Darkness Before Dawn Part 9

"No, go ahead. I'll take her up by myself in the next one."

Both men look at us with dumbfounded expressions before shrugging and muttering an "as you wish" and getting on.

Cole turns his body to me. "Look at me," he says quietly, and I comply. "Everything is going to be fine."

"I don't trust them," I whisper. "I don't want them watching me anymore."

He frowns before shaking his head on an exhale. "Baby, we need the security," he says as he combs my hair away from my face. "If you want we can get new people, but you can't just parade around by yourself."

I shake my head. "I'm not planning on it."

His eyes soften as he regards me. "Good, because I don't think I can handle another blow to my heart."

I sigh. "I guess we'll keep them for now, but I don't know, it just feels weird. Will Connor be around too?" I ask quietly.

His face grows serious as he searches my eyes and takes both sides of my face in his hands. "Yeah, unless you don't want him to be? I trust him though, and I know you'll like him. He's really excited to have a cousin, you know? And if you don't feel safe with Bruce and Spencer, we'll get rid of them." I give him a small smile and he leans in to kiss me softly.

"I want Connor around," I whisper quietly. Truth is, I get a good vibe from him, and he gives me an ounce of hope that maybe my family isn't all that bad.

"Good," he replies with a nod as he tilts his head to search my face. "Now, let's go home, yeah?"

"Yeah," I reply quietly, feeling a little less breathless, despite the lack of air in my lungs.

The walk to our apartment is long, as I take my time, savoring each step of freedom that I take. Every step brings me closer to our home together, our life together, the life I've been missing for the past month. When we open the door, I see a fury of red hair bouncing toward me, making me gasp and take a step back.

"Blakey!" she shrieks as she wraps her arms around me, her large, obviously pregnant midriff crashing against me. My breaths start coming in gasps as I wrap my own arms around her and begin to weep. I see a large figure from the corner of my eye before feeling Greg's big brown arms wrap around both Becky and me.

"I missed you so f.u.c.king much," Becky says in between sobs.

"We're so glad you're safe," Greg says above us.

"Let the girl breathe!" Aubry shouts from behind us, making us step away from each other and chuckle as we wipe our tears.

I fully take in Becky's short navy wrap around dress that hugs her body perfectly, and I can't stop my tears from running. Despite my broken heart, I step forward and place my hands on her pregnant belly. A soft sob escapes her as she places her own hands above mine.

"I heard. I'm so sorry, babe," she whispers.

Once I'm sure the knot in my throat will let me speak, I clear my throat. "I'm so happy for you," I say quietly. And despite the sadness I feel about my own lost pregnancy, I am happy for them. They tried to get pregnant for so long, and I know it's unfair for me to feel the pang that I feel in my chest. I turn to Greg and smile at him. "Congratulations, Gregory."

His mouth turns up slightly before he steps forward and wraps his arms around me and kisses the top of my head. "I love you, Cowboy. I'm sorry for your loss. I missed you so much." I feel new tears sting my eyes before I rapidly blink them away. I will not cry anymore, dammit!

Cole walks over and hugs Becky and Greg before putting an arm over my shoulder and pulling me into him. "You hungry, baby? Becky stocked our fridge."

"I wanna shower first, is that okay?" I ask, looking from face to face.

"Of course, we're not going anywhere!" Becky responds, sitting down on the couch and perching her feet on our coffee table, which makes me smile.

I excuse myself and walk to my room in long strides, soaking in every detail of our apartment. Everything looks the same. My jean jacket is still thrown over the back of a stool in the kitchen. My slippers are by the sliding gla.s.s door that leads to the balcony. The memories of that day make me shudder slightly as I open my bedroom door. Stepping in, I frown at the disheveled gray sheets on our bed, the same ones on it when I left that day. I feel Cole's warmth behind me before his arms wrap over my shoulders from behind.

"You okay?" he murmurs against my hair. I nod in response before turning my body around to face his.

"You didn't make the bed," I say quietly. Cole is a.n.a.l about making the bed in the morning. So much so, that if he leaves the bed unmade and comes home throughout the day, he makes it before he leaves again, whereas I just always leave it unmade.

A flash of pain clouds his eyes and he gives me a sad smile, tucking my hair behind my ears with both hands. "It's been that way since you left. I couldn't bring myself to sleep here without you."

"But that drives you crazy," I reply, looking at the bed and back at him with furrowed eyebrows. He pulls my face against his chest and holds me there, his deep chuckle making my body hum.

"I know, but I wanted to make you make the bed when you got here."

I laugh and shake my head a little at his ridiculousness, because he always does things like that just to "teach me a lesson".

"I forgot what a pain in the a.s.s you are," I mumble into his shirt.

He drops his arms and takes a step back, ducking his head to look me square in the eyes. "Don't worry, I'll never let you forget again." He kisses me slowly, his tongue leisurely stroking against mine before pulling away. "Let's get you showered."

He's helped me shower every day at the hospital, even though after the second day, I was fully capable of doing it myself. I go into my walk-in closet and get my most comfortable sweat pants and my favorite red Murphy shirt before making my way to the bathroom.

"I can wash myself, you know?" I say with a raised eyebrow as I peel off my shirt, noticing the way his eyes travel slowly down my body. The up side to being in the hospital for a week is that other than the bruises, I feel fine. My face isn't swollen anymore and for the most part, the soreness is gone from my body.

"I know," he replies quietly, his eyes darkening when I shimmy out of the black yoga pants I'm wearing.

By the time I lean into the shower to switch it on, he's staring at me with hungry eyes. I smirk at him before taking off my bra slowly and tossing it in his face, and then fall into a fit of laughter when he wraps his arms around me and follows me into the shower.

"Cole! You're dressed!" I screech as I try to wiggle out of his hold.

"I don't care," he replies before biting my neck. "You're teasing me. You know I can't handle that."

He runs the tips of his fingers from my waist up my sides slowly before stopping below my b.r.e.a.s.t.s. My legs pool in antic.i.p.ation and my eyes flutter closed as I toss my head back on to his chest, arching my back, begging for him to touch me.

"Are you sure you're ready for this, baby?" he asks, his voice hoa.r.s.e with need. I whimper and rock my body against him in response. He finally fans his fingers over my b.r.e.a.s.t.s before plucking at them slightly, making a tremor run through me. Suddenly, he drops his hands and places them on my hips. I focus on the sound of the water mixed with our heavy breathing, and when I notice that Cole isn't moving, I turn around to face him. His eyes are ablaze with desire, but I can also see the concern there that makes him second-guess this. I look down look and let the water hit my back. I focus on his wet shirt that's clinging to the cuts on his stomach and snap out of my daydream at the sound of Becky's loud laughter coming from our living room. Becky, my beautiful best friend who's pregnant, I think, my eyes trailing over my flat stomach as water pools my eyes. I blink them back, hoping they get mixed in with the rest of the water, unnoticed by Cole.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asks, cupping my chin to look into my eyes.

I try to restrain my head from moving just for a second so that I can train my eyes into a blank stare, but he's too quick for me...and he knows me.

"We'll wait. You're not ready and that's okay. I'm not going anywhere," he whispers.

I nod slowly in response, my eyes filling with tears I can no longer hide, my shoulders beginning to quake from sobs I can no longer hold back. He pulls me into his chest, kissing the top of my head and holds me there letting me cry, letting me pour out the conflicted feelings that flow through my veins. Feelings that make me feel disgusted at myself for having toward my own best friend.

"I'm a horrible person," I whisper into his chest.

He grabs me by the shoulders and holds me at arm's length as he searches my face. "Why would you say that?" he asks, confusion and alarm clear in his voice.

"Because I am." I shake my head sadly. "I saw Becky and all I can think about is that I'm supposed to be pregnant too. After all she's been through...after all the years she's been trying to conceive and that's the first thought that crossed my mind. I'm a terrible person," I finish, my voice breaking and turning into a loud sob as I lean back into his chest.

"Oh, baby," he says quietly, wrapping his arms tightly around me, letting me cry for the two of us.

I feel like I'm having an out of body experience sitting in my living room surrounded by the people I love. I can't stop the tears from running down my face. But this time they're not sad tears, or scared tears, they're thankful tears. I am so thankful to be sitting on Cole's lap as Becky runs her fingers through my hair, Aubry holds my hand, and Greg catches me up on what has been going on in their lives. The discomfort in my chest stabs at me with each mention of their baby, but I smile nonetheless. I'm sure it'll get easier to deal with and despite my own sadness, I find myself placing my hand on Becky's growing belly and smiling at the knowledge that she's carrying a life inside of her.

"I'm sorry," Becky whispers as she places her hand over mine. I sniffle back new tears and look into her wet blue eyes with a nod. Cole shifts me so that I'm sitting sideways in his arms and cradles me into his chest, covering most of my body with his arms and kissing the top of my head. I bury my face into him before deciding that I really need to stop crying. I wipe my face, take a deep breath and sit back up.

"I'm sorry. I'm fine, I swear I'm happy for you guys," I say softly, looking at Becky first and then Greg.

"Cowboy, this is all new for you, you've been through h.e.l.l, we understand if you're sad. We're sad about your loss too, and it's okay to be sad," Greg says before he leans forward and wipes a stray tear from my face with his thumb. Becky hugs me and kisses my cheek before she excuses herself to go to the bathroom.

"Where's Aimee?" I ask, looking at Aubry.

"She'll be here later, she had to go do some stuff with her mom," he replies, looking at Cole for a beat before grabbing my hand and kissing the back of it. Cole pulls my hand away from Aubry's and shoots him a look that makes us laugh. He scowls at Aubry and Greg before winking at me and pulls me closer against him.

"What do you feel like eating?" he asks before pressing his lips to my neck.

"I don't know," I mumble, tilting my head to welcome the trail of kisses he's showering me with.

"Oh nooo," Becky groans as she makes her way back to us. Cole stops kissing me and we all turn our heads toward her. "You guys are not going to start acting like h.o.r.n.y teenagers already, are you?"

The guys shake their heads while muttering their agreement with her.

I crinkle my nose, looking from one face to the other. "We do not act like h.o.r.n.y teenagers!"

Aubry, Greg and Becky start to laugh before Cole joins in, as I look at them with wide eyes and my mouth hanging open.

"Babe, I'm pretty sure we do." Cole taps my nose while giving me his dazzling smile. My gaze shifts from his smile, to his sole dimple and back to his twinkling eyes before I feel myself beam back at him.

"No, we don't," I say unconvincingly, trying to think of examples that will help me plead my case. Cole shifts under, me making me gasp and feel automatically turned on when I feel how hard he is.

"You see why we act like h.o.r.n.y teenagers?" he murmurs behind my ear before nipping it with his teeth. When I face him he gives me a crooked smile before biting and sucking my bottom lip into his mouth. Greg's chuckle and Becky clearing her throat reminds us of our audience, and we pull apart slowly.

"Ugh," Aubry groans exaggeratedly. "Thank G.o.d I don't live with you guys anymore."

"You can say that again," Cole says as he flashes him with his middle finger.

As promised, Greg and Becky stay for the rest of the week and even though they got a hotel room, they end up sleeping at our place every night. Aubry and Aimee take the couch in the living room and Greg and Becky take the bed. It almost feels like the sleepover parties we used to have when we were kids. Connor has kept me informed in regards to Dean, telling me that Dean has called every day to check up on me. I've kept conversations about Dean to a minimum because Cole hates him and sometimes I think that I should too, despite the ways he helped me. Connor also says that n.o.body has heard from Benny, and that is enough to keep me on edge.

I clutch on to the sandals in my hands when the thought that maybe he's keeping tabs on me runs through my mind. Thoughts of his mean snarl, his scarred face, his hateful eyes as he charges toward me while I try to open the iron gate of Alex' house making me cringe.

"Hey," Cole says in a low voice snapping me out of my horrible daydream. I blink away the images running through my mind and I look at him from the floor of my closet.

"Hey," I respond, smiling when I see he's wearing a sleeveless black work out shirt and a pair of Chicago Bulls basketball shorts I'd gotten him last year.

He tilts his head and furrows his eyebrows. "You okay?" he asks quietly.

I take a deep breath. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just sorting through clothes I need to get rid of," I offer.

He nods, seemingly not believing me entirely, but doesn't push me. "Are you going to go pick up those papers from Mark tomorrow?"

"I guess so. Might as well do that since you're going back to work," I respond with a slight shrug.

He strides into the closet and crouches down so that we're at eye level. I focus on the way his basketball shorts ride up his defined golden thighs and raise my eyes back to his when the palm of his hand caresses my cheek softly.

"Talk to me," he whispers, his thumb dropping from my cheek to my bottom lip. "Do you not want me to go back to work?" he asks, his voice still low. My head spinning between the longing in his eyes, the sound of his voice, and the way the pad of his thumb run over my lip.

"You need it," I reply breathlessly, my breathing ragged.

He shakes his head slowly, his gaze dropping to my lips. "I need you," he husks inching his face closer to mine.

"I need you too," I reply, my voice barely a whisper as my heart begins to spike in my chest.

"You sure?" he murmurs with his lips against mine.

I inhale a deep breath, the smell of Christmas and Jean Paul cologne invading my senses. "Yes," I rasp.

My eyes flutter closed when his tongue darts out and he licks his lips. I part my lips slightly, letting my tongue meet his in a sensual dance, his deep groan sending a warm hum through me.

"I want you so bad right now," he says hoa.r.s.ely against my lips, his fingers trailing softly over my shoulders and down my arms making me quiver.

"n.o.body's stopping you," I murmur.

He groans dropping his forehead against mine and letting out a breath. "Are you sure you're ready for that?" he asks, his voice strained with need.

"Yes. So ready," I reply, my chest rising and falling rapidly.

"I'm so glad you said that," he growls against my lips before scooping me up in his arms and walking me to our bed.

He puts me down slowly, his eyes searching mine before running down my body once as he sits beside me and turns his body toward mine. I sit up slowly and peel my shirt off over my head and hear him suck in his breath when he sees my exposed b.r.e.a.s.t.s.

Cole squeezes his eyes shut and I wish I didn't still have a bruise over my ribs. And that the st.i.tches on my temple were fully healed and that my skin wasn't as pale as it is.

"Please look at me," I whisper fidgeting with my cotton shorts.

He takes a deep breath and re-opens his eyes, they train on my b.r.e.a.s.t.s for a second before he looks back into mine.

The corner of his mouth tilts. "I can't believe you weren't wearing a bra."

I smile back, thankful that he can see past the broken girl that I am. He dips his head and leans into me, taking my mouth in his, igniting the yearning I have for him deep within my core. I shift my body so that he can hover on top of me and grab on to the hem of his shirt, inching it above his stomach. Cole finishes pulling it over his head before taking my shorts off in one swift motion. I splay my hands over his chest and run them down his body, reveling in the way his stomach clenches in the places I touch, until I reach the band of his shorts.

He places his hands over mine and pauses them there, looking at me through heavily hooded eyes. "Baby, if we do this...we have to take it slow, okay?" he says huskily.

I nod my head vigorously, panting when he lowers his head to suck the spot below my ear.

"Slow," he whispers against my neck and I'm not sure if he's saying it as a reminder to himself or me.

"Slow," I repeat breathlessly when his fingers trail over my body stopping to trace my nipple and continue their way south stopping at my pelvis.

He kisses my temple softly, where my st.i.tches are before continuing to rain soft kisses over my face. When he reaches my lips, he brushes them with his a couple of times. "I love you so much," he whispers before kissing me, his tongue slowly delving into my mouth and dancing against mine. "I missed you so much," he continues. "I was going crazy without you," he says as he kisses my jaw and down my neck. "I couldn't think without you." He places an open mouthed kiss between my b.r.e.a.s.t.s. "I couldn't sleep without you." He places a kiss in the middle of my abdomen. "I couldn't eat without you." He scoots lower, hovering over the apex of my thigh and places a kiss on either one. "I couldn't breathe without you." He tongue flicks against me, making me throb in want for him. "I didn't want to livet without you." He swipes his tongue again, making me moan and writhe against his mouth as my chest panting heavily. I close my eyes as his tongue continues it's sensual dance along my folds and he inches his hands up my body until they reach my b.r.e.a.s.t.s. My breathing is heavy, rapid, and I lose myself in pleasure, my core tightening and body bowing off the bed in abandonment when he sucks against me one last time and lets go with a pop. Opening my eyes slowly, I find Cole hovering over me with one arm on either side of me. He's just watching me, his lips parted and his eyes glistening as if in a trance. My gaze traces his body and I realize that he's naked and ready for me as he settles in between my legs. He dips his head, his lips sealing mine as he pushes himself into me slowly. I gasp at the feel of his tip entering me before he continues to stretch me, his sharp intake of breath matching my own. I bite down on my lip to keep from screaming out.

"Are you okay?" he croaks, backing away from my face to look at me.

I nod, still biting down on my lip. "Don't stop. Please," I beg in a whisper.