You Can Win Part 31

Commitment leads to enduring relationships through thick and thin. It shows in a person's personality and relationships.

Step 16: Be Grateful But Do Not Expect Grat.i.tude

Grat.i.tude is a beautiful word. We must be thankful. Grat.i.tude is a feeling. It improves our personality and builds character. Grat.i.tude develops out of humility. It is a feeling of thankfulness toward others. It is conveyed through our att.i.tude towards others and reflects in our behavior. Grat.i.tude does not mean reciprocating good deeds because grat.i.tude is not give and take. A good deed cannot be canceled by a counter act. Things such as kindness, understanding, and patience cannot be repaid. What does grat.i.tude teach us? It really teaches us the art of cooperation and understanding. Grat.i.tude must be sincere. A simple thank-you can be gracious. Many times we forget to be thankful to the people closest to us, such as our spouse, our relatives, our friends. Grat.i.tude would rank among the top qualities that form the character and personality of an individual with integrity. Ego stands in the way of showing grat.i.tude. A gracious att.i.tude changes our outlook in life. With grat.i.tude and humility, right actions come naturally.

Grat.i.tude ought to be a way of life, something which we cannot give enough of. It can mean a smile, or a thank you, or a gesture of appreciation.

119*Think of your most precious possessions. What makes them special? In most cases, the gift is less significant than the giver. Seldom are we grateful for the things we already possess.

Think back and try to recall the people who had a positive influence on your life. Your parents, teachers, anyone who spent extra time to help you. Perhaps it appears that they just did their job. Not really. They willingly sacrificed their time, effort, money and many other things for you. They did it out of love and not for your thankfulness. At some point, a person realizes the effort that went in to help them shape their future. Perhaps it is not too late to thank them. And it is time to reciprocate. Love requires sacrifice.

The Story of Christ

As the story goes, once Christ healed ten lepers and when he turned back they were all gone except one who had the courtesy to thank Christ. Christ said, "I didn't do a thing."

What is the moral of the story?

1. Human beings are ungrateful.

2. A grateful person is the exceptional person.

3. Christ literally gave them a new life and said, "I didn't do a thing."

4. Like Christ we should not expect grat.i.tude.

How does this translate in our behavior and personality? We feed or give shelter to someone for a few days and say "Look what I did for the other person." We blow our giving out of proportion in our own mind. It is not uncommon to hear people saying, "If it wasn't for me, this person would be on the street." What an ego!

By the Way

When people ask others to do something for them by using the phrase "By the way, can you do this for me?" they undermine the importance of doing or not doing. I have found that if we have to do anything for anyone it is never "by the way," it is always "out of the way."

This does not amount to doing favors from the doer's perspective. If one doesn't do things that can be done to help another person, then it is sad. But I am convinced that there is no such thing as "By the way," it is always "out of the way" and it is worth it.

Step 17: Be Dependable and Practice Loyalty

The old adage, "an ounce of loyalty is worth more than a pound of cleverness," is universal and eternal.

Ability is important but dependability is crucial. If you have someone with all the ability but if he is not dependable, do you want him as part of your team? No, not at all.

I KNEW YOU WOULD COME.

120*There were two childhood buddies who went through school and college and even joined the army together. War broke out and they were fighting in the same unit. One night they were ambushed. Bullets were flying all over and out of the darkness came a voice, "Harry, please come and help me." Harry immediately recognized the voice of his childhood buddy, Bill. He asked the captain if he could go. The captain said, "No, I can't let you go, I am already short-handed and I cannot afford to lose one more person.

Besides, the way Bill sounds he is not going to make it." Harry kept quiet. Again the voice came, "Harry, please come and help me." Harry sat quietly because the captain had refused earlier. Again and again the voice came. Harry couldn't contain himself any longer and told the captain, "Captain, this is my childhood buddy. I have to go and help."

The captain reluctantly let him go. Harry crawled through the darkness and dragged Bill back into the trench. They found that Bill was dead. Now the captain got angry and shouted at Harry, "Didn't I tell you he was not going to make it? He is dead, you could have been killed and I could have lost a hand. That was a mistake." Harry replied, "Captain, I did the right thing. When I reached Bill he was still alive and his last words were 'Harry, I knew you would come."'

Good relationships are hard to find and once developed should be nurtured.

We are often told: Live your dream. But you cannot live your dream at the expense of others. People who do so are unscrupulous. We need to make personal sacrifices for our family, friends, and those we care about and who depend on us.

Step 18: Avoid Bearing Grudges. Forgive and Forget

Don't be a garbage collector. Have you heard the phrase I can forgive but I can't forget?

When a person refuses to forgive, he is locking doors that some day he might need to open. When we hold grudges and harbor resentment, who are we hurting the most?

Ourselves.

Jim and Jerry were childhood friends but for whatever reasons, the relationship fell apart and they hadn't spoken for 25 years. Jerry was on his deathbed and didn't want to enter eternity with a heavy heart. So he called Jim, apologized and said, "Let's forgive each other and be done for the past." Jim thought it was a good idea and decided to visit Jerry at the hospital.

They caught up on 25 years, patched up their differences and spent a couple of hours together. As Jim was leaving, Jerry shouted from behind, "Jim, just in case I don't die; remember, this forgiveness doesn't count." Life is too short to hold grudges. It is not worth it.

Shame on Me

While it is not worth holding grudges, it doesn't make sense to be bitten time and again. It is well said, "You cheat me once, shame on you; you cheat me twice, shame on me."

John Kennedy once said, "Forgive the other person but don't forget their name." I am sure that his message was that one should not get cheated twice.

Step 19: Practice Honesty, Integrity, and Sincerity

Sometimes the brightness of truth does not enlighten but blinds the evil.

121*Honesty means to be genuine and real versus fake and fict.i.tious.

Be labeled or build a reputation of being trustworthy. If there is one thing that builds any kind of relationship at home, at work, or socially, it is integrity.

Not keeping commitments amounts to dishonest behavior.

Honesty inspires openness, reliability, and frankness. It shows respect for one's self and others. Honesty is in being, not in appearing to be. Lies may have speed but truth has endurance. Integrity is not found in company brochures or t.i.tles but in a person's character.

Is it worth compromising one's integrity and taking shortcuts to win? A person may win a trophy but knowing the truth, can never be a happy person. More important than winning a trophy is being a good human being.

A POUND OF b.u.t.tER.

There was a farmer who sold a pound of b.u.t.ter to the baker. One day the baker decided to weigh the b.u.t.ter to see if he was getting a pound and he found that he was not. This angered him and he took the farmer to court. The judge asked the farmer if he was using any measure. The farmer replied, amour Honor, I am primitive. I don't have a proper measure, but I do have a scale." The judge asked, "Then how do you weigh the b.u.t.ter?"

The farmer replied "Your Honor, long before the baker started buying b.u.t.ter from me, I have been buying a pound loaf of bread from him. Every day when the baker brings the bread, I put it on the scale and give him the same weight in b.u.t.ter. If anyone is to be blamed, it is the baker." What is the moral of the story? We get back in life what we give to others.

Whenever you take an action, ask yourself this question: Am I giving fair value for the wages or money I hope to make?

Honesty and dishonesty become a habit. Some people practice dishonesty and can lie with a straight face. Others lie so much that they don't even know what the truth is anymore. But who are they deceiving? Themselves--- more than anyone else.

Honesty can be put across gently. Some people take pride in being brutally honest. It seems they are getting a bigger kick out of the brutality than the honesty. Choice of words and tact are important.

Truth May Not Always Be What You Want to Hear

One can be truthful without being cruel but that may not always be the case. The most important responsibility of an honest friend is to be truthful. Some people, in order to avoid confronting painful truths, select friends who tell them what they want to hear. They kid themselves despite the fact that deep down they know they are not being truthful.

Honest criticism can be painful. If you have many acquaintances and few friends, it is time to step back and explore the depth of your relationships.

A lack of honesty is sometimes labeled as tact, public relations or politics. But is it really so?

The problem with lying is that one has to remember one's lies.

Honesty requires firmness and commitment. How many times have we all been guilty of

little white lies?

flattery?

122*?

omitting facts or giving half-truths?

telling the greatest lies by remaining silent?

Make yourself an honest man and then you may be sure there is one rascal less in the world.

--Thomas Carlyle

Credibility