A Hand-book Of Etiquette For Ladies Part 2

x.x.xVII.

Adapt your head-dress, or the style of your hair, to the character of your face. If you have your own maid, she will soon ascertain what style suits you best; if, however, you intrust to a _friseur_ this important portion of your appearance, give him complete directions, or he will not regard the character of the physiognomy, but arrange your hair according to the last importation of blocks from Paris or London.

x.x.xVIII.

Gloves should harmonize with your dress; and must always be clean.

Nothing can be more vulgar than high-coloured gloves: the primrose (and the white for evening parties) are the most elegant, if your dress will admit of their being worn.

x.x.xIX.

Perfumes are a necessary appendage to the toilet; let them be delicate, not powerful; the Atta of roses is the most elegant; the Heduesmia is at once fragrant and delicate. Many others may be named; but none must be patronized which are so obtrusive as to give the idea that they are not indulged in as a luxury but used from necessity.

XL.

Keep your finger-nails scrupulously clean, and avoid the disagreeable habit of allowing them to grow to an unnatural length.

XLI.

Singularity of dress and ostentatious ornament are by no means characteristic of a lady, but their adoption proves a _prima facie_ case against the wearer of being a _nouveau riche_ striving after notoriety.

Station and refinement of manner will make those vulgarisms bearable, or even pleasing; but the parties are then bearable or pleasing in spite of, not in consequence of them.

CONVERSATION,--TATTLING.

XLII.

Conversation is a difficult art, but do not despair of acquiring it. It consists not so much in saying something different from the rest, but in extending the remarks of others; in being willing to please and be pleased; and in being attentive to what is said and to what is pa.s.sing around you. Talking is not conversation, it is the manner of saying things which gives them their value.

XLIII.

One of the greatest requisites, also, is the art of listening discreetly. To listen is a delicate piece of flattery, and a compliment so gratifying as to surely recommend you.

XLIV.

Cultivate a soft tone of voice and a courteous mode of expression.

XLV.

It is better to say too little than too much in company: let your conversation be consistent with your s.e.x and age.

XLVI.

Cautiously avoid relating in one house any follies or faults you may hear or see in another.

XLVII.

Never converse with strangers or mere acquaintances upon family circ.u.mstances or differences.

XLVIII.

Do not look for faults in the characters or habits of your friends--the critic generally likes to communicate her opinions or discoveries--hence arises a habit of detraction.

XLIX.

Never encourage tattling or detraction; if there were no listeners this petty vice could not exist; besides, the habit of listening to this sort of gossip will soon induce you to partic.i.p.ate, by similar communications.

L.

Abjure punning, and exercising even the most refined RAILLERY: the latter requires both observation and talent, and most people mistake satire for raillery; the one may be the offspring of a vicious, the former must be of an enlightened and benevolent mind.

LI.

Do not appear abstracted while another person is speaking; and never interrupt another by intruding a remark of your own.

LII.

Avoid pedantry and dogmatism. Be not obtrusively positive in the a.s.sertion of your opinions--modesty of speech, as well as manner, is highly ornamental in a woman.

LIII.

_Double entendre_ is detestable in a woman, especially when perpetrated in the presence of men; no man of taste can respect a woman who is guilty of it: though it may create a laugh, it will inevitably excite also disgust in the minds of all whose good opinions are worth acquiring. Therefore not only avoid all indelicate expressions, but appear not to understand any that may be uttered in your presence.

LIV.

Rather be silent than talk nonsense, unless you have that agreeable art, possessed by some women, of investing little nothings with an air of grace and interest; this most enviable art is indeed very desirable in a hostess, as it often fills up disagreeable pauses, and serves as a prelude for the introduction of more intellectual matter.

LV.

Flattery is a powerful weapon in conversation; all are susceptible to it. It should be used skilfully, never direct, but inferred; better acted than uttered. Let it seem to be the unwitting and even the unwilling expression of genuine admiration, the honest expression of the feelings.