You Can Win Part 24

Why did I get upset?

Why am I angry?

Why am I depressed?

Then we start getting the clues to overcome them.

Happiness is a result of positive self-esteem. If you ask people what makes them happy, you will get all kinds of answer. Most of them would include material things but that is not really true. Happiness comes from being and not having. One can have everything in life and yet not be happy. The reverse is also true.

Happiness is internal. Happiness is like a b.u.t.terfly. You run after it, it keeps flying away. If you stand still, it comes and sits on your shoulder.

Develop a Mindset That Brings Happiness

Bitterness is a sign of emotional failure. It paralyzes our capacity to do good. Set your own standards. Be honest to yourself. Compete against yourself. Do the following:

Look for the positive in every person and in every situation.

Resolve to be happy.

Set your own standards judiciously.

Develop an immunity to negative criticism.

Learn to find pleasure in every little thing.

Remember all times are not the same. Ups and downs are part of life.

Make the best of every situation.

Keep yourself constructively occupied.

Help others less fortunate than yourself.

Learn to get over things. Don't brood.

Forgive yourself and others. Don't hold guilt or bear grudges.

Give Yourself Positive Auto-Suggestions

Develop the habit of giving yourself positive self-talk. Auto-suggestions alter our belief system by influencing the subconscious mind. Our behavior reflects our belief system.

Hence auto-suggestions affect our behavior by influencing our belief system. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Examples:

I can handle it.

I can do it.

I am good at math.

I have a good memory.

Our Greatest Strength Can Become Our Greatest Weakness

95*Any strength overextended becomes a weakness. For example, in sales, good speaking ability is a strength. It is not uncommon to see salespeople with good speaking ability talk themselves into a sale, then talk too much and talk themselves right out of the sale. Their strength got them into it; however, overextended, it became a weakness and they lost the sale. Listening is a strength. Overextended, however, it could mean that a person listens a lot but does not speak enough. It becomes a weakness.

Our Greatest Weakness Can Become Our Greatest Strength

Anger is a weakness. How can it be turned into a strength? One lady demonstrated by getting MADD! MADD stands for Mothers Against Drunk Driving. This lady lost her child because of a drunk driver. She got so angry that she resolved not to tolerate this kind of thing in society. She organized people all over the United States to fight drunk driving.

Today she and her a.s.sociation have become a significant force, with thousands of members, and are succeeding in their pursuit to change legislation in Congress. That is turning a negative emotion, like anger, into a strength by doing positive.

Have Patience

A lot of times we hear people saying that one exposure to a positive or a negative material does not have any impact. That is not true. The difference may not be visible but something is happening.

In China there is a bamboo tree which is planted, watered and fertilized for the first four years and nothing happens. There is no visible sign of growth. But sometime during the fifth year, the bamboo tree grows about 90 feet in six weeks. The question is: Did the bamboo tree grow in six weeks or did it take five years to grow even though there was no visible sign it was taking root in the ground? When there was no visible sign, if someone had stopped watering and fertilizing it, would this have happened? Certainly not. The bamboo tree would have died. We need to learn from nature and the lesson is pretty clear. Have patience and faith and keep doing the right thing. Even though the results may not be visible, something is happening.

Take Inventory: Make a List of All Your Strengths and Weaknesses

Successful people realize their limitations but build on their strengths. Unless we know these things, how can we build on them? Focus on what you want to do and be, rather than what you don't.

STRENGTHS WEAKNESSES.

The crux of self-esteem cannot be expressed better than the following words by Abraham Lincoln.

96*

WORLD, MY SON STARTS SCHOOL TODAY!*

World, take my child by the hand--he starts school today!

It is all going to be strange and new to him for a while, and I wish you would sort of treat him gently. You see, up to now, he has been king of the roost. He has been the boss of the backyard. I have always been around to repair his wounds, and I have always been handy to soothe his feelings.

But now things are going to be different. This morning he is going to walk down the front steps, wave his hand, and start on a great adventure that probably will include wars and tragedy and sorrow.

To live in this world will require faith and love and courage. So, World, I wish you would sort of take him by his young hand and teach him the things he will have to know. Teach him-but gently, if you can.

He will have to learn, I know, that all people are not just that all men and women are not true. Teach him that for every scoundrel, there is a hero; that for every enemy, there is a friend. Let him learn early that the bullies are the easiest people to lick.

Teach him the wonder of books. Give him quiet time to ponder the eternal mystery of birds in the sky, bees in the sun, and flowers on a green hill. Teach him that it is far more honorable to fail than to cheat. Teach him to have faith in his own ideas, even if everyone tells him they are wrong.

Try to give my son the strength not to follow the crowd when everyone else is getting on the bandwagon. Teach him to listen to others, but to filter all he hears on a screen of truth and to take only the good that comes through.

Teach him never to put a price tag on his heart and soul. Teach him to close his ears on the howling mob-and to stand and fight if he thinks he is right. Teach him gently, World, but do not coddle him, because only the test of fire makes fine steel.

This is a big order, World, but see what you can do. He is such a nice son.

Signed, Abraham Lincoln *adapted from "Pulpit Helps" February 1991, quoted in Apple Seeds, Volume 10, No.

1,1994.

97*ACTION PLAN

1. Read life stories of people who have turned negatives into positives. Make reading good books or listening to inspirational audio tapes part of your daily routine.

2. Regularly and systematically commit a portion of your time and/or money to charitable activity without any expectations in cash or kind.

3. Stay away from negative influences. Don't give into peer pressure.

4. Practice giving and receiving sincere compliments graciously.

5. Start accepting responsibility for your behavior and actions.

6. Practice self-discipline even when it is not comfortable.

7. a.s.sociate with people of high moral character.

8. Be creative and find ways to turn your weaknesses into strengths.

9. Practice patience; persevere even if the results are not visible.

98*

CHAPTER 5.