Book of Etiquette Volume Ii Part 2

THE MAID-SERVANTS

Whether there is only one maid-servant in the house, or many, their duties should be clearly defined and understood. It is the only way to avoid quarreling and misunderstanding among the servants themselves. Let each one understand from the very first day he begins work just what his duties are. In this case as in many another an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. If there are quarrels among the servants the mistress should not interfere nor take sides. If possible she should remove the cause of the friction, and for a serious fault she should discharge the one that is causing the disturbance.

The services of the waitress are confined to the drawing-room floor. She serves breakfast, luncheon and dinner, and afternoon tea where it is the custom. This is a.s.suming, however, that there is no butler in the home.

In this case she attends to all the other duties that would ordinarily fall upon him. She answers the door-bell, polishes the silver, helps with the washing of the dishes and sees that the table is correctly laid for each meal.

The parlor maid is a luxury enjoyed only by families of great wealth.

She is expected to devote her time and attention wholly to the drawing-room and dining-room, a.s.sisting the waitress in the pantry and keeping the library and drawing-room in order. But in the average comfortable home of America there are usually only two maids, a housemaid and a waitress (with perhaps the additional services of a cook) and these two maids have the care of the dining, living and bedrooms divided between them.

The dress of the house-maids is very much alike. The waitress, or parlor maid, wears a plain, light-colored dress in the morning with a rather large ap.r.o.n, and a small white cap. The chambermaid's costume is very much the same. In the afternoon the parlor maid or waitress changes to a black serge dress in winter, or a black poplin in summer, with white linen cuffs and collars and a small white ap.r.o.n.[A] (See footnote.)

[A] The costumes for maid-servants change frequently, only in slight details, but enough to warrant specific research at the time the servant is outfitted. A large department store, or a store devoted exclusively to the liveries of servants, will be able to tell you exactly the correct costumes for maid-servants at the present time. Or you may find the desired information in a current housekeeping magazine.

The maid-servants never wear jewelry or other finery while they are on duty. One very simple brooch, or perhaps a pair of cuff links, is permissible; but bracelets, rings and neck ornaments are in bad taste.

Elaborate dressing of the hair should also be avoided, and careless, untidy dressing should never be countenanced.

LADY'S MAID

The lady's maid does not take part in the general housework. Her duties are solely to care for the wardrobe of her mistress, to a.s.sist her at her toilette, to draw her bath, to lay out her clothes and keep her room tidy. But she does not sweep or dust the room or make the bed--these are the duties of the chamber-maid. If she is an accomplished maid she will probably do a great deal of sewing, and perhaps she will ma.s.sage her mistress' hair and manicure her nails. But these duties are not to be expected; the mistress who finds her maid is willing to do these things for her, is indeed fortunate.

A black dress in winter, and a black skirt and waist in summer, worn with a small, dainty white ap.r.o.n comprises the costume of the lady's maid. Stiff white cuffs and collar add a touch of prim neatness which is most desirable. At the present time, the tiny white cap formerly worn by lady's maids has been almost entirely dispensed with.

When traveling with her mistress, the lady's maid should wear only very simple and inconspicuous clothes. A tweed suit worn with a neat blouse, or a tweed coat worn over a simple dress, is the best form. Anything gaudy or elaborate worn by a lady's maid is frowned upon by polite society.

THE NURSE-MAID

The nurse-maid should be very particular about her dress. She should always be faultlessly attired, her hair neat and well-brushed, her entire appearance displaying a tidy cleanliness.

In the house the nurse-maid wears a simple dress of wool or heavy material with a white ap.r.o.n and white collar and cuffs. In warmer weather she wears linen or poplin with the ap.r.o.n and collar and cuffs.

Outdoors, she wears a long full cloak over her house dress.

DUTIES OF HOUSE-MAID

The cook, who is always dressed spotlessly in white, does nothing outside the kitchen unless special arrangements have been made to the contrary. She keeps the kitchen tidy and clean, cooks the meals, helps with the dishes and perhaps attends to the furnace.

The waitress opens and airs the living-rooms, dusts the rooms and gets everything in readiness for breakfast. It is customary to excuse her as soon as the princ.i.p.al part of the breakfast has been served, so that she may attend to her chamber-work and be ready to come down to her breakfast by the time the family has finished. However, before she goes to her own breakfast, she is expected to clear the dining-room table and take the dishes into the kitchen.

If the waitress does not help with the chamber-work, this duty falls entirely upon the chamber-maid. She must make the beds, sweep and dust the bedrooms, and keep them immaculate. The mistress should inspect the chamber-work occasionally for servants must not be permitted to feel that carelessness in details will be overlooked. And the mistress should also take care of her own linen-closet, unless she has a very trustworthy and competent servant; for linens should be worn alike, and not some worn constantly and others allowed to lie forgotten in a corner of the closet.

IN CONCLUSION

A good servant--and by "good" we mean a man or woman who goes about duties cheerfully, is respectful and willing, who is neat, well-mannered and well-trained--must be treated in the right manner if he or she is to remain such. There are so many blunders the mistress can make, so many mistakes that bring the wrong response from those who are temporarily a part of her household.

For instance, a haughty, arrogant manner towards a servant who is sensitive will by no means encourage that servant to do his or her best work. And on the other hand, a servile manner towards a good servant one is afraid of losing, encourages that servant to take liberties and become unduly familiar.

It is as difficult to be a good mistress as it is to be a good servant.

Both duties require a keen understanding and appreciation of human nature, a kindliness of spirit and a desire to be helpful. Both the servant and the mistress have their trials and troubles, but they should remember that it is only through mutual helpfulness and consideration, an exacting attention to duties and responsibilities, a wise supervision and a faithful service, that harmony and happiness can be reached in the home. And both should bear in mind that this harmony and happiness is something worth-while striving for, something worth-while being patient and persistent for.

There is an old proverb which literally translated means, "By the servant the master is known." It is a good proverb for both the servant and the mistress to remember.

CHAPTER II

DINNERS

ABOUT THE AMERICAN HOSTESS

The greatest pride of the American hostess is her formal dinner. And it is to her credit that we mention that she can hold her own against the most aristocratic families of Europe.

There is a story told of a well-known New York society matron who gave a formal dinner party on every occasion that warranted it, no matter how trivial, for the reason that it gave her keen pleasure and enjoyment to do so. At one of her dinners recently a famous world-touring lecturer was the guest of honor--and the hostess was as happy and proud as it is possible for a hostess to be. Especially was she proud of the delectable menu she had ordered prepared for the occasion.

But much to her chagrin, she noticed that her distinguished guest was not eating the tempting hot dishes--only the vegetables, and relishes and fruits. She did not wish to appear rude, but she could not wait until dinner was over before asking him why he was not eating. "I am a vegetarian," he answered, "and I never indulge in meats."

The hostess-of-many-dinners had an inspiration. Here was an opportunity to give a unique dinner--and nothing could be more delightful for her. A week later, she sent out invitations to all her friends requesting their presence at another formal dinner to be held in honor of the visiting lecturer. This time it was a vegetarian dinner. Suffice to say that it was a huge success.

Such is the hospitality of our American hostesses that they will concede to every whim and desire of their guests. They must be pleased at all costs. The dinner is not a success unless each guest leaves a little happier than when he came--and incidentally a little better pleased with the person who happens to be giving the dinner.

PLANNING THE FORMAL DINNER

First in importance, of course, is when shall the formal dinner be held?

Any evening of the week may be selected--although Sunday is rarely chosen. The hour is usually between seven and eight o'clock. Invitations should be mailed a week or ten days before the date set for the dinner.

The hostess may use her own judgment in deciding whether the invitations should be engraved on cards, or hand-written on note paper. The former is preferred for an elaborate dinner, the latter for a small one.

It must be remembered in inviting guests to dinner, that it is a breach of etiquette to invite a wife without her husband, or the opposite. A married couple must always be invited together. If there are other members of the family who are desired as guests at the dinner, separate invitations must be sent to them. A dinner card is always addressed to a husband and wife, and individually to single persons.

For the convenience of the host, it is a point of courtesy for every recipient of an invitation to dinner, to answer promptly. A good rule is to decide immediately upon receiving it whether or not you will be able to attend, and follow it with a cordial answer within the next twenty-four hours. If you find that you must refuse, there must be a very good reason for doing so.

In planning the dinner party, the hostess must go over her list of friends and carefully select six or eight who would naturally be most congenial together. The number may even be as low as four, and while there can be no absolute limit to the number one may invite, there must never be more than the hostess can handle easily. If the guests are chosen carefully, with a regard for their likes and dislikes, the dinner is bound to be a happy one.

ARRANGING THE TABLE

To set the formal dinner table correctly is an art in itself.

The appointments of the modern dinner table are a delight. Services are of silver and china is of the finest. Both the square or round table are appropriate, the latter being the most popular since it is easier to make attractive. A mat of asbestos or a thickness of canton flannel is first spread on the table. Over this comes the snowy, linen table-cover, falling gracefully over the sides with the four points almost touching the floor. A place is laid for each guest. The most fashionable method is to have a large lace or embroidered doily in the center of the table, and smaller ones indicating the position of the guests. A centerpiece of gla.s.s, china, silver, is usually used, over the doily or without it, and on top of this flowers. Delicate ferns are sometimes used instead of flowers, although roses (hot-house roses when no others are obtainable) are always the favorite at an elaborate dinner.

STARTING AT THE CENTER

When the center ornament has been adjusted, it may be used as a mathematical base for all the rest of the table appointments.

Candlesticks, either of silver or bronze, are artistic when placed at equal distance around the flowers. They diffuse a soft light upon the table, and by being an incentive to the recalling of old memories, they invoke conversation when there is danger of its lagging.