Accidentally On Purpose Part 24

"Wake up, sleepy head," my mom sang, waking me up from a solid sleep.

I peeked out from under my quilt. She was opening the curtains, letting sunshine in.

"I'm on vacation," I grumbled. "Let me sleep."

"It's nearly noon. Get up and make yourself useful."

"Sometimes I really dislike you."

"I can say the same about you," she chuckled. "Get up, take a shower. I have a list for you."

It took me some time, but I was able to drag myself out of bed and into the shower. I had been in Louisiana for five days now, sleeping in daily, relaxing more than I have in over a year. I haven't done an ounce of work for Sterling Corp, even though I brought my laptop in case I felt the need to do something. I should have felt well rested, but I still felt run down, and for three nights straight, I couldn't sleep due to a series of anxious flutters in my belly. I didn't realize I was anxious about anything, but I suppose the body acts in mysterious ways sometimes.

Surely, it wasn't my lack of communication with Kyle. I spoke to him once a day, and since I was still angry, that was all I needed.

After I was showered and dressed, I got my orders from my parents, snagged a few teenagers for help and took off in my mom's car. The days leading up to Thanksgiving were always very busy. It was the biggest holiday for my family. Not only was the entire, enormous family present, but so were co-workers, neighbors, friends, and a large group of people who couldn't afford a dinner of their own.

The event was held outside on the extensive grounds surrounding my parent's home (which was really a mansion.) There were countless tables and chairs, and even blankets spread out on the ground. Turkeys were roasted, smoked, and deep fried. Most years there was a whole pig roasted, sometimes two. There were yams and potatoes, various greens and beans, potato salads, pasta salads, and macaroni and cheese. Cranberry sauce, dressing, and various breads. The dessert list was even bigger.

All of this took days to prep and everyone had to help, including my burned out self. Even with the kids' help, I was dragging. Before Eric left for the night, I stopped him and pulled him aside.

"I've been feeling totally run down lately," I explained quietly. My family was so nosey, I didn't want to share my personal issues with anyone else. I told him everything I'd been experiencing and asked him if he could just check me out, maybe order some blood work.

"Friday morning, come to my office early, like around seven-thirty. We'll start with some basic stuff. It's probably nothing." He gave me a rea.s.suring smile and I felt a little better.

Somehow I made it to and through Thanksgiving, tired as h.e.l.l, but well fed. I almost slept through my alarm Friday morning, but the urge to pee was so strong I wasn't sure I was going to make it.

When I got to Eric's office, a receptionist had me fill out paperwork for my chart. When I offered my insurance cards, she waved them away, stating that Eric said not to charge me, which was ridiculous because I could more than afford it.

I sat down in the waiting room. Only one other person was there, a very pregnant woman in a sundress and flip flops. Her eyes surrept.i.tiously fell on me a few times before she finally said something.

"Is this your first baby?"

"What?" I stared at her, confused.

"How far are you?"

"How far?" I turned my head like a confused puppy and then it dawned on me. "Oh! I'm not pregnant," I laughed. "Doctor Jonson is my brother-in-law."

"Oh," her eyes fell on my belly fat. "I am so sorry for a.s.suming..."

The nurse appeared in the doorway and called me back. I gave the pregnant woman a small smile and hurried after the nurse. She did my vitals, asked me some questions, and then left me alone in the examination room to wait for Eric.

I hated going to the regular doctor, but especially hated the gynecologist. Even though I knew Eric wasn't going near that area, just the sight of the stirrups and anatomically correct pictures on the wall was enough to unnerve me. By the time Eric came in, I was ready to run.

"Okay, Emmy," he sat down on a stool across from me and asked me to repeat my symptoms. He asked me about work and if I had anything, besides my mother, in my personal life that could be a stressor.

I wasn't sure how to answer. My relationship with Kyle was always a point of stress for me, but I couldn't tell Eric that, could I?

"Am I protected under doctor patient confidentiality?" I asked.

"Absolutely. Anything you say to me may go in your chart, but I can't go tell Sam or Lucy or anyone else."

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath.

"I've been having an affair with my boss,"

"The d.i.c.k?"

"Yeah, that's the one. It's been going on for almost a year I guess. He's had a serious girlfriend the entire time. My relationship with Luke ended because of my relationship with Kyle. Would you say those are stressors?"

He ran a hand over his head, speechless for a moment. "I would say so," he answered finally.

"So the flutters could be anxiety and stress,"

"Possibly. We'll run a few tests to rule out other things," he stood up and took out a cup wrapped in plastic.

"You want me to pee in the cup."

"Yes, please, if you can."

"Ew, you're going to see my pee," I laughed and took the cup from him.

As it turned out, I had no trouble peeing. I returned minutes later and placed the cup on the counter. His nurse had returned.

"I will be back in a little while," Eric said and left me alone with the nurse, who had nothing to say.

She hummed at the counter while testing my urine, for what, I didn't know. When she left, she took the tests with her. Eric didn't return for another twenty minutes.

"Sorry, Em." He flipped open my chart. "Em, when did you say your last period was?"

"I don't know. A few months ago." I answered, growing nervous.

"Is that normal for you? To skip months at a time?"

"Since I was a kid, yeah. Why?"

"Are you on any kind of birth control?"

"When I remember, I take the pill. Why?" I asked again.

"Your pregnancy test -"

"Whoa!" I held up my hands. "You gave me a pregnancy test?"

"Yes, and it came back positive."

Chapter Thirty-One

It was late afternoon when I pulled up in front of the family house. I sat in the car a moment, counting. Again. I forced myself out of the car, numbers flying through my head, and by the time I plopped down on a chair on the expansive porch, I had reached the same dates I had reached the forty other times I counted that day. The door opened, and my mom stepped outside, the scents of a home cooked meal wafting out behind her.

"Where have you been? Eric said you left his office around ten."

In response, my arm extended towards her, and my hand reluctantly and painfully unclutched the paper I was holding. I heard a sharp intake of breath as she took in what she was holding. I couldn't look at her, I could only look straight ahead at the yard, at the weeping willows swaying in the warm breeze. She sat down beside me, held my hand, and touched my face.

"It's going to be fine," she said softly.

"I did the math," I said, looking at her finally. "Luke hates me, mom, and I don't know how Kyle is going to feel about raising someone else's kid." There. I put it out there, even though I was sure she already knew it.

"Luke doesn't hate you, honey."

"Yes, he does, and I don't blame him."

"Emmy," She said firmly. "Luke does not hate you." She said it with such a.s.surance, I suddenly became suspicious.

"How do you know?" I whispered. "You know something and you're not telling me."

She sighed, stared at the floor for a moment, as if she was thinking about how to tell me something, which bothered me. My mom was so blunt and never had a filter, so I couldn't imagine what would make her hesitate to open her big mouth now.

"I talk to him every now and then," she said, with another sigh.

"You what what?" I started to stand up, but she firmly pushed me back down.

"You two broke up, and I was honestly really concerned for his sister Lena, you know because of the cancer."

After my trip to Chicago with Luke, my mom went out of her way to introduce herself to Luke's family. I mean she really really went out of her way. It started with phone calls and letters (my mom is computer stupid), and when Luke and I went again for just a long weekend, my mom tagged along. She charmed his parents, gained the trust and admiration of his sisters, and wooed the children with gifts and her grandmotherly ways. When I told her we broke up and that Luke didn't want any contact between the families, I thought she had ceased speaking to them. Apparently I was wrong. went out of her way. It started with phone calls and letters (my mom is computer stupid), and when Luke and I went again for just a long weekend, my mom tagged along. She charmed his parents, gained the trust and admiration of his sisters, and wooed the children with gifts and her grandmotherly ways. When I told her we broke up and that Luke didn't want any contact between the families, I thought she had ceased speaking to them. Apparently I was wrong.

"Wait. You were allowed to have communication with his family, but I wasn't?" The idea hurt me to the core. It was like I was being cut off from my own mother in a way, and of course I had really fell in love with his family, and I had never quite gotten over losing them.

"Not at first. He wouldn't tell me what happened, but you know I already knew. I'm old, but not stupid," she gave me a knowing look. "I had to promise not to tell you, and I had a big problem with that, but then..." she suddenly looked so sad. "You're never here. You barely call anymore, so I didn't see where I would really have the opportunity to tell you anyway, and the truth is I really couldn't turn my back on that family."

I blinked back tears, knowing that she was right. I sucked at being a daughter, just as badly as I had sucked at being a good girlfriend to Luke, especially when he was going through so much. I wanted to be angry, but I couldn't find it in me to be angry when I knew that my mom was doing what she does best when her stupid mouth wasn't in the way, caring for other people and their needs.

"Is Lena..." I couldn't bring myself to ask the question.

"She's doing as well as we can hope for. Their father pa.s.sed away last month, though. Your dad and I flew up there for the services, helped pay for some of the expenses."

"That's so sad," I felt bad for Luke and wished that I could have been in my mom's position to go see and comfort him. "So, how do you know he doesn't hate me?"

Again, she looked as if she didn't want to release some information to me. Guardedly, she said "He's hurting, and he's sometimes bitter, but never hateful. It's going to take some time..."

"Mom, you can't tell him." I squeezed her hands. "You're still holding secrets from me and I'm your kid. You have to keep this from him."

"Why don't you want him to know?"

"I don't think that it will help anything right now. Mom, please!"

"Okay..." she was reluctant to withhold the information from him.

"Besides, until there's some DNA testing done, we can't know for sure. You can always use that as an excuse if it comes up later."

"I won't say anything, Emmy.," she sighed.

"Thanks," I stood up. "I'm going to go pack."

"You want your ultra sound picture?" she offered it to me.

"No."

I dragged myself upstairs to my room and threw myself onto the bed. I should have felt better after the conversation with my mom, but I felt worse. I felt as if I had thousands of pounds of weight sitting on my chest. I couldn't find an ounce of happiness about the situation. I wasn't sure what it meant for me and Kyle, and I wasn't sure what I was going to do in a few months when the baby was born. Would I be waiting around for Kyle to leave Jess still, while caring for a baby? Or would I be alone, with no father around at all? I know there were single parents in the world, but I never ever thought that I had whatever they have inside of them to do it. I wasn't even sure if I would be a decent parent with with someone else. I felt that no matter what, I was going to fail. I mean I couldn't even figure out I was pregnant! How was I going to raise a child? someone else. I felt that no matter what, I was going to fail. I mean I couldn't even figure out I was pregnant! How was I going to raise a child?

If I had paid attention to my symptoms, I probably would have figured it out sooner. What I thought was an extended case of a stomach virus soon after Luke's departure was probably morning sickness. The morning sickness slowed down, but at least once a day I had the urge to vomit. I thought it was anxiety, as well as the fluttering in my belly. The sleepiness I had been feeling, I thought was a result of the busy season at work. My sudden extreme interest in bacon and cheese curls (together) should have been a clue, but I didn't think it was weird at all. While my face and hips had definitely gathered some extra weight, I thought my slightly rounded face was attractive and as for my hips, I thought maybe I had to cool it on the bacon; however, the fact that the weight sat mostly at my midline didn't even hint to me that there could be something growing in there. I figured when the busy season was over, I would spend more time at the gym, and covered up in bigger clothes. I was so freaking stupid.

I packed my suitcase for my early morning flight, and went downstairs for some dinner. I hoped there was bacon in it.

Kyle returned from Fiji late Sunday night. He dropped the succubus off and then came straight to my house. I wasn't expecting to see him until work the following morning, and he didn't text or call to let me know he was coming. I was laying on the living room couch, with the television on, absent mindedly rubbing my belly. The fluttering had begun again, and now I knew it wasn't anxiety, but fetal movement. I didn't even hear the door open, and I wasn't sure how long he watched me before letting me know he was there by saying my name.

Automatically, my hand flew away from my belly and my head snapped back to look at him standing in the entrance way. I tried to sit up, but learned I couldn't do that as quickly and easily as I had in the past. How did I not notice these things before?

"I wasn't expecting you," I said.

"I know." One thing Kyle was not, was stupid. Where some men would probably think that I had a stomach ache or ate too much, I could almost see Kyle's thoughts. He knew, and I didn't have to break the news to him.

He stood where I found him, staring at me, and I stared back. Either of us knew what to say. After several uncomfortable seconds had pa.s.sed, I finally spoke, to break the ice.

"A pretty good number of girls in my family are pregnant or just recently had a baby. I didn't know it was really really contagious." contagious."

"It's like the fart touch," he said, and finally we had an open dialogue for this momentous conversation.