Calamity Jayne And The Trouble With Tandems Part 32

"Uh, h.e.l.lo. There is no bed. It's the ground. And, by definition, the ground has no sides. It just keeps going and going and going. Besides, this is my spot. I like to sleep on my right side."

"You said the ground had no sides."

"It doesn't. I do."

Truth was I didn't feel comfortable sleeping with my back to my unexpected roomie, which was what would happen if I slept on the left side of the tent. Yes. There's a method to my madness.

"I sleep on my right side, as well," Keelie said.

"Yes, but it's my tent," I pointed out. "And you know the saying, 'beggars can't be choosers.'"

"Yes. I know it. And it's a stupid saying. How often does somebody use the word 'chooser'" anyway?"

She had a point. I shrugged.

"Fine," Keelie said. "Whatever. Take your stupid side."

"You know, it's not really a side. It's a-"

"Oh, just leave it alone!" Keelie put a hand to her head. "Can we just go to sleep? I'm stiff. I'm sore. I have a headache. I just want to sleep."

I'd felt the same way before Red barged in. I'd been looking forward to some undisturbed slumber. But was I getting it? Nooo!

I zipped the tent entrance flap and moved back to my wall, dropping onto my bed and pulling the cover over me. I grabbed my own flashlight just in case and settled into the soft warmth of my bedroll, watching Keelie struggle to undo the cord that held her bag together.

"Stupid, stupid bag!" She said, and ripped into the sleeping bag with the same level of frustration I used on my favorite sandwich cookie packages before they switched to the easy open, re-sealable packaging.

"I think you can just slip that elastic cord off one end," I said.

"Oh. Right." She unrolled the sleeping bag and smoothed it out. "Thanks."

"Sure."

She took off the hoodie she wore and collapsed onto the bag.

"Ahhh!"

I knew the feeling.

She shut the flashlight off. I couldn't see my hand in front of my face.

"I think it's supposed to rain," Keelie said, sounding very young.

"Yeah. I heard the rumbling of thunder."

"This tent won't leak. Right?"

I sure as heck hoped not.

"Of course, not."

"What about snakes?"

d.a.m.n. She had to remind me.

"The flap's zipped. We should be good."

"Manny says you're not the one playing the pranks," she said.

"He's right."

Silence.

"I wish it was you."

I felt the pull of heartstrings again.

"Yeah. I know."

More silence.

"Night, Keelie," I said, my jumbled thoughts shifting to the five questions I would ask Manny. I'd have to make them count. No telling when I'd get another crack at him.

I yawned, exhaustion creeping over me. Just about to drift off, a hushed whisper reached me.

"Goodnight...Calamity Jayne."

d.a.m.n! Who told?

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR.

"Psst! You in the tent! Open up!"

I opened one eye. Still dark. I shut my eyes again.

"Let me in! It's starting to rain!"

I sat up, opened both eyes, and pushed my hair out of my eyes.

"Who is it?"

"What's going on?" A disembodied voice from the darkness called out.

"Someone's at the flap," I said.

"Who?"

"Open up, Turner, or I'll slice a hole in the side of the tent."

"See. Tents do have sides," Keelie said. "Who is it?"

I picked up my flashlight and turned it on, the beam wimpy when compared to Manny's jumbo-sized light.

"That would be Dixie Daggett of Daggett's Cone Connection fame. Where appet.i.tes go to die." I crawled to the front of the tent and unzipped the zipper.

"It's about time." She crawled, head first, into the tent. I grabbed her arm and helped reel her all the way in.

"Who were you talking to?" she said, and I shined the flashlight in Keelie's direction.

"Hey!" Keelie stuck a hand up in front of her eyes.

Dixie's lower jaw dropped.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"I'm like wondering the same thing," I said. "What's the deal? What are you doing here? Where's Frankie?"

"Who's Frankie again?" Keelie asked.

"My cousin. You know. The skinny guy at Frank's Mini-Freeze," I said. "Your bodyguard's BFF. Dixie's fiance."

"I know you," Keelie said. "You were one of Team Trekkie's volleyball players. The short-stuff who got nailed in the nose."

"I'm so flattered you remembered," Dixie grunted, settling in the center of the tent. She wadded her coat into a pillow, plumped it, put it on the ground, and stretched out.

"You're sleeping here?" I asked.

"No. I just thought I'd haul my cookies out in stormy weather in the middle of the night to say hey."

Dixie Daggett: reigning queen of sarcasm.

"What's up with her?" Dixie nodded in Keelie's direction.

"What's up with you?" Keelie snapped back.

"Keelie's bus is broken. And Manny's got...to see a guy. Now, it's your turn."

"Frankie's minding the bus."

"He's what?"

"He's guarding Keelie's bus. Manny needed someone to keep an eye on it until the mechanic got there."

"And he called Frankie?"

"The cameramen were all drunk. Besides, who else would jump at the chance to guard a broken down bus in the middle of the night?"

"That still doesn't explain why you're here?" Keelie asked.

"Was I talkin' to you, Red? Did you see my face turned in your direction? You'll know when I'm talking to you."

I winced. Dixie was a tad punchy.

"So, Frankie is helping Manny out. Big deal."

Dixie turned back to me. "It is a big deal when your girlfriend is asking for a little quality, alone time and you bail the minute the Hulk calls."

"The Hulk?"

"Am I looking at you, Red Queen?"

"Red Queen? Red Queen! Is that what you call me? The Red Queen!"

Dixie and I pointed at each other.

"She started it!"

"So, does Frankie know you're here?" I asked.

"No. h.e.l.l, no."

"Won't he wonder where you are when he gets back to the Suburban?"

"If he ever gets back."

"But, won't he worry?" Keelie asked. "Won't he be frantic wondering where you are and what happened to you? Won't he search high and low and go to the ends of the earth looking for you?"

Dixie looked over at Keelie, then back at me. "How can someone on a reality show have such a loose grip on reality?"

"If ya'll don't mind, I, at least, have a sixty mile bike ride five hours from now. Can we please just get some sleep?"

"There you go again. Implying that I'm not riding the entire ride," Keelie huffed.

"Are you?" Dixie asked.

"I need my sleep," Keelie said. "I have a very long bike ride tomorrow."

"Make that today," I grumbled, and doused the light. "'Night all."

I'd just put my head down when...