Cupology: How to Be Entertaining Part 10

A divinity of fools, a helper to the wise.

DEAD EASY.

Funnicus--It's a queer thing, but all the men employed at the cemetery are historical characters.

Dullwum--How do you make that out?

Fennicus--They're mound builders, aren't they?

A BAD SPELL OF WEATHER.

Dear Paw--I am having a luvly time, so do not expeck me home ontill next week. All are well and send luv. The wethur is brite and fare. Yure sun, WILL.

FOR AN EVENING GAME.

At a club social the hostess proposed a game of "sobriquets,"

offering a prize for the one who would identify the largest number of the a.s.sumed names.

She gave to each one a slip of paper on which were typewritten the a.s.sumed names of numerous persons, mostly writers, and at a signal allowed them twenty minutes in which to write the correct names opposite. A few ill.u.s.trations are here given, but others may be added:

1 Currer Bell -- Charlotte Bronte 2 Mark Twain -- Samuel Clemens 3 Uncle Remus -- Joel Chandler Harris 4 Boz -- Charles d.i.c.kens 5 Bard of Avon -- Shakespeare 6 Peasant Bard -- Robert Burns 7 Poet of Nature -- Wordsworth 8 Immortal Dreamer -- Bunyon 9 The Traitor -- Benedict Arnold 10 Little Corporal -- Napoleon Bonaparte 11 Mr. Dooley -- Peter Dunne 12 Oliver Optic -- William T. Adams 13 Gail Hamilton -- Mary A. Dodge 14 Grand Old Man -- Gladstone 15 Poor Richard -- Benjamin Franklin 16 Swedish Nightingale -- Jennie Lind 17 Brother Jonathan -- Jonathan Trumbull 18 Father Endeavor -- Francis Clark 19 Tippecanoe -- General Harrison 20 George Sand -- Mme. Dudevant 21 Ian Maclaren -- John Watson 22 Timothy t.i.tcomb -- J. G. Holland 23 Ik Marvel -- Donald G. Mitch.e.l.l 24 Mrs. Partington -- B. P. Shillaber 25 The Learned Blacksmith -- Elihu Burritt 26 Peter Parley -- Samuel G. Goodrich 27 Autocrat of the Breakfast Table -- Dr. Oliver Wendell Holmes 28 Uncle Sam -- United States

SOMETHING TO REMEMBER.

RULERS, PRESIDENTS AND MINISTERS WHO HAVE BEEN SLAIN OR ATTACKED WITHIN THE CENTURY.

Napoleon I, attempted, December 24, 1800.

Paul, Czar of Russia, March 24, 1801.

Spencer Perceval, Premier of England, May 11, 1812.

George IV, attempted, January 28, 1817.

Andrew Jackson, President United States, attempted January 30, 1835.

Louis Philippe, of France, many attempts, from 1835 to 1846.

Frederick William, of Prussia, attempt, May 22, 1850.

Francis Joseph, of Austria, February 18, 1853.

Ferdinand, Charles III, Duke of Parma, March 27, 1854.

Isabella II, of Spain, three attempts, from 1847 to 1856.

Napoleon III, three attempts, from 1855 to 1858.

Daniel, Prince of Montenegro, August 13, 1860.

Abraham Lincoln, President United States, April 14, 1865.

Michael, Prince of Servia, June 10, 1868.

Prim, Marshal of Spain, December 28, 1870.

Richard, Earl of Mayo, Governor-General of India, February 8, 1872.

Abdul Aziz, Sultan of Turkey, June 4, 1876.

William I, of Prussia, three attempts, from 1861 to 1876.

Alexander II, Czar of Russia, six attempts and finally killed by explosion of bomb, March 13, 1881.

Mohammed Ali, Pasha, September 7, 1878.

Humbert I, King of Italy, attempt, November 17, 1878.

Lord Lytton, Viceroy of India, attempt, December 12, 1878.

Alfonso XII, of Spain, two attempts, 1878-79.

Brattiano, Premier of Roumania, attempt, December 14, 1880.

James A. Garfield, President United States, July 2, 1881.

Carter H. Harrison, Mayor of Chicago, October 28, 1893.

Marie Francois Carnot, President of France, June 24, 1894.

Nasr-ed-Din, Shah of Persia, May 1, 1896.

Stanislaus Stambouloff, Premier of Bulgaria, July 25, 1895.

Canovas del Castillo, Prime Minister of Spain, August 8, 1897.

Juan Idarte Borda, President of Uruguay, August 25, 1897.

Jose Maria Reyna Barrios, President of Guatemala, February 18, 1898.

Empress Elizabeth, of Austria, September 10, 1898.

Edward VII, of England, attempt, April 4, 1900.

Humbert, King of Italy, July 29, 1900.

William McKinley, President United States, September 6, 1901.

Alexander, King of Servia, June 11, 1903.

Draga, Queen of Servia, June 11, 1903.

Governor General Bobrikoff, of Finland, June 16, 1904.

Von Plehve, Minister of the Interior, Russia, July 28, 1904.

THE FOUR LEAVED SHAMROCK.

"I'll seek the four leaved shamrock In all its fairy dells, And if I find its charmed leaves, Oh how I'll weave my spells.

I would not waste my magic might On diamonds, pearls or gold, Such treasures tire the weary heart, Their triumphs are but cold.

But I would play the enchanter's part In casting bliss around, And not a tear or aching heart Should in the world be found."

"To wealth I would give honor, I'd dry the mourner's tears, And to the pallid cheeks restore The bloom of happier years; And friends that had been long estranged, And hearts that had grown cold, Should meet again like parted streams And mingle as of old.

And thus I'd play the enchanter's part In casting bliss around, And not a tear or aching heart Should in the world be found."