a loyal puppy, I obeyed my personal goal for the day: “save energy.”

The bike that was resurrected, almost covered with my own hand grimes, tediously maintained the usual speed that I lose to Ryuushi-san with; it killed any premonition of escaping the daily life.

Did something abnormal happen to the interior of the bike that an amateur can't see? Maybe the inside is all incorrigible.

In any case, the speed wasn't enough for flying off the cliff. We'll just fall off if we ride like this toward the bluff; we'll totally die if we b.u.mp into the rocks all the way down.

“Oi, self-proclaimed Alien, use the acceleration device in your molar.”

“…...”

Was she ignoring me, or simply speechless? The two reactions are close in effect, but the att.i.tude diverges acutely. Erio did not look around, constantly focused to the front. I wonder what was going through her mind.

The me who originally went at the pedal turned to cruise control to save energy — also to prevent the loss of stamina in this comical spiritual battle.

This is a chicken fight: a fight to see who will seriously fly into the sea before Erio yields.

How horrifying! Bungee jumping without the cord has to be the extremity of fear for acrophobes. It is a heroic act even among these dreadful situations — the pinnacle of suicide.

If we let our youthful life end here in this stupid challenge, scientists are going to moan about the detriment of edutainment. Who's dying?! I clenched my jaws. Who's going to let her die?! The hands that gripped the handlebars flowed with power.

I will speed toward the cliff, slow down right after Erio shows her fear for death, change the route to back home, and then give her the certificate of an Earthling… that was the schedule.

The bike maintained it's speed to where we could see the ocean. The target slope with the perfect distance for flight had about two hundred meters left.

After the downhill was a slight inclination to the coastal road on the side. Essentially, it could be used as a ramp. The road does have a railing to prevent cars from going off, but it's probably scalable with disregard to slowing down and braking.

Just do the exact opposite of how normal people ride.

Not to mention the premise of speed. The me now had no help for speed gain. If the rider was a grade schooler who just took off the a.s.sistant wheel, the bike's way would be kinda cute — for a high school second year though, the bike's just a target for snickering. My ride had no sign for a mad dashing, even though I'm booming with youth — and that, is where the problem is.

Going down the hill will simply result in an extra lump of metal on the rail. Worst case scenario, the energy will send Erio into the sea, leading to a tragic ending.

Even my first time riding a bicycle was a little faster than this.

How could you lose having two wheels? To encourage the bike, I flicked the broken bell. The frail ring sounded as if saying, “avoid confrontation~” like an antisocial, grumbling NEET. I felt my waning determination's return as I pedaled on.

I'm not someone who would shamelessly go home without a putting up a fight.

The fact that I went through the trouble of skipping school made me struggle on.

I pedaled with all my strength, attempting to accelerate.

Imagining the exercise bike at a gym, I smiled wryly at the empty feeling beneath my feet. Eh?

The first loop was heavy. It took a while for me to realize the 'anomoly.'

I half-stood, maintaining the posture and biked.

The wind suddenly picked up.

“Oh?” Oh...Oh, oh?

Considering the structure of bicycle, this is but natural.

Fully stepping on the pedal equals superior speed.

Common sense returned.

The wheels and the pedal's link was revived, giving me the praise my hard work deserves.

My conscience was the only thing confused; the pedals spun at an amazing speed, under the guidance of inertia.

The speed between the bicycle and its friends were already abnormally fast by the time I slowed down my cycling.

In my mind, I saw the last light before a candle is blown out.

W-wait a minute, at this speed, we might actually not… Stop!

The brake's whacked I forgot to check!

Sensei, check my bike!!

“Uwahhh!!”

We are on track! We’ll definitely die if we run into the sides! Can I stop? Stick my feet out? Yes, do it! This is bad! Ah, my shoe’s gone! It’s gone to the wood after a few bounces! And the bike didn’t even slow down! Hills are scary! Scarier than manju’s[4]! Erio even stuck her body out! Since it’s came to this, use telepathy! Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop; I’m serious too. I’ll stop the car. Stop time[5]! Stop, stop, stop, stoooooooop!

We are getting close! The goal at the end, the rail and the sea! Three on three?!

“…Right! Ah… Um…!”

Erio said something! I can’t hear! She yelled, almost falling out of the basket!

Fly! Ocean, rail, ah~ ah~ ah~ It’s too laaaaaa – !

It’s! Too! Late!

And thus: “I can’t flyyyyyyyy!!!”

I stomped! Stomp! More!

Five pooooooooints!!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhyieh! Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar! Whoosh!

“ ‘Uwaaaaaaaaaahyeeeeeeh!!!’ “

Sounds like my voice is overlapping with someone elseeeeeeeeeeee’s!

Using the technique of a wheelie performance, I lifted the head of the bike to scale the rail; the end of the crossroad at the bottom of the hill became the ramp!

The pedals regained freedom and let go of their duty! Spin! Sky! My body left the seat and flew above the bike!

The wheel’s freaky noise resonated, burning into my eardrums!

“Extreme happiness” was enough to describe the sensation of breaking the air barrier.

Our background music wasn’t the sound of vibrating wings, but instead the noise of a pa.s.sing car.

We held onto the speed of sound, leaning forward in attempt to surpa.s.s it, finally defying gravity.

In a world unrelated to earth, a bike and two people flew in the air.

It’s not a plane or a rocket: primitive science crossed the boundary.

We swam fatefully in the air.

Conscience and situation were instantly surrounded by azure.

I’m flying.

I’m flying.

I’m flying. “I’m flying!” That’s right, I am flying! Still flying!

“Ah~Ha~Ha~Hahhhhhhhhwuiiiiiiiiiik!!” I am falling.

Gravity began its domination when we reached the apex. The b.a.s.t.a.r.d that was slapped by our momentary acceleration swung its gigantic palm down, swatting the traitors that ignored the speed of sound and light.

Time felt long during the jump, yet the fall was but a moment. Descent. The word didn’t even make it past the spine; I didn’t even have time to reflexively blink. The wind might have ambushed around my ears, but the incoming sea surface occupied my nerves.

The first to eat it was the person who lost her status as ‘alien.’

Like a cannon ball, Erio held her knees and pounced first into the water.

I saw sparkles; after she disappeared into the water, the bike and I also finished submerging.

Impact beyond imagination buffeted everywhere on my flesh. Water, too, a.s.saulted my weakness from every angle, torturing my body by waves.

The sound of me crashing awkwardly into the sea rang in my skull. Ignoring s.p.a.ce distribution, bubbles burst from my mouth, eating away at the strength of my limbs. I sunk gradually. Someone told me people float in the water if they don’t struggle, but I was sinking lazily!

Only if I could store wax like deep-sea animals.

Is this how diving into a different world feels?

My near-numb conscience obliviously remarked on what was happening.

The bike already left my grip, possibly keeping on the attack not too far ahead. It won’t come back up, and will probably become the new homes or nests for fishes in the future. Will it hate me? At least the hatred will be split among me and Erio, right? Cuz she lied, right?

…… I started moving. The speed of decent slowed, and my sunken body no longer numb. The swimming begins.

“Pwah! Cough, cough!” Without hesitation, I spat out precious oxygen and changed stance.

I turned, searching the source of light to face upward.

Opening my eyes in the fumed and dirty water, I attempted to find the silhouette of Erio. Actually, opening your eyes in the sea without goggles is not likely. Still, I pushed on.

Nothing else is dumber than dying while struggling to live!

As my face edged close to spasm from suffocation, my bleared view located a pair of legs that floated vertically onto the sea. Seems like Erio’s already at the surface, so I don’t have to stay here anymore. I relaxed my unmoving right arm, and power-stroked with my left.

For better or worse, my fading conscience from the lack of oxygen tranquilized my body. Since there was a dearth of nutrient for fear, I was forced to maintain a calm state of mind. I will live on without anxiety.

My face easily pierced the surface, and I began floating. Water expulsed from my nose and mouth dripped into my lungs, choking as I puked water. I didn't even have time to breathe.

My temple twitched; the blood vessels in my brain near exploding.

The content may be water, but the sound effect was undoubtedly that of vomiting.

Trying to play bada.s.s any more could kill me; I will puke without a second thought even in front of a girl.

Erio, who rose before I did, was still coughing, but it would appear she's done with getting rid of the sea water. Breathing in too much air would actually cause more choking.

For a while, we coughed incessantly, paying the price for our bravado.

As my body habituated to the spring sea that was colder than a just-opened swimming pool, I caught my breath. Hair drenched in water stuck to my skin, covering my vision.

To avoid the one of us from being washed away, I naturally held Erio's left hand.

Erio's finger tips were the same warmth as the sea water. They are, however, very tangible.

“Oi, pretend-alien, how does the sea of Earth taste?”

“It tastes salty, and the service was terrible.”

Head hung, she spouted the misplaced words of a food critic.

She did, however, spoke in proper j.a.panese.

With fingers that I couldn't felt, I pull Erio closer and clamped her left hand:

“Anyhow, you sure sucked! Never mind s.p.a.ce, you won't even make it to Enoshima[6].”

“This is all the fault of the secretary: I have nothing to do with it.”

“Haha! That doesn't change the fact that you failed! I may be the culprit, but I don't give a c.r.a.p.”

I laughed, and water once again filled my mouth. Not only that, Erio even splashed water at me with her empty right hand.

Simply put, I was splashing water with a girl by the beach! It should have been. Hmm, I guess we were literally, but the realistic development was kind of off. Is this how a victim of an elaborate scam feels?

“Well, I'm getting better at being delinquent too! Like skipping schools and going to the beach and stuff. My Youth-points are skyrocketing! The inflation is real!”

“How dare you talk like that, when you should be going for niche stuff like this with your guy friends.”

Somehow she seemed acquainted with the scoring criteria. Would this happen to be an international standard?

“Also, I'm not a student anymore — I've graduated from adolescence.”

Erio corrected as she flicked her soaked hair unto her shoulders. Even when wet, her hair still emitted particles; in my eyes, this was the most vibrant so far.

“I don't mean that… sigh, I was talking about going to the beach normally. Something like this...” I turned to scan around.

The ocean diffused endlessly.

Hard to imagine that there are continents and islands in the horizon of the sea.

The magnitude of the sea even brought me despair of unbelonging.

It is both blue and endless.

Erio pointed to the far horizon.

“Let's go there!”

“Why? h.e.l.l no, I don't like sharks.”

“Lets find an island and live there together!” Her eyes were muddled; they scared me.

“Screw that! I would hate a world with just you and me! We aren't Adam and Eve! And Adam was only willing to compromise because there was only Eve! He actually prefers pin-up girls with bigger chests! I still have Ryuushi-san and Maekawa-san!”

“Uwah~ He's not letting go of the flags[7] that are frailer than a P*cky[8] stick!”)

“And what makes you think you can shut down my tiny hope? And with capsule made of jargon?”

“I'm done with that.”

Erio muttered calmly, wiping the water away from her cheeks.

The water on her face was swept away, yet the droplets from her palms never stopped. They didn't even serve as temporary drying solution.

Plight signifying her problems in life seemed to expand on Erio's face.

“Also, what's the meaning of this?”

Her purple lips trembled lightly; her pale skin suffused with bits of sanguine.

“By that you mean?”

“For the cousin, what is the meaning of doing this?”

On our linked hands, Erio's nails dug into my finger joints. Just that was enough to make it felt like the soggy skin was peeling off:

“Must I provide something like a reason or motivation?”

“Of course.”

She answered immediately and stabbed me with her fingers, telling me to hurry…

What a pain~ That's my actual thought.

Since I decided on a whim, I didn't care about what would happen afterward. Even now, I still don't know my intention.

Like choosing a future career, my impulsive youth was troubled with the direction of the future.

I have to add in some motives that came later.

If my answer doesn't pa.s.s, she might return to the sea — literally.

What was it… Oh yeah, that. The first time I met Ryuushi-san.

Just like this, toes tipped.

“Get along with everyone~” Since I wasn't too confident in my cuteness, I left the 'oh~” in my heart.

“Huh?”

Erio froze. How rare, but how cute. Both the value of this occasion or the cause for this reaction were satisfying.

"Erio Froze. How rare, but how cute."

“It's the human ideal! I decided to go for this first, so I don't have to worry about other things!”

“Sounds like bull~”

Erio's gave the look of smelling something sour and stuck her tongue out.

“Yeah, right! Since I'm going to living in your house, I want everyone to get along. Isn't it natural?” I kept thinking that I sounded more suspicious.

The sound of my teeth clenching drowned in the waves.

“I'm an alien! I should know how to fly! No, I can definitely fly! Just a bit! Three miles! At least I am certified! But I have to admit! An Earthling defeated me! Why? No, I know why! I don't know why!”

Erio pretended to be mental and in denial, and the lines I tossed out were,

“You deserve it… I will definitely be the bad guy if I say that.”

Thus, I said nothing.

If you're normal now, it's up to yourself! This way would be the only acceptable for her as well.

“The fact that we've became friends is terrible! The relation between the different planets have been ruined by the cousin! My command post is destroyed, and I'm soaked. Your triumphant smug is also in violation of several s.p.a.ce agreement!”

Both outer s.p.a.ce and Earth Miss Erio were conflicted, busily going back and forth between the stratosphere. It's time for you to give up on life without gravity.

But was my expression really like that? If I have to say it, I thought I was just grinning.

“There isn't a perfect relationship in this world that would hurt no one from start to end!”

Because of someone's evil arrangement, meetings are always paired with departure.

“...I don't get what you mean.”

She callously pointed out. Mm, the plan to gloss things over with pretty words failed.

“Anyway, nothing is final yet. Cuz, this is our first day meeting each other.”

At the right time, I lifted my right index finger to jab the oblivious Erio… Eh? I can't move my arm. Oh well, it's probably being rebellious like its owner!

I don't need body language. I'll use my eyes and mouth to explain clearly, cleverly impose my geniality!

This is the biggest weapon for those peace lovers who wish for people to get along:

“Is this your second time to Earth? I'll start selling settlement pizza next time.”

“…...” A solemn face. In other words, the stubborn expression that will explode into tears with the lightest touch.

“I want to get along with the pretty girl who returned to Earth. If you're worried about your amnesia, I will listen to your complaints too. Today was to prepare for that.”

Crossing such event (falling deeper) will pull the distance between the two hearts closer.

Heheheh, this is indeed the suspension bridge effect.[9]

Jokingly carry out the test would only result in actually falling from the bridge.

Who would blush from an ending like that?!

… Fine, I give up on any benefits. Let's put an end to this!

To crawl back onto land, and let gravity torture me.

“To get along, we have to understand each other first. In short, self-introduction is vital!”

“Ah… I'm Tou...wa...”

Hey, slow down. I'm not done yet.

Helplessly, I gave the screen time to Erio. Perhaps a bit shook up, she stuttered, unable to finish.

Since the tears flowing into her mouth were choking her, it seemed my lines won't be omitted.

Ok, then I'll say it!

“Hey, Earthling. Give me your name.”

“Touwa… Erio… Eri...o ...Touwa… Erio!”

“Good. I'm Niwa Makoto, pleased to meet you.”

Translator's notes and references Jump up↑ I am a.s.suming the readers know what this is referring to Jump up↑ 自腹, literally 'self belly', means to use your own money. It's probably a visual pun on Seppuku, 切腹 Jump up↑ there was a sighting of alien in the rainforest there Jump up↑ a cla.s.sical story, where a person lied about his fear for manju’s so he could eat them all Jump up↑ Za Warudo Jump up↑ a small island to the south of Fujisawa-shi, Kanagawa-ken Jump up↑ flag as in galge flags. Jump up↑ Pocky sticks Jump up↑ The phenomenon that the brain could misattribute different emotion to physical stimulation. E.G Anger to elevated heart rate from exercise. Look up misattribution of arousal and two factor theory